Dorothy Must Die: The Other Side of the Rainbow Collection: No Place Like Oz, Dorothy Must Die, The Witch Must Burn, The Wizard Returns, The Wicked Will Rise (56 page)

But before I could reply, there was a crashing sound, a burst of purple smoke, and Mombi was sprawled out on a bamboo platform next to the water, right between where Pete stood and I sat.

Her face was bruised and swollen. Her cloak was in tatters.

She looked from me to Pete and back. “Well,” she said in a strained voice. “I’m glad to see you two are getting along.”

Then her eyes rolled back in her head, and she crumpled to the ground.

EIGHT

Later that afternoon, I once again found myself in Queen Lulu’s chambers, which the monkeys had transformed into a makeshift courtroom. Mombi was on trial.

In addition to being queen of the monkeys, it turned out that Lulu was also the chief justice of their supreme court, and she was presiding in a long black robe and a crooked white judge’s wig, clutching an oversize gavel in her paw. All around the room, the members of the monkey council were perched in whatever spots they could find, all of them outfitted in somber courtroom garb, monkey style.

The hours following Mombi’s surprise arrival had been a blur. We had no idea where she’d been or how she’d found us. Within seconds of her collapse, a retinue of monkey guards in beefeater uniforms had swept in—apparently her teleportation spell had tripped their alarms. The Wingless Ones had not been amused to have yet another witch in their presence, and as they’d
hauled her motionless body off to the monkey slammer, it was unclear whether she was even still alive.

If she
was
dead, it was even more unclear how I felt about it. Of all the members of the Order whom I’d met, Mombi was the one I trusted the least. She had lied to me more than once, and she had always seemed to have the most right to call herself
wicked.

But, for better or worse, I had bound myself to her, in more ways than one. And, on top of that, I had questions I needed to ask her.

Queen Lulu had declared that the trial be held as soon as Mombi woke up.
If
she woke up. And while Pete—who Lulu, oddly, had been unsurprised to see instead of Ozma—had been barred from entering the queen’s chamber,
I
had been chosen to act as Mombi’s lawyer, for reasons I couldn’t make sense of.

Now, here we were. I’d heard of kangaroo courts and even monkey trials, but this was taking it to a whole new level. Not that it mattered much anyway—I’d been in Oz long enough to know that courtroom procedure around here didn’t have much in common with what I knew from watching
SVU
reruns. In Oz—in my experience at least—there was no due process, no Fifth Amendment to plead, and if the judges were sassy, it wasn’t usually in a well-meaning, salt-of-the-earth kind of way. It was usually more like sassy-psychotic.

For Mombi’s sake, I could only hope that Lulu was a more evenhanded judge than Dorothy had been when
I’d
been put on trial.

“This court will now come to order!” Lulu barked from the
bench, which was really just her throne. “The despicable crone known as Mombi stands accused of high witchery, gross dishonesty, untold crimes against monkeys,
outrageous
trespassing, and general unpleasantness. Also, she is extremely unattractive. Miss Amy, do you speak for the witch?”

I was standing behind a long, wooden table that had been set up in the middle of the chamber.

“Uh, I’m not exactly a lawyer,” I said, addressing Lulu and the rest of the monkeys. “But do you really think she’s fit to be put on trial? Look at her—she can barely stand up at all.”

It was true. On her best day, Mombi was haggard and withered, but you only had to spend a minute or two with her to realize how tough she was despite her old age. Today was the first time she’d ever truly appeared fragile. There was something about it that was unsettling, and I was reminded of the first time I had ever really understood that when my mom was “relaxing,” she was high as a kite and not taking a funny kind of nap.

It was that feeling you get when you realize that the person you’ve always looked to for protection can’t help you at all—that she, not you, is the one who needs taking care of.

Mombi was leaning heavily on the table, hunched over, her shoulders trembling as she strained under every breath. It was no secret to anyone in the room that she was in serious pain. She had a stool next to her if she wanted it, but she was standing. You had to give her credit for poise.

I had to get her out of here and make her get better, if for no other reason than because she was my best chance of figuring
out what was going on. Not to mention my best hope for finding Nox.

“Your honor,” I said, addressing the queen as politely as I could.

