Don't Wake Me if I'm Dreaming (28 page)

“Ho-ly, hello! Have you lost your mind?”
She’s gone mad.

“It’s a joint in honor of legalizing marijuana. We can’t be placed in the stuffy statistical group of people that have never tried it at least once. Jack said he’s tried it. Even Bill Clinton has tried it.”

“I like my stuffy place just fine, and neither inhale.”

“Allegedly! Oh come on, don’t be a prig. It grows from the earth.”

“It wasn’t legalized in North Carolina!”

“It will be soon enough. No time like the present to get the ball rolling.”

“Is this some sick suppressed teenage fantasy you’re trying to fulfill? We’re not smoking that thing. Jack will be here in a while and will crap a brick.”

“Yes, we are! And the smell will be long gone before he gets here,” she said, lighting the end and taking a puff.

“Oly, geezus! You need to drop liberal from your voter’s card and change it to green peace.”

I flew from my seat closing the curtains. With as much speed, I rushed through the rest of the apartment turning the kitchen and bathroom celling fans on. I had a moment of thought visualizing the smoke detectors blasting into a screech, and Matt bursting through the door into a cloud of smoke, ready to extinguish a fire before remembering he was gone. 

Aimee about coughed her brains out as my house began smelling like a dirty armpit tugging me from my daydream.

“Oohh, I’m going to hell in a hand basket! Light the candles on the coffee table. Oh, and it’s your entire fault when Jack kills me!” I said, totally freaked out taking a seat on the edge of the armchair a few feet from her.

“Would you hit it already and stop your fussing?” she said with an airy unconcern toward my fear. “You’re so paranoid!” She slid from her seat over to mine, and squeezed in at my side.

“Hit it? Where in tarnation did you get it?” I stared in disgust at the joint.

“My neighbor has medical marijuana and gave it to me. Here,” she said, holding the joint to my lips.

“Going to prison…we’re so going to prison.” I inhaled a small puff, instantly coughing. “That is…” I coughed until my eyes watered… “nasty!”

“It’s okay, you can be my biotch. Do it again, it will make you stop coughing.”

I took another much larger puff, holding it in for a few seconds, coughing yet again much harder. “Okay, that’s enough! Flush it down the toilet!” I said, fanning the smoke from my eyes.

“Fine. I’m already stoned as a rock, anyway.” Taking another puff, she began laughing. “Get it?” She exhaled.

I let out a paranoid laugh. “That’s so nasty!” I reached taking the joint from her and ran to the bathroom to flush it. What in the world was going on in Aimee’s head?

“Speaking of stoned, your new rock totally rocks.” She laughed hysterically amused by her own jokes.

“Thanks,” I said coughing my words. “He did an impressive job picking it out. I told him the ocean… is… uh… was my color. My color.” I laughed. “My favorite. I give up!” I failed correcting myself.

“If you put it close to your ear you can you hear the ocean?” She crowed herself into a silent frenzy of laughter.

I held my hand to my ear. “Sh- shhh I don’t hear the—” I lost my words in laughter. I sank back on the chair suddenly feeling miserable, trying to catch my breath.

“What were you saying about shh?”

“I don’t remember,” I said lazily.

Aimee busted up laughing again. “I need a drink. I’ve got cotton mouth,” she said, heading into the kitchen and returning with jug of orange juice. “Where did I put the cups?” She looked at the coffee table.

“What cups?” I asked, laughing.

“Didn’t I grab cups?”

I guffawed, tipping over in my seat. “No!”

She headed back into the kitchen. “Are you okay?” she asked, returning with two cups. Her eyes were completely glazed and her head wobbled.

“Yeah, I just had a thought.” I worked to collect my words.

We heard a brief knock. Before I could finish my sentence, Jack stepped inside the apartment.

I froze.

“Hi, sexy. It sure is cold out there.” He noticed Aimee sitting on the sofa holding two cups. “Well, hey, Aimee,” he said, sliding his shoes off. He paused a moment with a peculiar look on his face, then gave a sniff to the air. “Bacon?” he asked looking unsure of the smell.

