Elizabeth's Daughter (14 page)

  “What would it be like if you weren’t here,” Elizabeth wondered quietly.

  “Why would you go and say a thing like that? I couldn’t be happier, I’m not about to leave.” Gail didn’t miss a beat of her bread dough slapping against the bread board.

  “No? Why would you stay if I didn’t have Amy?”

  Gail stopped her rhythmic kneading. “What
ever
are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking... ooh! I feel so torn, so guilty... but, okay, here goes. Amy’s about to have surgery.”

  “Yes,” Gail urged.

  “It will correct her... imperfection, if all goes well.”

  “Which it will.”

  “Then Amy will... she’ll get... adopted Gail. Hasn’t the thought crossed your mind?”

  “Oh!” Gail turned her back on her bread board. “No, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

  “And she’ll leave and you’ll leave and our whole perfect life will be over!”

  “Now, just a second,” Gail went back to kneading the bread dough, then she divided it and put it in a couple of bread pans, put a dish towel over them to rise. She came over and sat opposite Elizabeth. “Of course we want
–
whatever the future holds, for Amy to be made whole and to be well.”

  “Yes,” Elizabeth agreed.

  “So this was a river we’d have to cross sooner or later. Look, Elizabeth, even if Amy is adopted, you’ll get another foster child, and I’ll stay here. As long as you want me.”

  “It was such a challenge getting Amy that I can’t imagine repeating that experience.”

  “Don’t worry, Pet. It’ll never be so tough again. The first time you had to be approved and checked into, and observed. Now you could probably get several kids, if you wanted.”

  “But I don’t want any other kids. I want Amy. I feel like... like she’s mine!  I mean, particularly. I realize Mrs. Vargas won’t give me much credit on that score since Amy is my first foster child, but I believe there’s a special bond between Amy and me. And I thought you did too. How can you so casually suggest us shifting our affection to some other child?”

  “It’s not casual,” Gail protested. “It’s just
–
the facts of life. If Amy is given a wonderful home with wonderful people, then....”

  “She
has
a wonderful home with wonderful people. I want to adopt Amy.”

  “Then you’d better have a talk with Mrs. Vargas,” Gail said quietly.

  Elizabeth’s face and shoulders relaxed. “Do you think I can tell her I want to adopt Amy?”

  “What are your chances of you don’t?”

  “You’re right” Elizabeth said thoughtfully. She reached over and squeezed Gail’s hand. “You’re so awesome. Would you believe I’ve been afraid to even talk with you? I was afraid it’d sound like I hoped the operation wouldn’t go well for Amy. I just can’t stand the thought of losing her.”

  “But don’t forget to be calm.”

  “Yes, yes, I’ll practice. I’ll practice with you, you can be Mrs. Vargas.”

  Elizabeth practiced with Gail for several days what she would say to Mrs. Vargas, and she practiced, above all else, how she would remain calm, no matter what the outcome.

*     *

A week later she found herself sitting next to Mrs. Vargas’ secretary’s desk, waiting for Mrs. Vargas to see her. She was as nervous as an understudy at a premier performance, but she felt confident. Why would anyone deny Amy to her, least of all, Mrs. Vargas?

  Finally the office door opened. “Hello, Elizabeth,” Mrs Vargas said. “It’s good to see you. Please, be seated.” She ushered her into the office and gestured to a chair opposite a huge desk. The walls were covered with photos of children of every color and description.

  “They should make a wall paper out of your walls,” Elizabeth suggested.

  Mrs. Vargas looked around, then chuckled. “What an interesting idea! I’ve never noticed how full the walls have become. I just stick up the next picture when I have another child to work with. But you’re right, they’re beautiful, aren’t they, my rainbow children walls?”

  “Very, very beautiful,” Elizabeth agreed.

  Mrs. Vargas focussed her attention on Elizabeth. “But tell me about you, is there a problem?”

  “Oh no! I mean yes, that is, things as they are, are perfect.” Elizabeth relaxed in the warm presence of Mrs. Vargas. “But... I want to adopt Amy,” she blurted. Boy, she thought, I sure didn’t rehearse that!

  Unruffled, Mrs. Vargas nodded thoughtfully, quiet for a moment. “Are you sure you know what you’re saying?”

