Dumb Bunny (3 page)

Just as I was getting hope … another car pulled up.

And phooey!

Sitting in the backseat was—

“MAY! MAY! MAY'S HERE!” she shouted through the open window.

She was clapping and cheering for herself.

Then she jumped out of the car.

And she ran to Lucille's family.

And she started shaking all their hands.

“Hello! Hello! I'm May! And I've come to win the golden egg!” she told them.

She skipped to Lucille and held out her dress.

“Look, Lucille! Look! Look! My dress is frilly just like yours!” she said. “I gave this outfit a lot of thought. ’Cause I wanted us to look like best friends today!”

She threw her arm around Lucille's shoulder.

Sheldon ran up and took it off.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You'll have to pick someone else to be your best friend, May,” he said. “Lucille is
my
best friend these days. Remember?”

May stood there a second. Then she leaned into Sheldon's face.

“You're not
fooling
anyone, Mr. Potts. You're just
pretending
to like Lucille, the same as I am,” she said. “You're just trying to get her to tell you where the golden egg is.”

Lucille looked shocked at that comment.

“That's not true! Is it, Sheldon? You're not just
pretending
to like me, right?” she asked. “’Cause I told you before … I don't know where the golden egg is. My daddy hid it all by himself. And he wouldn't let me peek.”

She glanced at her daddy very annoyed.

“I
tried
to make him tell me where he hid it, Shelsie. But Daddy locked his lips. And he threw away the key.”

Sheldon clenched his fists.

“Drat! The old invisible-key trick,” he said. “I hate that one!”

Finally, he took a breath and calmed himself down.

Then he patted Lucille very sweet.

“Don't worry, my springy little lamb,” he said. “I will
still
find the golden egg and win the playdate. I'm positive I will.”

He lowered his voice kind of private.

“I'm wearing a lucky charm today,” he said real soft.

Lucille's mouth came open at that news.

“A lucky charm?” she shouted. “You have a lucky charm? What is it, Shelsie? What is it?”

Sheldon pointed down at his shirt.

“See that little egg dribble on my collar right there?” he asked. “That little egg dribble ran off my chin at breakfast. And look, Lucille … it landed on my collar, in the exact shape of—”

He paused real dramatic.

“… an
egg,”
he whispered.

Lucille did a shiver.

“Ooooh,
Shelsie!
That seems like magic, almost,” she said.

Sheldon nodded.

“I know it, Lucille. It seems
exactly
like magic, almost,” he said. “My grampa Ned has had every shirt stain in the book. And he said that when egg dribble lands in the shape of an egg, it means—”

Sheldon swallowed hard.

“… may the egg be with me.”

Lucille did another shiver.

Sheldon smiled.

“With a magic-egg shirt like this, I can't lose today, Lucille,” he said. “I just
can't.”

After that, he hurried over to the nanna. And he tried to show her his egg shirt. But the nanna backed up from him.

Then she quick grabbed Lucille's daddy. And she said the words,
Do something!

The daddy cleared his loud throat.

“Boys and girls. May I please have your attention?” he said. “First, I would like to welcome you all to the party today.”

Lucille hopped in front of him.

“Yes! Yes! Welcome to my party! And welcome to my giant house. And welcome to my big, huge yard, too!”

She bent down and touched the grass.

“See how perfect the lawn is cut, everyone?” she said. “That's because we have a real professional gardener. On account of rich people don't know the first thing about yard work. Right, Daddy? Plus rich people don't like to get our hands dirty.”

Everyone looked at the daddy's hands.

He quick put them in his pockets.

Lucille kept on talking.

“And did everyone see my brand-new, expensive Easter dress?” she asked.

She spun around and flounced herself.

“This dress is made out of fancy, floaty chiffon. And fancy, floaty chiffon is as light as a feather,” she said.

She fluffed her flouncy skirt.

“Who would like me to hop in the air and make it float? Please clap your hands,” she said.

But before we could clap, Lucille already started hopping.

She hopped and hopped until sweaty came on her lip.

Then Lucille's mother quick ran over. And she dabbed her face with a tissue.

I looked at Herbert.

“This family has some serious perspiration issues, I believe,” I said.

Just then, Lucille's daddy cleared his loud throat again.

“Children, as all of you know, we're going to be having a picnic and an Easter-egg hunt today. But for this party to go smoothly, we're going to need your complete cooperation
.
Okay?” he asked.

“OKAY!” we shouted back. “OKAY! OKAY!”

The daddy smiled.

“The first thing I'd like you to do is get into a nice straight line,” he said.

“A NICE STRAIGHT LINE! A NICE STRAIGHT LINE!” we shouted again.

Room One is excellent at repeating things.

The daddy looked at us.

“Okay. Fine. As I was saying, if you get into a nice straight line, we'll lead you to the picnic grounds in the back of the house.”

“THE BACK OF THE HOUSE! THE BACK OF THE HOUSE!” we hollered out.

The daddy stopped smiling.

We were starting to get on his nerves, I think.

Next to him, Lucille's mother and nanna were doing deep breathing.

The brother had already gone inside to watch TV.

Finally, all of us got in a nice straight line.

