Dr. Zinetti's Snowkissed Bride (17 page)

Flicking her indicator, she took the road that led out of the town towards the lake. Was Dino with her now? Had he turned to her for consolation?

As she drove down the lane that led to her house, the moonlight reflected off the snow and the mountains stood out clearly. It was midnight, but she could see the contour of every peak and she could name them. She'd climbed most of them with Dino by her side. He was right when he'd said she trusted him with her life. She did. Out here, in her world. In the place that mattered to her, she trusted him.

Here, she could be herself. Here, it didn't matter who designed your handbag or whether your dress was ‘last season'. Here, it was more important to know whether there might be a new snowfall overnight, bringing more risks to walkers in the morning. Here, you had to be able to recognise wind slab and know how to use an ice axe. Here, she was comfortable.

Functioning on automatic, Meg pulled up outside the cottage and gently lifted Jamie out of the back seat of the car. He snuggled against her, his arms tight around her neck. For a moment she held him against her, taking comfort from the feel of his warm, solid body crushed against hers. He was her world. Her whole world.

‘It was a lovely party, Mummy.' His voice was sleepy. ‘Popcorn.
Ice Age
. And tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I love Christmas Eve because Christmas is still to come and it's so exciting.'

Struggling to find even a glimmer of excitement inside
herself, Meg picked her way through the fresh snow. ‘What about Christmas Day? Don't you like that?'

‘Christmas Day is the best. I can't wait to see Dino again.'

Meg held him tightly with one arm and pushed her key in the door. Looking at the mistletoe, she lifted her hand and pulled it off the door. No more mistletoe. No more dreams and delusions. Flinging it onto the snow, she took a deep breath. ‘He's not coming, Jamie.' Her voice was gruff. ‘He can't make it for Christmas Day. I'm sorry.' She carried him into the house and Jamie lifted his head groggily. Still sleepy, he focused on her face.

‘He
is
coming. He promised.'

‘No. No, he's not. It's not his fault.' Her voice cracked. ‘It's my fault. It's all my fault.'

‘He said he was coming!' Fully awake now, Jamie wriggled out of her arms. ‘He promised! He promised he wouldn't let you push him away! He promised he wouldn't let that happen.
He promised!
'

‘Jamie…' Shocked, Meg held out her arms to him but he backed away, tears pouring down his cheeks.

‘He promised. Just leave me alone! I hate you and I hate Dino! I thought he was a superhero but he isn't. He isn't. He's just a man and I hate him.' Sobs tearing his little chest, Jamie ran upstairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.

Meg closed the front door and leaned her head against the wood, beating herself up for choosing to tell him now and not wait until the morning when he'd slept and was better able to cope with disappointment. She'd told him, she realised numbly, because she'd needed to talk to someone. But that shouldn't have been Jamie, should it? He was a child.

She was crying too, hot tears smudging the mascara she'd applied so carefully only a few hours earlier. She wanted to
go after Jamie, but she knew he needed a few minutes to calm down by himself.

In a minute she'd go upstairs and tuck him in. Read to him. Stories where a superhero always stepped in when life got hard.

If only…

She needed to explain to him that none of this was Dino's fault. It was her, wasn't it?

She was a coward.

She'd fallen over once, hurt herself badly, and now she was afraid to run again. Her mother was right—hanging from a rock face from a thin rope wasn't brave because she wasn't afraid of that. Brave was when you did something that terrified you. Tonight, she'd stared her biggest fear in the face. And she'd turned and run.

 

‘Jamie is quiet, considering it's Christmas Eve.' Meg's mother sprinkled icing sugar over the Christmas cake to look like snow. Outside, the sun shone on the snow crystals, adding sparkle and light. ‘Is he just tired or has something happened?'

‘Do you really need to ask? Don't put any more sugar on that, Mum, or our teeth will fall out.'

‘I assume this has something to do with Dino?'

‘That's right. I messed it up. As always.' Her tone brittle, Meg emptied cranberries into a saucepan. ‘How much water do I add to these?'

‘Just a tablespoon. And the zest of an orange. So are you going to fix it?'

‘Dino broke up with me, Mum.'

