Dust of Snow (15 page)

“Gregory,” he whispered.

I surged up and kissed him, not caring my
mouth was probably less than minty fresh, but from the response I
got, I didn’t think Ash cared either. He growled deep in his chest.
I felt it reverberate against my hand on his sternum, and he
wrapped his arms around me, dragging me on top of him.

“What do you want?” I asked in his ear,
rasping my five o’clock shadow against his. Ashley opened his
knees, bracketing my hips, and I bit back a moan. He was so hard I
could feel the wet patch on his boxers against my belly.

“I just want to feel good, and make you feel
good.”

“I’m sure we can manage that.” I let my
weight rest on his body, and Ashley’s eyes rolled back right before
he closed them.

Make him feel good. I could do that.

As I kissed my way down his throat, over his
collarbones and toward his nipples, David’s voice rang in my ear.
You know, until now I never thought it was possible for anyone
to fuck up a blow job, but you managed it
.

The memory was like a punch to the gut, and I
hesitated with Ash’s nipple in my mouth. My eyes began to burn and
I squeezed them shut, but just then Ashley moaned loudly, pressing
up against me as he held my head in place. I nearly sobbed, the
breath hitching in my chest. David had been stoically silent if
something felt good, as if he resented feeling pleasure. Not
Ashley, who was calling me
so sweet, so good, oh God don’t
stop
, as I trailed a line with my mouth to his other nipple,
the soft hair on his chest tickling my face.

“Gregory,
shit
,” he hissed when I bit
his nipple. His knees came up and squeezed my hips, his cock
grinding against my belly. He petted my shoulders, and I kissed my
way down while a chorus of fervent prayers escaped Ashley, aimed at
a deity I hoped would approve of what we were doing. “Oh God. Oh
baby. Oh God, oh
God
.” He pushed his fingers into my hair
when I licked his belly button and he bucked, his hips coming off
the bed.

I loved it. I reveled in how he responded to
me. I’d never believed this could be real—never thought anyone
could feel so freely outside of porn.
Baby
. David had never
called me anything unless he was insulting me.
Idiot. Moron.
Stupid
. To hear Ashley speak to me so tenderly made my heart
swell until it felt lodged thickly in my throat.

By the time I peeled his boxers off, Ashley
was writhing, almost wild, one hand tugging at my hair, the other
at his own. I wanted to say something, but my heart was in the way
and no sound came out of my mouth.

I kissed his groin when his boxers were gone,
and then lifted to mouth at his cock. Ash made a broken sound that
set every nerve ending in my body on fire. I could feel tears
prickling, and I was glad Ashley’s eyes were squeezed shut. I
sucked at the base of his cock, gently fingering his balls, and his
sac tightened in my palm. I worked my way up until I could slide my
lips over the tip and tongue the slit.

“Fuck,” Ashley groaned, only it came out as
fuuuuck
while his entire torso arched off the bed. His chest
was red, a blush that stretched all the way over his throat up to
his cheeks. His hips kept moving in little hitches, like he wanted
to push into my mouth but had enough awareness left not to. I
listened to the things he was saying, to the noises he was making,
until the emotions finally flowed over, and I could taste my own
salt along with his. I took him deeper, sucked harder, and pressed
my knuckles against his taint.

I teased the precome from his slit with the
tip of my tongue until nothing but mindless noise fell from
Ashley’s mouth. The light was dim, but I thought he was watching me
at last, his hands on my hair, my shoulders, stroking, petting,
until his shoulders twitched off the bed, his stomach taut.

“Gregory,” he gritted out, his voice
sex-hoarse. “Baby, I’m gonna come. It’s so good. Oh God,
please
.”

Never in all the years I’d been with David
had he asked for anything in bed, never mind said please. He’d just
taken. I grasped Ashley’s cock, jacking him hard as I sucked at the
head, fluttering fingers over his hole until he bucked and cried
out, “Now,
now
! Don’t stop!”

