Dying to Forget (14 page)

After we settle into chairs, Niles leans forward and pats my leg. “I am so sorry your first case ended the way it did. But I’d love to talk to you about it. If you are still willing?”

“Oh! Sure.” This isn’t where I was expecting the conversation to go and I relax into the chair a bit more.

“Piper, are you okay?” Niles scrunches his forehead into a wrinkled V pattern which makes me smile.

“I’m okay. I’m just worried about Sloan.” I look down at my hands.

“Ah, yes, Sloan. You liked him very much, didn’t you?” He smiles again and there is a hint of something playful in his look. I think he’s teasing me!

Rather than give him the benefit of the doubt, I simply nod my head up and down a few times. He reaches up to rub his chin before leaning back into his chair, stretching his legs out under the massive glass table.

“Sloan is an interesting case. It's true that he’s a very wounded boy but he has so much potential. He’s not bad looking either, is he?” He laughs when I gawk at him.

“How do you know about him?” I ask.

“Well, all Intake Specialists know about the cases their Volunteers are on. Though I have to say, Sloan was an interesting match for you. I would have expected your first to be with another girl, about your age. That’s how it works, usually.” He pauses with a curious look on his face.

“Yeah, I was really surprised that my first case had a penis too.”

Niles laughing is a wonderful sound to hear after the events earlier.

“Yes, that must have been a shock.” He chuckles a bit more before leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees.

“From what I was able to see, Piper, I think you did a great job with him.”

My heart swells at his approval. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure sometimes if I was doing it right.” I admit.

“Doing it right? Whatever do you mean?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“You know, my job,” I answer him. “It was harder sometimes than I thought it would be.”

He nods as if he’s considering what I said carefully. He reaches out to take my hand in his before speaking. “Piper dear, you will be an exceptional Volunteer and I’ve known this since you first arrived. Please don’t doubt yourself. That won’t help you here, or your cases down the road. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so. You want me to believe in myself,” I say as I blink back tears. A loose strand of my ash-blonde hair hangs over my eye. I push it behind my ear and take a deep breath, inhaling the subtle aroma of grapefruit.

“Yes, dear. Because if you can’t believe in yourself after all you’ve been through, you are of no help to your future Assignments. Just like Joseph.” He says his name sadly and for a second I almost forget who he is talking about.

“What’s going to happen to him?” I ask softly.

“Oh, he’s already gone, dear. Somewhere where he will be lost in pain and alone with his inner demons forever. It’s heartbreaking but it was the only other option for him.” I can tell that he’s genuinely affected by what has happened.

“Why did he do it?” I ask Niles.

He shakes his head slowly. “No one knows why, Piper. But it’s just so sad that his Assignment not only took his life but also several of his fellow school-mates. It’s just an awful thing all around.”

Several school-mates? No! Oh, Beady Eyes…how could you let this happen?

“How old were they?” My voice is squeaky, like an injured mouse.

“The oldest victim was seventeen and the youngest was two days away from his fifteenth birthday.” Niles rubs at his chin then ends the conversation with a terse nod. “We shouldn’t be talking about this. It’s not our concern, plus, we have other things to discuss before you take your next Assignment.”

Something occurs to me then, a question I didn’t want to ask in front of a group of strangers. “Niles, why are you a Mentor and my Intake Specialist as well?”

“I’m actually phasing out of my job as an Intake Specialist. Soon I won’t be taking any more New Arrivals.”

I feel myself blanch with panic. If he’s no longer my Intake Specialist, who will take care of me? Could I be assigned to someone awful like Tight Bun Lady?

“No need to worry, dear. My Volunteers will always remain my responsibility, so I will always be your Intake Specialist.” He stands and pulls me up to my feet.

"Niles? You mentioned some Volunteers have special Assignments. Why?" I ask as he slowly moves me toward the door.

