Down the Shore (21 page)

"Abigail,” he leaned down, brushing the tears away. “What's wrong, love? You know I can't bear to see you cry,” he reminded me.

"I was just thinking about us, and the end of summer,” I confessed.

He pulled me off the chair, and sat me back down on his lap.

"What do I always say?"

I pulled myself slightly back.

"I'm worried...what if you forget about me?” I muttered.

He laughed. “Impossible!"

He was always so strong on the surface. I wanted to test him.

I pulled him in closer. “What if I went back to Ireland with you?” I whispered, slightly afraid of his answer.

He winced at my question.

"Abby, really, be serious. You have school."

I cut him off.

"What if I don't care? I could go to school with you. I don't want to be apart from you. I want to be with you forever."

I could see the delight in his face at my response. He laughed again. “Your folks would really take a liking to me then,” he mused.

"I'm serious,” I insisted, glaring at him.

"So am I. We'll figure this out. Nothing would please me more than to spend every day making you happy, Abigail, but for now it has to be this way,” he reminded me, smiling. “Now let's get you home. You can't go to work like that.” He picked me up and set my feet down on the porch. He gave me a peck on the cheek, and it felt like a promise.

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Work went by fast; the crowds were overwhelming. I could barely get one table clean before another group of people would be waiting for me. As I looked up, I noticed Makenna frantically waving me over to meet her.

She oozed excitement. “Hey, what are you doing tonight? Let's do something. Do you want to go dancing?"

I couldn't help it, my reaction was instant. I shifted my eyes to the outside bar, to glance at Colin.

She rolled her eyes, tapping her finger impatiently.

"You're with him every night Abby, what—are you not allowed to have friends or something?"

I had never thought I would be one of those girls who blew off their friends for a guy. I hated those kinds of girls in high school, and I was now becoming one of them—no scratch that, I
was
one.

I shrugged. “I'm sorry, Mac. It's just that there's so little time left, especially with my parents hovering. Can you please understand? How about the beach tomorrow instead?” I asked hopefully.

"Sure, I'll see if I can fit you in.” She stomped off like a two-year old who wasn't getting her way.

I hated saying no to her. Ever since the incident with Nick, I couldn't bring myself to be around Anthony. She was always with him, just like I was always with Colin. I made a promise to myself to find her first thing in the morning to spend some time on the beach with her. My parents would understand that, maybe even join us.

As the end of the evening neared, I finished up the last of my duties rather quickly. I had only one thing on my mind. Colin was already finished, waiting patiently for me like he always did. His two hands stretched out to meet mine. I walked unswerving into his arms, lingering there as long as he let me. I heard the subtle laughter under his breath.

"What's so amusing?” I asked.

"Ah, you, love. Your heart's beating so fast, it sounds like it might leap out of your chest,” he teased.

I was slightly embarrassed that he knew he drove me crazy.

"It's all your fault, y'know?” I played along.

"Really, how so?” he asked.

I pulled back, looking into his eyes. “If you weren't so handsome, it would probably be a lot easier,” I chuckled.

He held my face between the palms of his hands, pulling me back toward him. His lips were gentle, but full of profound emotion. I didn't want him to stop; I didn't even want to breathe. He pulled me back, grinning. I had to catch my breath.

"Feel like going for a ride?” he asked.

"You can take me anywhere. I wouldn't care if it were Mars,” I responded.

He just laughed again, shook his head and grabbed my hand to pull me toward the street. He opened the car door, helping me slide in. We headed north on the Parkway.

"Where are we going? The pub?” I wondered.

"There's a beautiful spot I found the other day. I want to take you there. It's in Brigantine,” he answered.

"Brigantine, wow!"

He looked confused, “Is something wrong with Brigantine?” he asked.

"No, not at all. It's just that I haven't been there in a really long time. My grandparents had a place there when I was growing up, but they sold it years and years ago."

I couldn't help but take a minute remembering the tiny house, the front porch. I could remember sitting out front in folding chairs with my grandfather, feeding all the sparrows with stale bread. My grandparents had both passed, and I missed them.

