Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (107 page)

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Jessica shirvington

Dad looked at me for a sign of deception, but I held his eyes— I didn’t like it, but I could lie. I was my mother’s daughter, after all.

But just then, he glanced at Caroline and she gave a minute nod.

“Well, I want you around home more for the next couple of

weeks. You’ve only got a short amount of school left and I know most of your exams are finished, but you still have a few subjects you need to concentrate on.”

It was like I’d walked into the twilight zone.

Is
my
father
actually
practicing
real
parenting?

I couldn’t help the small smile. It was just so out there. But

I really couldn’t afford this type of attention, so I explained, “I already have plans this afternoon
and
tonight.”

“Change them,” he said flatly, redirecting his focus back to

his work.

I shot Caroline a look that told her I knew damn well this

must be her doing. We’d always got on in the past, but she’d

crossed a line.

“I can’t!” I snapped, which got Dad’s attention back and not in a good way.

“Yes, you can,” he said.

“No,” I said, thinking quickly. “I…I can’t. It’s…I have to go to the orientation night for the Fenton art course.”

If anything would get Dad to back off right now, I knew that

was it. But just in case, I gave him one more reason, realizing as I said it that this part was actually true. “And I was going to go to the cemetery this afternoon.”

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I hated myself instantly.

It might not have been a lie, but I shouldn’t have told him just like that, and not in front of Caroline. A veil of darkness floated over him and whatever seemed to have changed in him in the last week changed back in an instant. He stood up, grabbing a pile of papers.

“We have to get back to the office,” he squeezed out with an

anguished expression.

Caroline moved quickly, slipping on her light trench coat.

“I’ll wait downstairs, James.” She smiled kindly at me as she

opened the door, which just made me feel worse. “Stop by the

office some time. We miss seeing you around there.”

I nodded awkwardly.

Dad was close behind. I didn’t expect him to say anything, but

he surprised me by stopping at my side as he passed.

“Violet, I know you’re hiding something. Just tell me you aren’t in any trouble?” His voice had dropped and he was almost pleading.

I realized then that if something were to happen to me, there

would be little to hold Dad to life or sanity. I had always thought I wasn’t on his radar, not enough. Now I saw the true story— I was everything to him.

“Everything’s fine, Dad.” I swallowed hard. The deception now

carried more weight. “I promise.”

He gave a lopsided nod and left. I knew he wouldn’t come out

of the daze again today. Telling him I was going to see Mom had been cruel.

But
necessary
, a harsher voice within coaxed.

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Jessica shirvington

————

I didn’t visit my mother often. I always felt like a bit of a fraud when I did.

Dad and I used to go to the cemetery together and it was

awful— the silence of the car trip broken by awkward forced

conversation. I always felt like an intruder on his—
their
— time.

He deserved to visit her alone, not have to hold my hand. It was enough effort for him just to keep himself together, let alone carry the burden of having to include me and, worse, assure me somehow that he didn’t blame me.

I knew he didn’t, but I could always feel his uncertainties about how much reinforcement this issue required.

Dad loved her so much. Completely. No, more than that. It’s a

forever thing. He’s a lifer. That’s why now he’s so lost. My earlier discovery that, if there were any anchor in this life for him at all, I was it made me sad for him and even madder at her.

I’m a poor man’s substitute. Not nearly enough.

Dad loved me, I knew that, but he had planned on loving me

with
her. When that didn’t happen…let’s just say Dad doesn’t specialize in the roll- with- the- punches department.

I knelt down before the headstone. My long hair fell forward

and grazed the words I knew by heart.

Evelyn May Eden

“I will find you again, my darling.”

Beloved wife to James— Mother to Violet

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I cleared away the damp leaves that had stuck to the marble and laid down a bunch of white lilies that I’d picked up on the way. I always brought her lilies.

I didn’t say a prayer. It wasn’t my thing and I was pretty sure it hadn’t been hers, either. I wished in a way I could cry for her, but I had never known her. I only knew of her lies. Well, that wasn’t altogether true anymore. I knew some of her, maybe more than

Dad ever would.

Like
the
fact
that
she
held
me
for
less
than
five
minutes
before
she
chose
to
leave
us.

I closed my eyes, placed a hand on the headstone of the

mother I’d never know or understand, and tried not to think,

How
could
you?

Perhaps it was for the best that I never knew. I couldn’t forgive her, but I still respected her in my own way. She was a Grigori warrior. She had faced down a rival mightier than most ever

crossed paths with and survived. She was a legend among us. Any story I had ever heard hailed her as a champion, a savior even. As her daughter, I had little compassion to offer her, but as a fellow Grigori, I at least owed her this.

“I’m sorry. If it were you, I know you wouldn’t do it.”

She’d sacrificed herself. Her partner had died. She’d sacrificed me too. If she thought Lilith would return, I was confident she’d be willing to sacrifice Steph.

“But Steph…she’s my family. So if you think I’m doing the

wrong thing, just remember, you made me this way.”

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Jessica shirvington

I shook my head, disappointed in myself. I took a deep breath

and started again.