"Our seasoned Volunteers have been through almost any scenario you can imagine. It is those special people that we choose for cases that take special care. Our children, people of major importance in the world, that have the ability to do real damage on a grand scale…people like that. Those of the opposite sex are usually assigned seasoned Volunteers as well, which is why it was a little surprising that you were given Sloan as your first case." He stops to look down at me before taking a deep breath.

I think he's tired, tired of his job. I don't know how long he's been here. But right now doesn't seem like the appropriate time to ask about it.

“So, there is one thing I wanted to ask you…” he smiles and laughs a little, “…what gave you the idea to use yourself as a fire alarm to wake your Assignment? Because that, my dear, was
brilliant
.”

Niles listens to me with great interest as I recap the last two months with Sloan. Sometimes he laughs, sometimes he seems solemn and lost in thought, but when I’m done he appears to be very pleased with the outcome of my first case. I’m looking for Kerry-Anne’s yellow sundress as we slowly approach the fountain, having just left the Ones Building. There were fewer children inside playing than before but it’s still nice to watch them. I really wish I knew where they moved on to. The sounds of their laughs are infectious and I love that Niles brings me there when we talk.

“There’s your friend, are you meeting her?” Niles gestures to our right where Kerry-Anne sits alone, twirling the hem of her sundress in between her fingers.

“We were going to talk before heading back to the Consignment Building. I wish we could take longer breaks before being assigned a new case.”

I stick my lower lip out in a pout and I am so thankful I have my face to make these expressions. The worst part of being a Volunteer is being trapped in someone else’s mind without your own body. It's impossible for me to express my emotions with just my mind.

“You can go to Training.” Nile says with a smile.

“Right, cause that’s a break.” We both laugh.

“Piper!”

I hear Kerry-Anne’s shy voice an octave higher than usual and glance over my shoulder to wave at her. She seems excited, no doubt ready to share details about our Assignments. We aren’t allowed to share names or specifics – that would be a confidentiality violation.

I hug Niles goodbye and watch him walk into the Admissions Department. When I get close enough for physical contact, Kerry-Anne launches herself at me and wraps her thin arms around my back, squeezing me to her. This sort of physical contact is unusual from her. It makes me curious to find out what has her in such a good mood as I usher her toward the fountain rim to sit.

“Spill!”

It’s all I have to say to give her permission to speak first. She is beaming while she talks. Her brown eyes are aglow with life and I watch with fascination as her glossy black hair brushes her shoulders as if it’s alive when she moves her head up, down and side to side.

My dirty-blonde hair has always been a little too dry and completely unreasonable in any sort of weather. The slightest rise in humidity would make the baby curls around my hairline pop up, causing a rather unsightly curly-halo effect around my face. Beach days were the worst. My hair would end up tangled and looking stringy everywhere but around my temples and forehead, where every short hair would be standing at frizzy attention by the end of the day. But the streak-blonde color I got by the end of summer made all the bad-hair days completely worth it.

I doubted Kerry-Anne
ever
had bad hair days. I try imagining her with frizzed out curls around her face and it makes me giggle softly. I stifle it before she hears me by coughing into my hand. There's no need for coughing at the Station since no one can get sick, but it works…she continues on with her story about her first Assignment. She was fifteen, two months younger than Kerry-Anne and from what it sounds like…they were a perfect match.

“She was just great! I’m so happy she’s better now, you know? But my second Assignment, oh my gosh, she was a handful. She-” I raise my hand in surprise and Kerry-Anne stops talking mid-sentence.

“Wait, your
second
Assignment? How many have you been on?”

“I’ve only been on two. It goes by so slow in the real world, not like the time here. How many have you had?” She asks.

“I was pulled back during my first,” I glower.

I’m still upset that I was ripped away from Sloan before he was ready…before
I
was ready. Kerry-Anne reaches her hand out and pats my knee affectionately. I’ve started to see her as the little sister I never had, except of course minus all the drama of actually having a younger sibling.

“I’m so sorry. First Assignments are very special.” She looks down at her sandaled feet.

