Dreams of the Forgotten (7 page)

I woke surrounded by warmth. Soft sleeping inhalations coincided with the play of hot breath on the back of my neck, firm male hips snug against me, a semi hard shaft nestled in the valley of my butt cheeks. In the front, a moist tongue lapped at my collarbone, tasting and nibbling, while a large hand stroked my hip.

For some reason I was so incredibly sad. My chest constricted with pain, throat sore and raw, my cheeks wet with tears. I knew there was comfort for me if I only reached out and accepted it. I was abandoned and betrayed and I didn't want to remember why. I wanted to lie here cocooned in the warmth that was offered to me, but the more awake I became the more my chest hurt. Against my will, my eyes started to leak salty rivers as I tried to ignore the gnawing sensation where my heart used to be. I was unable to stop the choking sob that escaped my lips.

Shushing noises sounded in my ears as Angelo pulled me closer, an arm held me securely to his chest through the sobs that racked my body. Hands cupped my face, covered me with sweet kisses, loving words breathed softly against my skin. I opened my eyes to Nikita's adoring gaze. His expression was soft with repressed emotion. I wanted to flinch, shy away from his stare. I didn't want him to see me, see how I'd failed.

Nikita's hands tightened on my face. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."
"He left me," I choked. "How can I not be ashamed? What is wrong with me that he couldn't stand me?"
"Oh, Love, there is nothing wrong with you. Don't let him make you think that. You're perfect as you are." Nikita stared at me with such compassion and love.
"If I'm perfect then he'd want me."
I shut my eyes, swallowed the sobs and failed when a keening wail left my lips, echoing through my soul as I remembered my Twin Flame, Arsenios Kyrollos, looking at me with undisguised contempt before he walked away to be enveloped into her arms. I won't ever forget the look of triumph she gave me before she turned and kissed my Flame in front of me. Something within me shattered as I watched him lift her up so she could wrap her legs around him, his hands squeezed her ass as he rubbed against her like a dog in heat.
Angelo had found me sitting in front of the house I'd briefly shared with Arsenios. I couldn't tell him what happened. I couldn't see past the pain that came in the wake of abandonment. Carefully, Angelo had helped me up. He took me to the only other home I'd ever known.
By then, the whole village had known what had happened. Nikita was in a rage over the rumors. His anger had only made me feel worse. I had turned down the love he and Angelo offered. I'd hurt them even if I didn't mean to. It was to protect them and their bond. I loved them. Oh Gods, how I loved them.
Then my Twin Flame had unexpectedly stepped into my life. I thought surely I'd made the right choice. I ignored the fact my love for Angelo and Nikita hadn't lessened after I'd been claimed, that there was still a hollow within me. Instead I threw myself into the relationship with Arsenios, withdrawing completely from the two men whom I had loved all my life. I prayed to the Gods they'd understand and forgive me. So I turned from them and gathered my Flame to me, determined that I too would know the same happiness.
It was never to be. Now. Now I was abandoned. Even though I denied my love for Nikita and Angelo and hurt them, they continued to be steadfast in their love for me, to care for me, and now to rage for me.
"I'm sorry he hurt you. I'd take the pain away if I could." Nikita leaned in and kissed my tear-stained face as Angelo nuzzled the back of my neck.
"How can you stand me? I turned away from you. I denied you. How can you still love me?" I didn't understand what they felt for me. My own Flame left me for another, and the knowledge crushed me.
"Because you belong to us," Nikita said with vehemence. "You've always been ours. Will always be ours. You know it; you felt it before he came." Nikita pressed a kiss onto my mouth. "If you weren't ours, would you be able to stand our touch after he claimed you?"
"We are Lycans. We need the touch of others," I countered, withholding a tremble.
Nikita reached down and gently cupped me. I inhaled and shuttered. He leisurely stroked my growing erection. "This touch," he said with conviction, "this is the touch that wouldn't be welcomed if you weren't ours. Tell me again you don't sense it. Convince me you quit loving us only because you've been claimed by that filthy malakas, that moron." Nikita wrinkled his nose in distaste.
I couldn't deny I hadn't stopped loving them. There wasn't a time in my life when I didn't and I couldn't understand why. My feelings weren't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to only want my Twin Flame, yet here I was, in their bed, allowing them to touch me as only a lover should. I was racked with guilt. There had to be something wrong with me to lure in my Nikita and Angelo but chase away my Flame.
"I've read the journals and I know what has to be. This. Us. We were meant to be. 'As Shamash promised our forbearers, three and three, sons of the first, three to bind and three to lead.' The prophecy points to us. We are the descendants of the first three children of Enkidu and Gilgamesh." There was a fire in Nikita's gaze as he spoke.
We'd had this conversation more than once. I knew they believed. There wasn't a triangular grouping in Lycan bonds. There had only ever been pairings of two people. Other than this prophecy Nikita had been obsessing over, there were no other writings. It simply wasn't done.
Yes. I yearned for them with every fiber of my body. Even though the pull for them wasn't the same as that of the Twin Flame, it was as strong and compelling. My beast pushed me to claim them. He demanded I follow my instincts but my mind rebelled. I didn't trust myself. If I was wrong and I was merely defective, I could inadvertently ruin Nikita's and Angelo's chances for happiness in the next incarnations. And honestly, there was no other explanation for it other than I was somehow damaged. Tears clogged my throat as I silently acknowledged the fact that I was indeed flawed to lose my Twin Flame so soon.
"Claim us," Nikita whispered seductively in my ear. "
Claim him…
"

