Double Shot (11 page)

“Hey!” A very blond, very pudgy woman hipped me to one side, and I fell onto the back of a chair. Around us, everyone laughed.
“Do you mind?” I yelled at the woman, rubbing my ribs that were already bruised enough, thank you very much. Tom tried to hide his smile.
She was probably ten years my senior. She wore fringed beige leather that sparkled with . . . was there such a thing as fake rhinestones? I didn’t have time to think about it, because I found myself staring at how the rhinestones were also scrolled into a name: “Blondie.”
“Hey!” she yelled again, poking my chest with a long, scarlet fingernail. I stared at her. Her thick pancake makeup glittered under the saloon’s electric-torch chandeliers. I stared at her scarlet-lipsticked mouth as it formed the words “Gitcher own boyfriend!” This time it was the stench of bourbon that made me reel back. Blondie thrust her double chin in my direction “Ja hear me?” her drunken breath demanded. “Get lost. Tex is mine.”
I teetered backward over two more chairs. “I’ve got a husband, thanks,” I mumbled as more folks laughed.
Tex, immediately pleased to be apparently desired by two short, blond women, tipped his beer and gave me a sly look. I turned to Tom, who winked at me. Tex cleared his throat loudly.
“The fire should be out by mornin’,” he said. Then he lifted his chin and raised one eyebrow. I don’t care about a husband! You interested in me?
I shook my head in an emphatic negative. As I stumbled away, Nashville Bobby and the Boys started howling at the crowd about being nothing but a hound dog. I didn’t care about Tex; I cared even less about Nashville Bobby and his boys. What did worry me was the new fire, since Roundhouse was situated a mere eight miles from the preserve. How close was the nearest hydrant? If necessary, could the firemen pump water from the lake? Thousand acres, sixty percent contained. We’d become so accustomed to the wildfires that we just cited each one’s statistics — where it was, how much under control, when the firefighters expected complete containment — and moved on with our lives. This was what I needed to do, I thought, then jumped as Nashville Bobby turned up the volume a notch.
Through the cigarette smoke, I could barely make out the stage. Colorado was most emphatically not California, so everyone smoked indoors, sometimes two cigarettes at a time. Nashville Bobby warbled, shook his hips, and finished his song with a bow. To raucous applause, Bobby then announced that the band was going to debut their new song, “Trash.” Sad guitar-string plinking was followed by Bobby crooning:
“I’m just garbage under your sink,
You threw me in there and didn’t think!
Now I’m getting’ old, ‘n startin’ to stink
You don’t check the bag; you don’t even wink.”
Tom asked if I wanted anything, like a beer, but I said no. I pushed my way through the crowd until I finally arrived at the dimly lit phone, which was a grimy beige house phone with a stretched-out cord. It was perched at a slight angle between the heavy doors of the saloon’s two restrooms. A stern admonition posted on the wall forbade long-distance calls and asked for coins to be left in a wooden honor box. I dropped in quarters, lifted the receiver, and pressed buttons. When Marla answered, our connection was rough and full of static.
“Marla? It’s me. Marla?”
“ ‘Trash?’ “ sang the band. “ ‘Trash! That’s all I am.’ “
“Goldy?”
“Marla!”
“ ‘Trash!’ “
“Goldy, where the hell are you calling from?”
“ ‘Trash!’ “
“I can’t talk about the case over my home phone!” I hollered. Three cowboys turned a baleful eye in my direction. Embarrassed, I turned toward the wall, where my nose scraped a map of the immense Aspen Meadow Wildfire Preserve. Raccoon Creek, Cherokee Pass, Cowboy Cliff: These were just a few of the landmarks connected by fire roads and hiking trails. Things could be worse, I realized. I could be out fighting that fire.
I realized I was still wearing my apron, the pocket of which bulged with still-warm cookies. Most of them probably broken in my journey through the crowd. But at least I had an emergency sugar-carb supply.
“For crying out, Goldy!” Marla screeched. “Tell me what happened at the sheriff’s department! Do they know who killed the Jerk? Was it the same person who assaulted you?”
“I don’t know anything — “
“You’re holding out on me!”
I pulled the phone’s cord so I could get the receiver inside the swinging wooden door to the ladies’ room. A massive cement column separated the two stalls. The wood-paneled interior, dimly lit by a solitary hanging lightbulb, also revealed two stained sinks, a large cracked mirror, and an enormous black garbage can.
“Don’t start, Marla!” I warned her. “This has been one of the worst days of my life!” I tried to get comfortable. This was difficult since I had to grip the phone while my knuckles were getting flayed on the rough paneling. I softened my tone. “Listen, thanks for sending Brewster. He was great.”
