Don't Wake Me if I'm Dreaming (26 page)

I was expecting to see Jack lying in bed naked when I returned to the bedroom. I turned back the comforter and stripped the top sheet, wrapping it around me, and then returned outside. Jack had a towel wrapped around his hips, and was checking out the view.

“It’s so beautiful out here.” I walked to his side.

I noticed him fidgeting with something. He was holding a small red flower, and tucked it behind my ear.

“Thank you.”

He smiled, looking back out over the water. His arm stretched around me and held me at his side. “It is a beautiful night to gaze at the stars if you’d rather?”

“No,” I said, removing his arm. I reached for his hand and led him into the room, turning out the light behind me.

“Hold on a second.” Jack headed toward the kitchen. I heard shuffling through a drawer, and then he returned a moment later with a lit candle setting it on the nightstand. The towel dropped as he sat on the bed, holding out his hand.

I crawled onto his lap facing him, and bent my knees, placing my feet on his sides, while he pulled the sheet around us.
You can do this, you are ready for this.
I needed mental coaching.

It took a second to arouse him again, then he positioned me just right and I lowered myself on him.

“Hhhhhh.” I breathed deeply with surprised pleasure, quickly pressing my mouth to his shoulder to keep from making too much noise.

The motion was slow, delightful, our bodies corresponded congruously together, and he intended to please me and did just that. We rocked together, in tune with one another; we were two halves of a whole. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but bit my lip, unable to speak, only moans escaped.

My fingers locked onto his skin as his excitement grew changing his rhythm. My breath was a light pant his was a little deeper as his lips wandered, passionately kissing wherever they touched. His every movement was perfect, controlled.

Jack slowed his pace at times, only to last longer, each time fighting the desire to erupt. He was reactive to my movements, showing complete satisfaction. All insecurities I had felt about not being good enough washed further from me with each satisfied groan he made, making me feel like I was his perfect mate. He gave my body the potent sensation that my needs were his and I could tell his were being met.

An utterly euphoric sensation drove through me tingling in such a way it tickled my bones with jarring, painless shocks, leaving me gasping for air. It was all I could to do, resisting ripping my nails into his sweating flesh as my body quivered at his touch. He wrapped his arms around my back, pushing off the bed until he was over me, and made love to me in the way women fantasize about while reading romance novels.

He responded excitedly, taking me with him. Every moan and groan intensified, driving him deeper into me until I couldn’t handle it anymore. My voice escaped from the most enjoyable pain into a loud groaning cry as I flew apart. “
I can’t take it anymore
!” My hands reached grabbing for something to hold onto as he ruptured victoriously.

Minutes passed with little movement between us, both exhausted and out of breath.

“Shower.”

He laughed in agreement.

The water beat down on our bodies as he loving held us together in the shower. My breath had just returned to normal when his hand began exploring my body. My knees were still trembling almost too tired to stand, when he backed me against the tile. At first I wondered if I wasn’t enough in bed, then he answered me as if reading my mind. “I can’t get enough of you.” His words were a seductive growl.

He lifted me, my body pinned with my legs around him. I reached, grabbing ahold of the shower rod and lip of tile bracing myself for another round of intense sex. He was wilder this time, driven by sheer excitement. His body had hardly rebuilt the potential to explode again, but my responding excitement mustered together every ounce of what he had left and after more than a few exciting minutes of bouncing movement, he was gripping my hips, pressing himself into another fulfilling burst of glory.

We cuddled to watch a movie, wrapped together in only a sheet, but having our bare flesh pressed together was too much for him. It turned into more sex, this time it was slow and easy. He instinctively knew my body neared an unbearable level to lovemaking and he was careful to keep it satisfying with slow rhythmic movements.

After one final shower, alone, to clean myself, I dressed in my pajamas, brushed my teeth, and then headed to bed tucking in next to Jack.

He cuddled against my back spooning me. His lips traced my shoulder.

“I can’t.” I leaned my head back against him. “I was barely able to walk to bed.”

He laughed under his breath. “Is it a bad thing I can’t get enough of you?”

“If you’re not satisfied by now, then yes. I’m pretty sure we set a new record for the longest lasting intervals of intercourse.”

“Trust me when I say I’m beyond satisfied and take it as a complement I can’t get enough of you.”

His comment would have eased any concerns, but I was too tired to have such a thought. He wanted me and that’s all that mattered.

“I’ll be content to hold you, but be ready for another round when you wake,” he whispered.

I knew without looking he wore a smile from the way he spoke.

“I love you,” I mumbled.

“I love you, too. That sounds really nice.”

“It does,” I said, embracing his hold around me.

As we lay quietly, waiting for sleep to claim us, I pondered having a romantic future together, satisfied with the idea. My mind remained attached to the notion of having him around for a while. His arms were wrapped around me, and I secured my hands around his arms, keeping the thought of him in my mind until falling asleep.

***

T
he sky is cloudy, the grass is wet, and the air muggy and warm.

That déjà vu feeling grips me, knowing this is where we left off last time, and I’m worried Matt will disappear, just like he did before.

Matt lifts me into his arms and holds me tight to his body, breathing in the scent of my hair. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“How did you…I mean, how are you here? How did you come back? I tried for so long to find you. I just…” I begin crying from the overwhelming shock.

“You brought me into your dream. Shhh. I’m here now. It’s okay.” He sets me down and holds my hands.

“I had so much I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t ready for you to leave, and suddenly you were just gone.” Tears fell down my face.

“I’m sorry.” He reaches over catching one.

“I can’t return… I won’t go back, I… I won’t wake if it means I’ll never see you again.”

