Easy Silence (8 page)

“Most people want the people they love to live forever, no matter how much pain and suffering they’re in, just because they’re not prepared to let them go. I get it…I mean, you think once this person is gone, then you’ll never see them again. But in reality, isn’t quality of life better than quantity? Let’s face it, we are all gonna die someday. That’s the whole reason we are born, so why prolong it?”

I shook my head, not even knowing how to respond. I found his fascination with death a little scary and at the same time enlightening. “Okay, so you’re telling me if you knew that someone you love was going to die a slow painful death years from now or he was going to get hit by a car and killed today, you would rather have him die today?”

“Don’t know.”

“Ah-ha…see! You fall into that majority, too!”

“I don’t know because I never really loved anyone enough to care.”

My heart sank. How could he have no one to love? “Well, what about your mom?” I shouldn’t have asked. I should have just reverted back to my
less is more theory
when dealing with him. He shook his head and bent down, grabbing another shell and sticking it in the pocket of his swim trunks. Thankfully, our conversation about death had ceased, and instead, we just quietly walked along the beach collecting shells. The hot afternoon sun was beating down, and the ocean seemed to be calling me. “Do you feel like going in and cooling off?” I asked, just as he placed a beautiful spindle shaped shell in my hand. “Wow! This is so pretty. I’ve never seen one like this before.” I examined it closer, rubbing my finger tip over its smoothness. It was truly one of the most unique shells I had ever seen. Ivory in color, with mauve colored streaks and rotating lines of rich, dark reddish brown. “Thank you.” I smiled.

“It’s a tulip shell. It’s the home of a black snail. When they feel threatened they go inside the shell and close the door.” He picked it up from my hand and turned it over, pointing to the small opening. I shook my head in amazement over his knowledge of things that most people wouldn’t know.

“What?” he asked.

“You…you just know a lot.”

“Did you want to go in?” he asked, completely disregarding my statement.

“Yeah, sure. But, what are we going to do with all of these?” I asked, holding up the handful of shells. He took them from my hand and placed them in an out of the way spot in the sand.

“Ready?” he asked.

I nodded. “Hey, aren’t you going to take off your shirt?”

“No,” he replied, walking into the water ahead of me. Once we made it past the breakers, the water seemed calm and gentle, lapping over our shoulders as we peacefully floated around.

“It must be really cool living here all year round.”

“Not really.”

“I guess we all hate living in the town we grew up in.”

“I guess.”

After swimming around for quite some time my stomach began to grumble with hunger. I tried ignoring it as best as I could, because just like the last time we were together, I didn’t want it to end. I decided to take a chance in hopes that he was hungry as well. “Are you hungry?” I asked.

“A little,” he answered.

“Do you want to go back to my grandmother’s house? I can fix us something good to eat.”

Like usual, it took him a few seconds to reply. “Uh…I guess.”

“K.” I smiled, licking the salt water from my lips. The tide was starting to come in, causing the water to roughen up a bit.

“Go under it!” Jaxson shouted as the huge wave in the distance barreled its way closer. I gave him one last look before closing my eyes and submerging my body completely under the water. As the rumbling of the wave passed over our heads, I felt Jaxson’s hand latch onto mine, squeezing it tightly. We surfaced for air at the same time and headed out of the water, our hands still entwined in the others.

We were completely dried off by the time we reached my grandmother’s. It hadn’t dawned on me until I stepped on to the front porch as to what Hadley’s reaction would be over bringing him back here. As long as she was polite while he was here, she could yell at me all she wanted
after
he left. The house was quiet when we walked inside, and neither Hadley nor Doreen responded when I called their names. “Have a seat,” I said to Jaxson. He hesitated for a moment before sitting down at the breakfast bar. Relief swept over me when I saw the note from Hadley on the counter:

Sam,

Doreen and I are taking Grammy to her doctor’s appointment, and we are going to Brentwood Gardens if she’s up to it afterwards. Should be home by six.

~ Hadley

I smiled when I looked at the clock that just turned four. Two hours. Two glorious hours with just me and Jaxson, if he agreed to stay that long. “So, whatchya in the mood for?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulder. “Whatever.”

I opened up the refrigerator, trying to figure out what I was capable of making without messing up. “Grilled cheese?” I asked, figuring that was fairly easy to make.

“Yeah, that’s good.” I took out the butter and cheese from the fridge, going back in for the pitcher of lemonade, and I poured us each a glass before I started cooking. I took my time grilling the bread and melting the cheese to perfection. I looked down at the sandwiches on the plates and was quite pleased with my cooking skills.

“Here you go,” I said sliding the plate in front of him and refilling his lemonade. “Is it okay?” I asked when he was halfway through.

“I don’t know, is it?” he responded. He let out a rare laugh at my puzzling glare. “Well, you’re eating it, too. Does it taste good to you?”

“Well, yeah. But, everyone has different taste buds.”

“It’s good,” he said taking another bite.

“Did you want another?” I asked once he was finished.

“No, I should really get going.”

My heart sank. “Oh, but you can’t leave yet.” He creased his eyebrows in confusion. “You haven’t had dessert.” I went into the freezer, hoping there was ice cream.
Yes
!
Two gallons of vanilla.
I took one of them out and rummaged through the cabinets for the hot fudge, heating it up in the microwave once I found it. I diligently scooped out two bowls of ice cream and covered them with the hot fudge, topping them both off with whipped cream and a cherry.

“This is huge,” he said looking down at the ice cream bowl I had placed in front of him.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I think a big boy like you can handle it.” I placed all the seashells from the day on the counter, looking them over as we finished up our ice cream. I made sure I pulled out the unique one he had given to me and put it aside.

“What are you doing with that one?” he asked.

“I’ll probably just keep it on my night table.”

