Emanate: Insight Series ((Insight) Web of Hearts and Souls) (27 page)

I felt his stare linger over me before he spoke. “I hear the lovers that began this world were wise souls.”

“Lovesick souls. Head set on bringing down darkness, not leading to it.”

“How would you ever recognize light if you were not standing in the dark?” he quipped.

“I know the balance lesson. It’s in us all.”

“Do you realize it is a constant battle of mind, body, and soul?” he asked as he returned to carving his stick.

“Firsthand.”

“Well, then. I don’t see why you are worried about growing or shrinking pains.”

“I’m worried because I don’t know how to do either. Not over the last few months, anyway.”

“I think you do,” he said with a smile, not bothering to look up at me or his horse, which was worked up again. Most of the sand was kicked up at this point. Pools of water were all around her. She was trying to avoid them, but they were emerging too quickly.

“Thanks for the confidence, but I’m not sure you know me. You know the idea of me.”

“I have a pretty good gauge on people,” he said with a hard slice to his stick. “You’re giving up right now.”

“No. I’m afraid.”

“You’re not grieving for the power you think you lost? You are not missing the shield it gave you?”

“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy, but I don’t miss the power. I miss the anger.”

“Why so?”

“It helped me not to be afraid. It gave me the will to change what I did not like in the world around me.”

“Anger is a gift. All emotions are, really. But sometimes too much anger robs you of your curiosity.”

“What?”

“The best way to bring change is to be curious. You can charge in and change all the rules, but if you were never curious as to why those rules were in place to begin with, you are setting yourself up for failure.”

I furrowed my brow at him, which made him chuckle.

“Whatever you are trying to change, you are staring at the result. You have to figure out what it was like in the beginning. No one plans to bring destruction, or even evil.”

“I can think of one ghost that did,” I muttered.

He laid his stick down. “You know of his beginning?”

“Donalt’s?” I asked, wondering if we were talking about the same person. I had no idea what this Mark Twain look-a-like knew or did not know about me.

He nodded once.

“He took over a king’s body and life. Brought hell with him,” I stated evenly.

“But where did he come from? What was he created to be?”

Now there was a thought that never crossed my mind, at least not long enough for me to ponder it.

“What does Donalt bring that you want to change?”

“Fear. He brings fear to innocence.”

“And what if he was not created to bring it, but release it?”

Ah! This was what Justus was talking to me about. Justus didn’t refer to Donalt as a ghost or dark king of a corporeal realm, but as a Sovereign that had failed his charge.

“Then he should be fired because he is not doing his job.”
And I would never fail that charge,
I thought reverently to myself, surprised by the confidence in my tone.

Mark Twain laughed, a deep, bellowing laugh. I thought I heard him say, “Let’s hope not.” As he stopped, he gazed at me with wonder. “So, let’s muse, say he didn’t always invoke. That would make him powerful if he could help innumerous souls face that emotion.”

“A misused power.”

“Maybe he became addicted to it.”

I nodded, knowing Justus had alluded to the addiction of emotions.

“Who could be addicted to fear, though? I’m rippled with it. I can’t even think straight. I’m no better than your mare.”

“But because you are saturated in it, because you are not distracted by other emotions, the one powerful one you’ve hidden behind, you are figuring it out.”

“I can’t agree with you there.”

“I’m watching you right now. I see when you hold your breath, when you breathe deep. When you seize your breath, you are letting fear be the master, letting it steal your life. When you breathe deep, thoughts of reason are emerging in your mind. That is balance.”

He was too right. I hadn’t even figured out I was doing that.

“Donalt became addicted to power, power he could gain on several planes. He grew addicted to the game of life. It is natural to have passions, deep desires, but he pushed the envelope when he forgot his purpose.”

“The people.”

“The souls. He forgot to care for them first. Instead, he was looking for the next battle, the next step that would raise him higher. He disconnected from the universe. The oneness. The circle of life.”

“You act like you know him.”

He let a slow, bobbing nod come to him as he gazed out at his mare and his eyes filled with grief.

“Are you trying to tell me to forgive him? To walk away, turn the other cheek?”

