Drive Me Crazy (29 page)

‘Danger pop,’ Danny whispers to me, stabbing another balloon, making everyone jump again.

‘What was that?’ Caroline asks, returning upright.

‘Nothing,’ I smile, stifling a laugh. ‘How are you, Caroline? You look lovely.’

‘As do you, dear,’ she replies. ‘I do hope you’re not cold.’

‘Well, you know, it is summer and I’m a big girl.’

‘You certainly are,’ she replies, pursing her lips with disapproval as she glares down at my chest. ‘Boss will be along in five minutes, just letting you know. Probably best we don’t mention helping Stephanie out after hours yesterday, lest we hurt his feelings.’

‘No, we wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings,’ Danny interrupts. Caroline shoots him a look before wandering off. ‘Who invited Miss Havisham?’

‘Oh, she goes all-out for parties, our Caroline.’

‘I wish she’d go all-outside, and stay there.’ He laughs, before his happy look dissolves into a more serious one. ‘You worried?’

‘I’m fine. It’s just weird. But I’ve got you.’ I squeeze his hand. ‘Couldn’t be happier.’

‘Good,’ he replies. ‘Because… Oh, oh, pizza.’

Danny drops my hand like it’s a grenade and follows his nose in the direction of the Italian food.

‘Be right back,’ he calls. ‘I’ll bring you some, beautiful.’

I laugh, climbing to my feet and smoothing out my dress. I’ll just pop to the bathroom and touch up my make-up because, it turns out, the more you wear, the more you have to keep applying.

I walk through an archway into a large sitting room, where the doors to the toilets are situated either side. There is a line of sofas leading down the centre of the room, with gold-framed mirrors all over the walls reminding me of that horrifying scene with all the heads in
Return To Oz
.

I nip into the loos, quickly but steadily apply more make-up, and heading back out to find Danny and my pizza, which, truth be told, I’m actually getting more and more excited about by the second. The few people sitting on the sofas before have vacated the room, making it even creepier than it was before. As I speed-walk towards the main room I literally bump into someone heading for the toilets at an equally speedy pace.

‘Will.’

Will looks me up and down and I see a flicker of something in his eyes that makes me think he maybe didn’t recognise me at first.

‘Wow,’ he says, his eyes widening. ‘I mean…wow. You look so different.’

‘Good different?’ I ask, suddenly finding it hard to be angry with him although I’m not sure why, because I should hate his guts right now. And there I go again, seeking his approval.

‘Wow different,’ he says, staring at me for a moment, looking me up and down, taking in the new me.

Will looks different too – wow different, but not good different. He looks pale and his eyes look dark, like he hasn’t been sleeping, like he’s been worrying. I always thought of Will as this strong, powerful man. Shut off from his emotions, business-minded – that old cliché. Turns out he’s human like the rest of us.

‘I’m sorry,’ he blurts out, and while he sounds like he means it, it just doesn’t feel sincere. If he really was sorry, if I really mattered to him, then he wouldn’t have done this. As if lying to me about being separated from his wife wasn’t bad enough, – you could try to explain it away as cowardice, if maybe he was too scared to leave her but wanted to – but now that I know he was knocking off Julie too! Will just wants to have his cake (cupcakes, pastries, brownies – the whole damn bakery) and eat it.

‘It’s fine,’ I tell him. Not because it’s OK, but because I don’t care.

‘It’s good though, because now we can be together.’

‘What?’

‘Things were messy before,’ he explains. ‘But now, everything is out in the open. Steph has kicked me out –
we
can be together.’

For a moment, I just stare at this man in front of me, smiling widely at me, waiting for me to agree to ride off into the sunset with him.

‘It’s too late.’

‘It’s not too late,’ he insists. ‘It’s not like you’ve met someone else.’

‘I have actually,’ I tell him.

‘But it’s only been a week. Who could you have met?’

I look down at my shoes and twist my heels awkwardly.

‘Danny,’ I admit.

‘The IT guy? No, no. He’s not right for you. And he won’t treat you right.’

‘He won’t cheat on me,’ I snap.

‘No, he’ll just leave you to go skiing in the Alps or on safari in Africa. Guys like that don’t stick around, Candice.’

‘Because you were in your marriage for the long haul.’

‘I suppose I deserved that, but everyone deserves a second chance. I gave you a second chance at work. Has he made a proper commitment to you? He hasn’t, has he?’