Then the mother and daddy and nanna did a group hug with each other.

And they led us to the picnic grounds.

AND WOWIE WOW WOW!

I could not believe my eyeballs!

’Cause on the way, we passed Lucille's hugie big swimming pool! And it was inside a big glass house!

All of Room One did a gasp at that sight!

I ran to Lucille and hugged her around the middle.

“Lucille! Lucille! You are even richer than you used to be! Your swimming pool is in a big glass house now! And so my play-date with you will be even funner than I thought!”

Lucille took my hands off her.

“Silly Junie B. Jones. You know the rules. If you want the playdate, you're going to have to find the golden egg. And that's not going to be easy. Because my boyfriend Shelsie is wearing his magic-egg shirt,” she said.

She looked at Sheldon and did a wink.

Sheldon winked back.

May was watching that action.

“Hey, hey, hey!” she grouched. “That better not be a secret wink about the golden egg. ’Cause if you're winking about the golden egg, I'm telling!”

She poked Sheldon with her finger.

“I'm going to be watching every move you make, Sheldon Potts,” she said. “I'm going to be all over you like a cheap suit.”

I did a frown at that comment.

I do not know what
a cheap suit
means, exactly.

But here is what I
do
know.

For the first time in my life, May was right, I think.

Whoever wanted to find the golden egg could
not
let Sheldon out of their sight.

Lucille's daddy clapped his loud hands together.

“Boys and girls, please find a seat at one of the picnic tables. Lunch will be served shortly,” he called.

I waited to see where Sheldon was going to sit.

May waited, too.

’Cause both of us had to keep track of that guy, of course.

Only too bad for me.

Because as soon as Sheldon picked a table, Lucille sat down next to him.

And
VAROOM!

May slid in on his
other
side.

And I got shut out!

“Wait! Hold it! No fair!” I said.

Then I quick tried to squeeze myself between May and Sheldon. But May would not budge herself.

I did a
grr
face at her
.

May hissed like a snake.

I stood there very puzzled.

I do not actually have a comeback for a hiss.

Finally, I went to the other side of the table. And I sat down across from them.

“That dumb May,” I grumped to just myself. “She keeps getting one step ahead of me today. Plus Sheldon is one step ahead of me, too.”

I looked across the table.

Lucille was whispering to Sheldon very secret.

May leaned her head over. And she listened through Sheldon's other ear.

Whispers can come right through Sheldon's head, apparently.

I put my chin in my hands.

“I don't stand a
chance
in this stupid egg hunt,” I said to Herb.

He gave me a little pat.

Sometimes a little pat is all a friend can do.

Only guess what?

Just then, something very nice happened!

And it's called,
Lucille's nanna walked over to where I was sitting. And she sat in a chair at the end of my table!

I jumped up real thrilled.

“NANNA! NANNA! LOOK! LOOK!

IT'S ME! IT'S JUNIE B. JONES! AND YOU ARE SITTING RIGHT EXACTLY NEXT TO ME!” I shouted.

The nanna glanced her eyes at Lucille's mother and daddy.

“Yes. I know, dear. I lost the coin toss,” she said kind of annoyed.

I sat back down and tickled her arm.

“This reminds me of when we ate dinner together last year,” I said. “That was very fun. Except I accidentally broke your crystal glass. Remember that, Nanna? Huh? Do you?”

The nanna nodded.

“Oh yes. I remember,” she said.

I thought back. “Plus I accidentally busted your feather pillow. And if I'm not mistaken, I spilled beanie weenies on your expensive linen tablecloth,” I said.

The nanna looked at me.

“You're not mistaken,” she said back.

I smiled and patted her hand.

“Good times,” I said real soft.

May heard me talking.

“Well, Lucille and I are going to have good times, too. Right, Lucille? When I come to swim in your pool, that will
really
be good times,” she said.

Sheldon looked at her and grinned.

“Don't count your chickens before they're hashed, May,” he said.

The nanna did a little chuckle.

“I think you mean
hatched
, dear. It's don't count your chickens before they're
hatched.
Not
hashed
,” she said.

Sheldon raised his eyebrows.

“Really? Are you
sure?
’Cause at our house, my aunt Bunny brings chicken hash for dinner every Sunday,” he said. “Chicken hash is her specialty.”

He smiled real proud.

“Aunt Bunny was a chef in prison,” he said.

The nanna's face went funny.

She lowered her head to the table. And she rested her cheek on her napkin.

I leaned my face down next to her.

“Speaking of bunnies … Lucille said the Easter Bunny would be here today. Only I haven't actually seen him yet. And so where is he, anyway, Nanna?” I asked.

Lucille did a huff at me.

“Nosy Junie B. Jones. Why did you have to ask that question?” she said. “My nanna does not want to talk about that. Do you, Nanna? You made a teensy little mistake about the bunny. And you don't want any-one to know about how you almost ruined the party.”

The nanna did a groan.

Lucille kept on talking.

“My nanna was in charge of hiring the Easter Bunny. Only instead of hiring the
real
Easter Bunny, she hired a cheap,
fake
Easter Bunny. Right, Nanna?”