“It was never your fault, how can you blame yourself for what happened, you weren’t even there,” Matt said, reading my mind.

“It was because you were driving to see me.”

***

M
y eyes flew open to the dark space around me. “Matt?” I sprang into a sitting position. “Matt, where are you?” I reached around me as my eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight from the open terrace doors.

My hand bumps a body and quickly I realized I had been dreaming, and that Jack lay beside me. My rapidly beating heart sank to a place so deep that I felt the pain of Matt’s death a hundred times worse than I did losing him the first time.

I quickly climbed from bed and reached for a robe, and then hurried out the terrace. I looked out over the ocean. The moon’s reflection rippled in the waves, as tears fell from my eyes.

“Hey, what are you doing up?” Jack’s voice was soft with a yawn approaching my side.

I used my sleeve to wipe my face. “Nothing. Go back to sleep,” I said forcefully, controlling my tone.

“You’re crying? What happened?” He laid his hand on my sleeve.

“It’s nothing,” I said dejectedly.

“If it were nothing, you wouldn’t be crying.” He took my hand and led me to a chair. “Sit, let’s talk.”

“Really, it’s nothing.” I stood, not wanting to sit, not wanting him to comfort the pain I felt for another man.

“Well, I’ll be too worried to fall back asleep, so you may as well tell me what’s bothering you.”

“It was just a dream.”

“Tell me about it.” His face looked serious in the little visibility provided by the moonlight.

I stared at him, and then looked back out at the water. “It was Matt.”

“You dreamt about him?”

I nodded my head. “I did. I’m sorry, I haven’t even thought of him for a while. I don’t know why I did now.”

“Sorry for dreaming? Sasha, you took a tremendous step tonight toward moving on since he died. I think it’s probably normal to feel a little guilt.” He reached, putting his hand on mine. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“That would be more than awkward.” I glanced at him, thinking if he knew I had tried annihilating our complete existence together in my dream, he wouldn’t be so sweet about the situation.

“If you need a moment, I’ll be inside.”

“It’s okay. I’m ready to go in.” I reassured him with a smile, but my stomach was hollow.

I took my sleeping pill then crawled back in bed next to Jack. I assumed it was out of guilt I wanted to make love to him again and did just that pushing the pain from my dream.

***

O
ver the following days, we took a boat to
Thirasia
to see more ruins, and I rode a donkey up the mountainous stack of stairs just to say I had. We also did a wine tour through a volcanic winery. Instead of growing grapes on trellises, they grew into gigantic baskets close to the ground that held moisture. It was rather fascinating to see the growing process to the barrels where the grapes were stomped by feet. In fact, I was so fascinated, that after the tour of the family’s 19th-century cellar, we soaked our feet, and Jack and I were able to stomp the wine grapes. We then went through the process of learning how to turn the grapes into wine, which I decided at that point it was much simpler to just buy the wine already made. 

In the evening, we chartered to the Santorini Volcano and did the forty-five minute hike around the caldron to the jaw-dropping view of the Aegean Sea and the surrounding islands of
Cyclades
. The layered lava rock was in several brilliant colors according to each eruption, creating a smooth, colorful landscape. Jack brought his camera and took some mind-blowing images of the sunset, and on occasion, we camera swapped with other couples long enough to get pictures of Jack and me together.

We also ventured out to the ancient ruins of
Akrotiri
, hiring a private tour guide to walk with us through the
Akrotiri
archaeological site that was still under excavation. The area was literally frozen in time after a volcanic eruption thirty-six hundred years ago. We were told the story that many speculate the site was the lost Atlantis, as Plato once claimed it to be.

Our last evening on the island, we took a sunset dinner cruise around
Nea Kameni
Volcano. We soaked in the hot springs and met a half a dozen other couples, mostly Europeans with the exception of a couple Californians on their honeymoon. We had such a fantastic time I tried avoiding the thought of our vacation nearing an end.

***

W
e had only four hours until leaving for our return departure home and Jack convinced me to go for a stroll with him. Two bikes sat outside the front door. I thought nothing of seeing them until Jack grabbed one, and walked to the street.

“What are you doing? You can’t just take someone’s bike.”

“I rented them.”

“Uh, no. There’s not even a helmet or shoulder and knee pads,” I objected.

“This isn’t football, and you’ll be fine.”

“That’s what you said about ice skating. Remember, you said you wouldn’t let me fall.”

“Sasha, stop making excuses. Your feet can touch the ground from a sitting position to keep yourself from tipping over. Now hop on.” He patted the seat, encouraging me with a confidant expression.

I stared at the bike with my mouth twisted in distaste. “Fine. Only because I don’t want you to think I’m a coward.” I reached for the handles and stood, straddling the seat. “What are these things?” I fumbled with the gadgets on the handlebars.

“Gears.” He showed me how they worked. “Shift them while pedaling. If it feels too easy to pedal, upshift, too difficult then downshift. This is the rear brake, this is the front.” He pointed to the left and right handlebars as he spoke, “Until you get a good feel for riding try not to favor one over the other, just ease on both at the same time.”

“What would happen if I used just one?”

“Let’s not discourage you from riding.”

“As if my enthusiasm isn’t dampened enough.” I looked at him. “How do I let you talk me into this stuff!”

“Because you love me.” He reminded me.

I sat on the seat, placing a foot on a pedal.

“Now, you’ll push down on the pedal and let the bike roll forward, then quickly place the other foot, and allow them to rotate in a circular motion. If you push down with both feet at the same time, the bike won’t move. “Do this with your hands.” He rolled his hands in a circular motion mimicking the movement.