Elizabeth C. Main - Jane Serrano 01 - Murder of the Month (4 page)

Tyler looked even more blank than usual, presumably as he tried to picture the disaster that would come with the arrival of thirty molded salads. I knew that Minnie was always the first to offer help to anyone in need, but she must have set some kind of a record today, since Vanessa had fallen to her death less than twelve hours ago.

Minnie continued. “Not that there’s anything wrong with molded salads, but really, even on a hot day, people need something substantial to keep up their strength. Chicken pot pie always goes well, and macaroni casseroles.” Judging from Minnie’s generous size, I deduced that she had often followed her own rule for keeping up her strength. As she leaned over the arm of the couch to dispense this vital information, Tyler’s mouth dropped open, which Minnie seemed to take as a sign that he was about to declare his view on the relative merits of casseroles and salads. “Of course, I didn’t mean you, Tyler. No one would expect you to make a casserole, dear. Boys your age don’t cook, do they? It’s all nachos and french fries with you, I imagine, and who ever heard of eating french fries after a funeral? Anyway, all those telephone calls took more time than I expected. Besides, I was too upset to think about reading after I talked to Gil. The man is devastated, just devastated.”

“Well, Tyler,” I said, “can you talk about
The Deep Blue Good-By
?”

Tyler flushed, but collected himself enough to mutter from the depths of the couch, “I’m not ready.”

Big surprise. I’d made a private bet with myself that he would never actually put aside his contempt for the group long enough to speak up at a meeting, though I had chosen to consider his shrug at the last meeting as acquiescence to my suggestion that he tell us about the books of John D. MacDonald soon. During Tyler’s first week in Juniper, he had found an entire suitcase stuffed with tattered paperbacks by that author in the bookstore’s attic. Once started, he had been devouring them at a terrific rate and was now a walking—or perhaps a better word was “slouching”—encyclopedia about the life and times of Travis McGee.

“
Are you sure?” I pressed. Anything to move the conversational topic away from Gil.

“
Yeah, I’m sure.” Tyler returned to studying the book in his hands.

My efforts were in vain. Alix had abandoned the window and ambled over to the group. “You really think Gil is devastated that Vanessa’s gone, Minnie?” she asked. “Rumor has it that there are a few women around who would dispute that.”

Minnie flicked a glance at Tyler. “That’s just a rumor, Alix, and people do change.”

“
Not that much they don’t. Doesn’t the Bible say something about a leopard not changing his spots? Remember, I went to high school with Gil and—”

“
Well then,” I said briskly, “if nobody is ready to talk books, maybe we should just call it a night … all things considered.”

Minnie spoke as though she hadn’t even heard my suggestion. “You’re saying terrible things, Alix.”

“
Doesn’t mean they’re not true,” Alix countered. “Maybe Vanessa is better off dead than married to Gil.”

Minnie gasped. “You think that she … she jumped off that cliff?”

“
No, of course not. I just wouldn’t want to be married to him. Don’t get all melodramatic here.” Alix picked up her wallet in preparation for departure. “Could be she even loved him, for all I know.”

Minnie sputtered in outrage. “And why wouldn’t she? He’s going to be the next Attorney General of Oregon. He’s handsome, talented, intelligent—”

“
All those things, and a few others besides.”

“
But everybody knows they’d put their problems behind them.”

“
I thought you said those were just rumors.”

“
Well, I’m sure they were. Besides, Arlene transferred to San Francisco over a year ago.”

“
I didn’t even know about Arlene. Gil always did like blondes though. Maybe if we pool our rumors, we can each come up with a different blonde.” Alix continued, “I was thinking of—”

“
Don’t say it. Don’t say it.” Minnie put her hands up as if to cover her ears, but mainly succeeded in covering her face with the scarves. Peering out from behind them, she recited, “‘Let him that is without sin cast the first stone.’”

Alix gave Minnie a long, incredulous look and then shrugged. “Well, Minnie, it’s certainly very Christian of you to take that attitude … in the face of all available evidence. I guess that’s where faith comes in—but you’d better toss in some hope and charity to go with it. All I’m saying is that I’d be surprised if Vanessa hadn’t figured out that being married to Gil wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.”

