Dumping Billy (14 page)

“Look at the bracelet Michael gave me,” she said hurriedly, holding up her wrist for them to see the sad little silver chain and the thin charm that hung from it.

They barely glanced at Kate’s wrist. With her usual amount of discretion, Bev opened her mouth. “Yeah, what happened to Michael the doctor?” she wanted to know. “Bina told me about him.”

“Why isn’t he here? Is he gone already?” Barbie asked.

Kate shook her head. “He’s away at a conference. Elliot is a nice change.” Elliot and Kate exchanged looks of love. Barbie raised her eyebrows.

“What is Michael’s sign, anyway?” Bev asked.

“Well, I’m not sure, but I think it might be—”

“Wait a minute,” Barbie interrupted. “What’s going on here?” Kate watched suspicion bloom on her face. “Bina, the ring!” she exclaimed. Then suddenly, without a moment’s notice, Barbie reached across the table and grabbed Bina’s wrist, yanking her hand from Kate’s grip. There was a moment of total silence at table nine. Bina’s naked hand, still French manicured, lay like a dying whitefish on the hot pink tablecloth.

Chapter Fourteen

W
here the hell is it?” Barbie demanded. “My father sold Jack a perfect stone.” She looked down at the ringless finger and then back up at Bina, whose face was scrunched up as she tried to hold back tears. “Wait a minute!” Barbie said as the light began to dawn. To her credit, there was true concern in her high-pitched voice. “Bina, is everything okay with Jack?”

Two waiters arrived and began distributing plates of chicken and vegetables. Kate hoped it would give Bina a distraction, but she paid no attention to the bland food in front of her.

“Yes . . . in a way,” Bina managed. Bev and Barbie exchanged looks, then frowned.

“Okay. How is it okay?” Barbie pressed.

“Well, after his trip we’ll get . . . we’ll probably get engaged then, after—”

“I knew it!” Bev exclaimed. “Mercury is in retrograde!”

“Very true,” Brice said. “It’s affected my whole law practice.”

But the distraction didn’t work. “You lost him, Bina!” Barbie said. “After six years on the hook, you still couldn’t reel him in?”

“Barbie!” Kate remonstrated. Elliot put his arm protectively around Bina’s little shoulder.

“Oh, God! Are you holding up okay?” Bev asked with genuine sympathy.

“Yes . . . and no,” Bina said, and then began to cry outright.

“Well, is it yes or no?” Barbie asked.

“Looks like no to me,” Johnny said, pushing away his plate and rising. He shot a look at Bobby, who nodded, wolfed down one last forkful of chicken, and pushed back his chair. “Uh, we’ll get some drinks,” he offered, and he and Bobby abandoned the table.

“Honey, is there anything we can do to help?” Barbie asked.

“Well, I’ve been staying with Kate, and Elliot, Max, and Brice have been a major support,” Bina told her friends through her tears. “Look, I’m fine,” she began. “I cried for a little while, but now I have found”—she looked fuzzily at Brice—“a new focus.”

“Right!” Barbie chimed in. “Focus on the possibilities.” She smiled at Brice. “You miss one bus, there’s always another. A door closes and a window opens. You lose one house and you find one next door.”

“Wrong street,” Elliot muttered to Kate, who shushed him.

Kate couldn’t let the charade go on. “Brice and Elliot are here together,” she said.

“Well, we can see that,” Bev said.

“No, I mean they’re
really
together.” Kate watched as the realization of what she said slowly dawned on all of the guests around the table. Despite
Queer Eye
and
Boy Meets Boy
—or maybe because of them—the old Brooklyn crowd felt that gay was a reality, but only on TV.

There was a pause. At last Bev spoke. “No wonder you guys are so well-dressed.”

Barbie turned to Bina. “And just because you’re desperate now, showing up with these guys doesn’t mean there can’t be a—” she cleared her throat—“a straight guy in your future. No offense meant.”

“No offense taken,” Elliot assured them.

“Yeah, look at Bunny,” Bev said, waving her hand with its unbelievably long nails toward the bridal table. “Less than two months ago, she got dumped. Then she met her Arnie . . . and everything turned around.”

“I don’t want everything to turn around,” Bina sniffed. Kate was actually grateful for the wine Bina had consumed, because without it there would be floods of tears. “I want Jack. . . .”