The nanna did not reply.

Lucille went on.

“The fake bunny came to our house to get his pay yesterday. Only his fur was real matty. And the top of his ear was chewed off. But he told my nanna that he
freshened up
nicely. And so Nanna gave him cash money in advance. And then he hopped out the front door. And he never came back.”

The nanna raised her head. “Thank you, Lucille,” she said. “Thank you for sharing that with everyone.”

“You're welcome, Nanna,” said Lucille very pleasant. “You're welcome.”

The nanna rolled her eyes.

Lucille does not understand sarcastic, I believe.

Just then, Lucille's daddy stood up at his picnic table. And he said it was time “to get this show on the road.”

He held up a silver bell and rang it in the air.

TING-A-LING-A-LING!

TING-A-LING-A-LING!

Then boom!

Waiters started bringing food from all over the place.

And it was the deliciousest food I ever saw!

There were barbecued hamburgers! And tasty hot dogs! And crispy chicken fingers! And crunchy salad! And yummy potato chips! And sweetish pickles! Plus there were even delicious devilish eggs!

“Whoa! What a spread!” I said.

I stuffed a devilish egg in my mouth. Also I stuffed in a pickle. And some chips! And a giant chicken finger!

I didn't stop stuffing for a real long time.

Then finally, I leaned back. And I rubbed my big fat tummy.

“Whew! I am about to bust a gusset!” I said. “Are you, Nanna? Huh? Are you about to bust a gusset, too?”

The nanna frowned her eyebrows. “Ladies don't bust
gussets
, Junie B.,” she said.

I was surprised to hear that information.

“Really?” I said. “Then what do ladies bust?”

Roger raised his hand.

“At our house, we bust our guts,” he said.

Herb smiled.

“At our house, we bust our buttons,” he said.

Sheldon stood up.

“At our house, we just unzip our pants,” he said.

After that, everyone at our table laughed and laughed.

Except for not the nanna.

Finally, all of us got finished eating. And the waiters took our plates away.

Then wowie wow wow!

Lucille's daddy brought out the most beautiful box I ever saw!

It was wrapped in shiny yellow paper with twirly, curly ribbons!

He held it way high in the air so all of us could see.

“Whoa! Whose birthday is it?” I shouted real excited.

Lucille jumped up and giggled.

“That's not a
birthday
present, Junie B. It's a
game
prize!” she said. “Before we hunt for eggs, we're going to play a very fun game. And whoever wins that prize will get the thrill of a lifetime! Right, Daddy?”

The daddy smiled.

“Well, we certainly
hope
the winner will be thrilled,” he said. “It's a pretty good prize, we think.”

Just then, he put down the box. And he pulled a big jar of jelly beans out of a paper bag.

“This game is called the Jelly Bean Game,” he said. “Can everyone see all the jelly beans in the jar? We've got lots of colors, don't we? We've got reds and yellows and blues and blacks and greens and oranges and whites.”

He stopped and held up his finger.

“But,”
he said, “in this whole big jar of jelly beans, there is just one
purple
one.”

All of us made a hushy sound.

“OOOOH,” we said together. “JUST ONE PURPLE ONE.”

The daddy smiled.

Then he put the jar back in the bag so we couldn't see the colors anymore.

“Okay. Now I'm going to walk around to each picnic table. And each of you will have a chance to reach in the jar and pull out a jelly bean,” he said. “But remember. You may only pull out
one
, okay?”

“OKAY!” we hollered. “OKAY! OKAY!”

Lucille hurried over and held up the beautiful box.

“And remember this, too! The first person to pull out the
purple
jelly bean will get this prize!” she said. “The thrill of a lifetime!”

All of us clapped and clapped.

Then we bounced and giggled and wiggled and clapped. And we waited for the jelly-bean jar to come to us.

It was the nervousest wait of my life, I think. Because what if someone got the purple jelly bean before I even got my turn? That would ruin my whole entire chance!

I put my hands in front of my eyes.

Then I peeked through my fingers.

And I watched the children pick.

Roger's table went first.

He picked a red bean.

Then Camille picked an orange bean.

And Chenille picked a green bean.

And Shirley picked a blue bean.

My table came next.

My heart beat faster.

José picked a yellow bean.

Then Lennie picked a white bean. And May picked
another
white bean. And Sheldon picked a black bean.

And then at last! At last!

It was time for
me!

My heart was pounding like crazy.

I bent over and did some deep breathing.

The daddy held out the bag to me.

I breathed some more.

“Okay, Junie B.,” he said. “Anytime now.”

I stood up and did a gulp.

Then, very slow, I reached my hand inside the bag. And I felt all around for purple.

I wrinkled my eyebrows real curious.

“Hmm. What does purple feel like, I wonder?” I said to just myself.

The daddy said
please hurry up.

I swished my fingers through the jar some more.

Then, all of a sudden, I
felt
it, I tell you!

I felt
purple!

It felt roundish … and beanish … and purplish!

I grabbed it real tight.

Then I quick pulled my hand out of the jar.

And I opened up my fingers.

AND GUESS WHAT?

GUESS WHAT?

GUESS WHAT?