Driving Me Mad (10 page)

Her eyebrows rise. “Really?”
She sounds awfully surprised. I nod, and she adds with a frown,
“With me, you can obviously tell. I can’t tell with you.”

“You’ll eventually be able to
tell,” I reassure her and it seems to satisfy her. It seems like
such an odd thing to be reassuring her on, but it’s true. I knew
how to read her long before now. She’s never had the opportunity
before to be able to read me and see my signs. “How are ya
feeling?”

One corner of her mouth
lifts. “Like maybe I can at least sit at the table with you.” When
I stand, she quickly says, “As soon as I save my paper.” She
finishes her sentence and then saves it, following me into the
kitchen.

I decide to leave the fries
on the plate they’re on, instead of putting some on my own plate.
This way, maybe Brittany will pluck some off while she’s sitting
with me. She giggles to herself as she taps the screen of her
phone, probably texting someone.

“What’s so funny?” I ask as I
sit down.

A blush reddens her cheeks.
“Oh, nothing. Just some nonsense from Rebecca.” She eyes the fries
between us, but makes no move for one.

“You don’t want to share?” I
take a bite of my burger, which is obviously delicious since I made
it.

“Nope.” She takes a swallow
of her Sun Drop. “So, what exactly did you mean when you said you
knew what moving here could mean for us? Like, what does
us
mean?” She reaches for a fry and dips it in my ketchup as she adds,
“I don’t know what we are or how we came to be this way or that we
ever had the same thoughts. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

I deserve a medal for sneaky
effectiveness since she’s eating. It’s not much, but it’s better
than nothing. Now, I think about how I’m going to answer her. I
place my burger on my plate and grab my glass for a sip of my
drink.

Her eyes widen as she grabs
another fry. “I’m making you nervous?”

My eyebrows bunch together.
“What makes you say that?”

“Well, when you had the panic
attack at the restaurant, you grabbed the back of your neck. It’s
your tell, and you’re doing it right now.”

Suddenly, I realize that I am
doing just that and immediately drop my hand. Clearing my throat, I
decide to ignore the tidbit about my apparent tell. “I meant that I
felt like things would move beyond texts and phone calls, and that
we would probably explore things. Which is what we’re doing
now.”

She’s been studying me while
stealing a few more fries. “Exploring things?” I can’t quite read
her tone, but I nod. “Does that mean if someone asks me out on a
date, I’m available to say yes?”

I immediately frown. Is there
someone else trying to steal my girl from me before I truly have
her? What the hell? That’s for damn sure not happening. “You are
not
available to say yes,” I answer gruffly before taking a
bite of my burger.

A wry smile lifts her lips.
“Good to know.”

We eat in silence long enough
for me to finish my burger. The idea she’s planted in my head that
someone may be trying to get her to go out with him is annoying the
hell out of me. Is it true or was she testing me? I finish off the
last of my drink. “That was a hypothetical question, right?” I
finally ask, unable to help myself.

Brittany laughs. “Yeah, it
was.” She’s eaten about half the fries. “Well, I guess I better get
back to my homework. Or do you need help cleaning up?”

I shake my head. “I’ll get
it.”

She nods and leaves the
kitchen. I finish off the fries before cleaning up. It’s good to be
home because I definitely don’t want to be anywhere else. However,
it’s good and bad that Brittany is here. I’m ready to lie down and
do nothing. With her here, I can stay in the present and not get
lost in my head. Hopefully, anyway.

Brittany is still working on
her assignment when I walk into the living room. She’s moved to the
couch, though, so I sit in the recliner. I pop the foot up and
recline back, staring at the ceiling. Part of me feels like I’ve
lied to her. What I should’ve told her is that I knew if I got the
job, I would want more from her. That I would ask for more and
would do whatever it took to get the chance. I glance over at her.
As she’s reading over what she wrote, she’s squeezing her wrist. If
I could do anything for her, I’d take away the anxiety and
depression. She’s too beautiful, too bright, and too great of a
person to be dragged down by something that can be so debilitating
and destructive.

She’s been reading for the
last few minutes, so I assume she’s doing a read-through. She
sighs.

“Let me see it,” I say before
she can delete what she’s written. “Maybe you need a second
opinion.”
Or someone to put a stop to the endless edits.
I
sit upright and hold out my hand for the laptop.

Brittany surprises me when
she stands and takes a seat in my lap. She sits the laptop so I can
read her paper and then she starts squeezing her wrist. I stop the
habit by holding one of her hands. “Be honest,” she orders.

I nod and begin to read after
she explains the topic to me. A few minutes later, I determine
there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the paper. It’s well-written
and explains the topic well.

“It’s terrible, right?”
Brittany asks the second I finish.

