Dying to Survive (31 page)

1989. This is me studying and being a model student. My homework always came first, before anything else.

1989. My grandparents John and Theresa Keogh. My grandfather taught me about life’s difficulties. My grandmother taught me how to love and get through them.

1990. (
Left to right
) My auntie Marion, my mother, Lynda, and my other auntie Jacqueline. This picture was taken during better times, before they knew the extent of my addiction. But even through the tough times they always remained close.

1999. This picture shows how close my grandmother Theresa and I were. It was taken at my auntie Jacqueline’s wedding. But my grandmother had to send me home early that night because I was so sick and stoned. My make-up and clothes hid the truth of my addiction.

2000. Here I’m with my auntie Marion and her adopted son, Naladun. The picture was taken just after I had split up with Derek, and it was my first real rock bottom. I was very sick, and I’m convinced now that, if I had not gone to Italy at that stage, I would have died.

2005. A picture that makes me sad. I had just left the Rutland Centre, broken up with Derek—and relapsed. This was when I began to self harm.

2005. In the place that brought me to my knees with drugs: Ballymun.

2005. In Ballymun again—probably getting ready to go shoplifting. Without the clothes and make-up, I looked like death warmed up.

2005. The Ballymun blocks were a comfort to me. Deep down, I thought I didn’t deserve any better than the life I was living.

2006. Here I am at the very end of my addiction. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t live for much longer.

2006. I had just been released from prison on the recommendation of Dr Brian Sweeney. The media were my life-line, although how I coped with the pressure I will never know.

2006. At the Mater Hospital, waiting to go into treatment. I was at my lowest ever point—and quickly losing hope.

2006. (
Left to right
) Myself, my brother, Philip, and my mother, Lynda. I was on the road to recovery and waiting to go into treatment. And, I was beginning to build bridges with my family.