I woke crying dryly into my pillow. Only a dream, I kept telling myself. My body was still reacting as if the dream was real. I had no tears to expend, but it didn't mean my chest didn't constrict, or my throat wasn't choked with this terrible sense of loss. The feeling was so familiar to when I had broken with Theo, but more profound than I had remembered. The more awake I was the less I recalled from the dream until everything was fuzzy faces and disjointed words.

Carefully, quietly, I pulled myself together. I didn't want to wake Ushna. There was no explanation for what was wrong with me and I didn't want to worry him. I rolled out from under his arm and out of bed, which was harder than one would think because my stomach caused my body to be out of balance.

I ached all over. Who knew pregnancy would make me hurt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck every morning? I gazed back at him. There for a moment, I thought he was someone else. A face overlaid his and then began to flash through more vaguely familiar countenances covering, twisting his features. I blinked and rubbed my eyes. When I looked again, there was only Ushna.

I grabbed my clothes and shuffled out of the room to the hall bathroom. This wasn't the first time he had resembled someone else at first glance. I thought I knew the faces Ushna wore, but the illusions were short and fleeting, never lasting long enough for me to analyze what I was seeing. All I could do was shake off the sense of déjà vu and go on.

After a long hot shower, I stepped from the bathroom starving. It was too early for Marjan so I moved around the kitchen in the darkness and prepared a couple of cheese sandwiches. I ate them as quickly as I made them, chasing the bread and cheese with a tall glass of milk. I peered longingly at the coffeemaker but turned away with a deep sigh of regret. I pulled the illusion ring out of my pocket, rolled it through my fingers a couple of times before putting it on and stepping out of the door.

I walked outside into the crisp morning, feet bare, too fat to hop as the cold porch startled me. Air whistled through my teeth as I tried to hurry to the yard. As my foot touched the loose soil, the Earth sang out her morning welcome to me, sending blessed warmth through my feet. Aches and pains were eased, and then erased, as the greetings were exchanged.

Being pregnant sucked. Ushna would have to do something spectacular if he wanted more children with me. I felt like I carried around two sacks of potatoes everywhere I went. I lost sight of my feet somewhere along the way, which also meant I couldn't see my dick either. Sure, I could reach down and make sure he was still there, but in a few more weeks I'd be surprised if I could do that.

Nathan had me fitted with a wrap to support my growing stomach. How was that even remotely sexy? I didn't walk right anymore. I'd kill the first person who dared to tell me I waddled.
I am a Warrior of Anat. I do not waddle.

We hadn't made the trip to Bahbelle yet. It had been delayed because Corey received intelligence that required extensive investigation. Two weeks had already gone by and we were waiting for the forerunners he sent to covertly verify the information. By the time Corey was satisfied, I would be so big they'd have to roll me there. If we waited too long, we wouldn't be able to go until after the children were born, which sounded better and better the more time passed.