I reach around her to save
it. Then I close the laptop and place it on the floor next to the
chair, ignoring her questions and objections. I wrap my arms around
her and recline us. “Which draft is that?”

“Only the second,” she
answers, resting her head on my shoulder to get comfortable.

“Do you want to know why your
papers keep getting less than an A?”

“Because they suck,” she
grumbles with a subtle
duh
tone.

“Because you keep redoing
them until they do. That is a great paper, but if you keep
re-writing everything and second-guessing it, it’s going to suck.
Your first and second draft are good. You need to stop with all the
rewriting.”

“But—”

“But nothing. That’s my
honest opinion. Was there something else you were going to work
on?”

“No,” she sighs.

“Good. You can lie here with
me then.” I’m exhausted. Not because I’ve done anything to wear me
out either. Brittany turns onto her side and wedges herself between
me and the arm of the chair. I absentmindedly start rubbing her
back. It would be perfect if I could just sit here with her
forever. I’m ready for bed, but I want to stay up since it’s not
too late yet. “Tell me something I don’t know about you yet.”

She thinks about it for a few
moments. Her voice is soft when she speaks. “I think that maybe I
depend on you too much.” Brittany has said something like this
before, but I didn’t really pay attention to it.

“What do you mean?”

She shrugs.

“Complete honesty, Britt,” I
remind her.

“Isn’t it
self-explanatory?”

“No.”

Once again, I’m making her
sigh. There are much better ways to cause that, but that’s a
thought for another day.

“When you were moving here
and getting settled and didn’t talk to me, I kept wishing you would
because I could really use it. It’s crazy to think about how
relieved I was to have you back and to know you live here now. I
can be at my worst, and I always know you’re there with me to help
me out of it. I’ve started wondering what if you
weren’t
there and it scares me so much that it’ll push me toward an attack.
And, on the other hand, I wish you would depend on me too much,
too, instead of not enough. It worries me.”

I don’t know what to say to
that. I don’t want to make promises I’m not sure I can deliver on
and I don’t want to say something for the sake of responding. After
a minute or so, I settle on, “I’ve never depended on anyone the way
you depend on me, but I’m trying to give that to you.”

“I know,” she whispers.

She yawns and I decide today
is over. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Yeah, I’m actually
sleepy.”

We head toward my room and
soon, we’re lying in bed. One rather quick kiss and our heads hit
the pillow. It’s sad when I can’t give her a proper kiss goodnight,
but it’s just not happening tonight. Today has been up and down and
all around, and I want some sleep.

I wake up to what sounds like
a pot crashing onto the floor with a clang, followed by a, “Damn it
all to hell!” Tossing the covers aside, I get out of bed and walk
to the kitchen. Brittany is standing in the middle, staring at the
floor, her hands shaking. There’s an upside-down pan at her feet
and eggs scattered about.

“Brittany?” I ask, noticing
it’s just before seven in the morning.

She lifts her head, tears in
her red, tired eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m going to have to buy you
groceries because I keep dropping and spilling stuff. I shouldn’t
be trying to fix breakfast because this isn’t even my house. But I
was hungry and I couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry. I’ll buy you more food
and clean up.” She bends to start picking up the mess, but I walk
over, put my hands on her shoulders and make her stand. “I’m sorry,
Trace. I’m just tired.” She rests her head on my chest again as I
wrap my arms around her. “So, so tired.”

“You didn’t get any
sleep?”

“Not even for a sweet,
blissful second. I thought the pills were supposed to make me
sleep.”

“They are. How about you sit
at the table and I’ll make us breakfast.” I take her hand and lead
her to the dinner table. She plops into the seat without protest.
Once I clean up the eggs, I glance over at Brittany and see her
with her arms folded on the table, her head resting on top of them,
and she’s sound asleep.

I carefully pick her up and
carry her into my bedroom. She’s out completely. If the fire alarm
were to go off, I don’t think it would wake her up. For a moment, I
debate on if I should leave her alone to sleep or crawl in next to
her.

I choose to sleep with her in
my arms since it’s still early. We deserve to sleep in.

***

T
here’s a moment
before you’re fully awake that you become aware of your body. Mine
feels trapped while cozy and snug at the same time. A tight grip is
holding me in place. My legs feel tangled and something hard is
pressing against the top of my head. I open my eyes, only to be met
with the view of Trace’s neck. His arms are locked around me and
our legs are indeed tangled together. This morning, the only reason
I was able to get out of bed was because Trace was lying on his
stomach. I squeeze my eyes closed, hoping this morning was just a
bad dream.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

I snuggle closer to him,
smiling when his arms tighten around me. His hand spasms against my
back.

“You awake?” he grumbles, his
chin moving on top of my head.