Dying For A Chance (13 page)

            “My name is Samantha Tern, representative for the Eire Tours company. It seems as though we are going to be spending the next 4 hours together.” I stuck out my hand in an attempt to clear the slate with a professional handshake. Instead, the Captain took my hand and with one strong pull lifted me up the ramp and onto the deck. My sensible travel shoes slipped on the wet surface and I fell immediately into his chest.

            “Dillon, nice to meet you Sam.” He had a crooked smile that made him look like he was laughing at some inside joke.

            I rested for a moment on his chest and felt a cool breeze across my cheek. His embrace had jarred something in my memory and I felt suddenly awkward and unsure. I pushed back to set myself upright and stared into his handsome face, he had to be close to my age with a rough around the edges quality that made him seem roguish. His wild hair was short but the wind pulled at it madly and I felt the impulse to smooth it back over his ears. I stopped myself, hand in the air and quickly tucked my hand behind my head to cover my action.

            “I, ah. I need to get them settled.” I gestured to my guests. “I assume you were told to bring enough life jackets?”

            “Aye, in the front here.” He walked back to his cabin but spun around just before opening the door. “After we’re movin’ come find me.”

            I composed myself a bit before finding my group. They had all lined up around the railings and with just a little instruction were all dressed out in bright orange vests. I considered staying out on the deck myself, the captain was intriguing but I had no intention of clouding my new professional life with some sordid fling. I searched around the box for vests and found that every person had one but me. There was an old one at the bottom but it looked to be filled with sand and packing peanuts for all the good it would do me. I decided to head back in for another one. I told myself that I would just have to keep my head around him and not get caught up in charm and good looks.

~~~

My knock on the cabin door was loud and I thought rather irritating. I told myself that he wouldn’t want to be bothered and nearly turned to walk away when he opened the door. With a gentle hand he led me into the steering cabin which held everything I would expect...the over-sized wheel, the maps, gears and radios but on the side wall there wasn’t a map of Ireland, there was a map of the United States. I was instantly intrigued, I thought the captain might have been an avid traveller so I walked over to take a look.

“D’ya like to travel Sam?” his Irish lilt was deep and romantic sounding, I never got tired of hearing the sound of that accent.

“Oh yes, I started late but I want to travel all over.” I inspected his map of the U.S, put my finger on Tulsa and found that there was a little circle over it. I leaned in closer, there were a few other circles on the map, all were places I recognized. The hair on my neck began to rise.

“Why Ireland?” Dillon walked up behind me and the closeness of his body distracted me, I tensed.

“A friend of mine wanted to go, he never got the chance so I’m here instead.” It was odd telling a perfect stranger that. I didn’t want to tell anyone about Nic.

            “Must have been a good friend. I’m sorry he didn’t get to travel with you” The captain put a hand on my shoulder and I felt a chill creep down my back. He stepped away quickly and went back to maneuvering the boat.

            “Yes, thank you...he was.” I noticed a worn little journal sitting at a table next to the map. It’s pages were folded and pressed, it looked like he’d had it for awhile. I spoke to him over my shoulder as I inspected his book. “I see you have a circle around Tulsa. I’ve been there, I didn’t stay very long but I guess it was nice.”

            “Yeah, it is nice. I was there last year myself.” he spoke from the wheel. “In fact, that’s why I asked you in here...”

            “Really?” Something about his journal caught my attention and I wasn’t focusing on our conversation. A few sticky notes were poking out of the edges of the book and I looked closely at the first. It read S-A-M, T-E-R-N. I flipped to the page that had my name on it. The page was full of information about me, my name and the hospital in Tulsa. There was even a small print out of an online newspaper with my picture after the crash. My heart jumped into my throat, what was this? I spun around and saw Dillon standing at the wheel, he was concentrating hard on steering around the other ships. I did the only thing that made sense. I tossed the book at the back of his head.

            “Ouch, What the...Hey!” Dillon reacted by clutching his head and turning to face me. I raced for the door. “Wait. Sam don’t go” We reached the door at the same time and his strong arms held it closed. I rested my head on the metal frame and spoke through gritted teeth.

            “What is this, some kind of weird internet obsession? If you think I’m going to give you some money or a good story to tell your friends or something....you can’t kidnap me, there are people outside.” I kept babbling, I didn’t know what else to do. That’s when I heard it, the cowboy whistle. The familiar tune from A Fistful of Dollars that I had etched into my brain. It was the only real thing that I’d had to cling onto when Nic left. I turned onto my shoulder and spun to face Dillon. He was whistling that same tune.

“It’s me, it’s Nic” his Irish lilt was pleading. “I came back but I couldn’t get to you.” I shook my head in denial. “I tried, I called the hospital but they wouldn’t tell me anything. So, I did a search for you. I found a bunch of your foster families but none of them knew where you were either. Finally I heard this old man asking for help and I heard your name...I knew it wasn’t a coincidence it had to be you.”

I closed my eyes and continued to shake my head. I’d crumbled when Nic was gone, I couldn’t go through that again. “How, why are you someone else...you don’t look the same at all.”

“It’s complicated.” Nic sighed

“Try” I demanded

“Do you remember that horizon...after you die, the one you see but you can never get to, with the bells and music?” I didn’t want to confirm anything so I stood absolutely still. “I was there, or I was almost there. I tried to fight it but the pull was too strong. Just before I got to the island I saw another man, he looked like he was being pulled back to the world but he didn’t want to go. He was struggling to get to the other side, where I was. I talked to him and found out that his wife and child had passed away and he wanted to be reunited with them. I told him our story and he agreed to let me go back in his place.” Dillon smiled and I could see Nic’s smirk hidden inside. “He did make me promise to visit his folks once in a while, you’d like them they’re quirky.”

“I don’t know...Nic?” I slowly put my hands on his cheeks and tried to imagine those deep brown eyes instead of the breathtaking green ones staring back at me. After all the nights I had cried myself to sleep, all the hollow mornings when I had to convince myself that he wasn't coming back, I just couldn't believe that it was really him. He leaned into me and very gently kissed my cheek. The kiss lit up like frozen fireworks and spread all across my body. It made me gasp and I held onto his arms.

“I’m still frozen like an ice cube, is that going to be a problem?” he whispered in my ear and smiled mischievously.

I laughed and cried at the same time. “No, not a problem...not a problem at all.”

            If you want to know what it’s like to live, I’ll tell you. It’s a lot like your first kiss. Remember how your knees shook and you weren’t exactly sure how everything fit together yet? About three fourths of you were so scared you were going to wet yourself, or burp or fart or do something terribly embarrassing and one fourth of you felt like you could leap off the rooftops and fly. The person you chose to gave your first kiss to was in the exact same situation and while both of you were figuring out which way to tip your heads so your noses wouldn’t bang together something amazing happened. A spark of life, that raw energy that fuels the universe rushed up and pulled you together like joyous magnets. Bang! That’s what it’s like to live.