Elusive Love (3 page)

I waited, hoping that Ethan would keep talking with me. I felt lighter already, only a few sentences taking the weight from my shoulders.

A man hitting a woman is about the worst thing I can think of, but verbal and mental abuse is almost as bad. Why are you still with him if he’s like this? You should leave.

I frowned.

I have a child with him. I can’t just walk away because he hurts my feelings.

Several minutes passed without a response. I frowned before taking another drink. I was worried that Ethan had suddenly decided I wasn’t worth talking to anymore. My heart skipped a beat when my phone screen lit up, showing that I had a new message from him.

Having a child definitely makes things difficult but not impossible.

I want Amelia to have a happy life, growing up. I don’t want her memories to be filled with being taken back and forth between him and me.

Eh, I see your point, I guess. I just can’t imagine being stuck with someone I despised, feeling completely miserable for the rest of my life.

I reread his words twice, trying to decipher whether or not he was being a smart-ass before deciding that he probably was.

You know what? Never mind. I can see that you’re judging me already. I think I’d better go.

I was surprised at how angry I had become over a single message. I’d expected Ethan to maybe feel sorry for me, but I had never expected him to tell me that I should leave my husband. That was…unthinkable. I couldn’t. I had Amelia to think about.

Hey, I didn’t mean to piss you off, so calm down. I just meant that no one should be forced to live a life that makes them miserable. We used to be friends once, Caley, and I thought a lot of you back then. You’re a sweet girl, and you deserve a happy life. That was all I was trying to say.

My anger dissolved instantly, and I felt like a complete fool.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be. I understand.

I sighed, torn between continuing to talk to Ethan and going to bed. My head was starting to swim, and I knew it wouldn’t take long before my messages would start suffering a painful grammatical death. I’d made enough of a fool of myself for one night. It was time for bed.

I need to go to bed. Amelia will be up early. Good night, Ethan. It was good talking with you.

Good night. Don’t wait another few years to message me again, okay? Tonight made me realize that I’ve missed talking to you. You can shoot me a message on here or send me a text whenever you need someone to talk to.

He sent another message with his phone number. I smiled. It was so nice to have someone act kind toward me for once. The nicest thing Joey had done for me lately was filling up my glass when it was almost empty.

Thank you for listening to me tonight. We’ll definitely have to talk again soon. Night!

I saved Ethan’s number in my phone under the name Elena, fearing that Joey would get angry if he realized I was talking with a guy. Once that was done, I pulled my Messenger application back up and clicked on Ethan’s conversation. I reread our chat one more time before deleting the messages. I felt a twinge of guilt as I deleted them, but I pushed it aside. The only reason I was getting rid of them was because Joey would overreact if he saw a guy’s name in my messages. If he wasn’t so controlling, I wouldn’t have to sneak around like I had something to hide.

I plugged my phone into the charger and set it down on the table. After carrying my empty glass to the kitchen and placing it in the sink, I headed toward the bedroom where I knew Joey would be awake and waiting for me. The Ethan-induced smile on my face slowly slid away as I opened the door and laid my eyes on my husband.

Two weeks had passed without a word from Ethan. Every night, I’d stare at my phone, both debating on messaging him and willing him to send me a message. Every night, I’d go to bed, disappointed.

It was a strange feeling to crave someone’s attention. Normally, I shied away from any kind of interaction unless it was forced upon me. Even with my few friends and acquaintances, I’d only speak to them when they called or messaged me, and the interactions would be brief. I just wasn’t a people person.

Apparently, I was an Ethan person though.

As I struggled to understand why I wanted to so badly talk to him again, my interactions with Joey became more and more strained. Amelia was teething, crying constantly, and overall, being evil. Her dismal mood seemed to embed itself in me as well. Emotionally, I was at the end of my rope. Something needed to change, or I was going to snap.

Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Pushing aside my pride, I decided I was going to cave and message Ethan again. After making sure that Joey would watch Amelia, I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and walked outside. I sat down on the asphalt, several feet away from the main entrance of our apartment building, and pulled out a cigarette. I lit it up and inhaled deeply, allowing it to calm me. Once the nicotine entered my system, I pulled out my phone and sent Ethan a message.