“
Wait a minute, both of you!” Bianca’s abrupt words startled Wendell into a frantic scramble to get out from under the table, where he had continued his hunt for food.

I tried to head her off. “Yes, in fact, let’s wait more than a minute. We’ve all had plenty for one night.”

Bianca continued earnestly, “No, that’s not what I meant. Sorry, Wendell. Didn’t mean to scare you.” She stroked him before continuing. “Mom, I know what you’re trying to do, but I just can’t let this go.” She turned to the rest of the group and said, “I told Mom something earlier, and she doesn’t want me to tell you about it, but it’s important. I read a book—”

“
Oh, no. Not the dog detectives again,” Alix said.

“
You haven’t been willing to read even one book in that series—”

“
And I don’t intend to—”

“
See? That’s the problem, Alix. You’re just like Mom, so closed to anything new that you miss opportunities to see things from a different perspective, things that might be right in front of your face.”

“
And you want me to find opportunities to expand my consciousness by studying dog droppings or whatever?” Alix asked.

“
I’m not talking about dog droppings—”

“
Well, that’s a relief—”

“—
and trying to expand your consciousness is pretty much a lost cause! But if you pay attention to what animals have to tell us, you might learn something. I’m not kidding. Dogs in particular can be very perceptive.”

“
Oh my god, we’re back to learning about life’s truths as revealed by those famous philosophers, Bipsy and Mr. Potts.”

“
Now, Alix,” Minnie cautioned in her Sunday school teacher’s voice, trying as always to be fair and to make sure that everyone was playing well together. “Bianca is right that we haven’t even tried to read one of the books she likes.”

“
And with good reason,” Alix said. “Or maybe if Vanessa had read the doggy detective books, instead of listening to the twaddle dished out at your silly Women’s Empowerment Group, she’d have learned that your canine detectives could sniff out an unfaithful husband at fifty yards.”

“
It’s not a silly group. You have no right to call it that.” Bianca paused dramatically before delivering her trump card. “In fact, it was after the last WEG meeting that Wendell growled at Gil!” She folded her arms and waited for their reaction.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Minnie said.

“
Wendell growled,” Alix said slowly, nodding her head. “Well, I understand perfectly. Wendell growled. That proves what? … that Wendell disapproves of infidelity? That’s some unusual dog!”

Minnie gave a small groan and turned a beet-red face to Tyler, who seemed to be hunching himself even further into the corner of the couch. “Tyler, I’m sorry you have to listen to this. It is all so very unseemly. Some day, when you’re older, you’ll understand that married people have their little problems, but, with love, they can work them out.”

“
I don’t know about that,” Alix said, “but when you grow up, Tyler, please at least have the good sense to choose reading matter that doesn’t depend on some fictional dogs’ insight into human nature.”

Now it was my turn to groan. I knew enough about teens to guarantee that telling a boy that he’d understand something when he grew up was a sure-fire way to slam his mind shut to whatever you were saying. Tyler’s expression didn’t change, but I surmised that he had leapt—without moving a muscle—from neutral observer to Bianca’s side of the argument.

“
If you can stop making fun of me long enough to listen,” Bianca said, “I started to tell you about a book—”

“
Here we go,” said Alix. “The dogs, wearing little Sherlock Holmes hats, got confused and chased the distraught wife of a philanderer over the cliff, right?”

Resolutely ignoring Alix, Bianca continued. “The book I read had a situation that was a lot like this one—”
“I’m sure that Gil and Vanessa were very happy in their marriage,” insisted Minnie mechanically, still responding to Alix’s comments.

“
You don’t understand, Minnie. Some dog in a neat book that Bianca read growled at a character in that book,” Alix said. “That’s very significant. I can hardly wait to find out why.”

