Eggs Benedict Arnold (34 page)

“
Don
’
t you ever go near Lenny and Eel again!
”
Toni warned.

Junior gave a pitiful shrug.
“
How can I? Since you guys
probably ruined it for me.
”

“
I don
’
t want to hear that crap from you, Junior,
”
said Toni.
“
You were dealing dope!
”

“
Which,
”
said Suzanne,
“
last time I looked, was highly
illegal!
”

“
Everybody smokes a little weed,
”
Junior whined.

“
No, they do not,
”
said Toni, shaking a stern finger at him.

“
Besides,
”
said Junior,
“
I wasn
’
t making the actual
deals
or delivering the actual
stuff.
I was just handling the finan
cial end. You know, collecting money.
”

“
You were the bag man,
”
said Suzanne, disgustedly.

Junior brightened at her characterization.
“
Yeah, that
’
s it, I was just the bag man. No big deal, huh?
”

“
Al Capone
’
s bag man went to prison right alongside him,
”
said Toni, winging it.

“
Is that so?
”
said Junior.

“
All the money men are going to prison these days,
”
Su
zanne told him.
“
Bernie Madoff, the Enron guys, sleazy hedge-fund managers, mortgage fraud guys, IRS cheats, even a few governors. And, unless you
’
re careful, you could end up as their cell
m
at
e.
”

Junior gave her a wary stare.
“
What are you gonna do? Try and send me to the
‘
lectric chair?
”

“
Unfortunately,
”
said Suzanne,
“
we don
’
t have the luxury of capital punishment at our disposal. We are, however, going to send Sheriff Doogie out to that farmhouse. Hopefully to discover a serious amount of incriminating
evidence and place your pals Lenny and Eel under arrest.
”

Toni gave Junior a menacing stare.
“
And just what exactly is Sheriff Doogie going to find out there?
”
she asked.

“
Just a few measly plants and some grow lights in the back bedroom,
”
mumbled Junior.
“
I told ya, it ain
’
t
that
big a deal.
”

“
Of course it is!
”
thundered Suzanne.
“
Which is why
you have to lie exceedingly low. Fact is, we could have had
all of you busted last night!
The only thing standing between you and a felony conviction is Toni
’
s good grace!
”

Junior grimaced.

The front door rattled and all three of them turned ner
vously to look. But it was Joey Ewald coming in for his stint as busboy.

Joey grinned when he saw them clustered at the counter.
“
Hey,
ladies
,
”
he called to Suzanne and Toni. Then turned
his focus on Junior.
“
How ya doin
’
, Junior?
”

“
Never better,
”
said Junior, giving Joey a cocky grin and
a thumbs-up sign. At which point Toni grabbed a pot holder
and whacked him in the head.

“
Ouch,
”
whined Junior.
“
What
’
d I do to deserve that?
”

“
You know!
”
hissed Toni.

“
You still skateboarding?
”
Junior called to Joey, trying
to muster his dignity.

“
Oh yeah, man,
”
said Joey.
“
Thinkin
’
about changing my name to Joey Crash.
”

“
Cool,
”
said Junior, as Joey disappeared into the kitchen.

Toni smacked him with the pot holder again.
“
What are
you ... ten?
”
she asked.
“
Grow up.
”

“
I
am
growed up,
”
argued Junior.
“
Fact is, I could prob
ably be a heckuva role model to that kid.
”

“
Are you serious?
”
snorted Suzanne.
“
You barely
squirmed your way through vo-tech, you
’
ve been arrested
for drunk and disorderly conduct and forced to do community service, and your hobbies are gambling, fast cars, and faster women.
”
She glanced at Toni.
“
Well, they used to be anyway.
”

“
No,
”
said Toni,
“
they
still
are.
”

“
And now that we have your undivided attention,
”
said
Suzanne,
“
I have a few
more
questions.
”

“
Shoot,
”
said Junior.
“
I
’
m an open book.
”

“
A comic book,
”
muttered Toni.

“
Did you ever have dealings with Bo Becker?
”
asked Suzanne.
“
And I want an honest answer.
”

“
No,
”
said Junior, looking earnest for the first time that
morning.
“
But I always considered Bo a stand-up guy. And a heck of a good driver, too. He used to whip that Mustang of his around the track pretty good when they had a
m
at
eur
night over at the speedway.
”

“
Do you know anything about what happened to Becker?
”
asked Toni.

Junior shook his head and frowned.
“
Uh-uh. Just heard
that he got killed. Hunged, I guess.
”

“
Hanged,
”
corrected Toni.

“
Was he dealing drugs?
”
asked Suzanne.

“
Not that I know of,
”
said Junior.
“
Not with my guys anyway.
”
He swallowed hard, then said,
“
At least I don
’
t
think
he was.
”

“
Junior,
”
said Suzanne,
“
you have to promise you
’
ll stay
clean. Cross your heart and hope to
die
.
”

“
Yeah, sure,
”
said Junior.
“
Until lately, I pretty much have been clean.
”
His earnestness was suddenly replaced by his old swagger.
“
Fact is, I
’
ve been a doggone entrepreneur.
”

“
Do you even know the definition of an entrepreneur?
”
asked Toni.

”
Course, I do,
”
said Junior.

Toni folded her arms in front of her, daring him.
“
What
is it, Mr. Smart Guy?
”

Junior scratched his head vigorously, then scowled, as though he was engaging in deep thought.
“
It
’
s a guy who does business.
”

“
Nice try,
”
said Suzanne.
“
See if you end up a financial
reporter for CNN.
”

A few minutes later they allowed Junior to make his es
cape. Giving him a final cautionary warning and a freshly
baked corn muffin.

“
I
’
m gonna call Doogie right now,
”
said Toni.
“
Anonymously.
”

“
Jeez,
”
said Suzanne, thinking.
“
Won
’
t he be able to trace the call right back to us?
”

“
I thought of that,
”
said Toni,
“
so I
’
m gonna use a trick
I learned.
”
She pulled a phone card from her jeans pocket
and waved it at Suzanne.
“
I
’
ll use a phone card, which is virtually untraceable. I saw how the whole deal worked on an old episode of
The Sopranos.
This mob guy used a phone card so there was no way the cops could trace his call.
”

“
Good to know,
”
said Suzanne, spinning on her heels and heading into the kitchen. She really didn
’
t want to
know too much about Toni
’
s phone call. She was way too
involved already.

Petra was in the kitchen, humming to herself and whip
ping up a batch of pancake batter.

“
How
’
s your back?
”
asked Suzanne, draping an arm lightly around Petra
’
s shoulders.

“
I saw my chiropractor last night, who helped enormously,
”
said Petra.

“
Excellent,
”
said Suzanne.

“
But then he told me to go home and do bicycle crunches.
”

“
Sounds athletic,
”
said Suzanne.

“
Oh, they are,
”
said Petra.
“
They
’
re nasty semi-sit-up
things where you lie on the floor and touch your elbow to
your opposite knee, alternating sides.
”

“
Ouch,
”
said Toni, pushing her way through the swing
ing door.
“
I heard that.
”

“
But I have a confession to make,
”
continued Petra.
“
All
I did was curl up on the couch, watch old movies, and pol
ish off a giant Toblerone candy bar.
”