Doomed Queens (16 page)

CAUTIONARY MORAL

To keep your head,
quit while you’re ahead.

803

rene of Byzantium was a woman ahead of her time. Instead of using warfare to gain power, she waged a postmodern battle of symbols and images not dissimilar to those on Madison Avenue today. Though Irene’s strategy worked on the populace for a while, eventually it became apparent that this empress wore no clothing.

Irene’s origins gave little indication of the voracious drive that would make her the the first female ruler of the Byzantine Empire. Born of Greek nobility in 752, one story claims that Irene was an orphan doomed to a quiet life until her beauty caught the eye of Leo IV, the emperor of Byzantium. He married her in 769. Two years later, Irene did the good empress thing and provided him with an heir, Constantine. Nevertheless, their marriage was troubled. Irene was an iconophile, which was verboten by the Eastern Orthodox Church. Leo ceased marital relations with the empress after discovering her hidden stash—eternal damnation was far less appealing than the pleasures of the flesh.

A BRIEF DIGRESSION

Icon veneration was controversial in eighth-and ninth-century Byzantium. The iconoclasts believed icons violated the first commandment ban on graven images. The iconophiles found them useful tools for contemplating the divine—they thought icons represented the physicality of God as manifested in Jesus. In 754 the church ruled, “If anyone shall endeavor to represent the forms of the Saints in lifeless pictures with material colors which are of no value (for this notion is vain and introduced by the devil), and does not rather represent their virtues as living images in himself, let him be anathema!” Despite this, people—like Irene—still worshiped icons in secret.

Still, Irene harbored secret ambitions, which she was able to fulfill after Leo’s unexpected demise in 780. The emperor had taken a sacred crown from Hagia Sophia for his personal use. Problem was the heavily jeweled crown rubbed his brow until it blistered; the blisters became infected. After Leo’s death, Irene arranged for additional pearls to decorate the crown, which she returned to the church in time for display at Christmas mass. She also became regent for ten-year-old Constantine, who was much too young to rule.

Now in charge, Irene restored icon veneration, which pleased her subjects immensely. In another populist move, she cut taxes, which pushed the treasury into the red. As a corrective, she minted and distributed coins bearing her portrait. Though her son was also on them, it was Irene who held the scepter and was labeled
basileus
—emperor.

Not surprisingly, the empress refused to relinquish power when Constantine came of age. He pushed her off the throne in 790 but proved to be an incompetent ruler. Seven years later, Irene took matters back into her own hands. She imprisoned her son and had him blinded, an act considered marginally more merciful than outright assassination.

Nevertheless, Irene’s days on the throne were numbered. She was deposed by her finance minister in 802 and exiled to the island of Lesbos. The woman who was once empress spent the remainder of her life there spinning wool for clothing.

CAUTIONARY MORAL

Make sure your style has substance.

LIFE AFTER DEATH

Despite her misdeeds, the Eastern Orthodox Church did not forget all Irene had done to further the restoration of icon veneration. For this, the former empress was beatified as a saint, thus reforming Irene’s tarnished public image.

Bust of Irene on an eighth-century coin.

End-of-Chapter Quiz

or

What We Have Learned So Far

1. Why did Boudicca battle the Roman Empire?

         a. She wanted to prove to her daughters that the Romans were wusses.

         b. She was tired of converting exchange rates for Roman tourists.

         c. The Romans got too cozy with her land and her daughters’ chastity.