“Not at all. We are all one. He, like it or not, is a part of you, in some distant way. You need to run your own race. And never forget the souls you are meant to watch over.”

“That is a lesson I’m sure I would have listened to at one time. But…I don’t know
. I have to get through this first. For all I know, I’m already done and you are an illusion.”

He chuckled. “Real as they come.”

I nodded once.

“Were you trying to tell me I was turning into him? That I would make the same mistakes he did? That
…that if I make it through this, that could happen to me?”

“No, I’m telling you to learn from them. You have a taste for anger, Donalt had one for greed. Still does. His soul is locked away as his ego, who is thirsty for power, takes the lead.”

“And mine is locked away as anger defends what I am too afraid to face.”

He glanced at me. “He doesn’t seem like some powerful ghost now, does he?”

“No. You made him human somehow.”

“So, if you are not afraid of him, then you should not fear his actions.”

“Not fearing him landed me like this.”

“There are many levels of fear, and each has the right to feel them
. However, in order to face fear, or any emotion, you have to approach it curiously. You have to understand why you felt that way. Understand the lesson.”

“I feared him for the power he had. I was angry that he used it.”

“And more than likely, during that tug of war you forgot what this deal was all about.”

“Deal? You mean life? I never knew.”

“Where do your thoughts linger when they have no direction?”

“Landen. Finding bliss with Landen.”

“Have you let your mind take you there recently?”

I move my head from side to side. “Hard to do when death is always leaning over your shoulder. When our emotions are strained by outside forces.”

“Maybe you should keep your focus on the inside. Discover each other again, curiously.”

“I want that,” I breathed. I could hear the slow, steady drum of my heart when I thought of how I wanted that so bad.

“I imagine he is your peace.”

“I am his hell. You have no idea what I have put him through.”

“I know that he is designed, created, to be one with you. There is only one being that has the power to calm the tidal waves of your emotions. Only one that can weather how powerful you are.”

I was sure that was a Chara legend or something.

“Then why have we struggled so far?” I said, almost to myself.

“He can only protect and understand your soul. Not the ego.”

“I really have hidden it from him.”

“I suppose you didn’t want him to see the dark corners of your soul, but…you never fathomed that he had the same dark corners, that together you could find redemption. Oneness. That you could lead others to do so.

I felt a violent tremble rock through me. Skylynn and Drake’s images began to assault my mind.

In the beginning, I held back because I was young and in love. I was exploring him, but I was shy. Then Drake happened, darkness happened
—and then Skylynn happened. I told him I was okay with that, that I was okay with some dark past he had, but that was the anger talking. I felt like I had gotten even with Drake. I felt validated. I saw it as a game. Not good. Not good at all.

Mark Twain next to me moved his head from side to side, as if he were reading my thoughts and agreeing.

“This deal here,” he said with a nod to the water at his side, “it’s going to open you wide. He may not see it all at first, you may not see it all at first, but you will see it in time. You can’t let anger rise and your ego call the shots. Because when you do that, the one emotion that you know all too well, the emotion that you have the power to redeem, will be caged within and the universe will suffer right alongside the two of you.”

“The ceremony?”

“The point where two souls made of one, join.”

“Die?”

“Life is eternal.”

I looked down,
squeezing my eyes closed. I felt his hand on my back. “Your battle is coming to an end, but a new one will forevermore be on the horizon. Hold fast to each other, and you will always have the strength you need to protect the souls under your watch.”

I felt burning tears emerge from my eyes. “If the power comes back…I don’t know that I can control it.”

“You will not control it alone. He will share your power. He will carry it when it weighs your soul, as you will carry his when he falters.”

I was silent. I felt myself breathing in, my thoughts pushing me to an unknown future that would still be dark, but I would have Landen, we would help so many. Another shudder came to me. We may not have even seen our darkest day, but I knew that as long as we had each other, we would find balance.

I had been focused on Donalt, even Drake’s well-being, thinking that was the end, but that was not going to be the end—that was going to be the starting line to an eternity of eternities. We were everlasting. Hearing that thought gave me the first deep, calm breath that I had taken in forever.

“Well, look’a there,” Mark Twain said.