We drove to where the bay and the ocean merged, where you could see the lights of the casinos flickering in the water. It was a beautiful spot on the beach. The sand was cold on my bare feet; the breeze picked up, blowing harder. Colin was busy placing a blanket on top of the sand, opening up a bottle of wine. I was surprised he thought of all this, but excited at the possibilities. As comfortable as Colin made me feel when I was with him, a little part of me was nervous. We were all alone, like we had been many times, but suddenly I felt different...everything felt right.

He poured two glasses of wine, and handing me one, he said in a low voice. “I hope this is okay? I'm trying to be romantic."

A grin spread across my face. “Sure, it's perfect."

I sipped the wine, feeling I needed it to loosen me, to give me the courage I would need. Did I hope this would be the night? I didn't think he would argue with me. I thought he would want to be with me, just as much as I wanted to be with him. He sat still behind me, carefully placing me in front of him, the position he preferred to hold me in. He had one arm around my waist, his other held his wine.

We enjoyed each other, just staring out into the bay, watching the waves roll off the rocks caressing the beach as it came in. My heart raced, and I wanted to be with him. I wedged my glass of wine into the sand. Without thinking I turned to him, and pushed him gently back onto the blanket. I slowly began to kiss his neck, his lips, my hands knotted in his hair. I closed my eyes and moved my hand slowly down to his chest unbuttoning each button on his shirt, my hand shaking. He didn't stop me. His hands roamed uncontrolled on my body not sure which direction to go. I took his hands, placing them where I wanted him to go next. He pulled back briefly. I felt his hands under my shirt, and sensed he felt unsure whether or not that territory was considered a safe zone with me. The palms of his hands slipped down and rested on my backside.

"Love, I really want you, but I can't,” he whispered in my ear.

"Colin, stop. Just be with me. I want to be with you,” I told him.

"Abigail, I can't take this away from you, not like this,” he pleaded.

I was trying harder to rouse him, running my fingers softly down his spine.

"Like what?” I teased.

"Abigail, you're going to be the death of me,” he sighed heavily.

I pulled myself off of his body. “Why, don't you want me?” I asked.

"You're a fool if you believe that, Abby,” he said, trying to reassure me. “I've never wanted anyone more in my entire life. I promise you it will happen, and trust me, I can't wait for that night, but not just yet. Soon?” He kissed me softly again.

"You're way too noble to be a twenty year old,” I pointed out.

He won. He had promised me, soon. I laid back in his arms again, still a virgin. He must have felt my disappointment, as evidently he still felt the need to explain why he was turning me down.

"I am just as shocked as you are, trust me. I don't want you to have any regrets. What if we never see each other again, what if you meet someone at school? You'll want it to be with someone else, trust me.” He pulled his hands off me and sat up. I couldn't help but feel turned down, and a little hurt.

"Not see each other again, I thought...” I stopped, “I thought we would be together, someday....forever,” I muttered.

"Do you have any idea how much this hurts me? Abby, God, I have never loved anyone my entire life. I know I promised, but until I figure this all out, I can't. I won't hurt you like this,” he stammered.

I just looked at him, hurt and disappointed. I guess it showed on my face.

"Can we please just enjoy each other these last few weeks together?” he asked.

I stood up and walked down to the water, but he didn't follow. I just stood there, defeated. We had only a few weeks left and he had just admitted we might never see each other again. Were Makenna and my mother right all along? I knew it was a possibility, but he said we would figure it out, and I trusted him.

I walked slowly back to him, kneeling in front of him.

"If this is it, if this is all we have, I want it to be you. I want you to be my first,” I acknowledged.

He pulled my face back close to his, kissing me softly.

"Let me think about this, okay?” he asked.

"What is there to think of? Do you love me or not?” I snapped.

"You're not playing fair, Abigail. My family are the only people I've ever loved, but you, you're the one I love the most. You are the first girl who has ever meant anything to me, and I don't want to ruin this. I need to think of a way for us to be together. Until then, well, I just can't."