“I’m going to give Phoenix the key to releasing Lilith, and he’ll do it too. I know he will. And it’s going to be bad, really bad, because they will be here, together.” Tears welled. “But I promise you, I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right. I’ll stop them.” The enormity of the battles ahead swept over me and I considered the price of the promise I’d just made. I knew I would pay for it.

Walking away from her grave, I got the feeling it wouldn’t be too long until I saw my mother again.

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chapter
eleven

“Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide in times
of trouble?”

PsaLM 10:1

I stood on the pavement outside my apartment building and

marveled at how the world, ever unaware, continued to buzz

around me even as I functioned in a seemingly doomed existence

that was now dragging down the people I cared about the most.

I fi dgeted as I waited, my hand nervously brushing the hilt of my dagger. It was 7 p.m.

Two
hours
left.

It felt like a small eternity waiting for the car to pull up. Lincoln was driving, Griffi n was up front, and Spence kicked open the back door from inside. I jumped in, glad to get out of the cold.

“Hi,” I said, including everyone but avoiding looking directly at Lincoln. I wasn’t sure I would be able to stop myself from reaching out to touch him.

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Jessica shirvington

“Did you have any trouble with your father?” Griffin asked.

“He knows something’s up. He’ll leave it for now but”— I blew

out a breath— “I don’t know for how long.”

Griffin gave me a nod. “We will have to give some thought to

how we can manage him.”

He was right, but I couldn’t get into it now. I knew it would just involve more lies. “Let’s just get Steph back,” I said.

“Nice hair,” Spence said with a smirk, causing Lincoln to glance back in our direction before he could stop himself.

Our eyes unwittingly locked and my chest felt crushed under

the weight of his beautiful gaze. My hand went self- consciously to the hair I had pulled back into an unusually slick, high ponytail.

“I didn’t want it to get in the way.”

“You won’t be fighting tonight,” Lincoln said, quietly and seemingly in control. The white- knuckled grip he had on the steering wheel suggested otherwise.

“Just in case. Where are we going?”

“Hades,” Griffin said.

I shifted in my seat, uneasy with the idea of going back there.

Not only was it the scene of the crime, but without Dapper and

Onyx, it felt wrong.

“Dapper’s back there,” Griffin said, as if reading my mind. “He’s healed at a remarkable rate. I really would like to know more about what he is.”

“So he’s okay?”

“Bruised and battered but up and walking around.”

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I was amazed. That man looked like he’d been turned inside

out less than twenty- four hours ago. No wonder Griffin wanted to know more.

It was a short drive to Hades, and we pulled up out front, in the no- parking zone. Clearly Lincoln wasn’t in a law- abiding mood.

The security guy pulled open the door. “Any word on Onyx?” he

asked as we passed. He seemed to care about him.

“Saw him today. Should be out of the hospital in a few days,”

Spence said, reminding me I hadn’t even asked after Onyx myself.

It was a bit surprising to hear it had been Spence who’d gone to visit him. I wondered if they were becoming friends.

Inside Hades, the restaurant tables were filling up and the bar was just getting started for the night. Before long, the place would be heaving.

We went straight for the unmarked door that led upstairs and

headed to Dapper’s apartment. Griffin knocked on the door. It

took awhile, but eventually we heard a voice on the other side.

“Who is it?” he called in his normal gruff tone, but there was

something else too. Fear.

“It’s Griffin, Lincoln, Violet, and Spencer,” Griffin said, considerately ensuring Dapper would receive no surprise when he opened the door.

I heard his grunt and then a number of clicks as Dapper released what must have been at least eight deadbolts.

“Griff,” I said, “maybe we should’ve gone somewhere else?” It

didn’t seem fair to keep dragging Dapper into all of this stuff, especially when he hadn’t wanted to be involved in the first place.

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Jessica shirvington

“He insisted,” Griffin said.

“Oh.”

The door opened and Dapper stood aside to let us in. He wasn’t

alone. Kaitlin and Samuel were settled on one sofa, while Archer and Beth were sitting on stools at the minibar.

I felt a pang of guilt that, even with company, he’d still felt the need for locks.

He looked incredible. I mean, he looked like he’d been hit by a bus, with bruises over his face and sunken cheeks, but it was a more than significant improvement.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I said, holding back the tears that

caught me by surprise. With everything else going on, I’d had little time to think of the others who had been hurt, but Dapper and I had become friends. He’d never admit it, but it was true.

“Might not have been if you hadn’t got here so quickly. Griffin told me you were the one to figure it out and led ’em all here. Wouldn’t have lasted much longer with that belt wrapped round my neck.”

“Lincoln took it off,” I said, needing him to understand I hadn’t done anything good, hadn’t helped anyone. It was my fault in the first place.

He shrugged. “Even so. I owe you one.”

It looked like a big thing for him to say. Almost as if some kind of promise had passed between us. I looked at the others, settling on the free sofa and none the wiser.

“Should I ask?” I responded, wanting to know why I was so sure

he’d just given me a very rare gift.

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