Dreams Ltd (33 page)

“Yes, he is alive. Calm down. Calm down, I said!”

His unusually tough voice cooled me down; I stopped twitching in the chair and tried to regain my composure. After Hulk made sure that I was listening carefully, he continued.

“Yes, he is alive and yes, he’s got your money.”

I listened with bated breath, trying not to interrupt him in case he stopped talking again, but he stopped for some reason, and now was chewing his lower lip, as if thinking how to move on. I started to feel even more edgy - more than anything else I wanted Hulk to carry on talking.

“So, he’ll be back home soon, right? Will he return to Clendon City?”

“I don’t think so. Take a look at this.”

Hulk finally turned the pictures face up, and I eagerly grabbed them. They were black and white images but quite large, in "A4" format. Many of them were too blurry or had some strange fuzzy objects in the foreground as if someone was shooting in a hurry from around the corner or from other hiding place. My eyes were frantically running from one photo to another, I wasn’t able to focus on just one them. But gradually, I overcame the excitement and forced myself to concentrate. Yes, Alex was pictured in all of them, his slightly curly hair was longer than I remembered and he looked mostly happy, tanned and smiling. On some pictures he was driving a beautiful collector’s car, on others he sat on a sandy shore of some unfamiliar beach or holding some woman in his arms. At first I didn’t even pay any attention to who she was, overwhelmed by happiness that he wasn’t dead, he was alive and obviously set free by the kidnappers. At last! What a joy it was to learn something about him – my dear, beloved Alex! How many days I’d spent crying, how many days were lost in desperation and constant anxiety and now it was like a ray of sun that made its way through the dark clouds - alive! He's alive! What fantastic news! So, everything I’d gone through was not in vain!

Only when my first emotions subsided a bit, I looked closely at the pictures again and noticed something I skipped at first.

“Who is that girl? And where is this? I don’t recognise this place... Hasn’t Alex returned to Clendon City?”

Feeling confused I looked at Hulk, who was silently observing me all the time while I was busy with the photos.

“No, this is not Clendon City. And this girl is his lover.”

I nervously swallowed. A feeling of strange coolness in my stomach gradually formed inside, as if someone had injected it with Novocaine.

“Now, Shereen, listen carefully to everything I am about to tell you from the beginning to the end” Hulk stretched his hand, took a cigarette pack from the table and lit one up. I’ve never seen him smoke normal cigarettes before but right now I couldn’t care less. I was struggling to deal with the coldness spreading down my spine after the word "lover" and feeling scared of facing up to what Hulk was going to say next.

“When you told me your story, it interested me and I sent my men to search for Alex. Not that I seriously expected to succeed with anything but there was a chance. And today I got this...”

He touched the envelope, exhaled the smoke in the air and looked at me. His eyes, unusually stern, only aggravated my ability to perceive what was happening. No, it couldn’t be like that... I began to feel as if everything was happening to somebody else, but not me.

My mind knew that something terrible had taken place, but it could stay there - outside the window, if I don’t pull the curtain and peer into the darkness that smelled of grief. This illusion would have swallowed me up completely, if it wasn’t for Hulk’s voice that cruelly and directly pushed words into my running from reality consciousness. My brain didn’t want to know anything, certain that ignorance would be much safer than the truth. But I couldn’t stop Hulk from talking and more importantly I had to find out what happened on that day in April.

“This whole scam was made up by Alex. Nobody ever kidnapped him. It all started when Elmer came to the factory and Alex’s authority as the owner cracked and started to slip away from him to another person. Initially, it wasn’t noticeable, but slowly but surely the situation began to change. By the time he picked up on what was going on, it was too late to change anything - his partner was charge of all the funds and revenues. And all the documents that Alex didn’t bother to read properly before signing, where his new position was stipulated in an indirect text, had already been signed. I must admit that Elmer’s lawyer managed to describe all the pseudo benefits of the new contract in an intricate but simplistic fashion. When your friend’s own stupidity dawned on him and the fact that he had now been moved from the owner to the position of a common developing engineer or even lower, and all the money went to someone else’s pocket, he tried to haggle with Elmer and even threaten him. But Elmer wasn’t prepared to give up that easily. Why would he? He firmly took on his new position, which he had won legitimately. Alex couldn’t cope with the new situation, constantly searching for other opportunities to press on Elmer and since none of them succeeded, he eventually fell into despair.”

Hulk paused and flicked the ash into an ashtray. I was silent, feeling stiff; everything inside of me froze. I remembered one evening when Alex was so angry and irritated, and nothing in the world seemed to have been able to cheer him up. Now it became clear why.

“Trying to get at least some of the money back, it all ended with a desperate attempt to fake his own abduction. He was hoping that Elmer would bite the bait and pay out in order to get back the valuable partner. Apparently, Alex was really bothered by the financial issues at the time... Was he that fond of money?”

I was probably expected to say something, but I barely had the capability to speak. My mind was trying to assemble all the pieces of the puzzle that I never wanted to put together and Hulk, not waiting for my answer, continued.

“Elmer, of course, didn’t believe the "kidnapping" for one second. He knew Alex might go to extremes, and therefore didn’t even acknowledge the "note" with the ransom demand. From the very beginning he was sure that after such a trick Alex wouldn’t dare to come back as the truth about this whole story would’ve been revealed, and so Elmer just started to prepare the documents to ensure that he was now the sole owner of the factory.”

