Drive Me Crazy (27 page)

I stare at him blankly.

‘OK, let’s go.’ He gives in. ‘Let’s go see what kind of damage we can do to the capital.’

Chapter 36

‘Congratulations to you both,’ the hotel porter says as he unlocks the door to our room.

‘Congratulations?’ I ask, following him inside.

‘On your wedding, of course.’ He laughs.

‘Of course,’ Danny replies. ‘Wifey, you forgotten already?’

‘Silly me,’ I reply, puzzled, but going along with it.

It’s a big room, but it’s only once we’re all inside that I notice the place is cluttered with romantic crap.

‘So, this is the honeymoon suite,’ the porter starts. Ah, so that explains the rose-tinted glow coming from all the extras. There are rose petals all over the bed, leading up to the bath, and beyond. Candles are lit, dotted around the room, and the lights are dimmed. The place looks beautiful, but it’s too beautiful, and it smell so good it stinks. ‘Your dinner reservation is tonight at eight p.m. I guess I’ll leave you two to it.’

With a knowing wink, the porter leaves.

‘He booked the honeymoon suite for you,’ Danny says, amazed, when we’re finally alone.

‘Yep,’ I reply, equally as dumbstruck.

‘Don’t you find that really gross?’

‘Yep.’

‘Not so gross I won’t drink this champagne though.’ Danny laughs, pouring two glasses and placing one in my hand. ‘To us,’ he jokes.

I clink my glass with his and knock it back.

‘You’re quiet,’ Danny observes.

‘Yeah, I feel weird, I guess. This is so weird.’

‘Well, I’ll drink his booze, but we’re not eating his dinner. I’ll sort something, OK?’

I nod my head.

‘Would you rather not sleep here?’ Danny asks me.

I glance around the room, at all the roses, the gigantic teddy bear holding the ‘I love you’ plaque, the plate of heart-shaped chocolates… It’s just so weird. It’s smoke and mirrors. I probably would have been blown away by it all if things had gone to plan, but now I know the truth… It’s just the sickest kind of deceit shit that no amount of rose petals can cover.

‘It’s fine,’ I tell him. ‘No one has ever done anything special for me, and this is certainly that…but it’s not.’

Danny smiles and gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. ‘Right, bro, go run yourself a nice bath and get yourself dolled up. I’m taking you out tonight. I want you to sit in this hotel bath so long you get out looking like the bird from
The Shining
.’ He laughs.

‘I get that one,’ I reply to his movie reference excitedly, before remembering just what she looked like. ‘Maybe not that long though.’

‘Do as you’re told, Candy. I’ve got plans to make.’

‘Sir, yes, sir,’ I reply, giving him a little salute.

After a long soak, as instructed, I head back into the bedroom to find that Danny has returned. He’s sitting on the bed, eating chocolates, sipping a cup of tea, and throwing potpourri at the teddy bear, punching the air victoriously whenever a piece sticks to its head.

I tighten my fluffy robe before sitting down on the bed next to him.

‘Want a sip?’ he asks, offering me his cup.

I glance inside it and turn my nose up at the contents.

‘No thanks,’ I reply. ‘I didn’t know you drank herbal tea.’

‘I fucking don’t,’ he scoffs. ‘But it’s all they’ve got in here.’

I run my fingers through my wet hair, trying to free a few of the knots, wincing as I do so.

‘I’m not looking forward to attempting to curl my hair with my straighteners,’ I admit. ‘Zander made it look effortless.’

‘If you can’t do it, I’ll have a go,’ Danny says, but I widen my eyes with horror.

‘Like I’m going to let you touch my hair, man-bun.’ I laugh. ‘Anyway, I’m a girl; you’re a boy. I’m just supposed to be better at this stuff.’

‘Hashtag: everyday sexism,’ Danny jokes. ‘OK, well, I’ll leave you to dry you hair off and I’ll have a shower. Everything is in place for tonight.’

‘Why am I so worried?’ I ask – worried.

‘Don’t be,’ he instructs, leaning over and kissing me on the cheek before disappearing into the bathroom.

I briefly touch my face where he kissed me before setting up the hairdryer and the straighteners at the dressing table.

I remember what Zander told me about leaning forward while I blow-dry my hair to give it more volume, and I nail it, but then it’s time to curl. I section my hair off and take a small piece, placing it between the hot plates before attempting the manoeuvre Zander showed me. As I let the piece of hair fall I can’t help but notice that it’s not curly at all, in fact, it’s just straightened it. Crap.

