Dragon: Allie's War Book Nine (67 page)

When I did as he asked, I felt almost like I had against the wall.

Too open, lost under his hands and light, despite what I could feel I was doing to him with my own mouth and light. It seemed to be how he wanted me though; once that vulnerability flickered through my aleimi he let out a satisfied groan.

“Yes. Like that. I want you really fucking wet when I finish…”

He came not long after that.

I felt his light open more as he did.

He let out a longer cry, gripping my hair in both of his hands as he arched into my mouth. He came for what felt like a long time. Long enough that I got lost there again, reading him as he briefly let go of control.

He’d barely finished before he dragged me up to the bed.

He turned me over again with his hands, and before I could take a breath, he had his fingers in me, but not in my cunt.

“Is this okay?” he said, gruff. “You’re all right with either? Both?”

I lay there, confusion spilling over my light. I knew what he was asking. He wanted anal sex. And I was okay with it for the most part…but I hadn’t exactly expected to lead off with that. Not with someone I’d just blown, anyway.

“You don’t want to fuck?” I said, my voice confused. “…The other way, I mean?”

He let out a low laugh, slapping my rear with a heavy hand. He massaged me there, slowly. I admit, it sent a jolt through my body and light that worsened my pain exponentially.

“Just tell me if you’re all right with it,” he said, blunt.

“Yes,” I said, but frustration leaked into the word.

I was starting to think he was just in this for himself. Maybe he disliked me more than I’d realized…or resented me more than I’d realized. Or liked fucking guys more than I’d realized…or was doing this because of Revik more than I’d realized. Was he really going to be like the stereotype of those lame humans? Would he just use me to jerk off then roll over and fall asleep…maybe go look for a pizza in some other part of the compound?

He must have heard some part of that, because he chuckled.

“Do you have anything?” he said next, his voice blunt once more, matter-of-fact. When confusion rippled through my light, he caressed my rear, putting more light in his hand. “For this, Allie. Do you have anything?”

I fought to think. Lube. He had to mean lube, right? I started to turn over, intending to get off the bed to get it, but his hands gripped me harder, holding me in place.

“No,” he said. Clicking, he made his voice firm, more of a command. “Tell me. Or show me. And don’t fucking move while I get it.”

Feeling my light react to his tone as my face flushed hotter, I sent him a brief snapshot of where it was in the wooden wardrobe near the door.

The bed creaked as he got up.

I stayed where I was, fighting the charge that shifted through my light. Was this because of Dragon, too? Was he trying to ease me into the other? Or get me so damned frustrated I forgot about it? I could feel some kind of intention behind this, but I had no idea what it was.

“Then stop fucking thinking about it, sister,” he advised me from beside the wardrobe.

I jumped a little at his words, but didn’t answer.

When he came back, his hands were methodical, practiced. Still warm, but he didn’t hesitate, or really ease me into anything. He filled me up with cold gel that made me gasp. Then I heard him rubbing more on himself, even as a coil of heavier pain left his light. I felt him looking at me in that, his light wrapping deeper into mine.

He positioned himself behind me then, massaging my back with a still-slick hand.

“Open for me, Allie,” he said, soft.

I panicked at his words. Then I realized he meant my body, not my light.

Forcing myself to exhale, to relax, I did as he asked, pushing against him when he flickered the request more insistently from his light.

Then he was inside me. He did that skillfully, too.

I’d known it was coming, but the sensation still caught me off guard. Worse, it lowered my defenses, briefly at least. I cried out, arching under him in spite of myself. He gripped me harder as I reacted, letting out a low groan when I fisted the bedspread in my hands.

“Gaos,
” he murmured, pressing into me deeper.
“Gaos,
yes…it feels good to me too, Allie. It feels so fucking good…”

I didn’t answer, biting my lip as I faced away from him.

He fucked me that way for what felt like a long time. Long, slow, hard…he was really good at it. Too good. Each long thrust made me groan, melting under him. I fought not to think about Revik being on the other end of this, fought to keep my light closed, to keep us shielded even as my pain continued to worsen when he wouldn’t let me come. Which yeah, might have been fine…sort of…if he’d been doing it to make me feel better at the end. But Dalejem wouldn’t touch me anywhere either, apart from where he gripped my hips. He wouldn’t let me touch myself. He didn’t seem interested in learning my body at all.

He also sent me his pain and pleasure in dense pulses that had me writhing under him, sweating, groaning, then eventually whimpering and begging him.

When he came that time, he let out a heavier cry.

He stayed deep as he spasmed against me, holding my hips in muscular hands. My teeth gritted as I felt him let go, feeling that denser pain seethe through his light.

For those few seconds, his desire grew intense enough that I groaned aloud, fighting him.

He only ground deeper into me though, gasping as he pulled me tighter against him, bleeding pain out of his cock. By then, I was desperate enough to consider using the telekinesis, but he pulled out of me before I could decide, rubbing the small of my back with muscular fingers as he knelt there, panting.

For a few seconds, he just seemed to be trying to control himself, to bring his breathing back to normal.

“I need a shower,” he informed me then.

Incredulous, I started to flip over, to glare at him, or maybe tell him to go fuck himself, but he hit me on the ass again, hard that time.

