Doomed Queens (9 page)

42 BCE

exual cannibalism is the
Liebestod
of the insect kingdom. Two prime examples of it are the praying mantis and the black widow spider; in both species, the females dispatch their partners to the next world after making sweet love to them. Among humans, sexual cannibalism is essentially nonexistent—no doubt taboos against murder help deter postcoital violence. However, these petty social codes did not stop Queen Anula of the south Indian kingdom of Sri Lanka from sleeping and killing her way to the top.

The reign of Anula reads like a Joe Esterhas screenplay. It is recorded in the
Mahavamsa
, a chronicle of Sri Lankan history written by Buddhist monks. Just like a Sharon Stone femme fatale, the queen’s rise to power involved seduction and dead bodies. By the end of Anula’s reign, her modus operandi had become boringly predictable. Her weapon of choice: poison. Her preferred victims: working-class men—and the more, the better.

Little is known of Anula before she married King Coranaga, who became king in a government coup in 62 BCE. The new queen lay low for twelve years until her lust for Siva, a palace guard, spurred her to action. After so many years of marriage, Coranaga trusted his wife enough to imbibe whatever she offered. He was soon pushing up daisies.

Upon the king’s demise, the crown passed to another male member of royalty; Anula was dethroned and married Siva. One presumes she missed the pleasures of sex seasoned with power—this time, she waited only three years before poisoning the monarch. She replaced him with Siva, thus restoring herself to the throne.

From here, there was no stopping Queen Anula. King Siva reigned for just over a year before Anula capriciously set her cap for a carpenter. The carpenter kept the throne warm for the woodcutter who followed; both men were quickly dispatched by the queen via her favorite method. Anula also proved to be a gifted multitasker. In the midst of all this marrying and burying, she enjoyed the sexual favors of thirty-two palace guards.

After poisoning her last consort, Queen Anula decided to reign solo. This was the final straw for her populace—apparently it was okay to murder but not to rule without a male consort. Within four months, Anula was forcibly deposed. She was trapped within the palace where she had committed her murders, which was then set on fire.

Fire

In Malory’s
Le Morte d’Arthur
, Queen Guenever was found guilty of treason and condemned to be burned to death. She was stripped of her royal robes and tied to a large stake before a jeering crowd. Lucky for her, the queen was rescued by her loyal knight Launcelot just in time.

Burning at the stake was death at its most excruciatingly painful. In Europe, it was reserved for so-called witches, homosexuals, and heretics—royal blood was beside the point—and reached its zenith in medieval times. It was also a public ritual, where scores of people gathered to watch and often to protest the proceedings. A mass was performed beforehand, usually by an up-and-coming clergyman eager for notice.

If they were lucky, the condemned would expire from smoke inhalation before the flames reached them. To ensure a rapid demise, family and friends paid the executioner to allow them to add wood to the fire. Sometimes packets of gunpowder were hung around the victims’ necks, instantly killing them when ignited.

The death of Anula was far less ceremonial. Her palace fire was fueled by an angry populace seeking to get rid of a murderous ruler.

CAUTIONARY MORAL

As you climb to success over the dead,
don’t alienate the living.

41 BCE

rsinoe IV was the younger sister of Cleopatra, the glamorous Egyptian queen known for her alliances with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. Besides Cleopatra, Arsinoe had three siblings: two younger brothers, both named Ptolemy, and another older sister, Berenice, whom their father Ptolemy XII executed in 55 BCE after she got too cozy with his throne.

Arsinoe was cleverer than Berenice. She waited until after their father’s death to make her move for the crown of Egypt. However, she was unable to outsmart Cleopatra, who eventually arranged for her baby sister’s death. As evidenced throughout their rule, the members of the Ptolemaic dynasty did not draw the line at killing kin.

When he died in 51 BCE, Ptolemy XII deeded Egypt to Cleopatra and her brother-husband Ptolemy XIII. Unsatisfied, Ptolemy XIII decided to co-opt Egypt for himself, and Arsinoe gladly came along for the ride. Julius Caesar, Rome’s head honcho, soon became involved in the family fray, since it was in Rome’s interest to keep Egypt economically stable. One story claims that Arsinoe was suggested to Caesar as a consort; instead, the Roman warrior succumbed to the numerous charms of Cleopatra.

Sated by sex, Caesar restored Cleopatra as Egypt’s sole monarch. Arsinoe was granted the booby prize of Cyprus, so she wouldn’t go home empty-handed. But Arsinoe was not pleased—she plotted revolt against Cleopatra and Caesar. Those unhappy with Cleopatra found the queen of Cyprus a convenient rallying point.

By 48 BCE, Arsinoe had whipped up enough military support to grab the throne from her big sister. She trapped Caesar and Cleopatra in the imperial palace, but not for long—Caesar’s troops arrived in early 47 BCE to free the dynamic duo. They also captured Arsinoe. She was stripped of her crowns and transported to Rome, where she was paraded in chains through the streets as a prisoner of war.

Usually prisoners of war were put to death, but Caesar had pity upon Arsinoe, perhaps because she was Cleopatra’s sister. He allowed her to run away to Ephesus, where she quickly settled down in the Temple of Artemis. Amazingly enough, Arsinoe had not learned her lesson and began scheming anew. She even encouraged the temple’s high priest to address her as queen.

Cleopatra’s revenge came five years later. Now aligned with Mark Antony, Cleopatra convinced her lover to arrange for Arsinoe’s execution. Arsinoe met her death in 41 BCE within the Temple of Artemis, where she had first claimed sanctuary.