I take the same piece of hair and then try again, this time only managing to put a bend in it halfway down. Wow, I didn’t realise you could put a right angle in your hair.

I put down the straighteners and fold my arms angrily. This is impossible. How do girls do this every day?

Danny walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He grabs the hairdryer and begins blowing his hair.

‘Having trouble?’ he asks, raising his voice so that I can hear him over the dryer.

‘Just taking a break,’ I lie.

‘A break from folding your hair?’ he asks, laughing at my attempt.

I frown at him, so he clicks the dryer off.

‘Come here,’ he insists, picking up the straighteners. ‘Look, you’ve got to angle the straighteners downwards,’ he explains. ‘And the slower you do it, the tighter the curl, see?’

Danny lets the piece of hair drop, and it’s curled beautifully, like a corkscrew. He does another two before handing me the straighteners back.

‘You try,’ he insists.

I follow his instructions and finally manage to get a piece to curl. It’s not as good as Danny’s, but I get better at it as I go along.

‘Thank you,’ I say, mildly irritated that he’s better at this stuff than I am, but grateful for his help.

‘Let me know if you need help with your make-up too,’ he shouts as he continues to dry his hair. ‘Or your bra – but I’m better at taking those off.’

I laugh and shake my head. ‘So what are we doing tonight?’ I ask.

‘It’s a surprise,’ he tells me, sweeping his hair back from his face.

‘I hate surprises,’ I tell him. ‘The honeymoon suite was a surprise, and look how that went.’

‘Yeah, but I’m not banging you behind my wife’s back, am I? I’m good at surprises. My surprises don’t involve me fathering children. Not if I execute them well.’ He laughs as he slips on his clothes. ‘The surprises, that is. Not the children.’

‘Hey, where’s your topknot tonight?’ I ask.

‘No topknot tonight,’ he replies, buttoning up his shirt. It’s only as I realise that he’s got his hair down and blown back that I realise just how smart he’s looking this evening in his black trousers and his white shirt. He blows his glasses clean before putting them on. ‘Nothing I can do about these though,’ he laughs. ‘Not if you want me to see.’

‘I always liked Clark Kent more than Superman anyway.’ I smile.

‘That’s good,’ he replies, ‘because I’ve always preferred shirts to lycra.’

‘Speaking of lycra,’ I start, grabbing my dress for the evening. ‘Are you sure I should wear this?’

‘I’m sure I’m sure,’ he replies. ‘Why?’

I glance at the white, sparkly bodycon dress.

‘Erm, I have like fifty reasons.’ I laugh. ‘It’s tight – very tight. It’s white and I’m clumsy and I spill things.’

‘That’s only two and a half reasons, and I’ve never seen you spill anything except your guts, but I won’t be letting you eat any burgers tonight.’ He laughs. ‘And I’ve seen you in tight. You look good in tight. Like a Kardashian.’

‘Which one?’ I ask curiously, hoping he doesn’t say ‘Rob’.

‘One of the young ones with a K name,’ he insists, clearly oblivious. ‘But not Kim – girl basic.’

I laugh and thank him.

‘Right, I need to go get set up,’ he tells me, instantly arousing my curiosity.

‘Set up?’ I ask.

‘Yes, you’ll see,’ he replies. ‘Get ready. I’ll send someone for you when I’m ready, OK?’

‘OK,’ I reply, nervously. As Danny leaves the room, I can’t help but think about how lucky I am to have him in my life right now and whatever my surprise is, at least I know it’s not the honeymoon suite.

Chapter 37

‘You’re so lucky,’ a female hotel employee tells me as she escorts me into the lift. ‘You’re hubby has pulled out all the stops.’

‘He’s certainly something,’ I reply, noticing that the lift is going up and not down.

‘I mean, wow. I’d kill for a bloke to do this for me,’ she continues, visibly swooning from her encounter with my fictional husband.

I smile and nod.

The lift doors open and the girl leads me along a bare corridor in what looks like an area of the hotel only usually used by staff. We walk up a short staircase before stepping out onto the roof. It’s dark, but there are fairy lights everywhere. Over in the corner Danny is sitting at a candlelit table, set for two. On the floor next to him there’s an air mattress covered in a variety of cushions in different shapes and sizes, that looks so cosy I would dive into it were it not for my super-tight dress and my sky-high heels making even walking feel like a challenge.

The girl leaves the two of us alone and Danny comes over to greet me.