When I met his gaze, his face had gone taut, serious.

“No.” His voice mirrored his expression. “No. You’re staying here.”

“What the fuck––”

He talked over me like I hadn’t said anything.

“––You’re staying here,” he repeated, his voice harder.
“Right
here, sister. In exactly this position. You’re going to wait for me here like this. Do you understand?” His massaging fingers grew stronger on my hip and back, strangely lulling as he massaged the lines of muscle. Bending down, he pulled his shirt off the floor and began wiping me off, his hands gentle. “You move from here, or try to close your legs, Allie…and I’m not coming back. Do you understand? You’ll have to ask one of those little boys to jerk you off…like you’d planned.”

My jaw hardened at his words. I didn’t speak though.

He tossed his shirt back to the floor.

“Are you going to wait for me?” he said.

I fought back and forth in my head, feeling his light pulling on mine.

I felt the desire there, coiling through his aleimi despite the fact that he’d gotten off already…twice…and despite the fact that his voice still didn’t show so much as a flicker of emotion or pain. I felt the harder want there though, the question that lived in his light as he continued to massage my back and thigh.

“Allie?” he said.

“Yes,” I said, my voice angry. “Yes. I’ll wait.”

I heard him smile. “All right. I’m going to borrow a towel, all right?”

I let out an even more annoyed sound.

“Do you have soap in there?”

“Yes,” I growled.

“And your keycard?” he asked innocently.

“Whatever,” I said.

That time, he chuckled.

The bed sighed as he got to his feet.

I heard him open the wardrobe, heard the sounds of material shifting as he must have been going through my stack of clean towels. The wardrobe door closed again a few seconds later. I heard him rifling through my clothes by the wall next, probably looking for the keycard. Then the door to my room was opening and I had a sudden burst of fear, this time of someone looking in and seeing me there, naked and kneeling, more or less spread-eagled on my own bed, waiting for that jerk to return. But he didn’t leave the door open for long.

He also took his sweet fucking time.

My light didn’t calm down while he was gone, either.

Instead the pain worsened as I lay there, face down on the bedspread, basically in a much more porned-out version of what they called “child’s pose” at the yoga gym where I used to go with Cass in San Francisco. For some reason, I couldn’t shut my brain up either, or the fact that it had occurred to me yet again that this might be some kind of hate-fuck thing for Dalejem…or a twisted way of getting back at Revik maybe.

For marrying me, for not being willing to hear him out…for whatever irrational feelings seers acted on when it came to unrequited love.

The thought pissed me off, yeah.

It hurt me, too. I couldn’t explain that part as well, not even to myself.

But yeah, it hurt.

Flickers of Ditrini ran through my mind in all of that, which didn’t help. The memories brought more grief than anger for some reason, even though I’d thought I was well past that shit, too…at least with the big things that happened to me in Beijing. Dalejem had played with me in similar ways to how Ditrini used to play with me sometimes though, especially in the beginning when I hadn’t yet learned to hate Ditrini’s guts. Back when his sureness was still kind of a turn-on instead of just another symptom of his raging narcissism.

I lay there, fighting not to think about whether Revik might be fucking someone else right now, too. I had that shield wrapped so tightly around my light, for once I was relatively confident I wouldn’t feel it if he was.

Somewhere in that, the grief my light had been toying around with worsened.

It worsened a lot.

I found myself lying there, fighting tears. I forced out threads of Revik and Lily that wanted to coil into my light. I fought to remind myself why I was doing this, telling myself it didn’t mean anything. I told myself that what Revik had done didn’t mean anything either.

I remembered him throwing the glass, shouting at me about Chandre.

I remembered him promising me…maybe for the thousandth time…that he’d never touch anyone else again.

I remembered promising him the same. Vowing it.

Vowing it in New York, in front of all of our friends.

Laughing as he wore that ridiculous hat for the ceremony in that Central Park restaurant, even as I was turned on by the suit he wore below it. Standing up on that stage with him, where I felt nothing but happy. Where we could barely keep our hands off each other. Where I could feel Vash laughing, even though he was dead. Where I could feel my parents…my
real
parents, in my mind at least. Where Jon and Wreg lit the ends of that fiery cord. Where Tarsi smacked Revik for joking with her about the ceremony. Where Revik shook hands with my father’s brother.

Tears ran silently down my face when the door opened from the corridor. I couldn’t move to wipe them away with my hands, not without him seeing, so I wiped my face on the bedspread instead, clenching my jaw when I felt him approach the bed.

He had his light cloaked again.

Even so, I felt tendrils of his aleimi slide over mine, as if examining some flavor he’d picked up in the room when he walked in. When he walked over to the side of the bed, he had his hands on his hips. He was naked but for a dark gray towel, his wet black hair hanging down around his shoulders.

I looked up at him, almost defiantly that time.

He studied my face, his own expressionless.

Then, clicking softly, he walked back around behind me.

The bed creaked as he crawled up on the mattress. I felt the rough fabric of the towel against the back of my legs. I felt his erection even more clearly, pressed against the V between my thighs. He held it there, his light coiling gently into mine.