“If he was so certain that the kidnapping was Alex’s idea, why didn’t he tell me when I came to him in tears, begging to do something.”

Hulk didn’t answer straight away and his stare was heavy.

“Perhaps, he didn’t give a damn about you.”

“And Alex? After all, he must have realised that it was me who paid the... ransom?” I just about managed to say the last word. I’d never felt such an idiot in my entire life. Complete idiot. Hopeless fool.

“Oh, he figured that out alright.”

A chilling emptiness began to spread out inside my stomach after those words but I just grinded my teeth, knowing that Hulk was not done with the news just yet.

“I guess when Alex saw where the money came from, he perhaps felt guilty for a while, thinking if he should come back to you and confess what a bastard he’d been. He didn’t think about it for too long though, judging by the fact that a few days later he opened a new bank account, bought a new house and a car on the Gau islands, where he’d been sunbathing and enjoying his life while waiting for the money to come through. Evidently his greed overtook his human qualities and his only wish was to get at least some of that money back after the loss of the factory.”

Hulk finished his cigarette and leaned back in the armchair.

I didn’t know how to behave and what to say. Only the emptiness like a big black hole flooded me inside. No, I didn’t have any numbness or shock - my mind was sober and clear, but emotions were no longer there as if they stuck somewhere at the door and then just turned around and went away. I felt calm, cold and empty - not even lonely, just indifferent.

“And the girl?” I asked.

“This girl had been with him on the island from the start.”

Hulk didn’t have anything to add; everything became obvious.

“Shereen?” he called me.

I looked up at him. My eyes were dry - it probably would have been much easier if I burst into tears, but I didn’t even want to; I didn’t want anything at all, except for a new wave emptiness that was saving and scarring me at the same time. Maybe that’s how we are forced to grow up - we have no choice. Whether you want to or not, you have to give up an illusion of the happy world half way through and start putting up with the shit that life throws at you. There was nothing I could do about that - I just felt that something had broken inside of me and disappeared forever. Yes, broke or burnt out - who cares about the precise word? - but the old Shereen has just got up and left the room for good and in her place was another Shereen sitting on the sofa - quiet and maybe empty, but no longer naive.

“Shereen,” Hulk said, “I didn’t want to tell you this at first, but then I decided that you deserved to know the truth.”

I didn’t say a word.

“Would you like some brandy?”

“No, thank you.” my voice sounded flat, exactly as I wanted, “I will go now.”

Now, Hulk's eyes turned into X-ray scanners, which made me shake to the core, but I didn’t care.

“I appreciate that you’ve shared this with me.”

After these words, I walked out of the door, leaving my notebook with the translation on the table and feeling that I would never come back to this room or any other room as the person that I used to be. From now on, someone else will be living inside of me, because the old Shereen has gone.

As much as I wanted to brag about the lack of emotion on the next day, unfortunately I couldn’t do that. I managed to spend the night in an emotional vacuum, but in the morning I was struck by a full barrage of all sorts of thoughts and feelings. The dam had crushed.

I felt hurt and sad... and hell, yes, I felt disgusting. How could I be such a naive fool who borrowed nearly half a million, and not from friends, but from some dumb Corporation, which subsequently put me in a prison? Well, of course, where else could they have sent me if not in here - such a primitive idiot who believed in pure love and was ready to do anything in order to return her “beloved” one home safe - yes, right, in prison! This was the right place for me.

I felt like I was going to extremes - my mood was frighteningly placid, like a hushed sky before a tornado. I couldn’t get rid of the image of Alex’s face on those photos and I couldn’t pull myself together. Bits of the information I learned last night were now sticking out of my head like an exploded grenade, causing excruciating pain, ready to tear my brain that was now unable to accept the changed image of my world. I couldn’t blame it. I wanted to howl, curled on the ground or fret and fume like I'd never allowed myself before. Everything was falling out of my hands - all the tasks I was given in the morning, remained on the list marked as "not done".

I tried to sweep, wash, scrub, carry something or even speak, but I just couldn’t remember anything. There was no way I could do any translating. The letters were floating away and escaping from my attention, faces were blurring, any words sounded inaudible.

I remember asking Tabitha to give me some task to do, and then I went outside holding a cloth ready to scrub something only to find myself very confused why the grey stains on the wall were still there no matter how hard I was rubbing them. At least an hour later I realised that they were shadows and until they started to gradually shift in the day sun, I was desperately trying to make the wall completely white. And now yellow...

Feeling exhausted I sat down on the ground and put the cloth next to me. That’s it. It cannot go on like this anymore. I knew that even if it was agonising now and the dangerous edge seemed too close, I still had to carry on. Never in my life have I ever allowed myself to go to the limit, and I had no idea what it felt like, but something inside of me was now begging to let my emotions out and blow off the steam. But how could I do that?

I couldn’t look at this ranch through my old eyes. Everything seemed the same but at the same time something had changed. Everything became mismatched, alien and incomprehensible, even hostile and... hollow.

No, people kept on walking back and forth, the guards were shouting in the fields, dishes were rattling in sinks, someone was rushing to put their brooms and shovels in the pantry and dinner time was coming soon. Before bedtime they’ll have some spare time to play dominoes in front of the barracks... People somehow got used to being here. To living here. We always adapt, don’t we? No matter how bad things are...