“Among other things.” Aimee snickered.

“Yes. Lots and lots of bacon.” I chuckled nervously, my voice tight. “There’s extra if you’re hungry.”

Jack walked over to kiss me then paused again. “Is she… are you?” He looked at the plate. “Are you, guys, stoned?”

“Uh-oh! It’s her fault!” I pointed wrong quickly redirecting my finger toward Aimee.

“You look lethargic.” He studied my glossy eyes.

“Bacon coma,” Aimee said. “We ate a pig.”

“Wow, that’s... enjoy your high.” His brows pulled together. “I should go take care of Barkley. He wasn’t too happy that I left.” Jack walked toward the door, and then turned back a moment. “Aimee, you’re not driving, I hope?”

“No, no, no. I’m just going to sit right here.” She patted the cushion moving over. “You should sit, too.”

“Thank you. Be safe, ladies.” I could hear the disappointment in his voice. Unobtrusive, he slid on his shoes and scooted out the door.

“Okay, he’s pissed.” I scowled, feeling too stoned to chase after him.

“Yea, it did appear to look that way. At least you’ll have make-up sex to look forward to.” She smiled, flopping over onto her side.

“Crap. I’ll be right back.” I ran barefoot out the door and hurried down the stairs. “Jack wait!”

He stopped just outside his car pulling the key from his pocket.

“Please don’t be mad. I’ve never tried it before and well, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. I flushed the rest of it in the toilet. I’m so sorry!”

“I’m not upset with you. I’m just going to let you do your thing and we’ll meet up tomorrow after work. I’m sure Barkley is beside himself being home alone anyway.” He sounded indifferent.

“I love you!”

“I love you, too.” His tone was all but reassuring.

I didn’t bother to push him any further by offering a kiss. I knew he was upset and doing his best to hide it.

I returned to my apartment feeling three inches tall. “You!” I pointed at Aimee. “I’m going to his house. I feel horrible.”

“Wait an hour for him to cool off before driving. Come on. I’ll help you clean.” She sat back up and pushed herself from the sofa. “I’m sorry.”

***

I
nervously knocked on Jack’s door then entered announcing myself, hoping an hour was enough time for him to cool off. He was sitting in his chair, AKA the king’s chair by the fireplace, drinking a glass of whiskey and reading the paper.

“What are you reading?”

“I was just reading a forecast on Disney investments.” He read aloud, “‘
The twenty-four analysts offering twelve-month price forecasts for Disney have a median target of one hundred and ten, with a high estimate of one hundred twenty-five and a low estimate of ninety.’ I’m thinking I want to—” He was abruptly silenced, glancing down at the chair.

I had slid the tip of my black pointed leather boot under the paper, resting it at his side.

Without word he released one side of the paper and gripped my boot.

“Who dare touches the king’s chair?” he said in the deepest tone he could muster. “Barkley! Look at that black leather chew toy.”

Barkley was busy masticating a radically huge bone on the floor and didn’t bother glancing our way.

Jack peered over the newspaper at my broad smile. “Sober?”

“Most definitely.”

His smile quickly doubled in size glancing at my bare legs. “What do we have here?” He folded the newspaper.

I untied the belt and slid the black thigh-length coat off, letting it fall to the floor; wearing little for the imagination, I walked toward the kitchen with a strut.

Jack cleared his throat then spoke to the dog in a deep, assertive tone. “Barkley, pay close attention as you will learn how the lion hunts the gazelle!”

As he stood, making his way in my direction, I booked it into the kitchen. I could hear him and the dog on my tail as I ran. It only took a short second for him to trap me behind the island. I tried going left then right then left again. Jack had me cornered and as I intended, he had the worst of intentions as he smiled slyly.

He reached down patting the dog. “The defenseless gazelle fends for her life, helplessly trapped behind the island, about to be eaten alive.” His hands slid along the polished edge trying to decide his directional plot.

