Easier to Run (4 page)

I really needed to change my number again, but then I had to go through the process of getting everything set up so I could be notified by the lawyer in case anything happened with Mitchel. Even thinking his name left a bad taste in my mouth, and every dealing with the lawyer brought it all back to the surface.

After I’d done my business, I stood over the sink for a few minutes before venturing back outside. I felt bad for making Ben wait on me, but I needed a moment to recollect my calm.

Ben

Leaning against the wall, I watched the bustle of people passing through the truck stop. It was a typical afternoon, but it also meant the roads would be just as bad—or worse. My phone rang, and I figured I may as well answer before I hit the road again, but as soon as I saw the number, I rejected the call and shoved it back in my pocket.

It beeped again.

My gaze slid toward the door to the woman’s restroom. Still no Cassie, so I took a breath and unlocked my phone.

Liz:
Can we talk?

Me:
On the road.

It gave me a reason not to talk for now, but she’d just call back later. And it proved that I was paying attention to my phone which would make her relentless.

I should have never responded.

And, I shouldn’t have lied to Cassie, but it wasn’t a lie really. I wasn’t seeing anyone. We’d broken up months ago and as far as I was concerned, she was old news—not worth bringing up. Yet she kept finding her way back in. Sliding back into my life and splitting me open over and over like ice in a cracked sidewalk.

Cassie crept up beside me, looking just as timid as she had when I'd first spotted her in the parking lot. Almost as timid as she had the first time I'd seen her. There was something about that look that twisted my insides and made my heart take on a new rhythm. A binding, enveloping sensation that took over my body and my rationality, until she was safely at my side.

“Ready?” I asked, reaching out to take her hand.

She nodded, her eyes darting around the busy lobby. Sometimes she acted like people could spot her stutter from a mile away, like she had it written all over her forehead. If only she realized that the only reason eyes locked on her was her beauty. She didn't have any reason to be afraid of the world—but years of teasing and months with Mitchel had fundamentally scarred her.

I pulled her toward me and locked her under my arm, holding her close to my side where she relaxed—marginally. And with her close to me, I nearly—
nearly
—forgot about Liz.

What the hell could she want this time?

It was getting worse and she was getting more insistent. But in a way, I encouraged it. Just once, I needed to tell her to take a hike and stick to it.

“We have about two more hours on the road, then it's a waiting game until I can get in to unload. We can grab some dinner then, and get a running start for the next stop this evening.”

“Sounds good,” she whispered, barely making a sound over the crowd.

Even with two little words—two innocent words—the little girl from next door could wrench my heart. Life had taken so much out of her—so much away from her. Leaving me to stand by through all of it. Watching with no idea how to help. I don't know what it was about her that had always tugged at me. She had a constant place under my skin, and it wasn't all that unpleasant—until I had to watch her quietly suffer.

I squeezed her shoulder and she pressed into my side.

Say something
, I thought.
Anything
. But what words did I have for her that wouldn't just stir up bad memories?

I drew her to the driver's door, unlocked it and pushed it open, helping her up into the cab. She certainly wasn't the same little girl anymore—not the scrawny teenager.

Everything about her bewildered me to no end. It was worse now, but not new at all.

How was I supposed to feel about a girl who was almost five years my junior? The girl I'd always protected because I had a soft spot for her. She’d been a constant fixture in my life for almost eleven years, and then, when the worst had struck, she was simply gone.

I wanted to know why she’d come back to find me. Why it had taken six years.

On the other hand, I didn’t want any of that to matter. I just wanted to concentrate on keeping her now that I had her back.

Fuck
, Ben thought as he stared out at the police cruiser. He rubbed his hand over his face and rushed to open the door. A single female officer stood on the porch.

“We’re looking for Rachel Bryant,” she said, glancing up from her notepad.

“She uh, got married, moved out last month.”

“Who are you?” She peeked past Ben, shining her flashlight into the house.

“Ben, I live next door.” He gestured toward his house. “Mrs. Bryant asked me to stay with Cassie until they got back. Is everything okay?”

“There’s been an accident and the hospital couldn’t get ahold of the family. I was sent over to see that the family gets to County General as soon as possible.”

“Are they okay?” Ben asked feeling his breath rush out like a tidal wave.

“I’m afraid I can’t give you any information unless you’re family.”

Ben’s chest ached. “I’ll get Cassie up and try to call Rachel.”

Leaving the officer and closing over the door, he dialed Rachel’s number first, but it went to voicemail, so he called his parents.

“Ben?” His dad’s husky voice came over the phone. “What time is it?”

