Elegy (14 page)

And yet no one really doubted Joshua or Jillian when they told the story of how their grandmother demanded that they go for a late-night hike to the town’s biggest river—a hike that brought on a sudden heart attack, which she was overzealous in fighting. Too many nitrate pills had caused almost every organ in her body to fail all at once.

And that, as they say, was that.

The story was so plausible, so tearfully told, that the police never thought to explore the rest of the riverbank, where they would have found the shuffled footprints of fifty Seers, fleeing the scene less than an hour earlier. Only Scott had remained, constraining Jillian on the part of the road that hadn’t plunged into the netherworld. But once the netherworld vanished—and once we determined that Ruth really was dead—then Scott and I both had to disappear too. After all, the story of Ruth’s death grew less believable the more random teenagers you added to the equation.

So for the last hour, I had watched invisible as Joshua and his family slowly broke into pieces. It was the hardest scene I’d ever witnessed—and I’d just watched two beings
die
tonight. Almost as bad as watching the Mayhews’ suffering was the fact that I couldn’t do anything for them.

Finally, after all the stories had been told and the reports filled out, the Mayhew family was free to leave. Too tired or disoriented to pretend that he wasn’t looking for me, Joshua began wandering the edges of the bridge, hissing my name. Seeing one of the remaining officers give him a funny look, I stayed invisible but rushed over to Joshua and whispered that I would meet him at his house. His eyes still searched for me in the shadows, but then he nodded bleakly and rejoined his family on their way to their SUV.

Although I desperately wanted to join them as well, I hung back, waiting around the bridge so that I could make sure the police didn’t start expressing suspicions, now that the family had left. To my relief, none of the officers said anything out of the ordinary as they wrapped things up and left too.

After the last cop car pulled away, I shifted back into visibility with a heavy, painful sigh. With one hand, I probed the shoulder that had popped, making sure that it hadn’t dislocated. Then, feeling like I’d just been punched repeatedly, I began to trudge down the road toward the entrance of the bridge. I’d almost reached it when, inexplicably, I stopped, threw my head back, and screamed out the foulest curse word I knew.

I clenched my hands, digging my nails into my palms, and began to scream the word over and over. It echoed back at me from the girders and the tree line. At some point, my screams incensed a nighthawk, who began to shriek with me. Other than those noises, however, nothing else answered me. Nothing called out, from this world or another, to tell me what to do next.

Chapter
EIGHTEEN

B
y the time I finally returned to the Mayhews’ house, dawn had started to break. Still, I could see a yellow light from the front window—a sure sign that at least some of the Mayhews were awake. Making arrangements, I supposed, or mourning together. So I moved past the house without hesitation. Joshua needed me, but not quite yet; right now he needed his family more.

I was so exhausted that I could hardly muster the energy to soften my steps up into the gazebo. Once inside, I pulled the curtains shut and fumbled my way over to the daybed. Then I collapsed onto its surface, fully clothed and still wearing my muddy boots.

I craved peace so badly, I could almost taste it. Every part of my body ached for some rest from these nightmarish attacks. Still, I thought I knew myself too well to believe a moment’s peace was possible—I thought I would stay awake for hours, crying perhaps, or just turning in restless circles on top of the covers.

But to my surprise, I must have immediately fallen asleep instead. What else could explain why a gorgeous, endless prairie had suddenly replaced the gazebo? I’d also gone from lying on a bed to standing in the grass—a change that, for some reason, didn’t bother me. At that moment,
nothing
seemed to bother me. For the first time in months, I felt at rest.

A light breeze swept over me, pleasant and warming. It brought with it the aroma of earth, wildflowers, and that strange, indefinable scent that lets you know the day was sunny, even with your eyes closed.

The air smelled like spring. Like new life.

In an unhurried manner, I stretched my arms above my head and sighed contentedly. Maybe it was because of how starkly this place contrasted with the netherworld, or maybe it was just my exhaustion, but the prairie looked more beautiful then than the first time I saw it. And I
had
seen it before, during my car ride to New Orleans with the Mayhews.

But now, the grass in which I stood seemed taller, reaching well past my knees. All around me bright colors burst through the grass: yellow sweet clover, white larkspur, and purple wild indigo. Flowers my father had taught me to recognize, when they appeared each spring. I reached for a nearby blossom—a round cluster of pale yellow petals that looked like some iridescent bubble floating above the field—when I thought I heard him speak.

