Elegy (15 page)

Melissa winced. “No, technically you couldn’t. If you accept my offer, then you’ll be bound by the same rules that I am. I guess that’s part of the ‘catch.’ You’ll have to give up your desire to save people once they’ve entered the netherworld. And you’ll have to remove yourself from the living world. That means no more visits to your mother. No more nights with Joshua. In fact, you don’t get to ‘protect’ any of your living friends . . . unless, of course, we end up claiming them after they die. You’ll be a guardian of our gateway . . .
not
a guardian angel.”

My stomach pitched, even though I wasn’t exactly surprised by this ultimatum. After all,
everyone
—from Seers to demons to pieces of filth like the former Kade LaLaurie—wanted to keep Joshua and me apart. Why should a guardian of goodness and light be any different?

As it stood, Melissa’s offer didn’t sound very appealing. Not if it meant abandoning my father and Gaby and forsaking my mother and Joshua and all my other friends in the living world. I’d all but made up my mind, when Melissa shifted closer and shook her head at me.

“You’re going to say no—I can see it in your eyes. But before you do, Amelia, there’s something else you should know about the person who told me to find you in the living world, while you were still wandering unclaimed.”

“I don’t care,” I muttered, fighting a losing battle with my anger. “I don’t care about any more of your explanations or stories. You’re delusional if you think I’ll give up on everyone I love just to save myself. I won’t stop protecting my mom and Joshua; I won’t stop trying to find a way to save Gaby and my father.”

“Ah, but that’s the thing,” Melissa said, her eyes suddenly sparkling. “You don’t have to save your father.”

I gave her a withering look. “You think that I would just leave him there? In the netherworld?”

Melissa shocked me by laughing. “Amelia, your father has never set one
toe
in the netherworld. It may surprise you to find this out, but he’s my friend.”

I felt my heart drop. My hands splayed upon the grass, clutching at it in an effort to anchor myself to something stable.

“What . . . what are you saying?” I breathed. “That he’s here? That he’s safe?”

When Melissa nodded, I dove forward, plucking her hands from her lap and grasping them tightly in mine. “Let me see him,” I begged. “Please, let me see him.”

“I can’t,” she said, looking genuinely sorry. She gave my hands a light squeeze. “I wish I could, but he and I have already broken so many rules with you: waking you up; giving you the visions in New Orleans; letting him speak to you—”

“That was really him?” I interrupted. “The first time you brought me to this field? And earlier today?”

“Yeah, it was really him. He misses you, Amelia. He wants you here.”

I shook free of her hands and fell back onto the seat of my jeans. This new piece of information changed things. I couldn’t pretend otherwise.

Almost reflexively, I pictured my father’s face: his sunny blond hair; his easy smile; the crinkles around his vibrant green eyes. The man who’d tied my first shoe and taught me to ride a bike. The man I’d sought for the last few months, under the misguided assumption that he’d been trapped in the netherworld.

If my father really did serve the light, then that meant Eli
hadn’t
claimed my father’s soul when he died. I guess that explained why Eli seemed so confused when I accused him of my father’s death. Maybe I shouldn’t have let it happen, but at that moment, a tiny part of my heart forgave Eli. And another part forgave Melissa for treating me this way, when I realized that she’d probably been the one to usher my father into this beautiful afterworld.

Thinking of those people I needed to forgive, another question struck me. “Is . . . Ruth up there?” I asked quietly. “In the light?”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding? That woman would bring down the whole system if we let her go anywhere else. Besides, she gave her life in an attempt to save all of you—a fact that she’s not going to let us forget anytime soon. She’s been here less than an hour and she’s already trying to run the place.”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly. Then I looked back down, studying the tiny threads in the knees of my jeans. I didn’t really see them—instead, I saw my father’s face again. Heard his voice, telling me to be brave, to do what I knew was right.

“What if I wanted to do something else first?” I whispered. “Before I enter heaven so that I can escape hell?”

I couldn’t see Melissa’s reaction to my question, but I sensed curiosity in her silence. Finally, she asked, “What is it that you want to do, Amelia?”

“Destroy the netherworld,” I said in a rush, looking back up at her. “I want to destroy the netherworld.”

Melissa shook her head. “Haven’t the last few days been any indication that you
can’t
? Besides, the netherworld is eternal, just like this prairie—just like heaven and hell themselves.”