Eventually the waiters returned and removed the dishes, replacing them with a limp salad. A waltz began, and the seductive swell of Strauss drew their gazes toward the dance floor. At first, Kate was glad of any diversion, but then she realized the only two dancers were Billy and Bunny, whom he was twirling expertly around the floor. Kate, along with every other woman in the room, admired his moves, his mastery, and all the rest of him. His grace made Bunny look good. Spontaneous applause broke out, and then other couples started to join them on the dance floor. Kate was about to casually ask about him when Bobby and Johnny finally returned to the table, carrying a tray full of drinks. Kate was thankful for hers but had trouble swallowing at the sight of Bina guzzling down a Jack Daniel’s with Coke.

“Oh, look at Bunny! Thank God she lost those last five pounds,” Barbie said. “I told her not to buy a size six when you’re an eight. It wasn’t like she had eight months to lose the weight. She’d been on the Häagen-Dazs diet after she got dumped the last time. Then bim bam boom, and she’s getting married.”

“It was in the stars,” Bev said dreamily.

Kate was distracted from the conversation as the waiter stepped in to pour coffee. “She bought the dress three weeks ago,” Barbie told them. “And they only got this date at all because another couple eloped. It’s too bad. If she had done some Pilates, she could have worn a bias cut. They’re big now.”

“Stop!” Kate interjected. “She looks beautiful because she’s happy.”

Brice looked out at the couples on the dance floor. “I’m not sure I like her dress, but I like her taste in grooms,” he said, snapping a Polaroid of Bunny and Billy as they passed by. There was greater interest and enthusiasm in Brice’s voice than Kate would’ve preferred, but it didn’t seem as if anyone else noticed.

“Oh, that is
not
her husband!” Barbie sneered. “That’s Billy.” Apparently a raw spot had been touched. “He’s the guy who dumped her, but he introduced her to Arnie.”

Kate leaned back to see around the waiter who was carrying the tray of dessert. Then, as clear as a movie flashback, Kate remembered the glimpse she had gotten of the man in SoHo, the one Bina had pointed out. Of course. She
had
seen him before.

“See, Bina? It could happen to you,” Bev said, her voice warm with encouragement. “I’ll do your chart and see what’s up. It could be a Taurus,” she added archly to Brice.

“And what a lucky Taurus he would be,” Brice said gallantly. He sat back in his chair and picked up the developed picture of Billy. “Ooh, pretty,” he said to himself, and slipped the photo into his pocket.

“Sure,” Bina slurred.

“One day dumped and the next engaged,” Barbie told her.

“I have not been dumped!” Bina exclaimed.

“Can you believe Billy’s actually the best man?” Barbie asked the table at large, apparently still stuck on the subject.

“Didn’t you date him right before you met me?” Johnny asked his wife. Bev blushed as she nodded that she had indeed dated the man in question. “I went out with him for a few weeks, right before we met, but it didn’t work out.” She leaned over and kissed her husband. “Anyway, he’s an Aries,” she offered by way of explanation.

“He’s an asshole,” Barbie clarified. “He’s the asshole who dumped Bunny.”

For once Kate was forced to agree with Barbie. Her assessment of the guy had been right: too good-looking, too facile, too smooth.

“Good old Billy,” Bina said, clearly close to drunk. “Let’s drink to ‘Dumping Billy.’”

“Dumping Billy?” Elliot asked with interest. “Why do you call him that?”

“Because he’s turned dumping women into a major lifestyle,” Barbie told him.

“He’s not really a bad guy,” Bev said. “It’s hard for an Aries to commit.”

Johnny snorted. “I can’t believe you actually dated him.”

“Well, I wasn’t the only one,” Bev replied, on the defensive, “was I, Barbie?”

“No,” Barbie said bravely, “Billy was the last guy I dated before I got married to Bobby. But he didn’t mean a thing to me. When I broke up with him—”

“Excuse me?” Bev asked. “Reality check. He broke up with you.”

“Whatever. He’s not really so terrible. He’s fun, and he’s got a great sense of style. It’s just that the word
commitment
isn’t in his vocabulary.”

Brice leaned across the table to whisper to Kate, “Elliot was so right. This is so much better than
The Young and the Restless.
But a lot less realistic.”

“That’s because soap operas are art, and this is not real life,” Kate told him. She didn’t even want to imagine the feedback she’d get from these two after this nightmare was over.

She looked over at Elliot, who had taken out a pencil and paper. “Let me see if I have all the facts right,” he said to himself. She wondered what in the world he could be up to. But before she got a chance to ask, Bina stood up unsteadily and decided that this was the moment to announce to the assembly just how unhappy she was.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” she said, “you are looking at Bina Horowitz, loser and future spinsper.”