His nuts tightened, his cock thickened, and
his entire body bowed back and then forward. He sat up, clutching
my head as he spilled in my mouth, his rich flavor coating my
tongue as I swallowed and swallowed. He didn’t give himself much
time to come down but dragged me up along with him when he lay down
again. He held me close as he worked my underwear down my legs and
jerked me off as I gasped, heaving breaths against his shoulder
until I came so hard my vision went gray.

I was pretty sure I heard sleigh bells
ring.

TEN

MORNINGS AFTER HAD a tendency to be awkward, and ours
wasn’t helped by me waking up to a cold, empty bed. The darkness in
the room had my body believing it was still early, while my mind
was convinced I’d slept much longer than I usually did. When I
reached for my phone, I swore softly. It was already ten a.m.

Part of me wanted to huddle in bed a bit
longer and put off the reluctant trudge downstairs. I didn’t know
what I might find waiting for me there, and I didn’t think I could
take regret. I hadn’t felt so good in somebody’s arms for
years.

Still, waiting would only ratchet up the
nerves, so I swung my bare legs out of bed and hunted down
yesterday’s clothes. After a quick bathroom break, I tiptoed
downstairs and peeked into the kitchen. No Ashley, but I could
smell fresh coffee and toast. The living room was empty too,
although the Christmas tree was lit. I peeked through another door
but saw only an empty dining room.

“Hey.”

“Sweet baby Jesus.” I clutched my
metaphorical pearls and swung around.

“Sorry, I was in my office answering some
e-mails.” Ashley smiled a bit apologetically, and I hoped with all
I had it was for startling me, and nothing more. He was fully
dressed and looked so cozy I wanted to hug him and not let go.

“On Christmas morning? I’m pretty sure that’s
a sin. If not against God than Santa.”

The smile on Ashley’s face deepened, and his
dimples melted my heart. “Yeah? Considering what we got up to last
night, it’s a bit late to start thinking of sins, don’t you
think?”

I tried to keep my tone light. “Touché.
Listen, you don’t… you don’t regret it, do you?” He gave me an odd
look. “I mean, I don’t know. I feel like I might’ve taken advantage
of your guard being down or something.”

“What?” Ashley blinked before laughing
softly. “Because of the nightmare thing? God, no. Seriously, I know
it’s weird when that happens, and if you, uh, stick around, it’ll
probably happen again. But now that you know about it, I’m fine
with it.” He hesitated, his lovely eyes fixing on mine. “Unless it
bothers you. If you regret last night, I—”

“No,” I quickly said. “No, not at all. To be
honest…”

“Yes?” He reached for my hand and twined his
fingers with mine, squeezing in encouragement.

“This might come out wrong, but it felt good…
that you needed me.” Suddenly it was too much to look at him, and I
stared at our hands instead. Ashley gathered me close and pressed a
kiss to my temple. I exhaled and relaxed against him.

“Good,” he murmured, his breath warm against
my cheek. “You want some coffee, Sleeping Beauty?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

We went into the kitchen and I let Ashley
make me toast while I poured us coffee. We sat at the glass table
and he watched me devour my breakfast like I hadn’t eaten in days.
“What? I’m a growing boy.”

Ashley waggled his eyebrows at me. “I noticed
that last night.”

“Geez.” My cheeks flamed. That was another
thing David had never done—talk about sex. Unless it was to tell me
all the things I’d been doing wrong.

As if he’d plucked the thought from my mind,
Ashley concentrated on his coffee mug and said, “Do you want to
tell me a little bit about your relationship with David?”

“I… what?” I put the last piece of orange
marmalade toast down, mourning my appetite as it fled. “Why?”

Ashley chewed that over for a minute, his
eyes searching my face like it might hold all the answers. At last
he reached a hand across the table, and without conscious thought I
let go of my mug and met him halfway.

“Baby,” he said, voice low, “you cried for
half an hour after we fucked last night.”

Shit
. “I thought you were sleeping. I
didn’t mean to bother you.”

Ash blew out a long breath. “You didn’t
bother
me. You get that, right? That I really like you? That
I care about you?”

“What can I say,” I mumbled weakly. “I’m an
emotional fucker.”

