Drowning in Her Eyes (24 page)

“I
'm sure my Mum will agree. After all, she has
actively encouraged us in our
misdemeanours
, and she
already
loves you like a daughter. Besides, she will be happy to know we will be there for
Ballinrobe
. I hope Denni will be glad for us.
”

* *
*
*

Susan
‘s pregnancy was confirmed. She missed another period, but the morning sickness passed and she was feeling relaxed and well. She always was possessed of a serenity that her siblings did not have. She
was
full of love for the child growing inside her, and she felt more in love with Jack than ever. No matter what happened now, she would always have a part of him. She did not fear her mother, but she feared the eff
ect the news would have on her.

Marci was displaying increasingly fragile behaviour. She cried frequently, was listless and sad. In fact, she was showing signs of severe depression. The girls tried to comfort her, to help her. Usually, she rejected their proffered help, complaining that th
ey had betrayed her with their
loose behaviour
.

Why ha
ve
they abandoned
me
,
my
beautiful daughters?
How can
they reject
me
for a couple of boys who wou
ld soon be gone?

Slowly, secretly, she began to make plans for a return home. They must all go with her; she would not leave them behind. Sarah would object
;
she would only leave under protest, but she
would
go. Susan was the problem. She must find a way to drive
her apart from
Jack. She knew it would not be easy, but she was determined to
do
it
.

Meanwhile, on the tenth day of November, Australia introduced a selective conscription scheme for men aged twenty. The object: to train troops for the now openly acknowledged war in South Vietnam.

Goondiwindi, Queensland, Australia
—1964

Jack returned to
Ballinrobe
in mid-
November, a snatched weekend to plan next year
's programme, before the intensive period running up to his final examinations for the year. Susan went with him. Helen greeted her with hugs and kisses. Jack could see the growing love between them. They had many short private discussions.
“What do you talk about?
” he asked. Susan replied,
“You, mostly, she
'
s told
me how happy she
'll be when we
'
re married.
”

“Do you think she knows about the baby?
”

“She
may. She knows that something'
s happened to bring us even closer together.
”

They returned to the secret
thinking place
. Sam went with them. She had become very attached to both, but she had become more and more anxious if Jack was not there. She sensed that something special was taking place. From now on, she would return here and lie in the shade, near the water trough, as often as she could.

Susan again wanted to make love here, in this special place.
“Our baby will absorb our spiri
ts and those of the land. She
'
ll belong here and will always return to this place.
” This time, their loving was soft, gentle, and slow. After
wards
, they knew that something special had happened. The noisy miner birds returned and chattered over them.
“Look,
” said Susan,
“They are welcoming a new spirit.
” Two small green parrots alighted on the rim of the water trough. They examined the lovers
with swift turns of their heads
and soft chirrups.
“How appropriate, those are budgerigars, also called lovebirds
,
”
Jack
said,
and
then kissed her long and hard
.

The harvest was over, another average crop. It was a quick harvest. There had been no rain for months. Ollie reminded Jack of Paddy
's long-
range weather forecaster and the faith he had had in him.
“I reckon we should wean the calves early and sell them. If it turns really dry, the cows won
't be able to feed them anyway, and the bottom will fall out of the market, you can bloody bet on it.
”

Jack was impressed. Ollie had instinctively grasped the old sage
about dry seasons:
sell early and repent, but sell
.
“How much room is there in the barn?
”
Jack asked.

“There
's a bit there, boss
,
”
Mick replied
.
“
If we move some of the machinery out, we can make a bloody sight more.
”

“Do that,
” said Jack,
“
and
then spend as much as we can afford to buy hay.
It
'
s cheap now. If there
is
a drought, we can double our money or more. If there isn
't, we will have a cheap feed reserve when we
need
it.
”

“Bugger me,
” said Ol
lie.
“You
're beginning to think like Paddy, the old bastard!
”

Armidale, New South Wales, Australia
—1964

Jack
struggled with his examinations. He had spent too much time making love, playing rugby and drinking beer. Nevertheless, the main problem was the missed time because of their bereavements. As he had suspected, chemistry was his weakness, and he left the exam room with little confidence that he had done enough to pass.

