Echoes of Silence (Unquiet Mind Book 1) (31 page)

I wasn’t allowed in there. Of course. I felt a glimmer of anger at this. This was
my mom
. I deserved to know what was going on. But I wouldn’t help her by throwing a temper tantrum right now.

Evie, Steg’s old lady, had come up beside me at this point. “I’ve got your girl, Killian, off you go.” She nodded to the door.

Kill gave me one more look and nodded briskly.

Evie turned me in her arms, directing us to the bar in the corner. I hadn’t had much to do with her. She scared me, just a little. She was like the biker queen. Although Gwen was married to the president, it was clear Evie ruled this roost. Not in a mean way, just like she was the matriarch of this motley family. She was hard but in a beautiful sort of way. She had streaked, long auburn hair and wore heavy makeup. Despite being in her late fifties, she rocked it.

“Now I know this is a stupid-ass thing to say, considering it’s your momma out there, but try not to worry too much, hon,” she said, reaching over the bar for a bottle and two glasses. She turned to me. “Bull is gonna do everything humanly and inhumanly possible to get her back. The club too,” she promised, pouring glasses.

“I know,” I replied confidently.

She raised a brow in surprise and something that looked like approval.

She pushed a glass of clear liquid at me. “You’ve had a shock, honey, a big one. You need something to calm those nerves.” She nodded to the glass.

I looked down at it. “I’m only sixteen,” I pointed out.

“I look like a cop to you?” she said. “I ain’t condoning you drinkin’ the whole bottle. You just need something to take the edge off.”

I stared at the liquid. Then I fastened my hand around the glass and tipped the entire lot down my throat in one go. I set it down on the bar with force. The bitter and fiery taste set my throat a light and I was sure I made some sort of face.

Evie looked at me in shock. “Well, shit,” she declared. “You’re perfect for Killian.”

I let out a weird laugh-sob, my body not sure what to do. Evie poured another glass.

“Evie!” an accented voice called out in distaste. Gwen rushed up to me, pushing the glass out of my reach and squeezing my shoulders. “You’re giving her booze? She’s sixteen,” she scolded.

Evie gave her a look. “We already established that. Look at her.” She nodded to my bloodstained dress and my most likely tear-stained face. “That’s someone who deserves a drink. Or five. She can surely handle it.” She winked at me.

Gwen did look at me, her entire face softening. She pulled me into her perfumed embrace.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she murmured into my hair. “Your mom’s going to be fine. Cade will make sure of it. Bull will make damn sure of it.”

She let me go and my eyes watered slightly at Gwen’s soft and sympathetic voice. I almost preferred the rougher concern of Evie. It was easier to face.

Gwen seemed to realize that because she wiped her eyes. “Right. Let’s get you into some new clothes. I keep some stuff in Cade’s room,” she said, grasping my hand.

So I had been dragged upstairs, given new clothes, and I scrubbed the blood off my skin. New clothes and clean skin couldn’t do anything for the snakes coiled in my belly.

The entire rest of the day I’d stared at the door to ‘church’ that largely stayed shut, men striding purposefully in and out. Most of them came over, lifting their heads to Kill, making sure he was okay. Then hard, badass eyes had turned soft when they shifted to me. Some just gave me that look. Some reached in and gave my hand a squeeze. Lucky had leaned over and kissed my head, repeating the same sentiment that everyone had. That they’d find her. But hours passed and nothing. I had just stared into space, thinking of everything and nothing at once, trying to remember the last things I said to Mom. We were arguing about a sweater. A
sweater
.

Killian had sat beside me the entire time, tucking me into his good shoulder, murmuring to me every now and then, pressing his lips to my head. I didn’t say much to him, but I clung to him like a life raft. Gwen was never far away either. She had Belle, her little daughter running around some of the time. I’d watch her, envious of the childlike innocence. Had I had that? I did. Until that day I lost Steve and Ava I’d had it. I’d never realized what a treasure that was.

