Embarkment 2577 (27 page)

He blinked a couple of times and moved
with lightning speed. I heard the weapon discharge and expected more pain
followed by oblivion, but nothing happened. It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t take
me long to die on my own.

I heard strange sounds in the distance
and saw Cain lower the weapon. He looked down at me for a second before turning
around and disappearing out of view.

Minutes ticked away, and my heart still
beat strong. Letting go would be prudent, but my mind clung to consciousness,
and I heard each breath rasp in my throat.

After a thousand years, or maybe ten
minutes, the door opened again and Cain returned. A part of me expected more
abuse, but an even bigger part didn’t care anymore. His face was unemotional,
but he swept a blanket around me.

“Adam?” My voice was barely a croak. He
didn’t answer, but the other one would hardly bother with a blanket. The sight
of a naked woman covered in bruises and caked blood wouldn’t bother
him.

He took a seat on the floor next to me
and held me up with one arm while pressing a little cup with water against my
lips. I couldn’t drink. I rested my head against his chest; I wasn’t strong
enough to support myself.

He put the mug on the floor and ran a
hand over my hair. There wasn’t anything to say. I would die feeling somewhat
safe, and this was a time to be grateful for the little things in life.

I think we were equally surprised when
his radio crackled and a voice said, “Bell to Commander Adam, can you hear me?”

He got to his feet, scooping me up in
his arms. “I’m here. Two to teleport directly to sickbay.”

Ima stood by a counter preparing some
samples, and when we appeared she dropped everything. Medical instruments
clattered all over the counter. “What in the galaxies happened to her?”

“I did.” Adam put me down on a bed, very
carefully. I tried to hold on to him, wanted to ask him to stay, but I was too
weak. He pressed his lips lightly against my forehead and disappeared.

Ima’s tail gave her irritation away.
“How difficult can it be
not
to get a woman killed repeatedly?”

She ran over to me and pulled a console
down. I felt something cold against my neck, and that was the last I knew of
the world for days.

When I opened my eyes again, Anya sat by
the side of the bed, holding my hand. “Welcome back.”

I wasn’t in pain anymore. I didn’t
exactly feel fine, but it was much better. “What happened? Where’s Adam?”

Ima came over and stared into my eyes.
“Don’t tell me you have amnesia again. You have a very bad habit of getting
into trouble.”

My voice wasn’t strong, but it carried.
“I remember. Is he alright?”

Ima’s tail wagged, betraying her
irritation. She roamed around the room, slammed drawers, and tossed things from
counter to counter. Anya lifted an eyebrow and shook her head.

When Ima finally stopped, she pulled her
lips back and showed off her fangs. “If he didn’t outrank me I’d
kill
him. I still might, I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

It was probably safe to assume my
husband was alive.

Anya patted my arm. “I’ll tell John
you’re awake. He has been asking for you.”

“Is
he
okay? Eve shot him.”

Ima grumbled, “Bloody androids. John is
fine. Blake took a shot in the shoulder, but he’s fine. Lieutenant Andrews is
dead.”

John arrived within minutes. He looked
misplaced in the sterile environment and I half expected him to bring a bottle
of scotch. Seeing him was a relief; Anya and Ima were great, but he was both
solid and human.

“Here. I found this for you on my ship.”

He pressed an old-fashioned book into my
hands. I hadn’t seen one for so long the paper felt peculiar under my fingers.
It too was real, and connected me to the world.

Ima said, “You’ve seen her, now get
out.”

John made a dismissive gesture and
pulled up a chair. He leaned forward, took my hand in a fashion that remind me
of Adam, and murmured, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe from the cat woman. She
has a temper.”

“It’s good to see you. I was afraid Eve
got you.”

“No. I’m too mean to be an easy target.”

Ima poked his shoulder. “I have some
work to do. Don’t upset my patient.”

He made a face and muttered, “Perish the
thought.”

She disappeared into her office and John
sighed. When he let down his guard, he looked old and tired, and I had to ask,
“Are you okay?”

“That’s a funny question coming from
someone in a sickbed. You’ve been out for three days.”

“Are you serious?” Of course he was. “No
one tells me anything. What happened? Where’s Adam?”

My father in law made a grimace. “Who knows.
Bridge, brig, your guess is as good as mine.”

“Eve?”

“Don’t know. Megalomaniac bitch got
away.”

I squeezed his hand. Eerily, it felt
like my husband’s. “Please find him.”

He cupped both his hands around mine.
“Are you sure? I know Eve tried to delete his programming and put another
person in there. He’s not… himself.”

“I need to see him.”

“Okay.”

He stayed with me until Ima threatened
to call security and have him thrown out.

I wanted to go home, but Ima wouldn’t
hear of it. When night fell, she said, “I’ll be on stand-by duty, so if
anything happens, just call me. Want me to place a guard outside?”

To protect me from whom? Adam? Eve? “No.
No guards.”

As soon as she dimmed the lights and
left, I saw shadows move. A machine ticked further into the room. Was the sound
covering someone trying to sneak up on me? Fear of the dark was an
understatement.

No one lurked in the corners or just
outside the door, I
knew
this. Knowing wasn’t the same thing as feeling.

I was starting to hyperventilate and
forced myself to breathe slowly. I only managed because I wouldn’t be able to
hear footsteps if my own breathing remained so loud.

Company would help, but the radio by the
door seemed so far away. I wasn’t healed by far, and walking all the way to the
door was a superhuman task.

