Dragon: Allie's War Book Nine (26 page)

He didn’t answer.

I felt the pain in his light worsen.

I barely could wrap my head around what he might be doing when he motioned towards someone with his head, indicating for them to come closer. I felt my whole body clench, my muscles turning to rock.

Revik was caressing me then with both hands, his light bleeding reassurance.

You wanted this,
he sent, soft.
You wanted this, Allie…you asked me for it. Let me do this for you. Please…then we can fuck. We’ll fuck for a really long time after…

I felt the pain and misgiving in my light worsen.

Raddi was sitting beside us then, and I felt that pain shift into a kind of panic. I didn’t know which thing Revik was talking about that I wanted.

I didn’t know what the hell he was––

But Revik was already leaning by Raddi’s ear, murmuring to him, talking to him low, cajoling, in Prexci. It wasn’t so low I couldn’t hear him, though, and I realized Revik wanted me to hear, that there was still some element of asking permission in his light.

“My wife wants to watch me give head, brother,” he said, glancing down at me. When I didn’t move, or shake my head to his lifted eyebrow, he looked back at Raddi.

“Are you all right with that, brother?” he said.

Raddi’s light exuded a thick pulse of heat, intense enough that it caught my breath.

Before I could really think about what Revik had said, the other infiltrator was already unhooking his belt, his eagerness turning into a more aggressive urgency, even as the fingers from Raddi’s free hand curled into my hair, clenching there. Once he had his pants undone, he caught hold of Revik’s hair with his other hand.

The aggression in his light intensified.

“Don’t get angry at me if I look at your wife,” Raddi murmured, still clutching Revik’s hair. He leaned his face closer, kissing Revik’s cheek. His hand tightened on me right before I saw him look down, staring at my face before returning his eyes to Revik. “I’m going to look at you too, brother,” he said softer. “…I promise you I will. But I won’t be able to help myself…don’t get angry, please…”

I felt pain on Revik at his words, but he only nodded.

Then he lowered his mouth.

I watched, lost there in spite of the confused mess of emotional reactions that crashed violently into my light. As soon as I realized what he was doing, that he wasn’t just playing around with the idea this time but actually
doing
it, my pain worsened exponentially, twisting into a more intense jealousy as I watched. A part of me couldn’t believe it, I think. That same part also couldn’t look away.

I’d never seen him with anyone else, not like this.

I’d watched him fuck Kat briefly that time I walked in on them in D.C.

I’d seen his past from the Barrier, including past lovers, and I’d once seen him with someone in the present from the Barrier, too…but I’d never seen him like this, with him doing it right in front of me, his light so wrapped in mine that I couldn’t think straight.

Raddi let out a heavy gasp after a few minutes of having Revik’s mouth on him.

Then I was helping Revik, sliding deeper into his light when he opened, showing him things I’d learned from the Lao Hu…things I’d learned with my light and tongue. I don’t know why I did it…maybe because I was jealous and wanted to be more involved.

Maybe to turn Revik on more, I don’t know.

Or to make him jealous.

Whichever of those things it had been, I’m pretty sure all three of them worked.

He let out a low groan as he fought to copy what I showed him, jealousy pluming out of his light as his hand tightened on mine. A few minutes after that, Raddi was crying out, gripping Revik’s hair with both hands, looking at me. Then Raddi’s light invaded mine along with Revik’s, his pain growing so intense I couldn’t think straight.

Revik shoved him violently off my light.

Raddi retracted at once, but only groaned.

“Gaos,”
Raddi said, groaning again. He lowered his mouth to Revik’s ear, speaking to both of us.
“Gaos,
fuck her, brother. She’s in so much pain…please. Fuck her while you do this to me…please…I’ll do anything you ask…please…please…”

I can’t,
Revik sent to both of us.
I can’t…I want to, but I can’t…

I slid my fingers around him as he said it, and felt the truth in his words.

It hit me suddenly what he was doing…part of what he was doing, anyway. In addition to the rest, he was using Raddi’s light to calm down his own.

He thought he could use Raddi’s orgasm…along with the contact with Raddi’s light and mine. He thought he’d be able to use both well enough to retract afterwards. He’d preferred this to me getting him off with my hand or mouth.

When he finally came, he wanted to do it inside me. I felt that, too.

He let out a low groan, hearing my thoughts. His fingers tightened on me again, even as he slid his tongue over Raddi.

I don’t want you to jerk me off, Allie…not tonight. Not tonight…

His bizarre Revik-logic even made sense to me in that fogged state, but it also made me crazy. He was also doing it for me, I realized.

He thought of this thing with Raddi as a favor…a gift, maybe.

The pain in my light worsened as that understanding reached me, more than I could stand briefly. Even as I thought it, Revik reached down with a hand, forcing me to let go of him.

Stop,
he sent, his pain coiling into me.
Please stop…Allie. I’m going to fucking come…I don’t want to come like that…please…I’m barely holding it now…

So I let go of him, gripping his sides instead.