‘Well, this is very romantic for a nerd,’ I tease. ‘Is that a Jack Duff album playing?’

‘What can I say? They didn’t have the
Guardians of the Galaxy
soundtrack. And I
can
do romance when I want to.’

‘It seems you can.’

‘Take a seat at the table. Dinner is coming to us. And if you really don’t want to sleep in the forced romance zone, we can sleep under the stars – for the story,’ he quickly adds.

I smile widely. I’m impressed and I can’t hide my gratitude. In fact, a wave of emotion washes over me and I feel a happy tear escape one eye.

‘No, no crying. You know I can’t handle women crying.’ He laughs. ‘I just wanted to do something nice for you. You said no one has ever done anything big for you, well, here you go.’

‘Thank you,’ I reply sincerely.

‘Shall we sit down?’

I nod, making my way over to the table.

As we approach the edge of the building, I take in the breathtaking view.

‘Wow,’ is about all I can say. From up here, you can see across London for miles, with a perfect view of the park right in front of us.

‘Amazing, isn’t it?’ he sighs. ‘And London is tiny compared to some of the places I’ve visited. You’ll have to let me take you to a few places, show you what there is to see there.’

‘I’d like that,’ I reply as I manage to drag myself away from the scenery and sit down. I pick up my menu and glance over it, struggling with what to order because it all sounds so good.

‘This is me wooing you, in case you can’t tell,’ Danny explains. ‘Just like I was last night when you went off with that Aussie.’

‘Easy mistake to make. Also, if you think you have to woo me because we slept together last night, you’re wasting your money.’ I laugh.

‘Why do you keep insisting that last night was just a one-off?’ he asks.

‘Because…you only do one-offs?’

‘I do people as many times as I want to do them, but there aren’t too many people I want to do more than once,’ he replies, before realising his wording. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I do. But…I just didn’t think you did relationships.’

‘I don’t
not
do them.’ He laughs. ‘Just never met anyone worth doing one with.’

‘But plenty worth banging on your car?’ I reply, raising an eyebrow.

‘The number of women I have banged on my car has been greatly exaggerated,’ he replies, sipping his champagne.

We pause our conversation while we order our food, but the second the waiter has gone I am straight back to it.

‘So…’

‘So, what?’ He laughs.

‘So, what happens when we get back?’ I ask.

‘Candy, nothing needs to happen. No one has to promise anyone anything. I just know I’d like to spend more time with you. I want to spend my days annoying you and getting you in trouble and making you watch
Star Wars
. And I want you to spend yours driving me mad, keeping me out of trouble and pretending to enjoy
Star Wars
, because that’s what you do when you like someone, OK?’

‘I don’t know if it’s all the romantic stuff surrounding us that made that seem like the least romantic thing I have ever heard, but OK.’ I laugh.

‘I can tell you I’ve got a wife if that sweetens the deal at all?’ he teases.

‘Oi, not funny,’ I reply, trying to keep my face straight.

‘Too soon?’ he asks.

‘Too real,’ I reply.

Danny smiles. ‘So we’re a bit of a double act,’ Danny muses. ‘The kind you can publicly discuss. The kind who watch their parents having sex on the living room floor together.’

‘Fond memories of that,’ I reply sarcastically, although I notice he referred to us as a double act and not a couple, so I’m still none the wiser. All I know is that I’m happier, and that’s fine by me.

‘Here’s to many more,’ he says, raising his glass. ‘Well, more fond memories, not more old people banging. To us!’

‘To us,’ I reply, clinking my glass with his.

After a delicious dinner and lots of champagne, Danny and I are lying on the air mattress. We’re on one of the tallest buildings around, so with the lights off and the sky clear, we’ve got a perfect view of the stars. It’s a warm summer night, but not so hot it’s uncomfortable, so we’re sleeping on the roof.

‘How did you pull this off?’ I ask. ‘I mean, getting permission to be up here, dinner up here, sleeping up here…’

‘Let’s just say there’s a manager with a teenage son who just got lots of very expensive software for free,’ he tells me with a laugh.

‘I won’t ask,’ I reply.

‘Why, because it’s illegal and you’re a square?’

‘No, because it sounds boring,’ I tease.

I snuggle up closer to Danny, resting my head on his bicep, placing one of my legs on top of his.

‘You’re worth it,’ he tells me. ‘At work, you always seemed so sad, and I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was make you happy – even if it was just by stapling an invoice to my foot.’