“Your
royal
honor,” Lulu corrected me in her high-pitched, nasal singsong.

“Sorry, your royal honor,” I said. “But I think we need to get Mombi to someone who can help her. It’s—”

“Zip-zip!” Queen Lulu barked, pulling her fingers across her lips. Suddenly I realized who she reminded me of: Judge Judy. Now
this
was a version of the law I recognized. Back home,
Judge Judy
was my mother’s favorite show—Mom was always coming up with enemies she wanted to face off against in Judy’s courtroom. You know, like our landlord, the lady in the next trailer over with the annoying dog, the bartender at Paddy O’Hooligan’s who wouldn’t serve her a third drink. She was always sure she would win. Big surprise, she never quite got around to filling out all the applications to get Judge Judy to take her cases.

The good news was that if this was Judge Judy, I knew how to deal with it. Basically, I just had to suck up. “It’s an honor to appear before you today,” I said to Lulu, smiling smarmily. She seemed pleased at my deference, and as she shuffled some papers around in front of her, I looked over at Mombi. “Are you okay?” I whispered.

“I’ll be fine,” she muttered through gritted teeth. But she didn’t look fine.

“How should I say you plead?” I asked.

Mombi wheezed. “Guilty!” she cackled to the room at large, doubling over at the effort it took just to laugh.

“Miss Gumm,” Lulu said sternly. For some reason—procedure?—she was refusing to speak to Mombi. “Please remind your witch friend that the sentence for her crimes is
death.
”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But can you remind me exactly what her crimes
are
?”

My words were lost in the pandemonium that had broken loose as Lulu had announced the penalty and the rest of monkeys began hooting and chattering and jumping up and down.

“Kill the witch!” screeched a monkey—the one who had looked so cute in his little green overalls just yesterday.

“Burn her!” a smaller monkey shouted.

Then they were all yelling at once:

“Melt her with water!”

“Make her pay!”

“Witches get stitches!”

Queen Lulu let the pandemonium go on for a long spell, looking extremely pleased at the scene she’d created. Finally, when things were threatening to get truly out of hand, she hopped up in her seat and waved her tiny, furry fists.

“Shut up!” she screeched. She didn’t really seem angry, just excited. “All of you! I’m in charge here!” The room snapped to silence as I heard Mombi clear her throat. All eyes turned back to her.

“Monkeys of the court,” she said. Her voice was measured and quiet, but had a commanding edge to it. “If I may speak.” Mombi gathered herself up and stood tall, clearly trying to summon as much dignity as she could. You know, given the situation.

“I stand before you bruised and bloodied,” she said, laboring over each word. If this were
Judge Judy
I’d probably have assumed it was all a show, and that she was playing the victim card. But Mombi looked like she was in real pain. “My comrades, the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked, are lost, scattered to the four corners of Oz—an Oz whose future has never been more in doubt. My magical abilities are almost completely drained. In short, I am a shadow of myself. Why? Because I have been fighting a war for many years. I have done this not for power, not for glory, but for Oz. I fight not just for myself, but for the Munchkins, and the Nomes, and yes, for the monkeys—for winged and wingless alike. You ask me how I plead. If I am accused of fighting for those who cannot fight, then I refuse to pretend at anything other than the truth. Of that crime, I am guilty.”

As she rolled along, I could see a fearsome glimmer of the Mombi I knew returning as she marshaled the little strength she had left to make her plea. She was building up steam.

“But what of those who can fight, and choose not to? Wingless Ones, while you cavort mindlessly in the trees, far from the troubles below, your brothers and sisters are in chains, forced to serve their mistress’s cruel whims. You turn your backs on them simply because you think that they are not as brave as you. Need I remind you what those backs look like now? Did you deform
yourselves—pay the ultimate price—just so you could cover your eyes and ears to the truth? Is
this
bravery?”

She fluttered a quivering hand around the room dismissively and went on. “But I am not a young witch, and I know very well that monkeys do not learn new tricks easily. So I do not stand here asking you to fight. I only ask that you grant me safe harbor so that I might continue to do battle on your behalf.”