She frowned. ‘Really? That surprises me. He doesn't strike me as the sort who walks away.'

‘No, that's usually my role.'

‘Did he say why?'

‘He was angry that I wouldn't trust him. Angry that I was worried he might go off with someone.' She swallowed. ‘He said he couldn't live like that.'

‘Waiting for you to destroy something good? I don't blame him. You're enough to give the most patient man an ulcer. Don't stir those so hard—they're nicer when they're still whole. I like bite and texture.'

Meg stopped stirring. Her eyes were gritty from lack of sleep and her head ached. But none of that came close to the agony that burned inside her. ‘I feel…h-horrible. Miserable. And so, so guilty about Jamie. He wanted it to work out so badly. And the crazy thing is I wanted that too. I wanted us to be a family. I wanted that.' Her voice cracked. ‘What have I done, Mum?'

Her mother made a distressed sound and crossed the kitchen. ‘Oh, sweetheart…' She folded Meg into her arms and held her tightly, crooning as she had when Meg had been a small child. ‘You haven't done anything. You're just sorting out your thoughts and the way you feel and that takes time. You're too hard on yourself.'

Meg sobbed into her mother's shoulder, unravelling in the safe cocoon of warmth and love. ‘No, I've wrecked everything and it could have been good because Dino is just gorgeous, not to mention clever, and he's so lovely with Jamie and he's incredible in bed.' She sniffed. ‘Sorry—I'm so sorry.'

‘Don't apologise.' Her mother stroked her hair away from her face. ‘I'm so proud of you and everything you've done. And now you're going to listen to me. You've done a fantastic job with Jamie. You're a wonderful mother, but there are times when you need to put yourself first and this is one of them. Stop worrying about Jamie and think about yourself. Why do you think you're so scared, Meg?'

‘Apart from the fact that I'm a crackpot?' Meg found a tissue and blew her nose. ‘Because of Hayden, I suppose.'

‘You were young and vulnerable when you met Hayden. A girl, not a woman. You were attracted by surface sparkle and you didn't notice the lack of depth.' Her mother urged her gently to a chair. ‘If Hayden walked through that door now, what would you do?'

‘Kick him out again. I know he wasn't right for me, Mum. I know it would never have lasted, but knowing that doesn't help.'

‘When Hayden left you were young, you were pregnant, you were alone. But you survived. And you would survive again. People do.' Her mother's face was sad and Meg leaned forward and hugged her, feeling horribly selfish.

‘When we lost Dad I was worried you wouldn't survive. I was worried you wouldn't want to live your life without him.'

‘I learned to live a different life.' Her mother's voice was quiet. ‘There isn't a day when I don't miss your father and I'd be lying if I said it never hurts, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy. Loving and being loved is the greatest gift of all. It's what life is all about, and that's what I want to see in your life. I don't want to see you turning love away because you're afraid of what will happen if you lose it. If you do that, you've already lost.'

‘Love? Who said anything about love?' Meg stared, her heart pumping hard. ‘I'm not— I don't…' She gulped. ‘Oh…'

‘Why do you think you're so very scared?' Her mother's voice was gentle. ‘Why does it matter so much?'

Meg sucked in a breath. ‘Because I love him. I love him so much it's like this huge glowing thing inside me. When I'm with him I feel as though I'm a light that's suddenly switched on. I love him,
I love him
, but I couldn't say it, and now—now—'

‘That's why you're scared. Not because of Hayden or that
stupid Georgina girl. But because this time you really care and when we really care it makes us vulnerable.'

Meg pressed her hand to her chest and looked at her mother. ‘What do I do? Tell me what to do.'

Her mother smiled, love in her eyes. ‘I think you already know the answer to that one.'

‘I think I need to find out if he loves me. But he's never said—what if he doesn't?'

‘He's human too. He's not going to put it all out there unless he thinks there's a chance, and you've been pushing him away from day one. How many months have you worked together?'

‘Eight? Nine?' Her brain was a mess. ‘I don't know.'

‘And he's been biding his time.'

‘He flirted with everyone. He only asked me out recently. Why?'

Her mother smiled and stood up. ‘Why don't you ask him?'

