Earning Edie (Espinoza Boys #1) (21 page)

The Bookworm was one of our favorite date spots when we weren’t going to movies. We’d never really done the romantic dinner, nor did we spend much time alone. Now, because of Nick’s accusations, I was questioning everything about our cautious relationship.

I didn’t want Nick to be right, but my gut told me his explanation made a lot more sense than any of mine.

When Lily dropped me off, Jaime already waited at the entrance, lounging against one of the building’s brick supports. He looked comfortable in his skin, his tousled hair glinting in the sunlight and his nicely tanned  forearms crossed over his chest. He didn’t look like someone hiding a huge secret from the world.

“Hey, you!” Jaime called.

A smile lit up his face as I approached. It brought out his dimples and brightened his pale blue eyes. He really was cute, in a boyish way. The girls at school had always been wild about Jaime, the quiet, aloof one in the crowd of jocks.

Now I had to wonder ... was it shyness, or had something else held him back from plowing through girls like his best friend did?

That smile made it that much harder to face the conversation ahead. No matter what happened, someone was going to be hurt today.

“Hi.”

I forced a small smile, but he could tell something was wrong. I could barely meet his eyes, and my face felt stiff, as if it were emblazoned with my questions for him to read.

“You okay?”

Putting his hand on the small of my back, Jaime guided me to the small coffee shop tucked inside the bookstore. He pulled out a chair for me at the small, two-top table, before dropping into his own seat.

He’d always been good with these gentlemanly gestures. It was the less gentlemanly type he avoided.

“You look stressed.”

I nodded. “Something happened.”

He leaned forward, concerned for me. “What? Something else with your parents?”

I shook my head. “No, with Nick.”

He sat back, putting space between us suddenly. “Oh.”

He looked down and huffed a small laugh. Shook his head.

“Carlos warned me, but I didn’t take him seriously.”

“Warned you about what?”

“Look, Edie, let’s not draw this out. If you want to break up with me…” He trailed off with a sigh, waiting for me to fill in the blank.

My heart clenched at the hurt look in his eyes. Maybe Nick was entirely wrong. I reached forward and seized his hand.

“It’s not that, Jaime, it’s just …”

I took a big breath and exhaled an avalanche of words.

“We had this big fight, and he sort of implied that you didn’t … that you were… that, um—” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “—that you actually like guys.”

Jaime’s hand tightened on mine painfully. I looked up to see him frozen, a horrified expression on his face.

“Is it true?” I whispered.

I flashed back over every date we had. The polite hand-holding. The nice but tame kisses at the end of each date. The missing frisson of excitement I’d felt each time Nick kissed me.

I thought the problem was me because I was harboring feelings for Nick. But it wasn’t just me. It’d been lackluster on his end, too.

“I can’t talk about this here,” he managed to get out. His voice was quiet, shaky.

Jaime led me to his car without a word. We both climbed in, and as soon as the car doors closed, we turned to each other.

Jaime looked anxious. “What exactly did Nick say? Is he telling everyone this?”

I could detect the underlying note of panic, and I knew then: Nick was right. Jaime was way too freaked. If he’d been angry at his masculinity being called into question, I might have doubts. If he’d accused Nick of trying to move in on me, that would make sense.

But he was scared.

“I don’t think so,” I said quietly. “Nick wanted to convince me I shouldn’t be dating you. I wasn’t even sure he was right until now.”

“What makes you so sure now?” Jaime asked sharply.

“The way you’re reacting.”

I reached out to touch his hand, and he jerked away, leaning against the driver’s side door to put more space between us.

“Should I be happy Nick’s telling my girlfriend I’m gay?”

“Of course not, but you’re shaking, Jaime!”

He clutched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. “I don’t know what to do. What do I do?”

Gazing blankly through the windshield, he seemed to be speaking to himself more than to me.

My ego was a little hurt Jaime had never really liked me. My first real boyfriend had been a fake. But looking at him about to fall apart — and knowing I’d been crushing on Nick most of the time we were dating, also not very fair — I couldn’t hold a grudge.

Somewhere along the way, Jaime had become my best friend besides Lil. We might not do physical intimacy well, but we had bonded.

“Hey,” I said softly, as if talking to a cornered animal.

I put my hand on his arm, and squeezed. This time, he didn’t jerk away.

“It’s okay. I’ll keep your secret as long as you want. I’m not telling you all this to hurt you. But if it’s true …”

He turned tortured eyes on me. “What?”

“We can’t date anymore.”

He nodded. “Right.”

“Either way, I don’t think we should date anymore. It wasn’t right for us.”

“Because you’re in love with Nick,” he said matter-of-factly.

“No! I’m not in love with Nick.” I laughed in disbelief. “I mean, I can’t deny there was an attraction. But after our last fight, no. It’s definitely over and done, whatever it was. He was just trying to seduce me to hide a secret from his family. It’s a long story.”

Even as I said it, I felt a little niggle of guilt. It wasn’t quite fair to call it a seduction when I’d practically begged him to say he wanted me that first night. But his actions the following day were more difficult to justify.

Jaime lifted his eyebrows. “It’s probably too much to hope his secret is the same as mine, huh?”

“Uh, yeah. No way. I can tell you firsthand—”  I stopped short, heat rushing into my cheeks.

“Oh, can you really?”

I sighed. “It’s like this, Jaime. I can be angry with you for hiding that you’re gay and dating me anyway. You could have broken my heart—”

“Obviously not,” he said sharply.

“And you can be angry with me because I dated you while I wasn’t sure about my feelings for Nick.”