I was impressed—even after all the time I’d spent with her in the Order’s headquarters, I’d never been completely convinced that she was
really
the freedom fighter she claimed to be. As much as Nox had always sworn otherwise, I’d always had a nagging suspicion that maybe she was just an opportunist, eager to get rid of Dorothy so that she could be in power for herself.

Now, listening to her speech, I saw the true passion she had for what she believed in. It was hard not to admire it.

The monkeys of the council all looked convinced, too, and were exchanging nervous, thoughtful glances. The only one who didn’t seem to be buying it was Queen Lulu, whose eyes were fiery with anger.

“Save me the sob story, sister,” Lulu said. “You talk a good game, but I wouldn’t call bingo just yet. We all know who you are. We all know what you’ve done. If it weren’t for you, Oz might not be in this mess in the first place. Or are you forgetting the little deal you cut with the Wizard way back when?”

There was murmuring among the monkeys, but Mombi cut in.

“What do you want me to say?” she bellowed, suddenly
full-throated in her rage. “That I’m nothing but a common bush hag like Glinda the Supposedly Good? You want me to say it? Yes, I’ve been wicked, and I regret my crimes! You want more blood? Well, if it’s blood you want, you’ll have that, too, I promise. Just let it be Dorothy’s blood—and mine, if it comes to it—rather than your own and the blood of your people. Persecute me not, Wingless Ones. Instead, let me rest here safely to recover my strength so that I can help destroy our oppressor before she destroys us all.”

With that, Mombi collapsed breathlessly onto the stool at her side, and there was silence again. Queen Lulu stroked the hairs on her chin in contemplation, and then, finally, climbed up onto the back of her throne. She slammed her gavel against the wall of the royal tree hut with so much force that the whole structure shook.

“The court has reached its decision!” she said. I took a step back in surprise. Wait, that was
it
? “Mombi, as not even you yourself dispute the charges against you, you have been found guilty on every count.”

There was a murmur throughout the room, and I held my breath, waiting to see what came next. Was I going to have to fight to save her? The Tin Woodman, fine. The Lion, okay. They were both monsters. But I hadn’t signed up to kill any monkeys. And I also wasn’t going to let them just kill Mombi for no reason.

Luckily, I didn’t have to make that choice. Because Lulu wasn’t done:

“However,” the queen went on. “In my role as monarch of the monkeys, I have chosen to overrule the decision of the court. There can be no doubt that Mombi is as guilty as a nun dancing the hoochie coochie on Sunday morning. Even she admits it. But for now, witch, out of the goodness of my heart, I’m reducing your sentence and placing you under house arrest.”

She banged her gavel again. She liked that gavel. “Justice has been served!” she proclaimed. “Miss Gumm, you may escort the convict back to the Princess Suite, where she will be allowed to contemplate her crimes while she recuperates. But I remind you once again:
no magic. Capisce?
”

“
Capisce
, your royal honor,” I said.

The court broke out into applause, and Mombi nodded solemnly. She stood, and slowly began hobbling to the door. When she got there, she stopped and looked over her shoulder, glaring at me. “Well?” she asked impatiently. “Are you going to escort me or not?”

I looked at Lulu, who nodded, dismissing me, and then followed the witch. I still wasn’t sure what had just happened. I was just glad it was all over.

NINE

“Monkeys,” Mombi muttered as soon as we were outside and out of earshot. “Winged, wingless, makes no difference. They’re
all
a damn pain in the ass. Now let’s get out of here before they change their minds. I could use a good foot massage after a day like this.”

She flashed me a sly grin, baring two crooked, slimy rows of teeth the color of moldy corn chips.

“You were amazing in there,” I said. “I’ve never heard you talk like that. All this time, I was never totally sure that you really cared.”

Mombi replied with a guffaw that turned into a hacking cough. “Oh, please,” she croaked when she’d recovered herself. “You really bought all that? I doubt even the queen herself believed a word of it. But, you know, Lulu and I go way back. This is at least the third time I’ve had to go before the monkey court, and it’s always exactly the same. In the end, she’s nothing
but a puffed-up scullery maid at heart. You have to make her feel powerful—let her have her little trial; drum up some tears to show you respect her.”

I looked at her incredulously, kicking myself for being taken in by her load of bullshit in front of the monkey court. But
had
it been bullshit? With Mombi, you never really knew.