‘Right now?' Meg found it difficult to breathe. ‘Wh-what are you going to do?'

‘Stay with your son.' Her voice calm, Catherine opened the fridge. ‘Go. You have a whole life to live, Meg. And I have a turkey to stuff.'

T
HE
house looked empty. Quiet after the noise of the night before, the huge windows reflecting the green of the forest and the bright winter sunshine.

There was no sign of life.

Meg left her car and stood for a moment, breathing in the scent of pine. The whole place smelt like Christmas.

They could live here, she thought. They could make a life together. Be a family.

If that was what he wanted. If she wasn't too late.

Walking towards the front door, she wondered if he'd seen her arrive. No, because he wouldn't ignore her, would he? She refused to be that paranoid. If he'd seen her arrive, he would have answered the door. He wasn't the sort to run and hide in the basement.

Her hand shook as she pressed the bell.

If her mother was wrong then she was about to make a total fool of herself. She was about to put her heart out there—everything she felt. She was giving him the chance to squash it.

Except that he wasn't answering.

Which meant he obviously wasn't sitting around brooding or getting blind drunk.

He'd gone out. Unless—unless he was inside and he already had company.

Feeling her courage drain away, Meg bit her lip, realising that the party had probably gone on long after she'd left. As far as he was concerned, their relationship was over. What was to stop him finding someone else?

The cold seeped through her jumper but Meg barely noticed.

She'd ruined everything. She should have been brave.

But she hadn't.

And now she'd lost him.

It was over.

 

‘Mummy, wake up! He's been! Can I open my stocking in your bed?' Without waiting for an invitation, Jamie dragged his lumpy, bumpy stocking into the bed and Meg struggled to wake up.

She glanced at the clock and realised she'd been asleep for less than two hours.

‘It's still only seven o'clock, Jamie, so don't make too much noise. Grandma is asleep and she doesn't want to be woken up this early.'

‘Do you need coffee or something?' Jamie peered at her. ‘You look funny.'

‘I just haven't quite woken up yet.' Meg sat up and tried to shake off the sleep. ‘But I'm working on it. Right. What's in this stocking?' Even half-asleep and broken-hearted, she enjoyed watching him dig the presents out of the stocking and rip off the paper. They were just small things, but from the look on his face he might have been given the world. Watching his delight at discovering a Batman torch that had cost her less than a cup of coffee, she felt a rush of pride and gratitude. He was such a sweet-natured boy. So undemanding compared to so many of the other children she saw, who were only interested in the label or the ‘next big thing'.

‘This is so cool.' He lay on his back on her bed, flashing
the torch at the ceiling. ‘Watch, Mum. The beam is the shape of a bat.'

‘I'm watching.'

‘Isn't Santa clever, Mum? He knows exactly what I want.'

Meg swallowed. The one thing he really wanted she hadn't been able to give him.

She'd failed at that.

Racked with maternal guilt, she wrapped her child in her arms and hugged him tightly. ‘I love you.'

‘I love you, too. Can I give you my present to you now?'

‘You don't want to wait for Grandma?'

‘Grandma helped me choose. Please? I want to see your face when you open it. You're going to be so thrilled.'

His enthusiasm was so infectious that Meg grinned. ‘Go on, then.'

‘Are you excited?'

‘I'm excited.'

Jamie flew off the bed and reappeared moments later with a parcel. The wrapping paper was falling off and the whole thing was loosely bound together with metres of sticky tape. ‘I wrapped it myself.'

‘I see that. Good job.' Meg handled it carefully, trying to extract her fingers from all the sticky tape. ‘Wow. What is it?' She eased the present out of the wrapping and smiled. ‘Mrs Incredible pyjamas. How perfect.' She swallowed. No matter what she did, however many mistakes she made, to him she was still Mrs Incredible.

Meg studied the pyjamas through a mist of tears.

‘They're red. And when you put them on, you look exactly like Mrs Incredible.' Jamie beamed at her. ‘Super-Mum, that's you. I chose them myself. Do you like them?'

‘I love them.' Her voice was thickened. ‘They're the nicest thing anyone has ever given me.'

‘So are you going to put them on?'

