Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (7 page)

I snort. “What?”
“Please.”
Rowena has paled under her super-fine sprayed on tan, but other than that, no visible reaction plays on her face. No, she’s too cool a cookie to let me see that pain. She tips her head. “As I recall, so was someone else.”
Touché. One point, Alice. Fifty points, Row. The blow stung deep. Rowena thought we’d had an incestuous affair. I chose to let her keeping thinking that. It had to really hit her deep to think that my father would prefer even his own child over her.
“Mother.”
“What?”
“Have some class.” Molly folds her hands in front of her and lowers her head to rest on her forearms. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“Do you want me to?”
Frown lines deepen on Molly’s face. “Now, not really.”
“Then, I won’t. My work here is done.” Rowena leans over and places a soft kiss to the back of Molly’ s head. “Okay, darling. I know when I’ve over stayed my welcome.” She raises her gaze to mine. “Alice.”
“Row. I’m sure you can see yourself out.”
She spins on her shiny, expensive heels and sways to the door. “Molly, call me if you need anything.”
Molly lifts her hand toward the door. “Okay, Mom. Thanks for the shopping, I had a great time.”
Rowena doesn’t say anything else, thank goodness, and leaves.
I pull the finished casserole from the oven and set the table. Molly waits for me to help her from the stool. “Do you have to goad her that way?”
Somehow I am once again at fault. “What?”
“She loves my father. Your mother and him…well, it really kills her.”
I ease Molly from the stool and help her to her seat. “Funny thing. Your dad kills me.”

S
INCE MY LITTLE DIG AT
Row, Molly shut me out for the night. She hates it when we argue, but I can't seem to stop myself. The woman gets under my skin like a rapid flux of scabies.
I spent a restless night worrying over what Molly's behavior would be like this morning, but so far she's been fine. We make it through breakfast with hardly any bickering, and now we are nestled together on the couch watching TV. Well, I am. Molly is listening.
“How can you do this?”
She turns her head to face me. “What?”
“Just listen. Doesn't it drive you crazy?” I’m constantly worried about what goes on inside her head, but she’s not really the kind of person that divulges her every emotion. She’s sweet, sure, but reserved.
Molly shrugs. “It's better than just sitting here in the dark.”
I lay my head on her shoulder. “I know. I'm sorry.”
“Alice, you have to quit apologizing. I mean it. You didn’t make me jump.”
No, I did worse. I took a weakness, a compulsion, and used it against her. My nights are haunted by demons hurling those ridiculous words at Molly’s bikini-clad body. We don’t talk about my night terrors, but I know Molly has heard me screaming.
Molly sighs. I glance at her and decide to give her peace. “Sure.”
We settle back into our routine of watching the morning show, but after only ten minutes, we’re interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Lately, this place has been a stopping zone for everyone. Molly leans toward the sound, and I jump up. “Don't move. I'll get rid of whoever it is.”
I pull the door open, and Gabe James leans against the wood frame. “Hey, sexy.”
“Uh, hello.” I peek into the hall, but he’s alone.
He glances past me to Molly. One dark brow arches. “What are you doing today?”
“I was planning on staying in with my sister, why?”
He draws a line in the carpet with his boot. “Well, I just thought if you weren't busy and wanted to come to our practice later, you could.” He stares over my shoulder and strands taller. “You could bring your sister.”
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Seth wants things that I can’t give him. Not now anyway. My plate’s pretty full. Besides, I kind of swore off impulsive behavior.”
Gabe runs a finger over my knuckles that clutch the door frame. “He’s a good guy, Alice. You could do worse.”
“How do you know? Maybe I’ve done better than the all mighty Seth James.” I’m angry and taking it out on Gabe. I want a chance with Seth, but allowing that bit of happiness for myself will lead to disappointment and broken promises. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. That’s not fair to treat you like shit.” I sigh and tamp down my temper. “Listen, it just won’t work. If we hook up and then things go bad, he could put us out.” It’s a lame excuse, but still valid.
“Seth wouldn't do that. He's the most decent guy I know.” I frown at him. “He is. He may be spoiled, and he might not know what really goes on in the world, even though he thinks he does. But the boy's got nuts. Big ones.”
“Okay, fine, he has balls. What does that have to do with me?”
“I'm just saying, if you give him long enough, you'll have him eating out of your hands.”
That’s the problem. I don't want that kind of attachment. “I can't. I'm sorry.”
Gabe smiles, but it’s kind of sad. “Right.” He peeks around me again. “Okay, well, tell your pretty sister I said hi.”
I laugh because Gabe is just too cute. “Okay, I'll do that.”
He grins. Both James brothers have a sexy as the devil smile that melts my knees into puddles of Jell-O. “Really?”
“Yeah, now if you don't mind, we were in the middle of something.”
He leans forward and brushes a peck on my cheek. “Thanks for being a sweetheart.”