I looked up, questioning if he were indeed reading my thoughts. The mare had edged to the water. She stepped one hoof in, then stepped back and circled. From that point, she started running toward the water. At the edge, she jumped, high and long. I could not see where she landed, but she reached the shore and ran toward the other horse. As they galloped side by side into the distance, they became one.

“Depth perception. She didn’t know if that water was one inch or one mile deep. She finally remembered her power, her balance.”

“Um…how did two horses just turn into one?”

“I told you, there was only one. Her soul took over the vessel. Beautiful, don’t you think?” he said, tipping his head to the water. I followed his gaze, and in my refection my emerald green eyes were gone; they were now as blue as the water, shining, full of calm. My hair was no longer wayward, and I didn’t look like I was at death’s door; I looked as if this was the happiest day of my life.

I stood to lean down. I heard the horse in the distance, bucking and neighing,  so my attention went from my reflection to her.

“Her ego is going to show itself once in a while, a lot at first, but soon it will settle,” Mark Twain said.

The vision of the horse vanished, as did the sand dune. Before me was crystal clear water.

“Breathe deep when the fear comes. Know that once you find him, you will no longer bear it alone. That he craves and desires to help you bear that weight.”

Mark Twain vanished, and I was all alone.

Chapter
Nineteen

~ Landen ~

The second Rasp vanished, a glass walkway that was only two feet wide appeared before me. It only stretched out a few feet. I felt pulled to step out onto it, knowing I would get further if I just dove in. I felt a blazing burn raining down my shoulders, on my arms and back. The pain in my chest was dividing me in two, but I could feel her. Her emotions were shifting, and I couldn’t figure out why.

To my surprise, as I stepped forward the walkway expanded. I moved cautiously forward, and as I did more glass appeared, giving me one more step. Right then, her emotions sparked, fear peaked, and I felt a pain that only a confused, broken heart could imitate. I’d caused that, and I’d give anything to stop it. I started to run, and as I did the walkway over the pristine water expanded, only appearing a breath before my feet landed on the surface.

Right then, all hell broke loose—or rather, my past surfaced. All around me were images of lives I had only gotten a glimpse of. Fire was in the air. I saw the Veil, I saw The Realm, I saw every dark corner of my soul. Skylynn appeared, her image. She was laughing at something I said as she warmed her hands against the fire that was burning before us. I saw myself reach to put my arm around her as I said something else that made her laugh so hard that she was wiping tears from her eyes.

I felt so sick that I couldn’t move. Sick for a thousand reasons. Sick because I let that moment happen, and many more. I led her on, betraying us all. It didn’t matter that we both knew that was all for show, we were not meant to be together. I felt sick because I had never seen Willow laugh that hard. Fire boomed around me. On instinct, I stepped back, and as I did I nearly fell. My walkway that was just above the water was now hundreds of feet in the air, and I was standing in the middle of nowhere.

I was paralyzed. I didn’t want to run forward and face that image, to feel it any more intensely, but I could not turn back. I had started this, and there was no going back. I ran forward, watching the images turn to dust, hearing the echo of Skylynn’s laugh, her sigh and say, “Your girl is lucky. I will tell her as much when we find her.” I let out a relieved smile, forgetting the details of that night, forgetting that Willow had never left my mind. That Aden had never left Skylynn’s.

I pushed forward, seeing all the hell Phoenix and I had raised, the souls we’d bargained with. I wanted to stop and find a reason for that. To tell myself I was an idiot, that I was making this all worse, but instead I let the images scatter as I ran through them. Before long, I saw ancient lives, me as an old man, holding the hand of a stunning woman as I whispered into her ear and promised her a beautiful ever after. The shade of her eyes, the shade of Willow’s, was light green, a color that would easily reflect blue if given the chance. I cursed myself, realizing how close I was to finding the real her in that life. I ran farther, seeing the last trial in The Realm, how scared and in pain Willow was, the one before that, when I was lost in that Realm and she was soaked with rage.

They all surfaced, the one where she saved those children and Olivia, the one where she took her life, the one where we took over the palace—I saw them all. In utter, vivid detail. I saw that even though we were side by side, sharing thoughts and emotions, we were miles away from one another, both trying to balance the youth of our bodies with the age of souls. I’d let her down. I’d let her slide through my fingers. I’d let her live alone in darkness. I begged every higher power I could think of for just one more chance. One more shot to find her soul.

