Embattled Christmas (2 page)

She looked up at him as if waiting for him to say more. When he didn’t she pulled her hands from under his and crossed her arms, glaring.

“What?” he asked.

She shook her head and turned to look out over the snowy landscape. Chad could tell by the mutinous set of her chin that she would not say any more. She was so much like her mother like that.

“You only have one more day before Christmas vacation. Do you think you can tolerate her that long or do I need to come in and talk to her?”

Mercy set her blond ponytail to swinging as she shook her head, still staring outside.

Chad ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. They’d been together for just a few months, so he was still wading through female sensibilities and trying to make a spot for himself in their little family. It had been a work in progress.

Reaching into his pocket he offered her a package of Smarties, but she turned away without taking it.

Frustrated, he shoved the truck into drive and pulled out of the lot. He’d have to ask Lora what was going on.

*

Shannon began to
plan.

If John was going to be so thick-headed she would just have to start leaving him more obvious hints. Pretty sad considering he was an investigator.

She bought a wedding magazine at the grocery store that night on their way home. When he unloaded the bags and put the food away he paused at the magazine, then set it on the end of the counter. Shannon caught the movement out of the corner of her eye but refused to say anything. Unfortunately, John didn’t say anything either.

Shannon wondered later if she should have said something because the anxiety was really starting to weigh on her. John knew what she wanted. But he didn’t think a marriage between them would work out. As she stuffed laundry in the washer she muttered to herself about ignorant men.

John rolled into the doorway behind her. “Are you okay? You seem tense.”

“I’m fine,” she snapped. “Just tired.”

For the briefest second she debated blurting out that she was going to have a baby, but her better sense slowed her down. If she told him she was pregnant, he would immediately offer to marry her. Yes, she wanted marriage. Desperately. But not because of a baby.

The thoughts chased around in her head and she sighed. She really was tired. So far she hadn’t had any of the nausea she had expected being pregnant, but she’d been nodding off almost constantly. The bed called to her but it was only a little after six.

John rolled farther into the laundry room. “Why don’t you go lie down? I can do this. I hope you’re not coming down with something.”

Shannon looked at him, surprised. He never did the laundry if he could avoid it. Unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth, she softened enough to smile at him a little. “I would really appreciate that, John.”

As she walked past him she paused long enough to press a kiss to his close-cropped black hair. He grabbed her hand and tugged. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. Worry had narrowed his dark eyes. “I’m okay, John.”

I’m just pregnant and unmarried
.
And you’re oblivious.

She escaped to the bedroom and curled up on the bed. Gray Cat had already claimed her side so Shannon curled around her. Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow she was gone.

*

John watched Shannon’s
narrow back disappear through the doorway. She was freaking him out.

Women were intriguing, befuddling, confounding creatures. Things had been going good for them for a long time but suddenly he was floundering in heavy currents and didn’t know which way was up. The sensation was familiar. He’d been deployed overseas several times. More than once they’d ended up in the ocean, either for training or rescues. Marines weren’t trained as heavily as the SEALs in water rescue, but they needed to know the basics when they were deployed on the heavy carriers.

Right now his lungs were demanding oxygen and his equilibrium was fucked.

For the better part of a year he’d been basking in Shannon’s loveliness, her good-hearted acceptance. He’d blindly thought they were settling into a life together, but maybe he’d been deluding himself. The doubts had begun to move in over the past couple of weeks. Maybe he wasn’t enough for her in bed. Maybe putting up with the wheelchair and all of his restrictions were more than she wanted to deal with. Fuck. Maybe he wasn’t doing enough housework…

As he thought about the past year he had to admit that contentment had made him a little lazy. But Shannon didn’t seem like she would be upset over housework. It had to be something deeper.

Once he folded everything from the dryer he slipped into the bedroom with the basket. Gray Cat blinked at him from the shelter of Shannon’s arms but she didn’t move. And neither did Shannon. He set the basket at the end of the bed and left the room.

She slept all evening and through the night. If he hadn’t crawled into bed and watched her himself John would have thought she was sick. The next morning she woke up bright and chipper and seemingly oblivious to his concern. She packed their lunches and stroked the cats before they climbed into the truck and headed to work. As soon as he could do it he rolled into Duncan’s office.

His buddy looked up at him, brows raised. “What’s up, big man?”

John stopped at the front of the desk and sighed. “Something’s up with Shannon and I’m not sure what.”

Duncan slid the new glasses from the bridge of his nose and pinched the area with his thumb and forefinger. “What’s she doing?”

Guilt ate at John. Duncan had a lot of stuff on his plate right now. Hell, it was just after eight in the morning and it looked like he’d been working for hours. “I don’t know. I can come back later.”

Duncan waved a hand and tilted back in his office chair. “Nah. I need the break.”

Still, he hesitated. It used to be so natural for him not to say anything about what was going on his life, but again, he’d gotten comfortable. Chad and Duncan were friends and he didn’t want to take them for granted. They were dealing with their own personal issues.