  “Yes. I’ve been thinking about it ever since Amy came into my life. At first it was a kind of fantasy. But now... now I can’t imagine life without her. I mean, it seems like she’s my daughter, and that I’m her mother.

  “I was afraid too that I’d lose Gail as well, but she assures me she’ll stay on, whether for Amy or some other child. And I was glad to hear it. But that doesn’t change how I feel about Amy. And it’s clear Amy loves us, Gail and me. We’re a family. All we need now, I guess, is some documentation. In short, what can I do to expedite adopting Amy?”

  “I’d hate to lose you as a foster parent,” Mrs. Vargas said. “Foster homes where I feel comfortable about the environment and the motive of the people are
extremely
hard to come by. But aside from that, there is another problem.”

  “Oh?” Elizabeth asked. “What is that?”

  “Married people have a higher priority for adopting than single people.”

  “Really? You mean, I’m good enough to be a foster parent, but not good enough to be a real parent?” Elizabeth curled her finger nails into her palms. Stay calm, she told herself. Stay calm. “I’ve already given Amy a good home. My being married wouldn’t necessarily make it any better.””

  “Infallible logic,” Mrs. Vargas agreed. “I’m just giving you the facts. When the adoption committee makes adoptive decisions, married people come before single people, given everything else being equal, and babies, of course, are the most adoptable.”

  “After Amy’s surgery, she’ll be... highly adoptable.”

  Mrs. Vargas agreed. “Assuming everything goes well.”

  “Of course everything will go well,” Elizabeth could feel tears threatening. “Of course everything will.”

  Mrs. Vargas smiled at Elizabeth. “Foster parents occasionally form strong attachments to a child, Elizabeth. It’s the worst part of the job, some people just aren’t cut out for it. I hope you’ll be tough enough to deal with it when the time comes. Let me say again that your home is an excellent foster home. You and Gail make a wonderful team.”

  Elizabeth nodded, feeling far away. She wanted to be alone. “ But I don’t consider foster parenting a ‘job.’ Loving Amy has been the most fulfilling experience of my life.” She stood and reached her hand across Mrs. Vargas’ desk. “Thanks for hearing me out.”

  “You’re welcome,” Mrs. Vargas returned Elizabeth’s firm handshake. “So, let’s see,” she glanced down at a calendar on her desk. “it looks like Amy goes into surgery next Thursday. I’ll probably see you in the hospital.”

  Elizabeth nodded and left the office.

  When she got home, she recited to Gail the essence of her conversation with Mrs. Vargas, but for the first time ever, she didn’t feel like listening to Gail’s practical logic. She only felt as though her child was soon to be taken from her. She felt silent and protective. After she fed Amy her supper, she took her upstairs and played quietly with her on the bed until they both fell asleep.

  The next day at work she let the telephone ring and ring, she couldn’t seem to hear it. And she’d been there for two hours without even saying hello to Tony.

  Tony came to the door of his office. “Elizabeth,
Elizabeth!
”

  She looked up.

  “I’d like to speak with you.”

  She dragged herself into his office.

  “For heavens sake, Elizabeth, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Nothing Tony. I... I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” She didn’t even see him, her eyes focussed somewhere beyond the far wall.

  “Well, what?”  She heard his exasperation.

  “Oh, Tony, you’re not the only person living and breathing. There are others of us out here, and sometimes we have problems.”

  Tony softened. “I’m sorry, Liz. I don’t express myself very well, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have sincere feelings for you. Please, talk to me.”

  For some reason, Elizabeth let the gates open and poured out the whole story... how she was sure she was about to lose Amy simply because she wasn’t married, and how unfair it seemed.

  Tony glided around his desk and took both her hands in his.

  “Lizzie, is that all that’s bothering you?” he asked softly.

  “Is that all? I guess you don’t have any idea what Amy means to me.”

  “Yes, I do, I can see it. And I have the solution to your problem. I’ve been trying to get closer to you, but you’ve been so busy with the baby. But now... Elizabeth... “ he raised her left hand to his lips and kissed her ring finger, this is a terrible environment for this question but will you, would you consider marrying me?”

  Elizabeth looked up into Tony’s eyes, completely stunned. “Marry you?” she said, trying to understand if she’d heard correctly.

  “Yes.”

  “But... but....”

  “But what? This is not the setting I had in mind, and, yes, it’s sudden, but, well, the end result is the same.”