~Willow~

I was losing whatever confidence the Mark Twain look-a-like had given me. Even though my chest was burning, I didn’t trust the water that had berated me moments ago. I had nowhere to run, and terror was taking over again. But then, I felt him. I felt Landen’s emotions spiraling from everything from devotion to rage. I inhaled, feeling anger for the first time in days. I felt it balance my fears. I felt it give me courage. But I held it at bay. I didn’t want it to overcome me.

A glass walkway appeared before my feet. Trembling, I stepped forward, seeing this all as a dream. With each step, it extended. Landen’s emotions were coming closer, and they were all over the place. I felt his regret, his dread, followed by relief. It was the oddest gathering of emotions I’d ever felt. I knew I had to protect him. I had to reach him, and as I moved, that walkway started to extend, appearing just as I needed it to.

Flashbacks started then. Guilt came then. Drake’s image was everywhere. Me in his arms, me reaching to pull him to my lips. I was laughing. Lost in the moment and not caring what was ahead. The guilt clogged my throat.

I kept seeing that mare in my mind, how she ran the other way when life was waiting just across a few feet of shallow water. I wasn’t going to make that mistake.

As I ran through the images, I heard Drake’s voice: “You laugh, Love, but I’m serious. You are holding back. Let me see that soul. Show me the real you.” I felt myself smile on the inside. I had never given him what was Landen’s, he’d never given me what was Madison’s. We were lovers in the moment. Not eternal.

As soon as I ran through those images, other past lives came to me. I saw death. A lot of death. I saw endless sacrifices, ones that no one deserved to endure. Once they were gone, I saw myself old and gray in the arms that could only belong to Landen. He was standing behind me as we stared at the sunset. He whispered something into my ear, and as he did my eyes flashed from a light green to a sparkling blue. I ran faster, knowing for sure that I had never given it all to him. I had held back, fought my own wars, and that was unfair. We were one. They were his wars, too.

The past few months started to fly by, just as wicked as they had been for me over the past few days. I felt them as I should have, with a mix of fear, anger, and adrenaline. I felt balance. Justifiable.

I ran harder, but then the images faded, the wind picked up, and the pain in my chest burned in agony. I realized I was hundreds of feet in the air. I hated heights. I really did.

I had no idea where I was going, but the only way this walkway would work was if I moved forward; the path behind me was just as vacant as the images that I could not undo.

Then I saw something.

Amidst the blinding blue water and deep purple sky, I saw a strong silhouette emerging in the distance. I could see his long, tan arms reflecting off his white shirt and pants, his dark hair, and those eyes…I was nearly paralyzed at how blue they were.

~Landen~

The images of a past I would live over just so I could do it right this time faded, the wind picked up, the dark purple sky grew darker, and I could swear that there was a ball of flames behind it. I felt the fire, the burn, but I was moving forward.

I felt her. Her emotions were all over the place, but no sooner than she felt regret did she find hope and desire. I could only assume she was fighting her own images. We were both in judgment, and I could only hope she was stronger than I was, that she did find a way to run.

Right then, I saw the bluest eyes in creation emerging from the distance. Her long, dark hair was whipping behind her in the air. The sleek black gown fell just below her knees, amplifying her soft, tan skin.

I swallowed, wanting to taste her skin, her kiss. The pain didn’t even matter anymore. I’d found a new focus, a focus that could hinder any dark moment with a glance.

I wanted to run to her, but I could swear gravity itself was in front of me, forcing me to a slow, calculated walk.

More images came. Images that made my heart thunder with desire. I saw every time I had pulled her into my arms. Every kiss, every whispered promise. Millions upon millions of images of us in our most intimate moments
through the millennia exploded across the sky.

She was right before. We had lived more than one lifetime of bliss; we had lived an infinity in each other’s arms, which only made me crave her more.

Her stare was wide as I moved closer. An innocent smile lingered on her lips; the air was saturated with her lavender scent, with the raw power of her soul.