I think for a moment, although about nothing in particular. My brain can’t process this right now. Will, sensing I need a little coercing, steps towards me, placing a hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer. With his free hand, he gently strokes my face with the backs of his fingers before pinching my cheek, like he always does. It feels familiar, and at first it feels good, but all it does is remind me of how bad things really were, and how terribly he treated me.

I don’t know why, but I hesitate before pulling away. My brain is telling me to recoil in horror, but my body is lagging behind. I catch sight of someone in my peripheral vision and glance to the left, to see Danny watching us. He’s got two plates of pizza in his hand, which he places down on the nearest table before walking away.

‘Shit,’ I say, wiggling free from Will.

‘Wait,’ he insists, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving.

‘Get off me,’ I demand. ‘I need to explain to him.’

‘We were happy before,’ Will says desperately.

‘No, we weren’t. I thought we were – I thought you were going to propose. How insane is that? I was deluded.’

I snap my arm away from him and chase after Danny, catching up with him as he makes his way towards the exit.

‘Danny, wait,’ I call after him.

Danny halts immediately, but doesn’t turn around.

‘What?’ he asks, and it breaks my heart to be truly in his bad books.

‘That wasn’t anything,’ I tell him truthfully.

‘It looked like something.’

‘Yes, the last desperate act of a very desperate man.’

Danny turns around and looks at me, but then I notice his gaze travel to over my shoulder.

‘Oh look, it’s your shadow,’ he says angrily.

I turn around and notice Will behind me.

‘Candice, we need to talk. It’s important,’ Will insists.

‘I have something important to talk to you about, actually,’ Danny says, marching over to Will. ‘I quit.’

‘You can’t just quit mid-job,’ Will insists. ‘That’s breach of contract.’

‘What are you going to do about it, old man?’ Danny asks him.

‘Look, OK, we all just need to calm down,’ I reason, noticing how tense thing are getting.

‘I might be older than you, but I’m better than you,’ Will tells Danny. ‘You’re just some jumped-up, pumped-up employee who thinks he’s “cool” because he’s got a stupid hairstyle and he goes to the gym. You have no idea what the real world is like, or what a proper, committed job is like. Most importantly, you can’t treat Candice how she deserves to be treated. You’re just not good enough, kid.’

Danny doesn’t even take a second to absorb Will’s words, he just lashes out, punching him in the face so hard Will hits the floor.

‘My nose,’ Will shrieks, grabbing his face. ‘I think he broke my bloody nose.’

Will has his hands to his face, but I can see blood escaping from the sides, dripping all over his white shirt. I grab a cloth from the table next to me and hold it over Will’s face for him.

‘Candy,’ Danny calls my name. ‘I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going. Are you coming?’

‘Wait,’ I insist. ‘I can’t leave him like this.’

‘You really can,’ Danny replies, clearly annoyed that I’m helping Will at all.

‘You’ve caved his fucking nose into his fucking face,’ I snap. ‘I can’t just fucking leave him.’

‘Language, Candice,’ Will manages to tick me off, blood rushing into his mouth as he does so.

‘Oh, shut the fuck up, Will,’ I bark.

‘Going now,’ Danny warns me.

‘Can’t you just stay still for two seconds?’ I snap at Danny. ‘This is what you do when things get tough – you just piss off. I have a life; I can’t just run away because things are messy.’

‘He’ll never be dependable,’ Will chimes in. ‘You said as much before, that he hasn’t committed to you.’

‘You said that?’ Danny asks me.

‘No, I didn’t say that, but he asked me if you had and I just didn’t say that you had…and you haven’t,’ I remind him, because he hasn’t, but now probably isn’t the time or the place. But I do worry. What if I leave with him now and then he leaves me?

My words leave a look on Danny’s face that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. He looks at me, sad and disappointed, but only for a second before storming off. Danny has proven time and time again that he’s there for me, but will he always be? He does just disappear when he feels like it, but can I just quit my job and my life without a second thought? Can I risk everything to just see what happens with Danny, who I know has a reputation for getting bored of real life?

I sit on the floor next to Will, my hand still held securely over his face. I slowly and cautiously remove the cloth and see that the damage isn’t as bad as it seemed now that the bleeding is slowing down.

Will spits out a mouthful of blood.

‘I
was
going to propose,’ he tells me.