I lost. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't going to be tonight. I sat back in his arms, took another sip from my wine and tried to enjoy his warm embrace.

"Don't let me go,” I whispered.

He held me tighter, understanding that my fears and his were warranted. Summer was going to end, and we both didn't know what to expect.

"Never."

We headed back to Ocean City and I asked him to stay at my place. I wanted to make sure I could grab Makenna in the morning to do something together. It started raining as we drove home. It was getting cooler and the breeze was fierce. It rained all night long, and the wind banged against the windows, making it too loud to sleep. I took the radio from the kitchen, turning the music on softly to erase the pounding rain coming from outside. I had been disappointed how my night had ended. I had failed in my first attempt to seduce somebody. If I hadn't known why, my pride would really be hurt. He loved me so much that he pushed his own needs aside, and that's all that mattered.

When we woke, it was to the sound of thunder and the streets were flooded. There would be no beach today. I ducked out of my room and into the kitchen to find Makenna. She was sitting on the porch with Anthony at her side, watching the rain come down.

"Hey, guys! Some storm, huh?” I asked.

They both turned to look at me.

"Yeah, I didn't know you were here. You were so quiet."

"Are you busy today? I thought maybe we could go to the movies or something?” I asked hesitantly.

She looked at Anthony. He shrugged.

"Sure, that sounds great,” she said.

I made some coffee, grabbed two mugs and headed back to my bedroom. Colin was already awake and putting his shirt back on.

"Good morning.” He leaned in, kissing my cheek.

"Coffee?” I handed him the cup.

"Thanks,” he winked.

"Hey, listen do you mind if I hang out with Makenna today? I sort of promised her a girls’ day."

He chuckled. “Abigail, it's fine. You look nervous about even asking."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings,” I paused. “What will you do today?"

"I'm sure I'll be fine, love,” he assured me.

I hated seeing him leave. I resented Makenna for a quick moment, but then I pulled myself together, got dressed and browsed the paper for the movies showing in Stone Harbor. I had only one other pressing issue, my folks. I quickly dialed.

"Hey, it's me. Mac and I are going into Stone Harbor. Do you guys want to come?” I asked my mother.

"That sounds nice, Abby. We can't, we sort of made plans. Do you remember the Bradleys? You met them a few times?"

"Oh, yeah."

"We bumped into them. We're heading back into Cape May with them for the day, and Mike wants to stay in to play Xbox, of all things."

"Okay, well, I'll call you tomorrow then. We both have to work tonight."

"Sure, peanut. Tell Makenna I said hello and have fun. Just the
girls
, right?” She seemed to really emphasize the girl comment.

"Yes, Mom. Bye.” I quickly shut my phone.

We decided on a comedy, something to pick us up from this dreary day. The day flew by, first with lunch, then it was the movie, then off to work. During lunch she was full of questions, some I hadn't answered before, and I knew I had to tell her. We plopped down by the window at PJ's Tavern. We always tried to sit by the window because we loved to people watch.

I had barely opened my menu when Makenna started with the questions.

"All right, Abs, what's going on? Why this guy?"

I peered up slowly from my menu and shrugged. “I can tell you what I know, Mac, I love him and I truly believe he is the one for me,” I blurted out.

She rolled her eyes at the thought. “Are you serious? Abby, you're eighteen years old, you're barely an adult, let alone ready for a lifetime commitment. Is this because of what happened with Nick?"

I grimaced at the mention of his name.

"No, it has nothing to do with him, nothing,” I barked.

She grabbed my hand. “Abs, what happened that night with Nick?” She leaned in, whispering so that only I would hear.

I took a deep breath.

"He tried to force himself on me.” I paused, shaking my head. “Somewhere along the way his conscience got the best of him, and he let me go.” I closed my eyes. I hated thinking about that night.

She sat across from me, seemingly speechless, with her hand covering her mouth. Deep down I think she knew it had to be bad, something similar or worse than what I just confessed to her.

"Oh, my God! No wonder he took off,” she said.