‘Absolutely. Right away. I'll wear them for breakfast.' Glad of an excuse to leave the room and get herself under control, Meg picked up the pyjamas and walked to the bathroom.

Jamie called after her. ‘While you're getting changed, I'll just eat the chocolate from my stocking.'

‘Before breakfast?' Meg brushed the tears from her cheeks. ‘Yes, why not? Enjoy. Don't get chocolate on my bed.'

They'd be all right, she told herself. They'd get through. But it was an effort to put on the pyjamas and an effort to drag herself down to breakfast.

Her mother had switched on the Christmas tree lights and Meg's living room looked cosy and festive.

After Jamie had opened his other present from her, a Nintendo Wii that she'd saved up to buy him, she left him playing and found her mother in the kitchen.

‘He seems happy.'

‘Of course he's happy. He's a child. Children are resilient. More resilient than we give them credit for. I've made a pot of coffee. Strong coffee.' Her mother handed her a mug. ‘You look as though you need it, Mrs Incredible.'

‘Thanks.' Meg looked down at herself. ‘I don't deserve these. He should have bought me Mrs Make a Mess of Everything. They didn't have a pair of those in the store, did they?'

‘Mum! Grandma!' Jamie tore through the house, his eyes shining. ‘Look outside! I thought the Wii was the best present ever—oh, Mummy, thank you, thank you.' Still in his Batman pyjamas, he dragged open the door and ran into the snow, Rambo barking at his heels.

‘Wh-what? Jamie, put a coat on!' Appalled, Meg followed him, shivering in her own thin pyjamas. ‘It's
freezing
out here! What do you think you're…?' She stopped, her jaw dropping as she saw the sleek Batmobile crouched on her front lawn. It
was child-size, perfect for a boy of Jamie's age. ‘What? What is going on?'

‘Oh, Mummy, thank you, thank you.' Jamie was almost incoherent with excitement as he slid into the driver's seat. ‘How does it work?'

‘Jamie I have no idea. I didn't— It isn't from me.'

‘It's from me. I hope you don't mind.' Dino walked across the snow towards her, his black hair gleaming under the sun.

Meg stood still, shocked into silence by his unexpected appearance. ‘Dino…'

‘Merry Christmas, Mrs Incredible.'

Suddenly remembering that she was still wearing Jamie's Christmas present, Meg tugged at her pyjamas self-consciously. Great. If she'd had to meet Dino straight from bed, she would have chosen to be wearing some shimmering slip of silk. Not novelty pyjamas. ‘I didn't expect to see you. What are you doing here?'

‘You invited me to spend Christmas Day with you.' He slid his hand under her face and held her gaze for a moment before turning back to Jamie. ‘It works on the snow. It will pretty much drive anywhere, but we can work out the best places together. Come inside and put on a coat and then we can try it out properly.'

Jamie was completely still, his eyes huge and wary as he stared at Dino. ‘You left.' His tone was accusing. ‘You said you wouldn't let her push you away, but you did.'

‘No, I didn't. Sometimes girls need a bit of space to think things through and I was giving her space.' Dino dropped into a crouch so that he was at eye level with the little boy. ‘I didn't let her push me away, although she tried pretty hard. That's why I'm here now. I came back.'

Jamie's fists clenched on the steering-wheel. ‘Are you going to go away again?'

‘Never.'

‘What if she tries to make you?'

‘She won't. Not when I've had a chance to talk to her properly.' Dino stood up and held out his arms to the child. ‘I'm glad you like the present, but you need to be wearing a few more layers before you play in it or you'll give your mum a reason to be angry with me. Let's go inside and come out again when you're dressed.'

As Jamie sprang into Dino's arms, Meg discovered she was shivering, but whether it was the cold or the fact that Dino was there, she didn't know.

What did he mean when he said he wouldn't go away again?

Her mind spiralled round and round and it was only when she was back in the warmth of the living room that she realised that Jamie and her mother had left her alone with Dino.

‘There are things I need to say to you.' Uncharacteristically hesitant, he shrugged off his coat and threw it onto the sofa. ‘Things I probably should have said to you a long time ago.'

‘There are things I need to say to you, too. I went over to your house. I wanted to see you. To talk to you.'