My heart sank, but only until my next thought struck me. “What about the gateways into the netherworld? Are they eternal too?”

“Well . . . no,” Melissa replied, blinking in surprise. “They can be taken down, actually. I know that it’s been done before, millennia ago—pretty spectacularly in Gomorrah, so I’ve heard.” When Melissa saw my hopeful expression, however, she shook her head. “But a human can’t do that, Amelia. Not even a ghost can. Only the Highest Powers themselves can do that.”

Frowning, I asked, “By Highest Powers, do you just mean the rulers of light?”

“No, I mean all of them—the rulers of darkness and light. Only they have the power to destroy the gateways. . . .” Melissa trailed off when she saw my grim, triumphant smile. She didn’t really know me as well as she thought she did, but even she could see that I was beginning to form a new plan.

“Amelia,” she asked, “what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking that I want you to make me a deal. A deal that involves more souls than just mine.”

“Go on,” Melissa said, with a note of caution in her voice.

“If I do something to the High Bridge gateway, if I find a way to close it from the inside, then I want the light to take not only my soul, but the souls of those people who helped me.”

Immediately, Melissa began to shake her head. “You know I can’t make that kind of—”

“Think about it,” I interrupted. “Just think about it.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, and then thought better of it. After another moment’s hesitation, she said, “All right. I’ll present your idea to the Highest Powers. I don’t know if they’ll go for it, but . . . I’ll try.”

I gave a sigh of relief, and then asked, “When will I know whether or not they’ve said yes?”

She smiled sadly and stood, brushing grass off her tunic. “You won’t. You’ll just have to make the leap of faith that they’ll answer your prayers.”

Then Melissa held my gaze, obviously trying to figure me out. I thought that she might say something more—give me another unsolicited piece of advice about my future. But as we stared silently at each other, the air began to shimmer and blur around us. Suddenly, the field seemed hazy and insubstantial. Looking at it made my eyes hurt so I blinked, just once. When I opened my eyes, I could once again see the interior of the gazebo, yet the scent of summer still lingered in the air like perfume. Like a hint of happiness. Of a place I’d only dreamed of, and might finally,
finally
see . . . but only if I didn’t fail. And only if they said yes.

Chapter
NINETEEN

F
or a long time I sat in the gazebo by myself, puzzling over the things Melissa had explained, and struggling with the choice she’d given me. With the plan that I’d barely begun to form.

My father. My
father
. If I believed everything that Melissa told me, then he was waiting for me in the light. So it should have been an easy choice. But obviously, it wasn’t.

If it was just a simple matter of choosing between heaven and hell, between the total absence of my father and an eternity in his presence, I would have already made my decision. Especially since neither light nor dark seemed content to let me stay here, in the living world. But the decision became far more complicated when I thought about Gaby, Serena, Eli, and all those trapped in the netherworld. Not to mention those I loved here, on earth, like Joshua, my mother, and the Mayhew family. My head literally ached from the sheer impossibility of it all.

But I wasn’t the only person with too much to handle. Many of those living people I loved were mourning right now. So I peeled my body off the daybed, cleaned myself up as best I could without a mirror or a change of clothes, and then slipped out of the gazebo surreptitiously since I wasn’t technically supposed to be in there in the first place.

Luckily, none of the Mayhews seemed to have left the house yet—all their cars were still in the driveway, parked in the same haphazard formation that they’d taken late last night. I climbed the patio steps and knocked softly on the back door. I didn’t even realize I’d been holding my breath until Jillian opened it—now I wouldn’t have to awkwardly dodge Rebecca’s hug like I usually did. But still, the sight of Jillian disturbed me. Her eyes were ringed red, and her beautiful hair was ratted up on one side as though she’d thoughtlessly twisted it in her fingers all night.

“Come on in,” she rasped, stepping out of the way so that I could enter the back hallway. After we both walked into the kitchen, Jillian announced, “Amelia’s here.” Rebecca caught my eye and, when her face crumpled into tears, I hurried around the far side of the breakfast table to take a seat beside Joshua.

“Oh, Amelia, honey, thank you for coming over,” Rebecca said, trying very hard to talk around a sob.

“Of course, Mrs. Mayhew. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

I meant it, too. Once I saw Joshua’s face, everything about last night’s battle—and everything about my offer from the light and the plan I’d started to consider—just faded away. He looked so worn, so defeated, that I nearly sobbed, too.

