Drowning (Tears of Sin Series) (10 page)

I have to keep her talking. “Is it really hard taking care of her?”
“No. Just time consuming. She's so great though, and I owe her.”
I wait for her to elaborate, but she doesn't. “Well, I think it’s sweet that you are staying with her.”
She frowns and looks that the floor. “Yeah, sweet.”
Whatever I said, it’s got her looking really down and I’m at a loss. “Listen, if you're really ready to go, we can leave. I'll text Gabe, and he'll get a cab. It's not that far.”
The brown lights in her eyes return. “Are you sure?”
She’d brought us here for a reason and I’d ruined it with my insensitive jealous comments. I had the drive home to make her forgive me and to start over. Gabe was so much better at dealing with women than me. I’d give anything for a bit of his charm tonight.
“Yeah, let's go.” I'm not going to bother her about the incident again, but I will find out what drives someone to act the way she does. Eventually.

A
LL THE WAY HOME
, I’
M
nervous about what I'd done. It’s like an animal came over me, and I wanted to get him going and then leave him. It's my MO. I'd been taught by a master of teasing, and I knew my art well.
“You're awfully quiet.”
He’s been nervous too. I know he regrets saying those things about me. Implying that I was easy and willing for a little brother action. Don’t get me wrong. Gabe was definitely doable, but I’m just not like that. Not really.
I smile at him and turn up the radio. He shakes his head and leaves me alone until we arrive at the apartment.
We park in his spot, and I’m unsure if I should thank him for a nice night, or just get out and try to forget the whole evening.
He sighs. “I'd like to say that I had a good time tonight, but really, Alice, it was just weird. I'm not sure what's going on with you, but I can't look away for some reason. I normally am not a douche, but you bring that out in me. It’s like we’re a train wreck waiting to happen. You’re the messed up tracks, and I’m the fucking runaway engine.”
The air has cooled during the night, and our breaths are filling the truck with fogged windows. “I know. I'm the same away. I shouldn't be seeking you out. I'm so bad for you.”
He lays a hand across the bench seat and picks up one of my curls. “Why do you keep saying that?”
I turn to face him. “Because it's true.”
“What if I like bad for me?” He’s looking at me like I’m high-priced caviar.
I laugh. “I’d call you crazy.”
“Call me a lunatic, because I’m about to not kiss you. I want to be friends. I need to be friends with you.” He shuts his eyes and grips the curl in his hand until I feel a slight tugging. “Damn, I’m really not going to kiss you.”
“Okay.” I pry his fingers out of my hair and lay his hand against my face. “I understand.”
“Okay? You understand?” A shudder physically shakes him. “Please tell me how you understand, because I sure as hell don’t.”
The thought of having a friend, especially one as hot as Seth, gets me going. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to be easy.”
He grins, and his eyes deepen in color. “Why?”
“Because you are hot, hard, and honestly, the nicest guy I’ve ever been around.”
We both watch each other for at least half a minute. Neither wanting to break the moment. It was too perfect. There was a truth in our friendship that could lead to so much more. I think we both know it, and we’re both scared of it.
With a grin, he jumps from the truck and waits for me to open my door. “I'm not after you for sex anymore, so I won't be opening any doors.”
“That's just a dick thing to say.” And probably the best way to handle things.
“It’s true.”
I laugh because he is such a guy. Molly will hate him. “Let's get upstairs before I change my mind.”
“I know. Me too.” He winks at me, and we hold hands all the way to the elevator. “What do you want to do now?”
The dials above the door are moving slower than usual, or maybe someone’s hearing that I’m not ready for the day to end. “I don't want to be alone.”
“Okay. So?”
“Can I come to your place? Maybe you could play for me?”
“I play the drums. It's not exactly great to listen to by itself.” He frowns and shrugs.
We stop at his door only long enough for him to unlock it.
“You don't play anything else?”
He’s still holding my hand and pulls me deeper into the living room. “I do.”
“Well, let's go.” I head to his studio and wait outside the door. He leans over me and flips on the lights. His couch is so comfortable, and I notice that there's a pillow and blanket on one end.
“Gabe sleeps over sometimes.”
“In here?”
He turns his back to me. “Yeah.”
The grand piano is beautiful, and it’s calling to me. I sit on the wooden bench and lift the cover. Seth is watching me with a smirk on his face. I grin at him and let loose with my fingers. The lullaby my mother used to play is the first song that pops into my head. I’ve added chords and structure to it over the years, but the melody is still the same. His jaw is hanging open, and he stumbles to my side.
I finish the piece as he sits backward on the bench. “I’ve never heard anyone play like that. Not even Gabe, and he’s good.”