“That’s prairie parsley, darlin’,” he whispered, from somewhere behind me. I turned toward the sound of his voice, but the field was just as vacant as before.

“Where are you?” I whispered to the empty breeze.

“He’s not here,” a feminine voice answered.

I turned back around and saw the redheaded girl from my dreams, standing where only prairie grass waved moments before.

“Hello again,” she said, almost apologetically.

“Where are we?” I demanded. “I thought you promised that you’d stop making me hallucinate.”

“It’s not a hallucination. This realm is as real as it was the first time you came here. But since you’re not
part of
this realm, you’re only allowed to access it in your dreams.”

“You didn’t answer my entire question,” I pointed out.

The girl smiled slightly, and explained. “It’s an entrance of sorts, just like the netherworld. The netherworld leads to the darkest place in existence; this prairie leads to the lightest.”

I glanced around me at the blue sky, the soft sunshine, the lush prairie. The lightest place—heaven—waited, not far from here. I could feel it now, just like I could feel the nearby presence of hell whenever I stood in the netherworld. That explained my tranquility when I’d arrived in this prairie.

“Do you like it here?” the redhead asked quietly. “Would you . . . like to see what lies
beyond
this prairie?”

I didn’t respond, choosing instead to fold my legs beneath me and sit cross-legged on the grass. The girl mimicked me, tamping down the blades between us with her hands so that we could see each other. Once she’d finished, she stared at me again, obviously waiting for my reply.

But I simply placed my chin on my hands, rested my elbows on my knees, and considered her: auburn curls, bright green eyes, old-fashioned white tunic over bell-bottomed jeans. Finally, after a long silence, I leaned back.

“I think I know who you are.”

She raised her eyebrows but didn’t speak.

“You’re Melissa, Eli’s dead girlfriend. The one who dumped him before he started stalking me.”

She barked out a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I am.”

“I’m guessing you have a new job. One that doesn’t involve helping a demon’s slave.” When I quirked my head to one side, she confirmed my guess.

“I’m a guardian of this world,” she said. “Just like Eli Rowland and Kade LaLaurie were for the netherworld. Ultimately, we’re all competing to claim souls. My side just does it a little differently than theirs. Meaning that the other side . . .”

“Cheats,” I finished, thinking back to what Eli had once said about stealing souls for the darkness.

Melissa nodded. “They pick out some of the living as targets—victims. And when someone dies at the hands of one of the dark guardians, it’s far more likely that the dark will be able to claim that soul first. That’s what we thought had happened to you. We didn’t even realize that Eli hadn’t actually claimed you, until . . .”

When she trailed off, I waited for a beat and then prompted, “Until?”

“Until someone here alerted us to your presence in the living world. Problem is, we don’t interfere with ghosts who still wander, unsettled. Especially ones like you, who’ve gone unclaimed for so long. There’s a really tacky name my fellow guardians have for your kind—damaged goods.”

By now, my pleasant mood was starting to crumble. I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled at her. “I’m not some forgotten piece of luggage at the airport, Melissa. I’m a person. With a soul.”

“Trust me, I know,” she said hurriedly. “When my friend told me about you, I bent the rules a little and made sure you’d be at the scene of one of Eli’s conquests last fall. So that Eli would
have
to notice you again.”

I blinked back in surprise. “Wait—what? Are you saying
you
made me find Joshua on the night of his car accident?”

“I didn’t mean to place you in Joshua’s path, specifically. I just wanted to make sure your nightmare occurred at the right time, in the right place. I thought that would draw Eli’s attention back to you—make him finally do what he was supposed to do after you died.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “You were
trying
to send me to hell?”

Melissa waved her hands anxiously. “No! No, not . . . technically. I was just trying to get things resolved, as far as your afterlife was concerned. No matter what my friend wanted me to do for you, I couldn’t just bring you to the light immediately. And anyway, you didn’t end up in the darkness, did you?”

“No,” I growled. “And just so you know, Eli hadn’t forgotten about me—he’d been toying with me for over a decade.”