“It’s okay. Actually, I think he’s going to be fine.”

I hope that’s true.

“
He
?”

Kerry-Anne balks at me. Her thin, red lips form a perfect circle as she stares at me with her mouth wide open, her large and round eyes unblinking.

“Oh yeah, he was a
he
all right. And sort of gorgeous.” I laugh because Kerry-Anne looks mortified.

“Was there a problem with your match?” She almost whispers the question, as if she is afraid of someone hearing us. The only people around are a few passerby’s moving in between buildings. For this rare moment in time, we have the fountain to ourselves.

“Actually Niles told me that it happens but he said it’s rare for your first case. I guess the older Volunteers typically get matched with the opposite sex more often.”

“What does that mean then, that you were matched to a guy?” She asks nervously.

I shrug. “Who knows, maybe I’m special.” I wink at her, which lightens her mood back to what it was before and we begin comparing notes about our cases again. And of course I know what Kerry-Anne's first question about Sloan will be just before she asks it.

"What were the showers like?"

***

I hang around the fountain for what seems like decades, waiting for the crowds to clear out of the Station. I imagine some if not most of the Volunteers will go back on assignment right away. But the Consignment building is packed and there is such a constant state of motion through the front door that I decide to just sit back and wait a little while longer. Kerry-Anne hung out with me at first until Mallory showed up. I could tell Kerry-Anne was anxious for her next case, so I hugged her and wished her well before she headed off toward the Station’s busiest building to wait in line with the others for her next case.

“How are you?” Mallory asks me.

“I’m okay, still a bit upset I guess about being brought back early.”

“Yeah, me too,” she says.

I stretch out along the rim of the fountain so I’m on my stomach and I love the feeling of the cool tile on my bare legs and arms. After dipping my fingers into the fountain and swirling the crystal clear water around into a mini-whirlpool, Mallory rolls onto her stomach and gently plunges her hand into the water next to mine. Her head is just inches away and I can smell grapefruit again.

“Mallory?” I ask.

“Hmm?”

“Why does our hair smell like grapefruit?”

Mallory pushes up onto her elbows and then her upper body shakes with laughter. When she’s done she wipes a few tears from her eyes before she answers. “Oh wow, I haven’t laughed like that in too long. I really don’t know, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered the same thing.”

She grins at me and I resume my hand twirling in the cold water. She’s still giggling when she lies back down.

“You two look quite comfortable. Almost as if you’re on vacation, or something.”

We both look up to see Carlson Smith standing over us. For a moment I don’t remember him, but then I see the metal clipboard in his hand and I vaguely recall meeting him just after my arrival. He called Niles ‘Abbott’. I’m surprised again by how thin he is. Each bone in his body is visible beneath his worn shirt but his eyes are full of life. He looks briefly at me before his gaze settles on Mallory and he begins to fidget with the pocket of his flannel pajama pants. He seems nervous around her and no wonder…Mallory is a very beautiful girl. All curves, legs and blonde hair. I imagine it’s impossible for her to go unnoticed by any of the men at the Station.

She smiles weakly at Carlson before pushing up onto her knees, taking care to tuck her skirt around her legs discreetly. Once she’s upright, his trance breaks and he looks back at me once more. I notice with a slight pang of jealousy that he doesn’t look at me the way he looks at Mallory. In fact, no one at the Station does.

Figures. I’m undesirable in the after-life too. Oh, well.

Carlson clears his throat, “Piper, Niles is looking for you. I’m on my way to the gate…another New Arrival, so I told him I’d let you know,” he pauses to look at Mallory once again as if he’s afraid he’s been caught in a lie. “If I saw you, of course.”

Of course.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

We watch Carlson scurry off to the gate and Mallory sighs deeply as he passes through the rusted metal in a rush and disappears into the white nothingness beyond it.

“I always feel bad when someone else arrives,” she says.

“Yeah, me too.”

***

“This time will be different, I promise. You’ll be there till the end and you’ll feel better when you get back.”