I nod. “My mother was a concert pianist.” I dive into a jazz piece that makes me think of sweaty nights between the sheets. It’s a total reflection of my wayward hormones right now and probably not the best way to stay friends with Seth.
He grabs my hands and pulls them from the keys. “Not that. I’ll forget that we’re friends.”
Oh, he’s feeling it too. I suspected that his game in the truck was a bunch of bullshit.
He’s staring at my mouth, and positioned the way we are on the bench, it will be so easy to lean into him. “Seth.” For the first time in a long time, I really want to kiss someone. Not for the game, not because I have an itch, but because it’s him.
Seth breaks the spell and jumps up. He’s pacing and not looking at me.
I plop to the sofa and curl up, ignoring any vibes still lingering in the air. “Play for me.”
He stops, glances at me, and hurries to a cabinet and pulls out a harmonica. I laugh. “I didn't know anyone played those anymore.”
“What?” He sits on the floor and leans back. His head is just below mine, and I see the waves that brush through the back.
The first few notes are low and kind of sad, but as he plays, I lose myself. It's like the first time. I'm falling so hard. I sink my hand into the loose curls at the base of his neck, and he doesn't move. He continues to play and let me touch him. I can't resist, so I lean over and kiss him on his hollowed cheek. “Thanks for tonight.” He blows into the horn, and I relax. It's so good to just let go.
I'm not sure how Iong I lay here listening to him. He doesn't seem to mind me playing in his hair, so I continue. It soothes me, this little bit of intimacy. My eyes grow heavy, but I fight the pull of sleep. I'm so tired of constantly fighting my need. I want to let go and trust a man to hold me. To not hurt me. “Seth?”
He stops blowing and wipes the harmonica on his pant leg. “Yeah?”
“Would you be weirded out if I asked you to hold me for a while?”
He clears his throat and sits straighter. “Not really. But I thought we were starting over and that meant being friends.”
I sit up and swing my feet to the floor. “I know. I just wanted to know what it felt like.”
He waits a moment, and I think I've messed up until he scoots up on the couch and tugs on my arm. I fall into him, and he leans against the corner of the couch. “Just hold you? Yeah, I can do that.”
I sigh and enjoy the hard muscles beneath me. “I'm so tired.”
“Well, just shut your eyes. Don't let the world wear you down. Before you know it, we'll turn this life around.”
I lean my head back and gaze at his chin. “Is that a song?”
“I just made it up.”
“For me?”
He shrugs and tries to hide the shy smile forming on his lips.
“I love it.”
He sings it to me this time in a low but clear voice. His words weave their way past the piranhas, the waves, and the ice-cold chill in my heart. I fall asleep knowing that Seth is the first man I've ever trusted.
I wake to the bright blast of sun light peeking through the wooden slats of the blinds. I'm in a bed and still fully dressed. I wipe my mouth on his pillow and inhale. Damn, he smells good, like ivory, sage, and something that can only be described as hot man.
The bed is cool on his side, and I wonder if he even slept here. I slip from the warm sheets and take a moment to freshen up in the bathroom. His bathroom is still massive, but he’s made it more like a man cave now. There are colognes on the vanity, dirty socks on the floor, and a porn magazine by the base of the toilet. It’s fetish porn for Dom and sub relationships. I’ve seen a bit of dominance from Seth on occasion, but he doesn’t take me as the type to get off on this kick.
I rummage through his drawers and find toothpaste, but no extra toothbrush. The end of my finger will have to do. My hair is a mess of rioting curls, and I won’t even try to tame them.
I’m stalling, and I don’t understand why. No, that’s a lie. I get it. I spent the night with a guy that didn’t involve discarded clothes, oral sex, or a fiasco of unrequited passion. He’d stayed true to his offer of friendship, and somehow it completely unsettles me.
The smell of bacon hits me. I follow the aroma and find Seth. He’s in the kitchen, naked from the waist up, and flipping eggs. He turns when I hit the floor, my feet smacking the tile. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
There’s a light in his eyes this morning, and he’s hopping around the kitchen like a man on a mission. “I'm making you breakfast.”
I sit at one of the stools along the bar, content to watch his beautiful body move. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Okay, but I did.”
We both startle when the door into the studio slams against the hallway wall. Gabe storms into the living room in black silk boxers and a good bit of morning wood. “What the hell are you two going on about? I'm trying to get some damn sleep!”
“I made Alice breakfast, there's plenty here if you don’t want to take that ruler in your pants back to bed.”
Gabe grabs himself and strokes once. “It's a fucking yard stick, bro.”
Seth grabs a piece of hot bacon and throws it at Gabe's chest. “Get the fuck out of here.”