If something evil lurked in the shadows,
it might be safer to stay in bed. Should I hide
under
the bed? Oh lord,
maybe something else hid under there?

When Anya ran in through the door, I sat
up in bed, weeping, rocking, and hugging myself. She threw her arms around me
and I clung to her.

“Ssch, Alex, it’s okay.”

The panic attack dissolved quickly when
I wasn’t alone. “How did you know?”

“Oh silly girl, I’m keeping my sixth
sense on you. Ima can heal your body, but mental scars need time.”

I nodded mutely, more grateful for her
presence than I could say.

“Look, I can’t even begin to understand
what you’re going through, but you need some rest.”

Closing my eyes terrified me. Going to
sleep seemed impossible.

“I wish Adam was here.” I missed his
calm and his strength, but maybe I would have been afraid of him too.

She climbed up beside me in bed. “He’s
not doing so good, honey. It will take some time before he can face you.”

“But…”

“He has asked to be taken off duty, but
the Captain says no. I know John looked for him all day, but he’s good at
staying away. Jia’Lyn says he still doesn’t seem right, but… I don’t know.
You know he loves you. He needs time.”

Time… Maybe I did too. If he were to
step through the door this very second, would I run for my life, or go toward
him?

“Do you want me to call Ima and get
something to help you sleep?”

“No…” I didn’t want any more people
troubled because of me.

“I can transfer to the mainframe and
stay here tonight.”

A voice sounding just like Adam’s came
from the door. “You need to charge your transmitter. I’ll stay.”

My heart leaped with hope and fear, and
when John stepped into the light I didn’t know if I should cry or be relieved.
How long had he waited by the door?

*****

John slept in sickbay for over a week.
Every time I woke with night terrors, he was there.

“You don’t have to stay here with me.”

He flashed a smile. “Yes I do. You’re my
little girl.”

“We’re the same age.” Both his laughter
and his words warmed my heart.

It was almost like having my husband
there, but without the potential terror of Caine. If Adam had been human, he
would have been John. Very confusing, and comforting.

When I finally returned home, I knew my
husband hadn’t been there. No one had since the day we were taken. I picked up
the pieces of a crushed vase and threw a mug with molded coffee in the trash.

A steady stream of people came by to see
me, but I was still lonely. The rooms were the same as always, but large and
cold in a way I never experienced before. Adam had been by my side every day
for so long I didn’t know how to live without him.

I feared the night. I could live with
being alone in daytime, but in the dark… Maybe I could call Anya or John and
ask for company, but that seemed so needy. They’d already spent so much time on
me.

Just after nine, the doorbell rang and
my father-in-law stepped in, followed by my best friend. Oh my God, was Anya my
mother now?

They sat down, one on each side of me,
and pretended they weren’t checking up on me.

“You two are so sweet.”

John bounced a little on my sofa. “I
could sleep very well on this.”

He did, but not so well he didn’t notice
when I needed him.

Every time I left the room, I worried
Adam would come by when I wasn’t there. A part of me knew he wouldn’t come
home, but I still agonized over missing an opportunity to talk to him.

After a few days I gave up on waiting
and decided on a more proactive course of action. I roamed around the ship,
hoping to run into him. Anya hadn’t exaggerated. He
was
good at staying
away.

One day it happened anyway. I was in the
lift, and when it stopped and the doors slid open, Adam stood outside. I wanted
to jump into his arms, but he spun around and walked down the corridor.

I ran after him. “Adam, wait!”

He didn’t even slow down.

“You can’t run away from me forever.”

“Maybe not, but I can try.”

Why? How did everything go so wrong so
quickly? Maybe my friends were right and he had become someone else, a
handsome, unreachable stranger.

“Do you have any idea how much you’re
hurting me right now? Stop behaving like such an ass and listen.”

I thought only the walls paid attention,
but he paused and ran a hand over his face. “What do you want?”

“I love you. I want you to come home.
This is just… it’s silly.”

He shook his head and panic crept up
inside. We hadn’t even seen each other for weeks. My heart pounded and my palms
were sticky. I wanted to dry them on my jeans, but that would give away how
nervous I was. What more could I say? How could I convince him?

They icy sensation in my chest spread to
my voice. “You know, if you don’t love me anymore, there are easier ways to get
rid of me. You could just tell me you don’t want me and I’ll move out. You can
get a divorce, I’m sure they exist in this century too. This is just really…
childish, and painful.”

Understatement. He was breaking my
heart.

“You know that’s not it. I just, I can’t…”

He walked away and I couldn’t stop him. “Please come
home.”

I didn’t expect him to, and he didn’t.

*****

If I obsessed over Adam before seeing
him, the brief encounter made it worse. As long as he wasn’t there I could
pretend everything would be alright if he showed up. In more introspective
moments I worried I might be more afraid of him than of being alone.

Had he been aware of what Cain did? Seen
his hands hurt me? Felt my bones crack under his fingers? That
would
be
hard to handle.

I cried on John’s shoulder. He hated it,
I could tell, but took it stoically and patted my head until Anya showed up.

Days went by and I collected gossip.
Someone said Adam requested to be transferred to another ship. Blake allegedly
answered, “Request denied. You need to go home and face your problems, just
like everyone else has to do. That is an order.”

He didn’t, of course.

Had Eve been right? Was a relationship
between an android and a human doomed to fail? I was frail, emotional, and
aging. Maybe I lived in a dream. Maybe Adam had seen the futility in
us.

One day when I came home, a security
detail stood outside the door. They all left room for me to pass, and someone
said, “Ma’am.”