“So tell me about it, would you? I’m dying over here without any information. Tom wouldn’t breathe a word and neither would Brewster, damn him.”
“Oh, Marla, I can’t go into detail. The bottom line is that I don’t know anything new. I can’t talk because Arch is at home and he’s a wreck.” But she insisted, so I gave her the shortest possible précis of the day’s events, including the cops finding my gun not far from John Richard’s body. “At the lunch, you didn’t happen to see any suspicious folks around my van, did you?”
“No,” she said. “Sorry but I did find out something that might be significant.” My heart leaped. Or was it my stomach growling again? Hard to tell. Marla went on: “Sandee with two es does not work at the golf shop. She never did. She’s a stripper at the Rainbow Men’s Club in Denver.”
“What? How did John Richard meet her?”
“As they say, ‘One can only presume.’ But I didn’t. Presume, that is. I asked Courtney. John Richard met Sandee at the Rainbow. That is how low the Jerk had sunk. Picking up girls at strip clubs!”
“You called Courtney? But she’s . . .”
Words failed as my stomach howled again. I didn’t care about Courtney; I didn’t care if the Jerk had sunk to hell. Despite the bites of steak, I was ravenous. I groped in my apron pocket, pulled out a warm cookie, and popped it into my mouth. The crunch of toasted almonds and the pure, buttery flavor made my head spin. I stuffed in another two.
“Of course I called Courtney,” Marla retorted. “and whatever you’re eating, I want some as compensation for my legal bills. Goldy?”
“Mmf.” My mouth was full. I didn’t really fell guilty, but what was going on here? I’d been attacked; my food had been sabotaged; renegade rodents had caused me to fire my gun. I stuffed two more cookies into my mouth and didn’t answer Marla. Our ex-husband had been murdered. At this point, I was the prime suspect in his murder. I shoved in a few more cookies and realized I was beginning to feel a bit better. Well! This was how low I had sunk: crammed into a stinking saloon toilet, I was discussing strippers on a grimy phone while stuffing myself with nut cookies. Close by, Bobby and his boys launched into “I’m Just Roadkill on the Highway of Love.”
“The main reason I called Courtney,” Marla went on, “was to tell her the Jerk was dead. Wanted to see what kind of reaction I’d get.”
I finished the cookies. “Brewster says we can’t call our ex the Jerk anymore. Even in death.”
I guess I couldn’t really blame Marla for rapping her fancy phone against her tiled kitchen wall. But it did hurt my ear.
“Goldy? Brewster takes orders from me, not vice versa. And are you listening to my story here? Courtney was stunned to hear about the Jerk. It was either total disbelief or a great acting job. She exploded. We’re talking nuclear. We’re talking nova. She screamed that you’d prevented them from getting married, because of some custody problem. Plus, she’d loaned John Richard a hundred thousand dollars at the beginning of May, and two weeks later he dumped her for Sandee with two es. How’s she supposed to get her money back now? she screamed. So! The Jerk owed her money, the same way he owed the man at his house,” Marla concluded triumphantly.
“Wait a minute. Courtney loaned him that much money? How stupid is she?”
“You got me.”
“And the gent at John Richard’s house didn’t look as if he could have loaned John Richard anything — “
“Let’s go down to the strip club tomorrow!” Marla squealed. “We can question Sandee, just the two of us.”
I slumped against the rough wall. “I can’t. I have your PosteriTREE meeting and Nan’s retirement picnic to prep, and the cops and Brewster told me to stay away —“
She rapped the phone again. “Girlfriend! Tom is not working this case. Without him, the sheriff’s department will never find out who shot the Jerk. The need us! So I’ll pick you up at eleven. Then we — “
Without warning, pain racked my wrist as Blondie barged through the restroom door. The phone cord sprang away like a bow-string. I grabbed for it, but ended up seizing Blondie instead. Her warm, drunk breath said, “Erf?,” while she struggled mightily for balance. I tried to hold her up, snag the phone, and reach for the swinging restroom door all at once. I failed on all counts.
Blondie had not been expecting a sudden embrace. Her high-heeled boots clattered backward. Her leather-fringed arms windmilled away from me as she tried to get her balance on the slick floor. The phone cord wrapped around the wire suspending the lightbulb and boomeranged in a high arc toward the ceiling. I gargled for help as Blondie’s cowgirl-skirted butt crashed into the cement post separating the two stalls. Marla’s distant voice shrieked, “Goldy?” Unfortunately, the laws of physics were already sending Blondie catapulting into the yawning trash can, where she promptly threw up. Following the same laws of physics, the returning restroom door smacked me in the face just as the phone cord finished its downward trajectory and Marla’s screaming voice splashed into the toilet.