“I could,” he agreed.

“Or we could just support each other and keep being friends. We’ve been kind of lukewarm from the start, don’t you think? Dating was never the right step for us. Because you’re gay.” He flinched as I said it. “But even if you weren’t, I think we’re better as friends. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to lose that.”

He sighed.

“I won’t lie. I’m kind of ticked about Nick. I don’t know exactly what he did … but trying to seduce you? It sounds so romance novel.” Jaime rolled his eyes. “I take it his seduction was impressive for you to be so emphatic about him being straight.”

I blushed so hard my face felt like a heater.

Jaime waved a hand. “Whatever. He’s a jerk. He’s an even bigger jerk for telling my girlfriend I’m gay without knowing for certain it’s true. Of course I’m freaking out! What if he tells Carlos? What if he tells other people who know me?”

“I don’t think he will.”

“But you don’t know that for sure.”

I shook my head. “I guess not. But he hasn’t told anyone else yet, right? If he was going to, he would have. He told me in the heat of a fight, because he wanted to justify his actions.”

“What made you believe him?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t for sure. But after Nick’s comment, I did some reflecting on our relationship, and it started to make sense. Neither of us ever pushed for more … physically. We were stuck in the polite first date kiss phase, and I don’t have a lot to compare it to, but when Nick kisses me—”

“When he kisses you? How many times have you kissed?”

“Why are you so jealous, if you don’t even like me like that?”

“It’s the principle of the matter! We were dating. And you were kissing some guy behind my back.”

“Well, for all I know, you were kissing some guy behind my back.”

“No!” he said emphatically. “No, I wouldn’t do that, Edie. There’s no one. I wasn’t lying to you so much as … hiding from the truth. You know? I wasn’t ready to be the gay guy. I  mean, I knew I was. I won’t lie. I’ve always been drawn to boys. I just wasn’t ready for everyone to know. Or to even have a relationship with another guy.”

I nodded, sensing how important it was for him that I believe him.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. It’s not like I was making out with Nick every time you turned your back. He kissed me once before I met you. It seemed like one of those crazy spur-of-the-moment, one-time things. He acted like it meant nothing. And then nothing happened again until the night of July Fourth. I was kind of upset when you left, and Nick was there.”

Jaime winced, and the guilt was easy to read in his eyes. He knew he’d pushed me away that night.

His tone was defeated when he spoke again. “And his kisses were different than mine.”

“Well, yeah. More intense, for sure. More … full of fireworks, I guess.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said softly. “I’ve never had a kiss like that. Maybe I’m just bad at it.”

“Or maybe you haven’t kissed the right guy yet,” I said, nudging him.

He managed a tiny smile. “Maybe you have.”

I shook my head. “Nick is … gorgeous—” Jaime nodded in agreement, which was all kinds of strange to me at this point “—but I think we have too many obstacles. Even if you and I aren’t together anymore.”

Jaime bit his lip. “I’m not ready for everyone to know.”

“Okay. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Do we have to break up?”

“Jaime…”

He picked at the seam of his jeans, eyes downcast.

“I know we can’t be a real couple. But can we just not tell everyone right away? I need some time to think about things. My mom really likes you, and she won’t understand why we’re breaking up.”

“I mean, I guess it’s fine for  a few days while you figure things out,” I said cautiously. “But eventually …”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Thank you, Edie. Thank you for understanding.”

“Thanks for being my friend despite everything,” I said in return.

As he started the car, he shot me his first real smile since our conversation started. My thoughts were a mess as we headed toward Lily’s house. My ego was bruised, and my conscience was too, but I wanted to hold on to his friendship. Determined not to let awkwardness drive us apart, I made small talk to fill the silence.

“I moved out of Nick’s place after our fight. I’m crashing at Lily’s, but that place is a madhouse. She has a huge family, and they’re all home for the summer.”

“Wow, so it really over with him, huh?”

I nodded, keeping my gaze on the scenery, figuring my expression would reveal more emotion than I wanted.

“I’m going to start looking for a place, maybe with a roommate to save money. Let me know if you hear about anything.”

“Sure.” He hesitated. “If you need a place to stay, my house is really big.”

I jerked my head around to gape at him. “That’d be weird, don’t you think?”

He shrugged. “You said we should still be friends. And I really do want to.”

Then he said the one thing that soothed my ruffled feathers.

“I really do like you. I think you’re beautiful and sweet and smart. And if I was straight, I’d be head over heels for you. No doubt. I understand why Nick is so crazy about you.”

I scoffed, though his words warmed me. “Nick is not crazy about me, he’s just looking for a way out of a mess he’s made.”

Jaime gave me a puzzled look, but I wasn’t going to share Nick’s secret, even if I did think he should come clean with his family.

“Thank you, though. That means a lot, Jaime.”

“Yeah, even if you can’t say the same,” he said. Just when I was feeling guilty, he chuckled. “But I can understand. It’s hard to compete with someone as hot as Nick Espinoza.”

I laughed. “Whatever. Plenty of girls throw themselves at you, Jaime. Don’t act all wounded with me. You were probably just relieved I wasn’t trying to get in your pants every day.”

“True.” He flashed me a grin. “The girls do love me.”

After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again.

“You know, it’s kind of nice, having someone I can be myself with,” he said. “So tell me … is Nick’s ass as firm as it looks?”

“Jaime!” I shouted, punching him in the arm as he laughed.

Hearing him joke and laugh about Nick’s hot bod, I realized we really could stay friends. It would be an adjustment, but it was one we could handle.