“Spinster,” Brice corrected.

“Whatever,” Bina said, and tried to climb up on her chair. Elliot caught her before she fell, but he couldn’t stop her from raising her voice. “Single women can have children, you know. Not just Rosie O’Donnell. Michael Jackson did it, and he wasn’t even a woman. I’m a woman, goddammit!”

Despite the incredible din in the room, people were beginning to stare. Luckily, at that moment, the sound system crackled and Billy Nolan’s voice covered Bina’s.

“Excusez moi,”
Billy tried once, and then tapped the microphone and said more loudly, this time in English, “Excuse me. Everyone?” The chattering continued until finally he tapped the microphone so firmly that the high-pitched squeal of feedback quieted the crowd. “Stop talking!” Billy nearly shouted at them all. It was a perfect opportunity to get Bina calmed down. Kate and Brice tried to take her by the hand as she resisted. Meanwhile, over the speakers Billy Nolan seemed to be having trouble of his own. “Jeez, I know it’s imp-possible for B-Brooklyn women to b-be quiet, b-but if you could just g-give a guy a b-break here.”

Kate cringed as he struggled to overcome his stammer. Kate looked down at the bracelet Michael had given her and sighed. Then she turned to see what Elliot thought of Billy, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention. In fact, he looked as if he were trying to solve a math problem. As the best man started to lift his glass in a toast, Elliot was scribbling frantically on his napkin with a pen.

“I raise
my
glass to Arnie and Bunny,” Billy began.
“À vous, mes amis. Toujours l’amour.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Barbie spat, rolling her eyes, “he’s pretending to be French again.”

“Who in the hell does that guy think he is?” Bobby wanted to know. “Speak English!” he shouted from the table.

“Sorry”—Billy blushed—“English it is.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I, uh—I introduced Arnie to B-Bunny,” he said quickly. “I’ve known Arnie for years, and B-Bunny . . . well, I’ve known her, too!”

Kate frowned at the chorus of salacious hoots and catcalls that caused Bunny to blush and Arnie to hang his head. Kate wondered about Billy’s stammer. If he was putting it on, he was an even bigger asshole than she suspected. Fortunately he made the rest of his toast French free and brief.

“Congratulations to Arnie and Bunny!” he said. “They’re good p-p-people. And marriage is a beautiful thing . . . to witness from afar. To Arnie and Bunny.” He lifted his glass to signal that he was finished.

The crowd cheered and clinked their glasses with their silverware, and Arnie and Bunny obligingly kissed. When the cheering and jeering stopped, Kate turned to the others at the table and asked, “Did you two really date him?” Bev and Barbie nodded ruefully and shrugged.

At that moment the band started playing again, and people drifted back onto the dance floor. This should have been all right, since it would make slipping out unnoticed easier. Except Elliot stood up and excused himself from the table. “Where do you think you’re going?” Kate asked. “We ought to get Bina out of here.”

“I’ll be right back,” he said, and hurried into the crowd.

Kate kept hold of Bina and watched as couples did the twist and slow-danced to “Every Breath You Take.” Finally, Elliot returned. He had a self-congratulatory look on his face.

“Where have you been?” Kate demanded. “We must take Bina home. She’s all ready to start doing the hora all by herself.”

“I was just doing a little probability research,” Elliot replied.

“Great!” Kate snapped. “Why? Going to set up a whole new group of word problems for third-grade math in a wedding hall? If X serves four cocktail wieners to three guests and Y serves two stuffed—”

“Look, statistics are involved,” Elliot said, “but no word problems will be solved. Merely a romantic one. You’ll see.” He turned to Brice. “Get her left arm,” he said, pointing at Bina. “And I’ll get her right.”

Without a word, the two men surrounded Bina and coolly and unobtrusively led her away from the table, across the room, and out the exit. Kate followed, forbidding herself to turn and take one last look at Billy Nolan.

Chapter Fifteen

S
ome days later, as Kate finished her notes and was ready to lock them in her file cabinet for the night, the phone rang. She hadn’t seen Michael for over a week. He’d been off on a seminar, and she’d been held hostage by Bina since the wedding. Tonight he was coming to dinner, and she expected his call. She lifted the receiver.

“Kate?” It wasn’t Michael’s voice, nor was it a voice she recognized. Male, youngish sounding, but deep.