  “But, Tony, do you really want to be married, and with a child and... and... everything?”

  Tony hesitated for a moment, then let his guard down. “I’ve never known a woman like you, Elizabeth. You make everyone around you comfortable and happy. I’ve watched you work with clients, and in the most natural way, you’re aware of their needs and intuitively fulfill their wishes. You get people into the home they desire. I have to work so hard to do that. I’ll never meet a woman who has more of everything I could hope to find in one person.” H kissed her finger-tips. “I think the child is adorable. And you have what’s-her-name to help. Everyone can be made perfectly happy with one little word from you.”

  “You mean, ‘yes’?”

  “I mean yes.”

  “I have to think,” Elizabeth breathed deeply, feeling a bit faint. “Frankly, Tony, you just seem like... someone who would never marry.”

  “You’re wrong, Elizabeth. Maybe I seem like that because I’ve built up a wall. It’s true, I’ve believed there was no woman who could possibly touch my heart. But you have. You’re sweet, intelligent, kind and beautiful. But more important than all of that, you understand me. I think sometimes I don’t even understand myself
–
but you do. Can’t you see how everything would be perfect if you just said ‘yes’?”

  Amy’s dear little face came to mind. This
would
be the solution to everything. And she’d never seen Tony with his guard down. It was very attractive. “Yes,” she whispered, “I will marry you.”

  Tony leaned over and kissed her. And for the first time, Elizabeth allowed herself to kiss him in return. For the first time, she felt she trusted him.

Chapter XVII

That afternoon, after Tony had gone out to show some homes, Elizabeth sat at her desk vacillating between calling Gail and telling her about the engagement, and arguing with herself that it would be better to tell her in person.

  Peter, in his jogging togs, jogged into the office. Edna gave him her usual disapproving over-her-glasses look. And for once it amused Elizabeth.

  “Hi,” Peter said, dragging up a chair.

  “Hi,” Elizabeth returned, fairly bursting with the news, but not wanting Edna to hear... yet.

  “I came by to cheer you up, but you seem cheerful already. I’ve been a bit worried about you. Gail said you were really down.”

  “Oh she did, did she? She was only supposed to tell you Amy seems to be coming down with a cold.”

  “She did. And she said you were depressed, but that she couldn’t talk about it or you’d be angry.”

  “And I would have been if I’d known. But not today!”

  “No,” Peter agreed, “today you seem exceedingly cheerful. Why the big mood change?”

  “Because...” Elizabeth looked around her and then motioned Peter to follow her into Tony’s office. She closed the door.

  “I’ve been very depressed the last couple days because Mrs. Vargas told me I was unlikely to succeed in adopting Amy
–
which I want more than anything in life
–
because I’m not married. I’ve been miserable. Until this morning.”

  “Until this morning?”

  “Yes. When I told Tony the whole story, he proposed.”

  Peter’s mouth fell open. “Tony asked you to
marry
him?”

  “Yes!” The thrill of the words voiced by someone else and making it very real, swept over her. She was afraid she might begin to cry from happiness. “Oh, Peter, I’m so elated, it’s the solution to everything.”

  Peter stood, studying Elizabeth for a moment, then he finally said, “So... you accepted.”

  “I accepted. Now I can adopt Amy without complication.”

  “That’s the only reason you’re marrying Tony?”

  “Well, of course not. I just... I never imagined he felt the way he does about me. When he asked, I was stunned. I argued with him. I told him I didn’t think he was the marrying kind. He told me I’m the only woman that has ever touched his heart. That he’s been trying to ask me to marry him for some while, but I’ve been so preoccupied with Amy, he couldn’t.”

  “Well then, Elizabeth,” Peter said quietly. “I’m happy if you’re happy. I hope this marriage provides everything you want and need. No one deserves it more than you.”

  He went to Elizabeth and hugged her. This was the first time they’d ever hugged and Elizabeth was stunned to find herself thinking how good his body felt. She pulled away from him, shy and flustered
–
after all, she was almost a married woman.

  Peter had a little frown between his brows.

  “Thank you Peter, thanks. I’ll need your friendship more now than ever.”

  “How’s that?” Peter asked. “You won’t need
–
or want
–
me around at all.”

  “Oh no, Peter, you’re my dear friend, I need you in my life. And Amy and Gail need you too.”