Elusive Love (17 page)

“Sit down, Caley.”

I sat.

“Tell me what’s going on,” he said.

I sighed. “You know how miserable I’ve been.”

He nodded.

“It just keeps getting worse and worse. I can’t take it anymore, Dad. I’ve tried over and over again, but I’ve reached my breaking point. If I stay with him any longer, I don’t know what will happen or what I’ll become.”

My father reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “And you don’t love him, not at all?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I mean, I will always love him in a way, but I’m not in love with him. I haven’t been for such a long time. I can’t even remember what that kind of love feels like.”

“I knew this would happen,” he said after a moment.

“What do you mean?”

“You married him too young, Caley. You two had issues before then, issues that told me you wouldn’t last. People change. They grow apart. You two are a perfect example of people who loved each other but outgrew the other.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before now?” I asked, shocked.

“Because it’s not my life to live. It’s yours. You have to make your own choices even if they end up being the wrong ones.”

“Do you think leaving him is the wrong choice?” I asked, needing my dad’s advice now more than ever.

He shook his head. “No. I just wish Amelia weren’t a part of the equation. This is going to change her entire future.”

“I know, but I think it’ll change for the better. She’s so young now. She won’t remember the fighting and screaming. She won’t have to watch me cry over and over again.”

“It sounds as if you’ve really thought this through,” he said.

“I have. I’ve thought about it so many times, trying to find an answer that would work best for everyone. This is the best I can do.”

“What about Joey? How did he take it?”

“Not well at all. He kicked me out.” I sighed. “I was hoping I could stay with you for a while until I can find a place of my own. I have a little money saved up already. I just need a bit more.”

“You can stay with us for as long as you want, but I fear you might not want to. Your mother isn’t going to make this easy for you.”

“What do you think I should do?” I asked.

“I’ll give you money to rent a new place.” He grinned. “Just don’t tell your mother, okay?”

I frowned. “How on earth do you stand her? All these years, and I can’t remember one time when you fought with her or acted like you were anything but happy. How is that possible? We both know how she is.”

He chuckled. “Caley, when you love someone the way I love your mother, you look past the bad and focus on only the good.”

“I suppose,” I said. “I wouldn’t know what that kind of love feels like.”

“Maybe not, but I think you will one day. Joey wasn’t the right man for you, but I have no doubt that you’ll find someone who will love you the way I love your mother.”

“I hope so,” I said, my mind drifting to Ethan. “God, I hope so.”

I spent the rest of my Sunday at my parents’ house, trying to avoid my mother at all costs.

After returning to the house from my walk with my father, I had lugged my bags and Amelia’s into my room. I spent most of the afternoon unpacking our stuff and organizing it inside my old dresser and closet. Once that was done, I stripped my bedding and threw it into the washer. It had been years since I’d slept in here.

When evening rolled around, I had my bed made and the room sorted. Amelia was playing on her mat on the floor. I sat on the edge of my bed and watched her, smiling for the first time in what felt like days. She was good at that—making me smile. Even in the worst of times, simply watching her play would bring me more joy than I’d ever thought possible.

When my phone vibrated next to me on the bed, I picked it up to see a text from Ethan.

Everything okay?

I instantly felt guilty over not texting him earlier. I had been so preoccupied with my room and avoiding my mother that I’d forgotten to let him know I was okay.

Yeah, I’m good. I’m at my parents’ house now. I’ve moved back into my old room.

That’s good. I’m sure you’ll be happier, staying with them. Anyway, I won’t bother you. I just wanted to check on you.

I smiled. Ethan worried about me more than anyone else I knew.

Thanks for that. I’ll fill you in on everything tomorrow at work, okay?

Sure. I’ll talk to you then.

I tossed my phone back down onto the bed and turned my attention back to Amelia. It wasn’t long before my dad was knocking on my bedroom door, letting me know that dinner was ready.

Annoyed that I would have to deal with my mother again, I scooped Amelia up off the floor and followed him toward the kitchen.

Before we walked in, he stopped and turned to me. “I had a talk with her. Just don’t piss her off, and we’ll be fine.”

“Thanks?” I said, more of a question than an actual thanks.

He winked at me before heading into the kitchen. My mother was already at the table, waiting for us. A dish full of meatloaf sat in the center of the table.

I dragged Amelia’s high chair over to the table between my chair and my dad’s. He fastened her in as I grabbed two containers of baby food out of the cabinet.

“Chicken and peas, kiddo,” I said as I sat down and opened the jars. “Eat up.”

I tried not to wrinkle my nose at the smell as I started feeding her. Apparently, it tasted better than it smelled because she gave me no fuss over eating.

My mother put a piece of meatloaf on my plate without comment before turning her attention away from me. I nibbled on it as I fed Amelia. My baby, always unaware of tension, babbled and giggled as she ate.