“I don’t even know what I’m concerned about. She slept through the evening and night last night. She said she was tired from party planning and she went to bed at six! I’ve never seen her do anything like that. But when I asked her if she was okay she said she was. This morning she acted like nothing had happened. But over the past several weeks she’s really been on edge.”

Duncan nodded. “I have noticed that, actually. She hasn’t been herself.”

Yes!
Somebody had noticed it besides him. “I’ve asked her what’s going on but she won’t tell me. I don’t know if it’s connected to Christmas or what.”

“Well, her family is coming just before New Year’s, right? Maybe she’s concerned with that.”

John shook his head. “No, their visits don’t stress her out. I wonder if my impatience with the holiday is putting her off.”

Duncan’s dark brows rose. “You make no bones about it being a commercial farce. Maybe you’re raining on her parade.”

John rocked back in his chair. Could it be that easy? No. He had a feeling there was more to it than that.

“Maybe,” Duncan told him softly, “she’s hoping for a special present this year.”

John blinked at him. “What kind of present?”

“An engagement ring. A commitment.”

He scowled and rolled away. Making a circuit of the room, he ended up in front of the tall windows looking out over the Denver skyline. Snow fell softly to the ground, adding to what had already been shoveled away on the sidewalks and roads. It had been coming down steadily for two days now. Even clear out here in the industrial district lights twinkled merrily from tree limbs and bushes.

Shannon was a strong, self-sufficient woman. Did she need marriage so badly that it was upsetting her? He really didn’t think so.

“I don’t know what it is,” he grumbled. “She just seems out of sorts and not willing to open up about something.”

“Are you not willing to marry her?”

John winced. “Not unwilling, necessarily. I just don’t see the need. It’s not like I love her any less because we’re not married.”

Duncan shook his head and pushed up from the office chair. Once he got his legs under him he limped around the desk to lean against the corner closest to John, crossing his heavy arms. “You haven’t learned much about women, have you?” he laughed.

Glowering, John crossed his arms just like Duncan. “The hell you say.”

“Women need that commitment. You can tell them you love them a million times a day, but for some reason that ring on their finger is just as important. If not more than. It declares to the world that you are off the market.”

He shook his head in aggravation. “A ring on her finger doesn’t guarantee that the marriage will be good.”

“No, it doesn’t. You will be taking a chance. But if I didn’t think you were good for one another I would tell you that.”

“And what if I’m not enough for her?”

Duncan blinked at the raw question and John wished he could drag it back. Duncan was his friend and business partner, but he had just outed his deepest fear. John’s mother hadn’t stayed with his father. Hell, his mother hadn’t even stayed with John himself. She’d given him up to make a better life for herself and his brother.

John hadn’t relied on anyone in years. Until Shannon.

As crazy as his life seemed, she made everything normal. And acceptable. Being in a wheelchair made you humble, but he didn’t feel that way with her. He felt like a man with her. Period.

But he would never be able to treat her like a regular man would. No swinging her up into his arms to be carried to bed. No dancing. Last year was a great example. He hadn’t been able to get close enough fast enough when her life was in danger. Other men had saved her.

How could she rely on him? Fuck, he couldn’t even change a light bulb.

Duncan had cocked his head, looking at him steadily. “Do you really think she would have wasted a year of her life with you if she didn’t think you were enough?”

John hated Duncan’s level-headed response. Because it was exactly right. Shannon wouldn’t have wasted her time loving him. She would have moved on if she thought it would be better for her.

A devastating thought occurred to him. She wasn’t staying with him because she thought he needed care, was she?

No. She knew he valued his independence more than that.

Leaning forward, he gripped his head in his hands, at a total loss. When he looked up at Duncan he shrugged. “I don’t know what to do. Marriage seems like an automatic death sentence for a relationship. It’s like getting your girlfriend’s name tattooed on your shoulder. As soon as you do the partnership implodes.”

Duncan grinned at him. “Don’t get her name tattooed on your shoulder then.”

Choking out a laugh, he turned away. “I’ll think about what you said but no promises.”

Duncan watched his buddy roll through the office door. John Palmer had a lot on his mind, but he was spinning his wheels needlessly. Shannon Murphy was the best thing that could have ever happened to him. The man was just too damn stubborn to admit it.

It was obvious to everyone at LNF that the two of them were in love. There was a secret betting pool running to see when John would actually give in. There was a separate pool running that Shannon would propose to him, but that one seemed to be longer odds. Shannon was a level-headed Midwestern girl. She would probably wait for him to make the first move.

Hell, if Duncan could find a woman to love and care for him like that he would be all over it. He would do everything in his power to make sure she felt cherished.

The auburn-haired doctor from Kansas City flashed into his mind. Now that had been a woman. A little young, but definitely intriguing.

Duncan knew he was beyond the family stage. His military career and starting his own business had left little time for personal relationships. It was embarrassing to think about how long it had been since he’d been on a date, let alone had sex. Unfortunately he didn’t have much of a pool of eligible women to choose from. There had been a few through the years, but not very many.