“Nearly two,” he sighed. “The police are here. Something happened with Cassie’s parents, and I can’t get ahold of Rachel. They’re wanted at County General ASAP.”

“We’ll go by Rachel’s house if you want to go ahead with Cassie. We’ll meet you there, too.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath before climbing the stairs. He pulled himself up each step, his mind in a constant spin trying to figure out what he was going to say. How was he supposed to wake up a fifteen-year-old girl in the middle of the night with uncertain news about her parents? Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he anticipated.

But then, why hadn’t they tried to call him themselves since they knew he was here?

“Cas,” he shook her shoulder, gently trying to wake her. He half wanted her to refuse to wake up, simply because he didn’t want to deliver the news. “Cas, honey, wake up.”

She stirred and rolled over. “Are they home?”

“Not yet. I need you to come downstairs.”

“Why?” She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “I—”

“I just need you to come downstairs, Cas.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say, and everything he’d practiced on the way up escaped his brain.

“Are they okay?”

Ben chewed his lip. “I don’t know, honey.”

When they got to the hospital, they were directed to a small waiting room and told that the doctor would be along with news shortly. Cassie curled up on a long couch next to Ben, laying her head on his shoulder as tears poured from her eyes.

Fifteen minutes passed before the door opened again, but instead of a doctor, they were joined by Rachel, her husband, Mitchel, and Ben’s parents.

“What’s going on?” Rachel asked.

“They haven’t told us anything,” Ben said, shaking his head. “Just corralled us in here and told us to wait.”

Rachel threw her hands in the air and spun toward the door, but Chuck caught her arm. “Let’s just give them a few minutes, sweetie. If they’re working, they can’t be in here talking. Let them do what they need to do.”

“I just want to know,” Rachel said, stepping back into Mitchel’s arms.

Chuck finally got everyone settled and calm just as the door opened, and Rachel jumped out of her seat again.

“You’re the daughter?” The doctor asked.

Rachel nodded. “Cassie is my sister. Are they okay?”

“Maybe we should talk in private,” he glanced around the full room.

“They’re family,” Rachel said. Over the past eleven years, both families had come to regard each other as such, so it seemed like a natural response. “They may as well hear it now.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “There was a tree down across the road and your father wasn’t able to stop the car. The vehicle swerved off the road on impact and rolled down an embankment to the creek below. We took your mother into emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding and relieve intracranial pressure. The surgeon will be in to give you an update as soon as they’re done.”

There was a pause.

“Dad?” Rachel asked, reaching back and grabbing Mitchel’s hand. Chuck stood next to her and took her other arm.

“He was critical when they brought him in. We restarted his heart just after he arrived in the Emergency Room, but his injuries were too bad. There was nothing we could do.”

“Oh, God,” Rachel sobbed, sinking to the floor.

Cassie sat between Ben and Beth, her hands squeezed tightly in theirs, but she stared across the room without moving while tears continued down her red cheeks.

Ben

“Two rooms or one with double beds?” I asked as I parked in the trailer lot at the back of the cluster of hotels. I was about thirty minutes from hitting my max for the day, so I figured it was best to stop while we were ahead, and I knew I could get a hotel room.

“I get a choice?” She looked at me skeptically.

“Why wouldn't you?”

“Because last time we had adjoining rooms, no questions asked.”

“Last time you were going on sixteen. I wasn't very well sharing a room with a minor.” But this time, I wasn't sure if she wanted to be left alone. I wasn't sure I wanted to leave her alone—to let her out of my sight longer than necessary.

She stared out the front window, quiet for far too long.

Was I pressuring her? Did she think I was pressuring her?

“Think you can handle the nightmares?” Her voice was suddenly high and shaky.

That sealed it. “One room it is.”

She closed her eyes and smiled. “I can handle them on my own. I’m used to it.”

She didn't seem so sure of that statement, and even if she was, it didn’t make me feel any better. “I'm sure you can, but the point is, you don't have to.”

I wondered how bad they were, and how long she had been handling them on her own.

“I know,” she whispered. “But I'm not really... used... t-to—” she wrapped her arms around herself again, still staring straight ahead. “They just make me emotional. I don't want to keep you awake.”

“Cas,” I tilted her face toward me. If she backed away just a few more inches though, she'd be completely out of my reach. “You know that given the choice, I wouldn't let you face something like that alone. That I'll do whatever I have to.”

“I do,” she said. “But, you can't sleep while we're on the road. I can, and strangely, it's easier for me to sleep during the day. I feel safer in the light.”

“Come on, sweetheart,” I grabbed our bags, and we both climbed out of the truck. Meeting in front, I took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Even the dark will be safe tonight.”