I could tell that it wasn’t just the loss of his grandmother that had almost broken him, although that loss would’ve been bad enough by itself; but Joshua was also crushed by our loss of the battle. He’d genuinely thought we had a chance, especially with Ruth on our side. Now, my sunny-eyed optimist had started to accept the fact that this story might not have a happy ending. Although he’d never really suffered a crisis of faith before, he certainly did so now.

Thinking back on what Melissa had said about my abilities, I concentrated hard on Joshua: on the way I felt about him, on the way I’d always felt about him. I ignored the frustration and grief and uncertainty, and just focused on
him
. Then I reached over, very slowly, and wrapped my hand around his upon the tabletop.

He jerked at the touch, almost as though he’d received an electric jolt like the ones we used to give each other. This touch, however, was just like what we’d experienced the other night: solid, and real. Joshua’s eyes widened and darted to mine questioningly. I gave him one small nod and, keeping my hand tight on his, turned back to his parents.

Jeremiah had been on the phone when I’d entered the kitchen, and he was still talking to what sounded like a relative. Every few words, he would stop to rub his bloodshot eyes.

“Yeah, it’s going to be this Friday morning. We’ll take the kids out of school for the whole day.” He paused, and then added, “No, we’ll just hold the service graveside, like we did for Dad.”

Dread started to prickle along my neck: another funeral, only a week after the last one that I’d attended; another event during which the darkness might attack.

I’d just started to imagine all the horrible things that could happen during the funeral, when Jeremiah mentioned the name of the cemetery where the service would take place. It was a traditional, well-kept cemetery on the edge of town—a site where the relatively affluent were buried. Most important, it wasn’t my graveyard, which seemed to be a hotbed of supernatural activity. The different location didn’t guarantee anything, nor did the fact that the demons didn’t actually claim Ruth. Still, I felt a touch calmer as I tuned back in to the last portion of Jeremiah’s phone conversation.

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “don’t worry about it, Trish: I’ll get you guys some cabins at Robber’s Cave. You tell everyone else to make reservations at the Express hotel. Then we’ll just see you Thursday night, okay? Okay . . . okay, bye.”

With a weary sigh, he returned the phone to its cradle and turned toward his family. “Well, the whole Louisiana clan will be here Thursday night. I’m going to get a cabin for Trish, Ben, and the girls, and another one for Penny and Drew. The rest of the family can get rooms at the hotel.”

While Rebecca, Joshua, and Jillian processed this information numbly, I got lost in my thoughts. One detail from these travel arrangements stood out in particular: Annabel, Drew, and maybe even Hayley would be in town, in just a few days. This meant that I would have access to the young Seers of New Orleans, all of whom had inadvertently betrayed me but all of whom had also helped me defeat a huge gathering of demons.

Suddenly, my plan began to take further shape in my mind.

I got so wrapped up in it that I hardly noticed when Joshua tried to get my attention. Only after he placed his other hand on the tabletop did I glance over at him. He frowned, shifting his gaze between his hands and mine, which was still lying on the table. I hadn’t even felt him let go of it.

Taking advantage of the fact that Rebecca and Jeremiah were now talking, I leaned in closer to Joshua. “Sorry. I guess I lose the ability if I don’t concentrate hard enough.”

He moved his lips to my ear and whispered, “We can touch again?”

I nodded, focusing on his face as I let my cheek brush his. “Yes, we can. And I have a lot of other things to tell you, too.”

Looking a little stunned, Joshua sank back into his chair and arched an eyebrow.
Later
, I mouthed, once more taking his hand and folding it into mine on the tabletop. By now, Jillian had joined us at the breakfast table, so she easily noticed our touch. She raised her eyebrows as well, but thankfully, she chose not to comment yet. Instead, she let the surprise go out of her eyes before she looked back up at her parents.

“Mom, Dad, do you guys mind if the three of us just get out of here for a while? You know, for a break.”

Rebecca turned away from Jeremiah, who she was comforting, and gave her daughter a distracted wave.

“Go ahead. Your dad and I need to meet with the funeral director this afternoon, anyway. I think some folks from Ruth’s church are bringing food by later, so you two will be on your own for dinner. And unfortunately, I’ve got to go into the shop tonight to start sorting orders from the florist. Prom season really was the worst possible time for this to happen.”