“I know,” she said, shaking her head sadly—for me or Eli, I didn’t know. Then she brightened, suddenly smiling widely. “But instead of Eli winning, the most
amazing
thing happened. On the night of Joshua’s accident, you did something that none of us anticipated. Something that robbed Eli of
two
souls.”

I stared at her blankly for a moment. Then realization hit me.

“I saved Joshua’s life,” I whispered.

Her smile grew even brighter. “You saved his life. And that act of kindness showed the light who you really, truly are. So, even though they determined that you still weren’t quite ready, the Highest Powers decided to give you extra abilities that could save you from the darkness. That’s why you have that protective glow and the ability to harm those who might try to hurt you. The Highest Powers also gave you a connection to everyone whose life you’ve saved since: Joshua
and
Jillian. That’s why you can touch both of them.”

I snorted. “Well, that’s not true at all. I haven’t been able to touch anyone since the Lazarus spell.”

She raised one eyebrow and gave me a suggestive smile. “Oh really? Because that’s not what it looked like in the Mayhews’ front yard the other night.”

The kiss. She was referring to that inexplicable kiss.

“But . . . but how?” I sputtered. “How did I touch him, just that once, when I haven’t been able to for months?”

Melissa shook her head. “Not everything that Gabrielle told you about your current state was true. She thought that you couldn’t touch anyone just because you couldn’t touch Felix. But you can still touch those people you saved. Only the Highest Powers can take that ability away. It’s just that you now need—what should I call it?—extreme concentration.”

I leaned back, stunned. Then, after I’d thought through a few things, I began to speak haltingly.

“If I’m hearing you right,” I said, “then I have all these—I don’t know—extra-ghostly abilities, because I did something out of the ordinary. But . . . it had nothing to do with some unknown quality of mine. It was a reward for my willingness to protect the living. Right?”

Melissa nodded emphatically, her red curls bouncing. “Right. Which is why you’re so lucky.”

I closed my eyes, tuning her out as she droned on about why I was “so lucky.” Right now, I had more important things to think about. Like what it meant if the things Melissa said were true. Was she right when she said that these extra abilities—the capacity to touch those I’d saved, the protective glow—could have been granted to any ghost, if they’d done what I had?

If that was truly the case, then I was . . .
thrilled
.

In fact, the longer I thought about it, the more it felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off of me. Because I’d concluded something that Melissa
hadn’t
said.

My afterlife wasn’t predestined.

Even if the “Highest Powers” or the universe or whatever had granted me extra abilities, that hadn’t happened by some random twist of fate. It had happened because of my choices. I was this ghost, this person, because I chose to help people. I chose to fight.

The demons, the light, even Ruth, who used her final words to beg me to disappear—none of them knew what would happen to me until it actually did. They could plot and plan and scheme all they wanted, but I still had power over my own future. I still had the power to decide.

This realization brought with it an almost overwhelming sense of relief.

And somehow, the realization made things with Joshua seem better, too. He and I had been thrown together by chance, not fate. We weren’t star-crossed lovers, moving on some doomed, predetermined path. We were just two souls who saw each other, and in seeing, loved.

That simple bond was stronger than any supernatural connection. Stronger than any threat posed to us by the afterworlds. For the first time since the demons had threatened me, I allowed myself to hope.

I opened my eyes to find Melissa staring quizzically at me.

“Didn’t you listen to anything I just said?” she asked, clearly exasperated. “I’m asking you again to come into the light now. To join us. Tonight.”

I arched one eyebrow. “What do you mean? You’re ready to—what?—finally let me go to heaven now, after what happened on the bridge?”

Melissa smiled in confirmation, but I couldn’t help my dry laugh.

“You know, a friend of mine taught me that you don’t get one blessing without giving up another. So . . . what’s the catch?”

Melissa shook her head, frowning as if I’d disappointed her with the question. “Like I said earlier, Gabrielle Callioux wasn’t all-knowing.”

I flinched. “‘Wasn’t all-knowing’? Are you telling me that Gaby doesn’t exist anymore?”

“My best guess is that she’s with Eli and a lot of other lost souls,” Melissa said, “somewhere in the darkness beyond the gateway at High Bridge. In a place you can’t reach her.”

“I won’t accept that,” I said automatically. “I could
try
to reach her. I saw her tonight—I know she’s not beyond help. With light on my side, I could try.”