She had seemed to sense something in me because she’d wordlessly crawled into my lap and watched the TV I had been staring blankly at moments before. I clutched the little body close to me, inhaling the baby scent. Kill had stroked her little head, and we silently watched until she fell asleep in my arms and Gwen carefully took her off me.

“You should try to sleep, honey,” Gwen had instructed when the night got late, and I had given up on seeing my mom that day. I didn’t think of the possibility of the sun setting on the last day I’d ever see her. That couldn’t happen.

Kill sat up from beside me, stretching his shoulder slightly. “I’ve got a room here that I sometimes crash in, Freckles. Let’s get you there,” he offered.

Gwen scrunched up her nose but didn’t say a thing.

When he was leading me by the hand, Zane had come out of the “church,” his eyes narrowed at our hands, but he came over, pulling me out of Kill’s arms. “You need to get some shut-eye, Lex,” he ordered softly.

I nodded. “That’s where Kill’s taking me now.”

Zane’s gaze cut to Kill; it was hard. Kill stared him down, not wavering one bit. They seemed to have some wordless conversation before Zane nodded tightly.

“You’ll wake up to a new day, sweetie. One where you’ll see your mom again, and we’ll be getting lectured on the viewing order of
Star Wars
,” he promised, joking, which was unheard of.

I gave him a weak smile. He nodded and gave Kill a warning look before striding off.

And now we were here, me unable to welcome the oblivion, the quiet my disquiet mind craved.

Kill squeezed me. “I’m fine, Freckles.”

“You took a bullet for me,” I whispered. “I thought we’d talked about this.”

“I’d take a hundred bullets for you.”

I stared at him. “She has to be okay, Kill.” My voice broke.

“She will be,” he promised, tucking me back into his shoulder.

I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep, but in Kill’s arms, beautiful oblivion engulfed me.

“Zane!” I called after someone had led me into the room called “church.” It was filled with men in cuts, but I only had eyes for one. I ran into his arms, relaxing the moment his huge form engulfed me. I let myself settle there for a moment before pulling back to meet his eyes.

“You found Mom yet?” I asked on a vain home, though I knew the answer. If they’d found her, no way would Zane be standing here. He’d be right where she was, bringing her back.

“Not yet, darlin’,” he said softly. I had expected it, but I still felt a stab when he said it. “We’ll get her home soon,” he promised, echoing what everyone had been telling me all along. It meant more coming from him because he was the one other person who had to get her back. There was no other option.

“I know you will.”

His face changed, but I couldn’t quite understand the expression. “Gotta ask you a few questions, Lex,” he said, his voice soft.

He made the gesture for me to sit, so I did, feeling slightly uneasy. Cade, who sat at the head of the table, gave me a small grin. I grinned shyly back.

I felt uncomfortable knowing the attention of the room was on me, so I focused on Zane. “You holding up okay?” he asked first.

Was I okay? I was a hair away from falling apart. But I couldn’t show him that. If he could be strong after what happened to Laurie and now facing losing my mom, I could be strong too.

I nodded. “Gwen’s got me sorted. And Kill’s going to be okay,” I told him, not answering the actual question.

Zane looked at me with pride. “You’re as strong as your mom is.” Tears crawled up the back of my eyes at this. Luckily, he kept going before I could burst into tears in a room full of bikers. “Need to ask you about your dad,” he continued, his voice even.

My blood ran cold. “My dad?” I repeated. “What does he have to do with this?”

Somewhere deep down I knew. Those eyes at the top of the stairs were familiar. I saw them in the mirror. I wanted to throw up.

“Not sure yet, maybe nothing,” Zane continued, unknowing of the sickness crawling in my skin. “Just need to get hold of him in case he knows something that will help,” he lied.

I knew he was lying. Trying to protect me. Mom had said my dad was bad, alluding to the fact we had to run from him. Now he’d found her.

I chewed my lip. “I don’t know my dad,” I explained, unsure of how much Mom had actually told Zane about him. Probably less than she told me, which was precious little. “Mom never told me much about him, apart from he was someone we didn’t need in our lives,” I choked out, my mind going back to the day when I’d fought with her about him and accused her of lying to me. She was protecting me. “We had a fight not that long ago about him. I wanted to know more, wanted to know why he didn’t want to know me,” I explained, my voice barely above a whisper.