Gabe glances my way and winks. “Wanna come back to bed with me?” For some reason, his words make me feel dirty. Before last night, I don't think I'd have cared, but now... Now, I know I can have more.
Seth takes my chin in his hand and leans close. “Ignore him.”
I slide from the seat and make my way to the door. I’m overreacting, but can’t stop myself. This is too much. They are too much. The easy fun between the two of them, the intimacy last night, the sweet breakfast this morning—all for me. People like me don’t deserve men like Seth James or loving brothers like Gabe.
Seth’s easy grin fades. “Hey, where are you going?”
“I have to go.” I have to think of something fast. “I have to...to...go to the store before Molly gets home.”
He turns off the burners and follows me toward the door. “I could take you.”
“No. Thanks, but I got this. I'll see you around.”
“Alice...” Seth catches my hand before I can rush out. “Please. What happened?”
“Uh, nothing. Don't worry about it. See ya, later.” I glance back at Gabe, and he looks so pathetic. He knows. He knows that his words have sent me running, and I can't even pretend that it wasn't the case.
It has been two days since my last face off with the James brothers. Seth slipped a note beneath my door early this morning with his cell number on it, and I’ve been texting him most of the day. He’s kind of funny when he isn’t being all brooding.
What are you doing?
The mound of laundry around me is neatly folded, but taunting me with the task of putting it away.
Laundry.
Panties?
Perv.
Guilty.
I laugh. This is the way that most of the day has gone.
Can Alice come to play?
She’s busy.
I’ll help clean.
I stub my toe on my dresser as I balance my phone on the chin high pile of clothes.
You? Spoiled lil boys clean?
I’ll show you little… Damn… We’re friends, right?
Right?
Then take back that last sttmnt.
The shower is my next big chore to tackle, but Molly has promised to kick my butt if I don’t let her take one first. “Mole?”
I race through the apartment, trip over a pair of shoes, and land hard on my hands and knees. Molly is in the living room, listening to the radio and practicing her brail. “What? Are you okay?”
The wood floors are going to leave a bruise. I work my way to my feet and rub my stinging palms together. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have left my shoes in the hall. Good thing that was me.”
She frowns in my direction. “I’m not going to break if I fall.”
“Yeah, but you might mess up that pretty face.”
She laughs and places her notebook to the side. “This is taking forever to learn.”
“You’ll get it.” I pull on her ponytail, and she twists, gripping me by the arms and pulling me over the couch. “Stop.”
She laughs as she tries to tickle me. My phone pings and we both still.
What is all that noise?
I crawl off Molly’s lap.
Are you stalking me?
I’m outside your door.
Creeper.
Seriously, are you okay? I thought I heard something fall.
That wuz me. I’m clumsy, but fine. Seriously, what are you doing n da hall? Seriously, stalking you. Want food? Will buy.
Is this a date?
I’d prefer to call it lunch.
Taking shower.
With your phone? That’s hot. It’s like you’re with me while you’re naked.
Molly’s hands cover mine over the phone. “Who are you texting?”
“Seth. He asked me to lunch. What should I do?”
Molly laughs and pokes me in the rib. “Go. What else?”
I want to, but I can’t do this on my own. I’m not strong enough to resist him. “Come with us. I can’t leave you here, and I don’t know that I want to go by myself.” The frown on her brow is the one she uses when she’s almost to her decision. “Mole, please.”
“Fine. But I’m taking a shower first.”
Alice?
Can you wait an hour?
For your answer?
No, to eat. Gah, you’re horrible.
That’s why you like me.
I throw the phone on the couch and help Molly to the bathroom. It’s been designed to make her as independent as possible. There are hand rails, a bench, and a dispenser for shampoos, body wash, and conditioner. I help her shave her legs when needed, but we’d talked about going and getting waxed together next week. Shaving her wasn’t a problem, but I constantly worried about nicking her.
We shower and change in a rush of quick hands and bumping knees. I twist Molly’s damp hair into a tight bun and wrap mine up in a messy knot at the base of my head. There wasn’t enough time left to fix it.
Seth knocks at our door right on time, and I’m lacing up Molly’s shoes—for speed, not because she can’t do it herself. “Come in.”
He pushes the door open and steps inside. “Hello, ladies.” Heat rises to my face. He’s in a really good mood, and smiling like I just made his day.
“I hope you don’t mind if Molly comes along.”
He’s quiet for a moment and then smiles. “Absolutely not! I’ll have two pretty girls on my arm.”
He’s laying it on thick, and I really hadn’t known that he could be this cute. It’s disarming. I think that’s his goal.
Molly smiles at his general direction. “We’re ready.”
“Grab your jackets, it’s raining.”
I help Molly into hers, and Seth takes mine from me—at least, he tries to. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you into your jacket.”