Agonizing minutes later, I reached her and wrapped my arms around her waist as I lifted her in the air.

“I love you,” I breathed.

“You are forever mine,” she said as her arms braced my shoulders.

I leaned back as I looked into her eyes. I was mesmerized. “You heard me,” I said with a smile as my lips lost their willpower and found hers, going deep fast. I had to pull her closer. As our chests met, that burning pain hesitated, yet raged on. The wind picked up, and I braced my arms around her as we broke our kiss.

She clutched my body as those angelic eyes looked all around. Our walkway was vanishing, and the sky was turning orange and swirling.

“We have to jump,” I said to her.

Fear spiked, but she swallowed it and found determination.

“I’ve got you. I’m not letting go,” I said as I pulled her body up and wrapped it around mine.

I only managed to jump half a second before that thin glass walkway vanished.

We were falling through the air as fast as light. The fire sky reached down as waves of the blue water reached up.

She pulled me from my focus on our landing and latched those addictive lips onto mine. It was a great plan. If I was going to die, I wanted to die with her body wrapped around mine and my lips on hers.

I never felt the water. I never felt the fire. I felt the wind, a wicked wind that sliced into my skin. I held our kiss but covered as much of her body with mine as I could.

I would swear that we were in the eye of a hurricane. It was that loud. That fast. My flesh was vanishing
, I would swear to it.

That dagger in my chest throbbed as the mark on her chest pulsed against my body.

I felt a pain that topped all pains ever created, a ripping sensation, but it was over as soon as it came.

Water. That was next. We fell into water. But it was not raging water; it was calm and cool, just like the water we had jumped into when I took her to my getaway.

It was healing us. I felt it washing away the sting and burn on my flesh. I felt it wash away the past.

I became insane at that point. I saw my life. I saw Willow’s through her eyes. Every moment was flashing before my mind. I admit it, I was enraged when Drake’s image surfaced; I ran from those thoughts in her mind and found others. It was all there. I saw it all. I felt it all
. And just like that, it was gone.

~Willow~

I couldn’t comprehend what was happening to us, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to feel him, all of him. I didn’t even tense when I felt the water surround us. He was my air. All that I needed. But then I found a reason to feel every evil emotion known to man. I saw his mind. All of it.

I saw Skylynn reaching for him. I rushed away from those thoughts, finding more moments I didn’t know about. I saw how brave he was, how selfless he was. I saw him fight for equality. For everyone to have balance. I saw him fight for me. For this.

We should have been out of air long ago. I realize that, but we weren’t; the water started to spin around us as the painful wind had before. And I don’t know why, but at that moment I felt as if my body were no more. As if I were soul and soul alone.

I didn’t know if that was fact or fiction, but I let myself take it as fact and slid my soul into his.

Time stopped. It had to. I found utter bliss. I felt cold, hot, felt waves of joy pulsing through my body. It was as if the times we had done this before were just practice. We were near the edge of the pool, and now we were swimming the depths of our souls, letting everything dark and twisted fall away to the abyss. Our war didn’t matter then. We were everything and nothing all at once. We were bigger than petty arguments. Bigger than evil, death.

Light and dark had joined in one soul. Perfectly. The soul we shared.

~Landen~

I could feel every part of her. Inside me, all around
—even though the sensation of flesh was gone. I kissed her. Her lips, her neck, her shoulder, every inch of flesh my lips could find. I was drunk on her essence; nothing could satisfy the burning hunger I felt for this woman.

I had no gauge on time, but if I had to guess, I would have told you I held her for a lifetime. Just like that. Soul to soul. 

I wanted to see her eyes. I wanted to see the blue that I had searched for. Against my better judgment, I opened my eyes to see her beneath me. Her long hair waved across silk, ivory sheets. I didn’t even question where we were. I reached up and cradled her beautiful face in my hand and smiled at her. Her skin was blushed, full of life; everything about her was radiant.

“I love you,” I breathed.

A gaping smile left her body as she reached to hold my face. “I have always loved you, only you. Only this way.”

My heart thundered in my chest, and she glanced there as if she could feel it. I felt her hand on my chest, a tingling sensation under her touch.

“Does it hurt?” she whispered.