She waited in the lobby staring into the bright flames of a large fireplace until I had the keys to our fourth-floor room. The small suite was fairly spacious with a dining table, desk, and couch. I’d opted for a bit of a splurge in one of the nicer hotels—I couldn’t explain why I felt the need to impress Cassie for just one night.

Cassie trailed behind, peeking through everything as we passed. “I'm going to hop in the shower.”

I nodded, tossing both of our bags onto the closest bed so she could get out whatever she needed.

I settled in one of the armchairs and switched on the television. I need something neutral to occupy my mind for a while. I heard the shower kick on and settled back, closing my eyes and listening to the roar of water tangled with some police drama.

Then, my phone rang—the damn, dreaded thing. I knew who it was before I even picked it up.

Liz's name flashed across the screen. She knew when I usually called it a night.

“Hello,” I said in a whispered voice that I knew the shower would conceal.

“Why are you whispering?” she asked.

“You're the one who called me, it makes no difference how I'm talking or why. What's so damn important?”

“You're pleasant tonight,” she snapped.

“Yeah. I've got a lot on my mind, but I've already given you the piece of it that belongs to you. I meant what I said, Liz.” We’d been on again, off again for almost a year and a half. I was hardly ever in town, and it made for a convenient relationship—even if I felt disgusted admitting it.

“Fine,” her tone was clipped. Liz was nothing like Cassie. She was loud, outgoing, and didn’t play anything close to the vest. She kept her highlighted brown hair constantly trimmed in some popular bob, and could spend hours fussing with it before ever agreeing to leave the house. Fortunately for me—I guess—we hardly ever left the house. “I just thought.... never mind. I doubt you'd care anyway.”

I hoped I wouldn't, but her manipulations won out, and I forced myself to ask. “What?”

There was a long silence. “I'm going to the clinic in the morning.”

I sat forward in my seat, rubbing my forehead. “Care to elaborate?”

“I'm getting—” Silence again.

“What?” I was unsuccessful in keeping my voice from turning into a growl.

“I'm having an abortion.”

My body went cold as the phone thudded to the floor.

Breathe
, my body reminded me violently when I'd obviously forgotten.

By the time I reached down to pick up the phone, Liz had hung up. How long had passed? Seconds? Minutes?

My fingers shook as I flipped through the calls on my phone. Thank goodness the shower was still running—I hoped Cassie intended to stay in there as long as possible.

I redialed Liz's number. My heart racing so fast, I could barely press the key.

“I thought you didn't want to talk,” she said.

“You drop that on me and... what?” Air eluded me as if I’d just run several miles. “When? How long have you known?”

“A few weeks. I've been trying to talk to you—convince you to work things out, you know? But. I can't do this.”

“Can't do this? You were on birth control while we were together. We used protection. We were careful.”

“Well, not careful enough. And there were a few times.”

A few times.... One time. One time we'd been together that I hadn't worn a condom. Alcohol and sex weren’t the smartest of bedfellows. “Can we talk about this?”

“Now you want to talk. Of course. You don’t want to talk to
me,
you just want to talk because now you want something.”

“If you don’t want to talk, why the fuck did you even tell me?” To fuck with me. To get back at me. To make me miserable. I convinced myself that even she wouldn't stoop that low.

“I don't know. Because I wasn't sure—”

I scoffed, digging my toes into the floor. “Wasn't sure that it's mine?” It was a hopeful accusation.

“I wasn't sure I could go through with it.”

I clenched my jaw. It never failed that she could bring out the worst in me—especially over the last few months. “Liz—”

She'd already hung up.

What a fine, peachy predicament you've gotten yourself into now, Ben
.

Gah, what the hell?
I ran my hands over my short hair, wishing it was long enough to grab on to. Was I supposed to be glad she wasn't having the baby? I couldn't find it in me. As much as I wanted nothing to do with that woman again for as long as I lived—I couldn't for the life of me find anything positive in it.

Even worse—I had no say in the matter. No control.

She'd just dropped a giant weight on my head and I couldn't get rid of it.

The sound from the bathroom had ceased, and I had no idea how long I had before Cassie walked out on my state of panic.

I slid my phone in my pocket and picked up the ice bucket just as Cassie came out with her hair wrapped up in a white towel.

“I'm going to grab some ice. Anything you need?” I said. I couldn't even look at her and I knew it made everything more suspicious, but—I just couldn't.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her forehead knitted with worry as she grabbed my arm.

I shook my head, unsure of whether or not to trust my voice. “I just need some air.”