‘You did? I wish I'd been there and then perhaps both of us wouldn't have suffered another sleepless night. I went for a walk. I needed to think.' Lifting his hand, he brushed the dark shadows under her eyes with his fingers. ‘I owe you an apology for what I said the other night. I was way out of line.'

‘You weren't out of line. Everything you said was true. I do sabotage every relationship. It is a ridiculous way to live. I am a terrible coward. All those things are true.'

‘I was too hard on you, but I was offended that you didn't trust me. Offended that you'd think I was the sort of person who would go after Melissa just because she likes to walk
around with most of her body on show. As if I didn't have a brain or a mind of my own.'

‘Dino—'

‘And then I realised that the reason you didn't feel secure in our relationship is because I've never given you any reason to feel secure. I've been holding back telling you how I feel because I didn't want to scare you off. And that's stopped you understanding why our relationship is going to work. I love you, Meg.' He cupped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. ‘I love everything about you. And I'm not talking about a sparkling blue dress or a pair of high heels. I'm talking about what's inside you. I love your energy and your spirit. I love the way you won't hesitate to risk your life to save an injured child, the way you'll make split-second decisions when it's life and death but haven't got any confidence to choose a lipstick.'

Meg's knees were shaking. ‘I suppose I'm just basically weird.'

‘Gorgeous.'

‘I'm messed up.'

‘Human. And very beautiful.'

Her heart skipped and danced. ‘You can't possibly think that.'

‘Meg, I grew up in a family that was completely obsessed with appearance and material things. I came to England to escape from the oppressive expectations of my family. Our home was like a museum and my mother was like one of those mannequins that you see at the waxworks. Beautifully dressed but with no heart or soul. In my entire childhood I don't ever remember her hugging me. Not once. Yes, her nails were perfect and I never once saw her without lipstick, but she wasn't a real person to me. You're a flesh-and-blood woman with feelings and emotions, and you let it all hang out there. You're so open and honest, so warm and emotional. You don't
do anything by halves and I love that. I love you,
tesoro
. Every single thing about you. I've waited for you all my life.'

Her heart clenched and she hardly dare breathe in case she disturbed the moment. ‘Truly? That's how you feel?'

‘I thought it was obvious.'

‘No.' She forced the word out. ‘No, it wasn't obvious to me.'

‘Then perhaps you weren't looking.'

‘I just didn't think— I'm not…' She gave a helpless shrug. ‘You're so good-looking.'

‘I'm glad you think so.' His smile was slow and sexy. ‘Say that to me again later when I'm in a position to do something about it, Mrs Incredible.'

‘I don't deserve to be wearing these.' Meg bit her lip. ‘I'm not Mrs Incredible.'

‘To your son, you are. And to me.' He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently. ‘I just didn't realise Mrs Incredible was this sexy.'

She laughed against his lips. ‘Oh please—sexy? It's hardly sophisticated lingerie, is it?'

‘No—' his eyes were amused ‘—which just goes to prove my point. It isn't what you're wearing that interests me. Although just for the record I think the pyjamas are cute. I'm assuming they were Jamie's choice.' He pulled her against him, leaving her in no doubt about the way he felt. ‘If you can do this to me wearing Mrs Incredible pyjamas, I don't even want to think what you can do to me in sophisticated lingerie.'

She threw herself against his chest, her sob of happiness muffled against his chest. ‘I was so scared of getting involved with you. Right from the first day you strolled into the department with your lopsided Italian smile and your fancy car and your incredible body, I avoided you like measles.'

‘I know. It took me a long time to win you round. You're a hard nut to crack, Meg Miller.'

‘Do you know why I was so afraid?' Meg sniffed and lifted her head to look at him. ‘Because I love you so much. If I lost you it would really matter.'

‘I know you love me. I worked that out during my long walk yesterday. And you're not going to lose me,
tesoro
. Not now, not ever.'

‘Other women look at you all the time. Wherever we go, they look at you.'

‘If other women look at me, that's their problem.' He stroked her hair away from her face. ‘I make my own choices. And I choose you.'

Meg couldn't breathe. ‘Dino—'