I grabbed my nose, sure that blood was streaming out of it. Black spots clouded my vision. I groped with my free hand in the direction of what I hoped was the saloon. I bumped into a body, a man’s body, and prayed it was not a catering client.
“Sandee Blue is my girlfriend,” the man’s voice whispered in my ear as he swung me around and clutched my shoulders. “And don’t you forget it.”
“Okay, okay,” I mumbled, suddenly fearful. Was this the person who’d beaten me up that morning? “Who are you?” I struggled against his viselike hold. “Could you please let go of me?”
“Go on, get out of here,” he said, pushing me roughly away. I fell onto the filthy floor. By the time I could turn around, he was gone.
I blinked and steadied myself until I could see the red exit sign. Cursing under my breath, I lurched in the direction of Tom’s table.
“Goldy!” It was Tom’s calming voice. “Are you all right? What happened to your nose? There’s blood everywhere.” A rough paper napkin was pushed into my hand, and I pressed it to my nostrils. I gasped and begged Tom to take me out for air. Some tourists told the bartender to call a cab. He replied that there were no cab companies in Aspen Meadow.
With Tom holding me up, I finally, finally stumbled out the saloon doors. behind us, Tex’s voice announced: “You know, she didn’t seem that drunk.”
<9>
“My dear wife,” Tom said gently as he guided me through our front door. “You don’t look so hot.”
“No kidding.” I stepped carefully into the hallway. Assaulted by dizziness, I blinked at the sudden bright light. Tom’s strong hands reached out to grab me. “Something happened there, Tom. At the Grizzly. Back by the phone, I bumped into a man who said that Sandee Blue was his girlfriend, and I shouldn’t forget it.”
“Any idea who he was? Maybe your early-morning attacker?”
“I can’t say.” I grasped Tom’s hand.
“Well, what did he look like?”
“I don’t know. He turned me around, then pushed me down. By the time I got up, he was gone.”
Tom pulled me in for a hug and was silent.
I gently extracted myself and squinted at my husband’s handsome face. “Tom?”
“Goldy, do you go looking for trouble? Or does it just find you?”
“Thanks. NO more calls using the Grizzly phone. Promise.”
“Did you ever get to talk to Marla?”
“Not really.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my aching forehead. How late was it? I had no clue. And where was Arch? How was he doing? I mumbled, “Arch?”
Tom pulled me back into a hug. “Father Pete’s car is still out front. I assume he’s in there with him.”
Upstairs, a quietly closing door was followed by shuffling. The stairs creaked as Father Pete Zoukaki’s immense bulk began to descend. I did not know how Father Pete had come to be an Anglican, because he looked like central casting’s idea of a priest from The Godfather. I held my breath as his small black shoes trundled into view, followed by short chopstick legs. These balanced slowly on each step, so that his black-swathed calzone of a body could lumber downward without toppling. At the landing, he turned slowly, like a jumbo jet moving into a gate.
“Arch is sleeping,” he announced. His voice was low pitched and warm, perfect for pasturing. He maneuvered down the last three steps, mopped his brow, and gave us a solemn nod. His ultradark hair and beard were intensely curly. His skin was the color of olive oil. His espresso-black eyes filled with concern as he reached out for me. “Goldy.” I let go of Tom and allowed Father Pete’s sausage arms to pat my back. This will all be over soon.”
This will all be over soon? When was soon, exactly? When Father Pete had counseled Arch some more? When the sheriff’s department found the killer? When the Jerk was deep in Aspen Meadow Cemetery?” I swallowed and tried to get hold of myself.
“Thank you for coming,” I said softly.
“No trouble,” Father Pete’s commanding voice assured me. He let go and assessed me with those dark eyes. “You don’t look well. You should try to get to bed.”
I clenched my teeth. “I’m aware that I don’t look well.” After an awkward moment, I asked, “What about the . . . uh . . . ?” I cleared my throat and smoothed my face into an attempt at composure. Tom gently took my hand and flicked me a questioning glance. He wanted to bail me out, but had no idea what I was asking.
“It’s just that I’m worried about . . . “ I tried again. Well, everything. Father Pete and Tom waited. My hit-with-the-restroom-door nose was throbbing. Father Pete pursed this thick lips, glanced at my bruised arms, and frowned.
“There’s the matter of “ — I cleared my throat — “a service.”
Father Pete nodded. “Besides Arch, did Dr. Korman have next of kin?”
I shook my head.
“All right then,” Father Pete said in that deep, comforting voice. “I’ll call the coroner, see if they know who’s been designated to make arrangements.” When he furrowed his forehead, his bushy black eyebrows appeared truly ominous. “Someone from the church will call you with the details. It would be good for Arch — “