The kitchen was almost completely silent with Amelia as the only source of sound. I intentionally kept my gaze away from my mother, hoping that she would, in turn, leave me alone as well.

When dinner was finished, I put my plate in the sink and grabbed a wet cloth to wipe Amelia’s face and hands. Satisfied with my work, I set her free from her high chair. She crawled across the kitchen floor and out into the hallway. My father followed behind her.

I started to go with them, but I heard my mother’s loud huff behind me. I stopped, wondering if it would be worth it to stop or if I should keep going. Either way, she was going to be pissed. If I delayed, it would be worse.

Decision made, I turned to face her. “Did you say something?”

She glared at me. “You’re not going to live here without helping out. I cooked dinner, so it’s your responsibility to do the dishes.”

“That’s fine. I can do them,” I said, not wanting to start an argument. Besides, I really didn’t mind helping out around the house.

“Good, and while we’re on the subject, you’re responsible for your and Amelia’s laundry. I’m not your maid.”

“Okay.” I walked past her to the sink.

My parents hadn’t moved into the twenty-first century yet, so they didn’t have a dishwasher. I turned the faucet on and started filling the sink with warm water and soap. I could feel my mother standing behind me, watching my every move. I ignored her as I started scrubbing plates.

After a few minutes, she finally gave up and walked away.

I had no doubt that my stay here would be pure hell.

I made it out of the house the next day without seeing my mother. My dad had beaten me to work, like normal. When I walked in, he was standing at the counter, staring off into space.

“Morning, Dad,” I said as I walked by him.

He jumped, as if startled. “Morning, Caley. I didn’t see you come in.”

I laughed as I put my purse under the counter. “I walked right in front of you. Were you lost in your head again?”

“Aren’t I always?” he mumbled before heading back to the coffee pot. “Did you talk to your mother this morning?”

“Nope.” I started turning on the computers.

“I forgot how tense things had been with you two before you left home.” He returned to the counter.

“Well, I didn’t. I knew she’d be like this.” I shrugged, as if it were no big deal, but we both knew her attitude had hurt me more than once over the years. “I’ll be out of her hair soon enough. I’ll start looking this week for cheap places to stay.”

My dad shook his head. “Don’t rush because of her. You’re going through enough right now. Don’t add more stress to your plate.”

I simply nodded, unsure of what else to say. My dad patted me on the shoulder before heading back to his office. I watched him go, wondering just how much my decision was bothering him.

My dad had always been one to let me make my own choices, rarely giving me his opinion. He had one hell of a poker face. I could never read him. But the way he’d looked when I walked in…well, that bothered me. I had a sinking feeling that my life choices were causing him stress, something he already had enough of.

I sighed. There was nothing I could say to reassure him that I would be okay. The only thing I could do was pretend to be okay with the way things were, even when I felt like falling apart. Maybe if he saw that I was handling things well, he wouldn’t worry as much.

The morning went by at a snail’s pace. I had a few customers but not enough to keep my mind occupied.

Instead, my thoughts turned to Joey. He had been so angry with me, not that I could blame him, but his anger wouldn’t help either of us. I wanted a divorce. How could we work together to settle everything if he hated me? The honest answer was, we couldn’t. I needed to talk to him, make him understand that separating was the best choice for both of us.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent him a text.

We need to talk about all of this, Joey. Can you call me when you get a chance, please?

If I’d expected a response right away, I was sorely disappointed. I stared at my phone for a few minutes, willing it to show Joey’s name. When it didn’t, I finally gave up and put it back into my pocket.

All morning and afternoon, I checked my phone every once in a while to see if he’d responded. Each time, disappointment filled me. It wasn’t until a few minutes before three that I finally got a response. It wasn’t one that I’d wanted.

Go fuck yourself.

“Well, we’re off to a good start,” I muttered under my breath.

We need to talk. You know we do. Put aside your anger for five minutes, and talk with me. You’re not only making this harder on us, but you’re making it harder for Amelia, too.

I looked up when the front door opened. Ethan walked in, his eyes instantly meeting mine. I gave him a weak smile, one he didn’t return, as he walked behind the counter.

“Hi,” I said a little too cheerfully, trying to sound like nothing had occurred between us.

He didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me hard. Shocked, I froze for a moment before hugging him back.

“Hi,” he finally said as we pulled away from each other. “You had me worried yesterday when I didn’t hear from you.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I was dealing with Joey and then my mom. Things didn’t go well with either of them.”

He glanced back at my dad’s office door. “What did your dad say?”

I shrugged. “He just wants me to be happy. I don’t think this came as much of a shock to him. He’s with me every single day, and he knows how miserable I’ve been. He’s even going to help me find an apartment, so I don’t have to stay with them for long. My mom and I would kill each other if we had to be together for more than a few weeks.”