My eyes grew. “Oh, help me, dog, I’m a lowly damsel in distress.”

“Not a soul could save you now. You have no clue how much trouble you’re in for crossing over to the
dark
side.”

I giggled, savoring his playful banter. There was a look he made when joking around that always melted me into sap.

Swiftly and gracefully, he jumped up on the island, causing me to flinch as he crouched in an aggressive pose, unable to lengthen if he tried.

From a hunkered crouch, he wavered back and forth like a defensive goalie ready to catch a puck, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Barkley, save me!” I theatrically brushed my forehead with the back of my hand.

The dog didn’t lift more than an ear as he stood staring up at his new master.

“I seek redemption. Will you spare me with forgiveness?” I pleaded.

“You’ve entered the lion’s den.” His eyes glowered. He studied me with a low growl. “I intend to do more than eat you.”

My eyes grew. My only savior was the hanging pot rack above the island stove that he’d have to duck under, buying me a moment to flee. However, his gracefulness was short lived when his maneuver failed with a slip, sending him to the floor with a loud thud followed by silence.

“Jack! Oh God. Are you dead?”
Crap, did I just kill him?

I ran around the island to find him lying flat on the floor motionless with the dog sniffing him. “Oh God, not funny, not funny at all!” I panicked dropping to my knees, leaning over to shake him. He didn’t move. “Jack, can you hear me?” I pictured myself dialing 911, Matt responding to a crime scene and me nearly naked in shame. “Jack!”

He fought a mischievous smile before opening his eyes.

“God, you scared me!” I slapped his arm. “You could have cracked the tile!” I wanted my words to sting just a teeny bit.

“Wait, you were worried about my head cracking the tile?” His smile was starkly sardonic. With a swift movement, I was instantly pinned to the kitchen floor with his hand cupped behind my head.

I squirmed trying to release myself. “Barkley, help!” I broke into laughter, as I lay pinned. “You know you’re a worthless dog,” I spouted in laughter.

Barkley moaned trying to ignore us as he went after his bone.

Jack was now hovering over me. “The lion sniffs out his prey, salivating, as he decides where to bite first.” His mouth tried meeting my neck, sending me into a tickled frenzy of hysterical laughter.

My voice broke into a tremulous plea, “Mercy—uncle—I surrender!” I exhaled. Honestly, I was enjoying myself to the extreme.

“Wow.” He laughed, as I tried catching my breath. He backed off giving me a moment as I lay inhaling sharply, sprawled on the floor.

“And that, Barkley, is how you take down a gazelle.” He looked around for the dog. “Worthless dog.”

“I’ve created a monster!” I ran my hand over my hip feeling a little pain. “Darn it, I must have caught my panty on the counter. It tore.” I curled my lip under.

“I had better take a closer look,” he said, crawling away from my face. His finger hooked into the small hole and he gave it a tug, snapping the thin pieces of thread that held it together. “Woops.” His arm flexed as he lowered himself over me again, kissing my hip before hovering over me again.

I ran my hand over his smooth sculptured arm. My lips reached for his bicep, and then worked up to his chest. I could taste the salt of sweat licking his skin.

Resting his forearms against the floor, he brushed my hair back, and then caressed my neck with his lips. “March seventh.” His expression and words became serious, as his knee pushed my legs apart.

“March seventh?” I asked, reaching my lips to his.

He kissed me. “I figured you’d like the idea of a wedding on a parent’s anniversary. I think it should be yours.”

“This is why I love you so much. You are so thoughtful, and that’s incredibly sweet and sudden.”

He ignored my words as he took control of my body like a savage, lifting me onto the island. He seduced me not only in the way he touched me, but also with the words he breathed in my ear. “I want to make you my wife and hold you against me each night while we sleep. I’ve never wanted anything this much in all my life.” His arms wrapped around me then he carried me upstairs to his bedroom.

“You forgive me then?” I asked, crawling across the bed. There was no doubt in my mind.