Ashley snorted, and a smile tugged at my
mouth. The snort turned into a giddy laugh that sounded half
guilty, as if he wasn’t sure he should be laughing at all.

His smile faded. “Tell me. Please?”

I sighed and eased my hand from Ashley’s. I
ran it through my hair and crossed my arms over my chest. “I guess
I didn’t realize it when I was stuck in the middle of the
relationship, but things with David hadn’t been working for some
time. It’s just been a while since someone made me feel good like
that.”
Years
. “He resented feeling pleasure, or something.
Or maybe he resented it coming from me. I don’t know what it
was.”

“Did he make you feel bad about it?”

I shrugged. “A bit.”

“A bit? Or a lot?” My silence must’ve spoken
like a trilogy because he walked around the table and wrapped his
arms around me from behind. “That’s abuse, Gregory.”

“David?” My voice shot up in surprise. “He
didn’t abuse me. I know he got handsy at the party and in my house,
but he was never like that before. Honestly.”

“Physical abuse isn’t the only kind.”
Ashley’s arms sent warm thrills through me. He lifted his hand and
placed it over my heart. “I think you got out just in time, but he
still hurt something in here.”

“You know a broken heart is just between your
ears, right?”

“I’m not talking about your heart. I’m
talking about everything. Your self-esteem. Your first instinct
when someone does something nice for you is to think it’s a joke.”
He pulled out the chair beside me and sat, peering at me intently.
“You do so much for other people and don’t think you’re good enough
to get anything in return. I think the way David treated you has a
lot to do with that.”

I stared at my mug, shifting uncomfortably. I
gulped my coffee. “Okay, I’ll agree my relationship with David was
less than ideal, but don’t call it abuse. It wasn’t, okay? People
who are beaten up, or-or worse… that’s abuse.”

“Okay. Can I just say one more thing?” At my
nod, he continued. “The things he made you feel still affect who
you are a whole year after he left. It’s okay to accept that he
mistreated you, and that it left a mark. Don’t apologize for it,
and don’t apologize for him. Nobody’s perfect, but you deserve
better.”

I nodded. I found it hard to accept what he
was saying, even though rationally I knew he was making sense.

“Now.” Ashley’s eyes twinkled. “Can I have a
kiss?”

I nearly laughed that he asked so sweetly,
considering what we’d been up to in the middle of the night. I bit
it back and shifted, leaning in. A flashback of me hiding my wet
face against his shoulder had me hesitating.

“Don’t.”

I blinked at him. “What?”

“I can tell you’re closing off. Whatever
you’re thinking—” he softly shook his head— “please don’t.”

“I was just… about the post-coital
breakdown…”

“Don’t worry about that. What happens in bed
stays in bed, right?”

“Oh yeah?” I turned in my chair, wriggled my
feet between his, and pried his legs apart. “What about what
happens in the kitchen?”

The choked noise he made had me laughing, and
a giddy pleasure rolled down my spine. Nerves, yes, but also a
confidence I didn’t know I still possessed. Ashley’s already dark
eyes grew sooty, a stark contrast to the flush that crept up his
cheeks. I reached out and touched the hollow of his throat; his hot
skin was almost burning. With my fingertip I traced the line of his
clavicle, pushing his V-neck sweater aside.

He turned his head, baring more skin, and I
ran my fingers along the tendon of his throat. The timbre of his
voice traveled up my fingertips when he breathlessly said, “The
kitchen can be a safe place too.”

“Yeah?” I whispered, and Ashley nodded. “Have
you been naughty or nice?”

He huffed out a laugh, shuddering as I
nuzzled his neck. “I’m not sure what the right answer is.”

I straddled him on the chair and bent to kiss
his shoulder, stretching the collar of his sweater even farther
before lightly biting the muscle there. Ashley thrust up with his
hips and groaned, a helpless sound. I wanted to have him. I
needed
to fuck him. A rush of covetous lust I’d never felt
before raced through me. “Do you have any condoms?” I asked, mouth
lightly pressed to his ear.