He and Susan had perforce seen little of each other. However,
they made sure the passionate intensity of
their lovemaking
made up for its infrequency. Susan was so sweet and gentle, and was feeling in superb physical condition. She wore the bloom of her pregnancy like a badge of honour. She could not believe people could look at her and not know. Jack came to supper after the examinations ended with the news that he would be attending his Regiment
's recruit course in Sydney. This would take three weeks and he would be back just before Christmas. Susan was disappointed
;
she would miss him terribly.

The night before he left, Susan came to his room. She was sad.
“Oh, Jack, I don
't know how I
'
ll cope without you. Let
's make this night a night to remember.
”

She stood before him.
Oh, God
, he thought,
how beautiful she is
. Her skin glowed with vitality
and
her
wide
eyes
shone
with love for him.

She
began to unbutton her blouse, and h
e came forward to help her, but she stayed him.
“No,
” she said,
“I want you to watch.
” She disrobed slowly, until she was wearing only her black lace underwear and her sheer black sto
ckings. She looked spectacular.

He gave a gasp, a quick involuntary intake of breath.
God, how lucky I am!

“Look at me,
” she whispered.
“I wore these the first night we went out together. I so wanted you then, but you were so sweet
;
you wanted everything to be perfect. Now it is.
Please love me
,
Jack, love me tonight. I fear I may never see you again if you go away. I know
it
's silly, but I
'
m so fearful. Love me, my beautiful little bush kid, love me forever and ever.
”

Jack noticed she was crying softly.

Wallgrove Camp, New South Wales, Australia
—1964

Jack detrained at the Rooty Hill railway station. There were about fifty men in his detachment, under the command of a
s
econd
l
ieutenant. This officer ordered his
s
ergeant to form up the men in
a
column of three. Apparently, they were to march to the camp, a distance of several miles. It was early afternoon and very hot.

“Bloody hell,
” someone said,
“they should have some trucks.
”

“Silence in the ranks
,
” shouted the
s
ergeant.

The man next to Jack said,
“Bugger me, what sort of a prick is that
s
ergeant?
”

“A prick with three stripes,
” said another unknown voice,
“don
't argue with the bastard.
”

The
s
ergeant began to march up and down the lines yelling abuse
and threatening every one with
defaulters
, whatever that meant. They moved off, kitbags on shoulders. While some had been in the Regiment for a few
months
and knew basic drill, others had only just joined. They moved down the road like wounded stragglers. Finally, the camp came into sight. They were marched to a parade ground and ordered to wait. The commanding officer was about to address them. They put their kitbags down and sat on them; some lay down and used their kitbags for pillows. They waited. An hour later, they were still waiting. The sun beat down, the heat increased. They waited. They had no water and some of the pale city
type recruits began to become red in the face. Heat exhaustion was not far off. They waited.

Then there was frenetic activity, NCOs shouting, jerking them back to reality. They formed up in a shambolic parade-
like order. Several of the men had gone to sleep on their kitb
ags; they were rounded up for
defaulters
, whatever that meant. Out in front of the gathering, a fat officer climbed up onto a dais near the flagpole, accompanied by the
s
econd
l
ieutenant, the Sergeant from the railway station, and four tough looking
c
orporals.
“Men,
” he began,
“you are about to undergo recruit training. The next three weeks will be the worst three weeks of your life. Reveille will be at 0500. You will have fifteen minutes to shower and shave. If you are late, you will be on defaulters. If you do not shave properly, you will be on defaulters
.
I
f you are incorrectly dressed
, you will be on defaulters. I
f you fuck up any orders we give y
ou, you will be on defaulters. I
f you are in breach of the Code of Military Law, you will be on defaulters. In fact, it will be the intent of my staff to make sure you are on defaulters every day. By the end of your time here, you will be the fittest, meanest, most efficient soldiers in the Australian army. You will hate me, you will hate my staff, and you will want to kill us. However, in three weeks, you will thank us, because we will have transformed you into the best soldiers in the world
—
infantry of the Australian
A
rmy. You will, at all times, move around this camp at the double. Good luck!
”