Barefoot, feeling energized with the continued contact with the Earth, I walked into the barn to visit my horse Dancing Socks. I hadn't been able to exercise her, relying on my foreman, Randy, to make sure she was taken out daily.

Equine faces appeared at the stall doors to watch me close the door. My presence was met with nickers and snorts, noses reaching out for my touch. Because I didn't have the heart to ignore them, it took some time to get to Socks. Her patient eyes regarded me as I approached. I pulled the candied date from my pocket and fed it to her. I knew I spoiled her. Dates weren't exactly easy to come by in western Oklahoma but when I could get them, I saved them for my girl.

A noise came from the back office. I gave Socks a pat on the neck and headed toward the scuffling. Walking around the corner of the last stall, I saw the door to Randy's office stood open and the light on. Curiously I approached and peered inside.

Randy stood with his back to the door, elbows deep into a large cardboard box. I rapped my knuckles on the doorframe. Randy jumped and whirled, pulling a scimitar from the desk surface to point at me.

I raised my eyebrows, eyeing the Sumerian sword. "Expecting someone?"
Randy smiled at me, his onyx eyes sparkling with amusement. "For your size, you're stealthy."
I squinted my eyes at him, which only made him laugh and raise hands in defense. "Sorry, Tristan. Every pregnant person I've ever seen moves heavily. You don't."
See? I don't waddle. I am quiet as a ninja.

I smiled, forgiving him immediately. "I thought I heard something. Do you need help?"
Randy stared at me. He had this look, like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. If he had cookies, he was required to share. I moved forward and gazed into the box. A riot of colors met my gaze, brilliant hues, and rich textured clothes that positively begged to be touched.
I pulled out a violet silk tunic embroidered in gold. I thought was squiggly ropes or something until I looked closer. Snakes, the symbol of fertility, were carefully handstitched into the material. The detail was amazing.
"I knew someone, a long time ago, who was much like you." Randy exhaled a sorrowful sigh, drawing my attention from the cloth in my hand. "He too was able to reproduce."
I met Randy's dark eyes, lifted my nose to the air, and took in his unique scent. I rolled the smell across my tongue as I tried to catch something more than a human in the air around him. Once he'd told me he was more than human but I didn't press him for answers. The more I mastered the magic, the sharper my other senses had become. Along with the faint scent of human, I was recently catching more. Something I hadn't smelled before on Randy. The odor was what I imagined sunshine would smell like on a hot, arid day in the desert, mixed with something wild and dangerous. Even though I was excited by this new development, I had absolutely no clue what it meant.
"This person was a Lycan?" I asked softly.
Randy's gaze became soft and dreamy, staring off into space. He was silent so long I thought he wasn't going to answer. "No, he wasn't Lycan, but something slightly different." Randy blinked and dropped his gaze, his voice losing the softness. "Anyway, I remember he had a similar problem with clothing as you do."
I glanced down at my oversized sweats and T-shirt. "What? You don't think I'm going to make fashion week?"
He gave me an easy smile, his eyes losing the haunted look. Reaching in, he pulled out another tunic, a brilliant blue embroidered with red tigers on the length of the sleeves. "You are going to need these for the meeting with the council. You are a prince, a symbol of the people, and you should dress the part."
I'd heard the argument before and I didn't disagree. I was responsible for my image, part presence and part appearance. I'd thought about purchasing a couple of tailored suits but the gifts from Randy were replicas of garments my people had worn in a time gone by. Randy pulled out a complete wardrobe for shirts, pants, shoes, and coats. There were expensive silks and brocades, finely woven wools and linen. Casual to regal, the one box on his desk was only the tip of the iceberg.
"Randy!" I exclaimed in shock at the small fortune he spent. "I will…"
"No," he said firmly. "In my day, this was the gift that would've been appropriate for a prince at the celebration of his joining with his chosen consort."
I gazed up at Randy, his curly black hair pulled back in a tie at the nape of his neck, his beard trimmed short and neat.
"I hope one of these days you'll trust me. I'd like to be your friend, Randy."
Sadness flashed for just a moment across his face. I squeezed his arm and started packing the clothing back into the box.
"We need to go to town and meet with the mayor and the chamber of commerce. I am moving Ammar's businesses to Clearwater and I'd like to break ground in the spring. Was there anything you needed me to pick up?"
"Thank you, Tristan."