“I thought you liked it,” he said.

“I do. I love it. That’s why I want to keep it close by me all the time. So, I can always remember what a great day this was.”

He placed his spoon back in the bowl and stared at me thoughtfully. His eyes seemed bluer against his suntanned skin. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you like spending time with me?”

I looked away and met his gaze once again. “I don’t know. You’re just different, I guess.” He was silent, still keeping his eyes pinned on me. “Why do you hang out with me when you
don’t
like me?” I asked.

“I like you,” he whispered.

Deep down inside, I knew he really did. He just had a weird way of showing it. “Well, then, we both like each other, so that’s why we like to hang out. Sound good?” I smiled.

He stood up, and I followed his lead, preparing to walk him to the door. He took me off guard when he moved closer. “Why did you say that?” he asked.

“What?”

“That I don’t like you.”

“I don’t know. It just seems like I annoy you sometimes.” Without another word his lips pressed into mine, and our tongues were doing their familiar dance. His hands gently caressed my back, and my insides began to awaken. I went to lift his shirt over his head, and as quickly as it started—it stopped.

“I have to go.” He pulled away.

“Oh, okay.” I was feeling more confused than ever. Maybe he wasn’t as turned on as I was, but it sure seemed like he was when my stomach pressed into his lower extremity. I tried to quickly bring my body down from its high as I walked him to the door.

“See ya, Samantha,” he said, taking a step down onto the porch.

I couldn’t keep torturing myself with this guessing game anymore. “Can I see you again?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Why are you doing this?” I snapped.

He ran his hand through his hair and looked away. “You and me. We are from two different worlds.”

“Really? Are you from another planet, because the last time I checked, I wasn’t?” I retorted. “Why is it so hard for you to accept that I truly do like you and want to spend time with you? Why are you so down on yourself?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.” He shook his head. “I want to be your friend, Jaxson and maybe…if you’ll let me, something more.” I placed my hand on his shoulder, and I could tell that he was battling with himself internally. “I don’t have any ulterior motives, other than I really do like you and enjoy myself when I’m around you. It’s okay to let me in, even if it’s not all the way. I promise I won’t hurt you ever.”

He let out a deep sigh and swallowed hard. “Do you want to hang out tonight?” he asked.

I nodded. “I would like that very much.”

“Umm…okay. I don’t know what we can do, but—”

“Anything is fine by me. Even if it’s nothing. I just want to get to know you a little better.” He was quiet, looking a little confused. “So, how about if I come by Pete’s house around seven, and we figure it out then.” I was hoping that I wasn’t being too pushy, but I was trying to make it easier on him, knowing that he had a hard time planning things out. He nodded in agreement. “I’ll see ya then, Jaxson.”

“See ya,” he responded, walking off to his truck and driving away.

* * *

“Sam!” Pete’s smile was a mile wide as he opened the door and let me in. I looked around the modest bungalow style home as I walked in further. Native American art hung on the stark white walls, and the smell of stale cigarette smoke filled the air.

“Hey Sam!” Bonnie said, coming out of the tiny kitchen with a glass of soda in her hand.

“Hi.” I smiled.

“Jax just got out of the shower. Sit down and have a seat,” Pete said, leading me in to the living room. “So, what do you two have planned for tonight?” Pete asked as I took a seat on the couch.

“Oh, I’m not really sure. We really didn’t settle on anything.” Pete looked over at Bonnie, and they both smiled.

“Well, whatever magic you’re working on Jax, please keep it up. This is the happiest I’ve seen him since I’ve known him.”

I crinkled my forehead in doubt. “Really, because he still seems pretty angry to me.” They both began to laugh.

“Trust me, Sam. This is happy for him. Oh, hey I have something I want to show you.” He got up and walked into another room, coming out almost immediately with a picture in his hand of a bunch of teenagers dressed in basketball uniforms. “Can you pick out your dad?” I brought the picture closer and looked it over, recognizing my father immediately, even with his bad eighties mullet.

“Wow…look at that hair!” I laughed, hoping I remembered to tease him about it when I saw him again, even though I knew he probably wouldn’t find much humor in it. “Do you have any more pictures of him?”

He hesitantly looked at Bonnie. “Umm…yeah, I do. Let me just see if I can find them.”

I remained focused on the basketball picture in my hand and was overcome with excitement to see this whole other side of my father that I never knew existed. “Hey, Samantha.” I lifted my head and smiled at the sight of Jaxson dressed in ripped up jeans and a black tee shirt with his hair still damp.

“Hey.” I placed down the picture on my lap, giving him my full attention.

“Well, I was able to find these few, and here’s my yearbook,” Pete said, coming back into the room. He sat down beside me while Jaxson sat on the arm of the couch. I looked down at the pictures that he placed on my lap. The first was of my dad, a girl, and another couple. The guy was undoubtedly Pete, and I was fairly certain that the girl was Bonnie. “Is that Bonnie?” I asked.

Bonnie sat down next to me and fixated on the picture. “Oh my god, yes! Look at my hair. Could it have been any bigger?” she laughed. “That was senior skip day, I believe.”

“Who is this with my dad?” I asked, looking at the pretty curly haired brunette, resting her head on his chest.

They were both silent for a moment before Bonnie spoke up. “That was Brooke.” There was a hint of sadness to her voice.

“She was really pretty,” I said.

“She was beautiful inside and out,” Bonnie whispered, just as I caught Pete giving her a sympathetic smile. I studied the rest of the pictures and couldn’t wipe my smile away. My dad looked so happy in each, so much different than he was today, and part of me wondered if the girl who was in every one of these pictures with him had something to do with that happiness. I wasn’t surprised when I opened up Pete’s yearbook to find that my dad got most likely to succeed, and as I turned the page I saw that he and Brooke got best couple.