My tear-filled eyes burned into Zane’s. “We never fight, Zane, but we fought about him,” I said, hating myself for that conversation. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t change the past. I needed to tell these men what I knew. “She finally told me that we left for our own safety. That he isn’t a good guy. That’s all she said.” I was so angry. Angry I didn’t know more so I could help. “Do you think it was him?” I asked in a small voice. “Do you think my father would actually do something like this, try to shoot Killian, try to kidnap me?” I was asking because I was desperate for someone to tell me no, tell me that I didn’t have the blood of evil running through my veins.

Zane leaned forward to cup my cheeks in his large hands. “Don’t know, doll,” he told me honestly. I restrained a flinch at him calling me what my mother called me for as long as I could remember. “But we’ll find your mom. I’ll find her, I promise.”

I let that promise fill me up, let it chase away the ugly thoughts of a father I didn’t know. He wasn’t family I wanted. I had everyone I needed right in front of me and they would do anything to get my mom back. I nodded, blinking the tears from my eyes.

Zane’s face was painted with that look of pride I’d seen before. He kissed my head. “How about you go and check on Kill,” he suggested as his gaze flickered to the door.

I wasn’t stupid. Zane couldn’t care less about me checking on Kill, but he needed me out of the room. I wanted to stay, to be comforted by Zane’s certainty, but I also needed them to find Mom. So I stood to leave.

“Lex,” Zane’s voice made me turn.

Then, right there, in a room full of badass, stern-faced bikers, his face softened.

“Love you,” he said, his voice clear.

I didn’t hesitate. “Love you to the moon,” I replied with a sad smile. Then, before I could burst into tears, I left the room.

****

“Lexie!” A voice jolted me out of my concentration on a spec of stained clubhouse carpet in front of me.

Kill and I glanced up at the same time to see Sam, Wyatt, and Noah striding toward us. I instantly pushed off the sofa, letting go of Kill’s hand to meet them halfway. I didn’t hesitate. I dove into Sam’s outstretched arms. They were tight around me immediately, and I let myself relax into his embrace. I felt more arms around me as Noah and Wyatt entered the fold.

After a long moment, they let me go.

“Came as soon as we heard,” Sam said, no hint of a smile or joke on his face. It was unusual. His eyes bulged out at something behind me. I knew what it was the moment my body got pulled back into a hard chest. Kill never seemed to be able to be far away from me, to not touch me. Not that I minded. I needed to see him okay with my own two eyes. Every time he left me, all I could see was the blood blossoming on his shirt as he wrestled a man with a gun.

“Holy shit,” Sam uttered. “It’s true, you got fuckin’ shot.” His wide eyes were focused on the bandage clearly visible underneath Kill’s black wifebeater.

Kill’s body tensed. “It’s a flesh wound,” he dismissed.

“You are such a fuckin’ badass,” Sam muttered.

Wyatt gave him a sideways glance, and then his soft eyes focused on me. “We know anything new yet?” he asked softly.

I felt a lump in the bottom of my throat. Suddenly my mouth was dry and I didn’t think I could speak without bursting into tears.

Kill saved me, as was his way.

“Boys just rode out with the five-oh,” he answered for me, his voice tight. “They think they’ve got a lock on her.”

All three boy’s gaze turned hopeful.

“That’s good,” Sam said. He moved his eyes back to Kill. “That’s good, right?” he asked like Kill was some kind of all-knowing oracle. I had to admit, I’d always felt like a kid next to him, but now the distinction between him and us was all the clearer. He had always held some kind of authority that came from his rejection of authority and in the way he held himself. Now it was impossible not to see. Being in the club where he belonged, standing here shrugging off a bullet wound he’d sustained fighting a man with a gun. Fighting for me.

Kill squeezed me again, kissing my hair. “It’s good,” he said firmly.