The three of us at the table froze. Then, after a long pause, we exchanged worried glances.
Prom.
With all the death and demons and decisions, we’d completely forgotten about it. Not that any of us had planned on going. Well, maybe Jillian and Scott wanted to go together, but Joshua and I hadn’t even discussed it.

Without thinking, I glanced at the calendar on a nearby wall and then suppressed a gasp. Saturday of this week had a big star drawn on it, just below the word “prom” and a few inches below the date. Which just happened to be April 29.

The day before my birthday. I hadn’t even noticed that, before now.

But apparently Joshua had. He caught me looking and gave my hand a firm squeeze. I shook my head, trying to rid it of that terrible coincidence. Trying not to think about what I would have to do, the day before my birthday; trying not to think about the fact that this birthday would be the first I’d spent conscious since my death . . . and I probably wouldn’t even be on earth to experience it.

I smiled weakly at Joshua as we slid from our chairs to follow Jillian out of the kitchen. Once outside, I had to resist the impulse to spill everything right there on the back porch. I kept quiet, even after we piled into Jillian’s car and she drove us someplace relatively safe to talk. I could have kissed her when she took the turnoff to Robber’s Cave Park. I’d had some of my happiest memories there, and it seemed like the perfect place to regroup.

Jillian parked a little ways away from Joshua’s and my picnic table, where we’d shared our first real conversation. The three of us got out of the car, but instead of moving to the table, Jillian guided us to a nearby swing set. We each took a seat and, for several minutes, just swept our feet in the dirt below, moving our swings a few inches back and forth. Eventually, I broke the silence.

“So . . . we’re all going to prom this Saturday. Sort of.”

Joshua shot me a surprised look, but Jillian cackled. “Are you freaking kidding me? After everything we’ve just been through, you expect us to tolerate frilly dresses and bad DJs?”

“We won’t actually be attending the prom,” I replied evenly. “We’ll just be stopping by the school, before our next showdown with the demons, to get our newest recruits.”

“Our newest recruits.” Joshua repeated my phrase flatly, like a statement instead of a question. “You and I are going on our first—and possibly last—real date . . . for recruits.”

I smiled. “And for the bad DJ. Obviously.”

In spite of himself, Joshua grinned back faintly. Jillian, however, still hadn’t bought it. “Wait, wait, wait,” she interjected. “Let me get this straight: you want to recruit non-Seers to try and do something that several experienced covens just failed at?”

“Not just any non-Seers.” I held up one finger in a sort of aha motion. “Your closest friends.”

“What?” she nearly shrieked. “You want my friends to know what you are? What
I am
? Are you crazy? After that, I’d be a pariah!”

Joshua shot a glare at his little sister. “Aside from that self-serving comment, Jillian makes a good point . . . sort of. We let non-Seers in on this secret, and we’re going to put them at risk.”

I shook my head sadly. “Don’t you see? They’re already at risk. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, the darkness will keep claiming the people of Wilburton. And I think we all know that the attacks are going to stop being so random. The demons know about the people I love, and they’ll have fun destroying them, even after I’m gone. Worse, they targeted
you
last night, Joshua.”

“Okay, maybe that’s true,” Jillian said. “Maybe Joshua is about to become Public Enemy Number Two. But how would playing demon slayer help my friends?”

“Because if your friends join us on Saturday night, then at least they’ll be more aware.”

“Of what?” she snapped.

I let out a short, frustrated puff of air. “Of the fact that I’m probably screwed anyway, therefore you and yours are next on the kill list. That’s just the damn cycle, Jillian. And I’m not going to let what happened to Serena and Gaby happen to Scott and O’Reilly and . . . hell, even Kaylen. Not without preparing them for what’s coming their way. So I think it’s unbelievably selfish of
you
to do otherwise, just to protect your stupid reputation.”

I answered more harshly than I’d intended, as evidenced by the fact that tears started to well up in Jillian’s eyes. Immediately, I regretted my tone, but I didn’t regret the words—Jillian needed to hear the truth.

She sniffed once and then quickly looked away, probably so that we wouldn’t see her cry. Joshua’s and my eyes caught, and held. I thought that he might be angry with me for chastising his sister about a plan in which he didn’t even believe. But I could see that that wasn’t the case. Joshua obviously agreed with me on one thing: whatever happened this Saturday, Jillian needed to start thinking about other people. Unless, of course, she
wanted
them killed and turned into mindless shadow puppets.