I don't think anyone has ever done anything so soft or gentle to me, and coming from this beast of a man, that's saying a lot. “Get out of here before your man card gets plucked.”
He chuckles and turns the two steps across the hall to Seth's. With three loud pounds, he makes his presence known. Before I can shut the door, Seth opens his. He's half naked.
I gasp. The man is even harder than I thought. I'm not quite sure how many hours to a day it takes to create muscles like that, but holy shit.
Gabe chuckles. “Down girl.”
Seth stands straighter, and I think he even flexes a pec. Oh yeah, he’s definitely flexing. I try to glance at his face, but can’t draw my eyes up past his collarbone.
“Hi.”
He just spoke to me, and I can't find the words. I'm a mess of sexual frustration. “Hey.”
Gabe wedges past Seth, knocking him slightly off balance and disappears inside his apartment.
“Uh, good morning.”
We are both reduced to mostly staring. I’m a mess in my old boxers and a faded Tshirt that has a hole near the hem at the neckline. I'm not even sure if I brushed my hair this morning. I run a hand through the tangles. No, definitely didn’t.
Seth slides his hands in his pockets and leans against the door frame. “I'm having a hard time not coming over there and kissing you back to bed.” He glances at the ground and ruffs the carpet with the edge of one bare foot.
“Seth.” He glances up. “I can't. I'm sorry. It's best if we just pretend that we never met, and you forget about me.”
I slide back inside and close my door before he can say anything that makes me change my mind. I will be strong. Seth is a good guy. A nice guy. He doesn't deserve the game I'll play with him. I plop back on the couch and lay my head in Molly's lap.
“You know, someday you're going to have to trust a man with your heart. You're not healthy like this.”
I know what she says is true, but old habits are hard to break. So, I’m breaking them one at a time. The first is no more promiscuous flirting and teasing. I'm actually proud that I turned down the heated blue gaze trailing a path over my body. He wanted me. Sex. He wanted sex. He doesn't know me. The woman inside the shell. I'm not sure that I even know her anymore. I've been running from her for so long.

I PUT THE LAST LOAD
of laundry on and grab my bags of clothes to take to the local shelter. Molly is spending the weekend with Rowena, so I decided to clean out our closets. I stuff bag on top of bag and barely manage to turn the door knob with my arms laden down with canvas straps. After I lock our apartment, I swing the bags around and into something hard that whooshes.

Seth takes a knee to catch the breath I've just knocked from him. He laughs. “If you wanted me on one knee, all you had to do was ask.”
“I...I'm so sorry. I didn't see you. My arms were full.” I lean forward and grip his quivering shoulder. “God, are you okay?”
He stands and there are tears dancing in his eyes. He’s laughing so hard he can’t talk. I wait for his gasps to calm, but every time he looks at my face, he starts in again.
“Are you done?”
He snorts.
“Really?”
The dimple in his left cheek deepens and then disappears as he forces his lips into a calm line. “I’m sorry. B-but…should have seen your face.”
“I fucking nailed you. I was worried about you, and you’re being a dick and laughing at me for it.” I try to stay mad at him, but he’s just so damn cute. His lips tip up. “Don’t laugh. It’s not funny.”
“Yes, Alice, I'm fine.” He lifts one bag from my arms and then another.
I try to take them back, but he dodges out of my reach.
“What are you doing?”
He smiles. It’s a really nice smile. “I don't have anything to do this morning, so I'll help you.”
No. No. No. Me and Seth, alone, for the next few hours will not cut it. I won’t be able to keep my shit together. I’ll want him. He’ll want me. We’ll end up doing something we’ll both regret. But instead of sticking with what my head knows to be the right thing, I say, “Uh, okay. The bus should be here in just a few. You can help me get these downstairs.” This is a bad idea. I don't want his help, and I definitely don't want him to go.
He squints down at me. “The bus?”
“Yeah, we don't have a car, so a bus is the cheapest option.”
Seth stops a few feet before the elevator. “Alice, you live in a four thousand dollar a month condo, why don't you have a car?”
I press the button and try to ignore his question.
He bumps me with his shoulder. “I'm waiting.”
“My dad pays for this place. Molly makes a decent income from her articles for the paper, but nothing that would support a car payment or insurance.” And E. Harrison wouldn’t even consider buying his bastard a vehicle.
He readjusts the bags and takes the two I’m holding. “Your dad won't pay for a car?”
“The car would be meant for me, since Molly can't drive, and no, he wouldn't.”
“I see.” He really didn't, but I’d let him continue to think he did. “Why can’t she drive?”
Here it goes. The moment where I get to lay my guilt and grief on the table. “She’s blind.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” His humor is completely gone now, and I’m sad that I stole it from him.