“
I really don’t think we need to go into this any more tonight,” I said desperately. “Let’s go home. Maybe next time we can talk about Tyler’s book and—”

Bianca raised her voice once more. “In the book I’m talking about, the whole thing is laid out step by step. If you’d read it for yourselves, you could see that everything is right there in front of you.”

“
What?” Tyler asked, sitting up straight at last. “What’s right in front of us?”

I’d been right. He was rooting for Bianca now.

“Thank you.” Bianca spaced her words to lend each one weight. “The dog growled. The dog knew. There was no other evidence, but the growling dog was enough to point Bipsy and Mr. Potts toward the truth. It’s the same situation here.”

“
And the truth was …?” Minnie asked faintly.

“
… that Gil pushed Vanessa off that cliff. He murdered her!”

The ensuing silence was broken by only one sound. Under the table, Wendell demolished a piece of bran bar that he had somehow missed before.

“Gil, a murderer? “ Alix doubled over, whooping with laughter. “That’s rich. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw this couch, but come on! Just how much incense have you been inhaling, Bianca? And you talk about my brain being pickled by cigarette smoke.”

“
That’s not fair,” Bianca retorted. “Incense clears the mind, expands your ability to—”

“
Don’t start that again,” Alix said, wiping her eyes, “not when I’m enjoying the best laugh I’ve had in months.”

“
This isn’t funny.” Minnie’s distress was palpable. “That poor man … oh, Alix, how could you?”

“
How could I? I’m not the one with some cuckoo notion, accusing our esteemed district attorney of …” Once again, laughter overcame her.

“
Well,” Minnie began uncertainly, “Bianca, you really shouldn’t … I mean, I don’t want to sound harsh, dear, but …” She trailed off. Though Minnie always put the best face on a situation, this one was stretching even her considerable abilities. The vigor with which her scarves fluttered attested to the degree of her agitation, but as always, her voice was kind as she attempted to explain to Bianca just why it was that nice people didn’t go around accusing other nice people of murder. She finished with a hopeful question. “Perhaps you were only making a little joke?”

“
This is no joke!” Alix said. “Let’s not forget that the dog growled.” Like an over-zealous attorney in a courtroom drama, she pointed a manicured finger at Wendell, whereupon the dog crawled out from under the table, wagging his tail and hoping for more food. “As you can see, Wendell is not a dog that normally growls, so, just like Mr. Pibbs—”

“
Mr. Potts,” Bianca interjected. “Well, actually it was Bipsy who first heard the growling dog—”

“
Doesn’t matter,” Alix said. “The dog growled and that solved the entire case.”

“
No, it didn’t. It just pointed the way to the solution,” Bianca said. “I wish you’d stop making fun of them. They’re more interesting than the so-called detectives in those boring religious mysteries. Rabbi Small just sits around and thinks until he finds the killer. Or how about that Jesuit priest?”

“
Father Mark Townsend,” Alix said. “What’s wrong with him?”

“
Nothing, probably, but how much excitement can a priest bring to a mystery?”

“How about Travis McGee?” Tyler asked.

“Right,” Bianca agreed. “The John D. MacDonald character. From what you’ve already told us, he can’t step off his houseboat without getting mixed up with slimy Florida land developers. Probably lots more action, but who wants to read about those horrible people? Nobody is as disgusting as that!”

“
You should meet my ex-husbands,” Alix offered. “I’ll bet the slimy land developers have better morals than those losers.”

“
You’re missing the point,” Bianca said.

“
Oh, really?” Alix asked.

As Alix and Bianca continued to argue—with Minnie continuing her fruitless attempts at mediation—my thoughts drifted to possible silver linings in this ludicrous situation. At least they were arguing about fictional murders instead of Bianca’s latest brainstorm. Besides, it was nice to see that something had broken through Tyler’s usually bland exterior. His head swiveled as he followed the volleys in the verbal tennis match before him. Also, for once Alix was participating. Never before had I seen her put down her ever-present cigarette and enter into a conversation with such relish. Even Wendell had abandoned his quest for crumbs and joined the group, wagging his tail and encouraging first one combatant and then the other as the argument raged.