I think teething babies are part demon.

The text was random, but it was all I could think of. I chuckled to myself. I was a moron.

He replied back.

Why?

With the way Amelia has been screaming, there’s no other explanation. It’s awful.

Have you tried a cold wet washcloth? It helped my nephew when he was teething. He was also part demon at the time.

I’d forgotten that Ethan had an older sister. I’d met her once or twice in school, but she was a few years older than me, and we hadn’t run in the same social circles, so I knew very little about her. One of the only things I did know was that she’d gotten pregnant her senior year. The rumors had swirled around our school for weeks after people had found out. It had been so widespread that even I had heard some of them.

That seems to be the only thing that helps. I feel so bad for her. :/

It’ll pass. You just have to hang in there until it does. How are things going for you?

I hope it passes quickly. Things are the same. They never change.

Hmm, I was hoping that you were exaggerating the other night because you were drinking.

Nope, not exaggerating at all. My mood has been even worse since Amelia has been so fussy. I think she’s stressing both of us out. I feel so bad for saying this, but I kind of just want to run away for a while.

Then, do it.

Do what?

Run away for a little bit. I mean, don’t actually run away. Just get out of the house for a bit. Let him watch Amelia. You need some time alone to reset.

I frowned.

I doubt if he’d let me leave just like that.

Don’t ask. Tell. Then, get in your car and drive. Get out of the house for an hour or two. It’ll help a lot.

I bit my lip as I stared at my phone. I would love to get away for a while, but I feared it would start another fight with Joey. At this point, I couldn’t take any more fighting.

I finally typed out a reply.

I’m afraid it’ll only make things worse.

If wanting to leave for an hour or two starts a fight, then he needs professional help. Everyone has a limit, Caley, and I think you’ve reached yours.

Instead of answering, I locked my phone and took another hit off my cigarette. Escaping for even an hour sounded like absolute heaven. I loved Amelia, but I couldn’t handle the crying anymore. I’d already joined in with her as she wailed once or twice today. If tonight was anything like last night, I knew I’d have to endure even more crying and absolutely no sleep. That thought pushed me into action. I couldn’t handle staying home all evening and then dealing with a night full of crying and screaming.

I stood and walked back up to our apartment. When I stepped inside, Amelia was sleeping in her swing. That sight alone calmed my nerves. Joey was sitting on the couch a few feet away from her. His eyes were glued on the TV.

“I’m going out,” I said, careful to keep my voice low in fear of waking Amelia.

He glanced up at me. “Where?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I’m just going to go for a drive. I need to get away for a little while. I won’t be gone for more than an hour or two.”

He suspiciously eyed me. “Why do you suddenly need to get away from here?”

“Hmm, maybe because Amelia has done nothing but scream for the past few days. I’m stressed, Joey. I’ve barely slept for more than an hour or two in the last forty-eight hours. I’ve reached my limit, okay? I have to leave, or I’m going to explode.”

He rolled his eyes. “And I’m not stressed out, too?”

I clenched my hands at my sides, trying my hardest not to start fighting with him. “You slept through the night without any interruption. Today, your ass has been parked on that couch the whole day, only getting up to take a piss. I think you held her twice, so I could go to the bathroom.”

He glared at me. “So, you’re saying I’m a shit father?”

I laughed, but it sounded all wrong. “I’m not saying that, Joey. I’m just saying that I need to have a little me time.”

He continued to glare at me before glancing over at Amelia. “What am I supposed to do if she wakes up and starts crying again?”

“Pick her up, rock her, give her a cold washcloth to chew on. You’ve watched me take care of her all day. You
know
what to do.”

He sighed. “Fine. But be back here in an hour. I’ll be hungry by then.”

Instead of demanding he give me more time, I just nodded and turned away. I grabbed my keys and tore out of the apartment before he could change his mind. If I was allowed only an hour, I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it hanging around here.

When I reached my car, I glanced down at my phone. It was flashing with a new message. I unlocked it to see a few messages from Ethan, all of them asking where I’d disappeared to.

I was busy telling Joey that I needed some me time. I’m in my car now. Ah, I did it!

Ha-ha. How brave of you. So, where are you going to go?