There was a long pause. “So what now?” Sam asked, his eyes flickering around the room. The place had all but emptied after the cops had left. That was after I’d given my statement to the deputy sheriff, Luke, who seemed annoyed we hadn’t called the authorities straight away. He was gentle and kind with me, but I could see the frustration underneath that kindness. It did seem weird I didn’t even think of the police, I guess. But the moment everything went down, all I could think of was Zane and how he’d die to get my mom back. Kill’s words echoed in my head.

“But when you’re a part of the club and someone screws with you, the club hits back. As one collective fist. And we pack a punch.”

I guess I was becoming an outlaw without even knowing it, trusting my mom’s fate with them.

There had been a busy atmosphere while they were here and then something changed and I knew they’d found her.

Zane had emerged from “church,” his eyes scanning the crowded room until they landed on me sitting on the sofa, amidst the chaos, amidst it but away from it. I was trapped in my mind. The look in his eyes brought me out of my mind, and I surged off the sofa.

“You found her,” I guessed when he made it to me.

He nodded. “Yeah, Lex.”

I blinked away my tears. “Bring her back,” I requested, my voice small.

He gave me a long look before he grasped the back of my head and pulled me into his body. “I’ll bring her back.”

And then he kissed my head and gave Kill a chin left and the club had all but emptied. Every one of the patched men plus the prospects had ridden out. I’d watched them from the window of the clubhouse.

“Courage, dear heart,”
Steve whispered in my ear when I felt like collapsing at the sight of those bikes leaving, going to find my mother. Hopefully, my living, breathing mother.

“Now we wait,” I murmured, looking to the boys and leaving my memories behind.

“Now we wait,” Kill repeated, kissing my hair.

“Can’t believe we’re fuckin’ doing this,” Lucky muttered, fingering his knife as he leaned against his bike.

“Workin’ with fuckin’
pigs
,” Asher spat out in disgust, saying it loud enough for the uniform in the cruiser to hear. He scowled at Asher but didn’t move.

“Shut the fuck up, fuckwits,” Cade barked, eyes on the same place Bull’s were. “We’re doing the only fuckin’ thing we can do to get Mia back without getting ourselves locked up.”

Bull hated it as much as his brothers did. Hated that he was standing behind fucking police tape while the brothers in blue charged into the fancy fucking house not two hours away from Amber.
Two hours.

He had immediately given Crawford the details on where Mia was. Not because he wanted to; saying that shit went against everything inside him. But he had no other choice. He knew Crawford would put a tail on them, so there was no way they could storm the place themselves and murder every fucker inside like they originally planned. Well, not without disabling a cop, which each one of them would have loved to do, but that came with complications. And took time, which he didn’t have. So he made a deal with the Devil. Or more likely, the one who thought they were the Devil. He’d given him not only Mia’s location but the location of a major player in the heroin trade on the proviso the club was coming. Crawford’s jaw had gone tight at this, but he agreed, as long as they kept their distance and let the police do their job. He had felt conflicted, giving information to the one man who had vowed to find a way to destroy his club, his family. Then he had caught a glimpse of Lexie, red-rimmed eyes but still looking strong, looking like she had hope. Then that conflict melted away.

Bull’s entire frame tightened at the sounds of gunfire. They had better not fuck up their job. If they did, even their pissant uniforms wouldn’t stop him from ending every last one of them. His hands itched to be in there, doing something, killing someone. Saving his woman. Instead, he was standing here like a loser. A quick glance at the tight faces of his brothers told him he wasn’t alone. Then the gunfire stopped. Everything went silent. That was worse.

Bull stormed over to the uniform left watching them. “What the fuck is going on?” he growled.

The uniform paled, and he seriously looked like he was going to piss himself. Pussy. Bull was about to do something that may or may not get him arrested when the radio crackled.

“Got her. She’s pretty banged up. Think her arm’s broken—need a paramedic in here, stat,” Crawford’s voice clipped. “Also need bolt cutters. She’s fuckin’ chained to the wall.”