I watched him with Raddi, feeling that pool of pain and jealousy worsen in my gut. I slid deeper into his light, helping him again…until I felt both of them fighting not to come. I heard Raddi ask Revik to undress me and felt the corresponding flush of anger in Revik’s light. My own jealousy worsened when Raddi went back to stroking Revik’s hair, calming him with his light and fingers and voice.

It was turning me on, though…what they were doing to each other, I mean. I couldn’t deny that much, even if I grew conscious of others watching us again.

I felt coils of jealousy aimed at Raddi too, and not only from me.

But yeah, mostly it was turning me on…by then, it was turning me on so badly I could barely stand it. I found myself pulling on Revik with my light so hard that he groaned, taking his mouth off the other male altogether and leaning his face against his abdomen so he could gasp out breaths. He looked down at me while I watched, his eyes glowing a bright, emerald green, his jaw hard with pain.

Raddi pulled away from him then, his hand on his own cock.

He came bare seconds later, groaning, his other hand clenched in my hair as he got off. I felt his light in both of ours now, even as Revik reacted to the hard flush of desire Raddi aimed at me.

I felt Revik’s light open as Raddi came.

I felt him grow almost submissive in those few seconds, in a way he never had with me…or maybe just in a different way than he did with me. Something about it made him feel strangely young. It reminded me of what I remembered of Revik as a kid in Bavaria, when he’d been constantly abused, pretty much by everyone around him.

It also reminded me of Revik’s light when I’d watched him walking with Dalejem on that pier in Macau. Both sets of memories sent shocks of pain into my light.

Some of that was separation pain…but some of it wasn’t.

I was still fighting with the conflict of emotions there as Revik slid his body back over mine, once more lying between my legs.

I watched him work to retract the hard end of his cock.

He managed it slowly…painfully…right before his light and hands turned on me. Yanking me down under him, he pulled the dress off me, pulling it down off my shoulders, then past my waist and hips and legs. He kissed me as he did it, gently at first and then harder, wrapping his arms around me as he got the dress off me entirely and lowered his weight.

I felt so much of his light that time it caught my breath, nearly made me lose control, even with him only lying on me.

He closed his eyes, longer than a blink…

Then he was inside me.

Both of us just lay there at first, panting.

Then he cried out. His pain spiked, excruciating, even as I felt emotion expand off his light in a dense cloud. Love. A kind of lost, grief-filled longing. Tenderness. Regret. Fear, but coupled with that fierce protectiveness that hurt me to feel.

I didn’t want to feel him talk himself into it all over again.

I couldn’t fucking stand having to watch him do it again.

And we both knew.

We knew it was the only way. Both of us did.

Somewhere in that, he arched his body into mine, deep. He extended so far into me that I think I must have yelled out, too. I don’t think either of us made it through a single real stroke after that. He pinned me to the cushions, angling his body deeper as he let out another groan, a weak one that time when he felt me lose control of my light.

His eyes were bright when he opened them that time, too bright. I realized he was crying and something in my chest seemed to crack open on its own.

I opened my light more…

And he came, hard, gasping out my name, his arms clenched around my back. He talked to me as he let go, speaking one of those languages I still didn’t know, crying as he stroked my face and neck. His other arm clutched my back, and I felt him throwing light into me, losing control again as he came a second time without pulling out.

It felt like it took a long time for either of us to calm down, even a little.

Then embarrassment shimmered off his light, reminding me again of our first time together, in that cabin in the Himalayas. I wondered if he really cared what the others thought, then realized I couldn’t feel much of an awareness of the others on him at all.

That embarrassment felt aimed at me.

I gripped his hair, pulling his face back to mine.

He kissed me, gasping, his eyes closing longer than a blink.

I wanted to say something to him, to reassure him maybe, or maybe to tell him he was being fucking ridiculous, caring about either of us coming so fast. I didn’t do that, either. I felt too much fear on him maybe…or too much feeling threatened, too much jealousy.

I felt his anger at Chandre in that, but I knew she wasn’t the real issue, either…any more than the Adhipan seer, Mara, was the real issue for me.

I felt Raddi somewhere near us still, watching us.

I felt other eyes, too…but I didn’t care about any of that. Not anymore.

I found myself looking at Revik alone, watching his chest heave as he fought to control his light. He met my gaze…and again I felt that hard flush of love from his light, so much it blinded me briefly, whiting out my vision.

I felt grief on him, too. Intense enough that it hurt my chest.

I adore you…
Revik sent. He kissed me, pulling on me as he softened his light.
I adore you, Allie…don’t forget that, please. Whatever happens. Please, wife…don’t forget me…

Pain wracked my light as I heard his words, arching my back.

But I couldn’t…I just couldn’t.

I couldn’t think about that yet.

I might not ever be ready to think about that.

9

CHANGE OF PLANS