I try to smile at him, but my mouth goes down instead of up. We step into the elevator and make the eight flight fall in silence. I step out and make a right toward the front doors, but Seth makes a left toward the parking garage.
“Hey, where are you going?”
He holds the door open for me. “I have a truck. We won't be taking the bus.”
“But the bus is fine. Plus traffic will be a bitch to navigate.”
“No more trouble than the bus would have. Come on.” He pushes through the double doors that lead to the parking garage, and I follow. I don't have much choice since he's carrying half my donations.
We stop at a large black 4X4 that has every shiny toy possible. He tosses the bags into a storage compartment in the back and opens my door. I climb in and pretend not to notice the hand resting under my hip, helping me up. Seth hurries around the front. The beast cranks with a hum, and then idles lower.
“Nice.”
“Yeah, it was my birthday present when I turned twenty-one.” He pats the dash, and I grin. He’s such a boy.
It must be nice to have a parent loving enough to buy such an expensive gift. I’m not sure I ever remember getting a gift for a birthday. “Really? I don't think anyone's ever given me anything so nice.”
“My dad was upset that he'd missed my birthday, so this was the consolation. He's good at that.” A sarcastic edge lingers on that last revelation. So things in the James’ household aren’t perfect. I don’t expect many families are, but there’s a bitterness lacing his words that remind me of my own hatred for my mother and father.
I know what he means, but I want to hear him say it. Like a morbid curiosity to know that someone else has suffered under the hands of their father will make my life all better. “At what?”
“Oh, when he's been out of the country for some time or misses a big date, we get expensive apologies.” His knuckles wrap tighter around the wheel. A tick flicks in his bicep. I want to make it better, but have no clue how.
“So your dad isn't around much?”
He clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. It's mostly just me and Gabe.”
I have to try to make this better. “But, I bet he still loves you guys, even though he's away a lot.”
“I guess.” There’s the petulant boy I’ve seen on occasion. The truth is nothing will ever make up for the loss of a parent's love. If their dad acknowledges his lacking with gifts, then he can't be all bad.
“Seth, your dad loves you.”
He shrugs and concentrates on the traffic. “Maybe.”
Alice, what are you doing? We are getting into a pretty deep conversation. One I don't think I have any right to work through with him. Especially if I plan on keeping this an acquaintance type relationship.
It is eighteen blocks to the shelter, and we spend all that time trying not to look at each other or say anything else to lead us back down the path of awkward. He finds a parking spot out front and whips the truck into the tight space.
He leans over and unlocks my seat belt. “Stay.”
I'm pretty sure he did not just talk to me like I’m a damn dog. He runs around the front of the truck, and I lose the moment of anger. Anger is a form of passion. And passion leads to other activities that make me think of sweating skin writhing together.
He grins as he opens the door and holds out one large hand. “Are you going to be pissed?”
“About you barking commands at me, no?”
“Really?”
I tip an eyebrow at him and jump from the truck. Ignoring his chuckle, I climb on the tire, brace my hands on the bed of the truck, and heave up into the back. “Really.” The lie slides so smoothly from my mouth.
He takes me for what I've said and unlatches the box holding my goods. “So, after we drop these off, you want to get a bite for dinner?”
“Sure.” I know that my anger has cooled as fast as it came on, but Seth just has that about him. He calms me down, and I want our time together to be peaceful—for both of us. I’ve had enough of fighting people to last a life time.
He steps back and arches his neck. “Really?”
“You ask that a lot.”
“It's just that I didn't think you would say yes.”
I plant a hand on my hip. “Then why did you ask?” I know that I’m not the most beautiful woman in the world, but I didn’t think I was so repulsive that he couldn’t eat with me.
“I don't know. I just didn't want to take you home yet.”
I pull the bags out of the box and toss them to the curb. “Well, you shouldn't invite someone to dinner unless you really want them to come.”
“I want you to come.” He raises his arms to help me from the back of the truck. His words slide over me with way more ease than they should have, and the short hairs on my arm stand on end. I glance down at him and laugh at the desire behind his gaze. He places a hand on his heart. “Hey, that was one of my best ones.”
“Really?”
He snorts and lifts my canvas bags, placing them over his shoulders like he's carrying around sacks of grain. “Can you make it down?”
“I can make it all the way down.”
He's already turned away from me, but my casual flirting stops him in his tracks. If he thought he was the only one that knew this game, he'd learn.
“Alice. Don't start unless you are willing to play.”
“You started it. I'm just evening the score.”
He shakes his head and doesn't wait for me to get down from the truck. He even lets the doors slam in my face. I follow five paces behind him and admire the tight fit of his jeans. He wears them low, and without a shirt, I'd probably see the waist band of his boxers or briefs or whatever he wore. I have to stop thinking about his underwear before my nipples get any harder. He leads me to a customer service attendant and drops the bags. I’d say that this game has Alice at one point, Seth at zero. And I plan on keeping that score.