‘What?’

‘I was going to ask you to marry me, while we were away. I booked us the honeymoon suite, I arranged us a special dinner, and I was going to pop the question.’

‘Are you fucking high?’ I ask in disbelief.

‘I love you,’ he says with a smile, flashing me his red-stained teeth.

‘You’re still married, crazy person,’ I snap, raising my voice. ‘And you’re lying – stop lying to me. I saw Stephanie. She had the ring on.’

‘OK, so I wasn’t going to propose. But we can be together now. Properly. And I did book us the honeymoon suite to make things special.’

‘Yes, I was wondering about that. That was so gross.’

‘I thought you’d appreciate the surprise – like the dress I bought you. Did you like it?’

I cast my mind back to the floor-length black dinner dress that Will bought me before we went away.

‘No,’ I tell him honestly. That’s when I realise that Will doesn’t know me at all. From picking out boring clothes for me, to telling what I should eat, to ticking me off for drinking and swearing. Danny never did any of that. He encouraged me to enjoy myself, to speak freely, and even when he helped me shop for clothes, he steered me towards ones he thought I would like, and I did like them. I love them. I think I love him and I’ve hurt him.

‘And what about Julie?’ I ask, but then I realise I don’t care. I don’t need his excuses. Nothing he can say could fix this.

‘She was a stupid mistake. I love you,’ Will says again, in case it didn’t sink in the first time.

‘You love me, you loved your wife, blah, blah, blah. Love isn’t done and dusted, Will. Loving someone is a conscious choice that you make every day, not just a phrase you bat around. If you love someone, you don’t hurt them.’

‘But I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ he insists.

‘But you did. With ease. In a spectacular fashion.’

I climb to my feet and head for the door.

‘Candice, don’t go,’ he calls after me.

‘You know what?’ I twirl around and flip him off with both hands. ‘I quit too.’

Chapter 41

I’m not saying I’m bad at relationships, but I’ve managed to lose two boyfriends in as many weeks, only cementing my theory that I’m going to die having had more cats than husbands.

Tomorrow morning I have to be up early for Amy’s wedding, and yet here I am, at one a.m., sitting in Becky’s Diner drinking tea that is far too weak to be even a little palatable. Still, it’s the only place that’s open 24 hours so here I am.

There’s a young couple – about my age – at the table next to me, although it sounds like they’ve just met. The guy doesn’t seem so bad, but the girl is absolutely wasted.

‘What’s your name again?’ she asks him, although it’s hard to make out her accent as she slurs her words and shoves chips into her mouth.

‘Simon,’ he tells her slowly, like he’s repeating himself for the millionth time.

‘I’m going to just call you Pablo,’ she tells him, hitting him on the nose with a chip before putting it in her mouth. ‘You just look like a Pablo; I think it’s your moustache.’

I glance up at Simon/Pablo and see that he doesn’t have a moustache at all, and I laugh to myself.

‘You want to get out of here, Pablo?’ she asks.

‘Sure,’ he replies, taking her hand and leading her out, their food hardly touched, just left on the table.

I can’t actually think of anything worse than getting drunk and pulling some random dude in a burger bar in the early hours of the morning. In fact, I’d rather have the burger.

I don’t want to be single. I don’t think I’d be very good at it. I was absolutely crap at it before I met Will, and I don’t know how Danny and I ended up together, but it wasn’t my allure, that’s for sure.

I can’t do nights out, flirting, dates! The thought of signing up for something like Tinder, putting my face out there for guys to swipe through, judging me on my hair, the size of my nose, the colour of my eyes. Even something like Plenty of Fish, where you fill out a profile, doesn’t inspire me with much confidence. I mean, Danny and I had nothing in common, and yet we were perfect for each other. I fucked that up though, didn’t I? I should’ve just left Will to bleed out.

It’s back to nights in, eating my sad little dinners for one, watching Netflix and stroking my cat to stave off the loneliness. No, that’s not a euphemism, although give it a few months and I’m sure it will be.

I consider ordering another cup of tea, because this one has gone cold, but then it occurs to me that I’m unemployed now. I don’t have any real savings, I already kind of live from cheque to cheque, and I don’t see last month’s wage lasting me very long at all, not after my little splurge in Brighton. Spending one pound on a cuppa might not seem like much, but I’m not sure how many cuppas I’ve got left in my account.