Embrace, Entice, Emblaze (7 page)

Embrace

The dance floor was crowded, but we made it through the crush

of bodies to the center. The music had a good beat and it was fun to let go. I slipped an arm around Lincoln’s waist. When I looked up, he was watching me. He kept a hand on my bare back, splayed and careful, the pads of his fingers pressing cautiously into my skin.

His touch burned and my heart pounded.

I started to move my other arm around Lincoln’s waist to bring

our hips together. He pulled away abruptly, signaling he needed a drink and disappearing to the bar. Perfect. I bit down on my lip, humiliation flooding through me. Was that my answer?

Looking for an escape, I spun around and slammed straight into

someone. I felt a weird buzz run through my body as I put my arm on his to balance myself. I must’ve had more to drink than I realized.

The stranger leaned his head close to my ear. “I was watching

you from across the room. You radiate.”

Only then did I realize it was the guy from the bar. His voice, low and dark, sent shivers down my body. He was strangely familiar and I wasn’t freaked out by him the way I normally would be by

a guy I didn’t know. Plus, it was nice to know at least
someone
was attracted to me— though “radiate” wouldn’t have been my first choice for a pick up line.

I knew it was childish of me to flirt with someone just to get

back at Lincoln, but I did it anyway. “Thanks,” I said, looking up at him from under lowered lashes.

Despite my cringe- worthy rejection status, the music started

to drown out my thoughts, and dancing with a stranger—albeit

49

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 49

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Jessica shirvington

one who appeared to be wearing a very floral scent for a guy—was not…awful. I was distantly aware that he was starting to move

his hands up from my hips, and when he slid them over my bare

back, I couldn’t stop the gasp. Everywhere his hands went, they left sparks, like mini electric shocks, that lingered on my skin after his hands had moved on. I knew on some level I should move away,

but for some reason I didn’t. Before I could work out why, Lincoln was there, ripping the guy off me.

He swore and his green eyes flashed with fury. The guy only

seemed amused and took a step toward him. For a second I thought Lincoln was going to hit him, but then he just put his arm around my waist and forced me back behind him.

“Get away from her. She’s not interested,” he growled, his tone more threatening than I had ever heard him use before. He was

right too; I wasn’t interested. At least, I didn’t think so. I
had
only being dancing with the guy to make Lincoln jealous, hadn’t I? But Lincoln was acting like he was actually dangerous.

The guy just stood there smiling, an odd light reflecting off

his dark hair. “It didn’t look like that to me,” he said, completely at ease.

Looking into Lincoln’s thunderous face, I was suddenly sobered.

What
is
going
on?

“I have to go.” I turned and walked toward our table. Lincoln

was right behind me.

“Where’s Steph? I just want to go,” I said, unable to look him in the eye. I could sense all my good- time feelings flattening around 50

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 50

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Embrace

me like a badly constructed house of cards. Lincoln put his jacket on and shoved his hands in his pockets. Body language 101.

“She left while you were…dancing. Said she’d call you tomorrow.

Did you know that guy?”

I could feel the anger radiating from him. “No,” I mumbled.

“You shouldn’t have let him near you! You need to be more

careful. Did he do anything? Say…anything?”

I grabbed my bag and swung around. Lincoln was right behind me.

“I…he…” I couldn’t think straight with him so close. “I’m going.” I made my way for the door, pushing through the sea of bodies

that stood between me and fresh air.

We walked home in silence. I stayed half a pace ahead, sucking

in deep breaths of cooling air, trying to clear my head. I’d had enough embarrassment.

“Linc, you can go!” I finally snapped. “I don’t need a babysitter.

Consider yourself off duty.”

He stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “Why are you

doing this? Throwing yourself at that…He could’ve hurt you!” He spat the words at me.

That did it. “I was dancing, Lincoln, not
throwing
myself at him!

I was having fun.”

He gave a humorless laugh. “
That’s
having fun? He had his hands all over you.”

A blush crept over me. He was exaggerating, but I knew I’d

gotten carried away. It was weird, but it hadn’t actually felt like I’d been in control. Not that I was about to admit that to Lincoln, 51

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 51

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Jessica shirvington

who was standing in front of me, heaving like he was about to

blow a fuse.

“I was
actually
about to push him away when you decided to intervene and treat me like a seven- year- old,” I said, and then I just couldn’t stop myself. “And anyway, what if he
did
have his hands all over me? What’s it to you?”

There. The question. Well, as close as I was going to get to it.

Lincoln stared at me with green eyes that deepened to emerald

in the dark. I stared straight back at him, refusing to look away, even as I felt my breathing quicken and my heart race.

I waited for what seemed like eternity until he said, “Vi, I…you…

don’t do this.”

I could feel, almost
see
, rejection rampaging its way down the street. He was right. I couldn’t do this.

“Yeah, friends. Forget it, Linc.”

I couldn’t believe I’d let Steph talk me into putting myself out there. Lincoln wasn’t interested in me. Now I’d basically made him spell it out for us both.
Bravo, Vi
.

I pushed past him. He grabbed my hand and swung me

back toward him. Then he pushed me against the wall and…he

kissed me.

He ran his thumb along my jawline and down my throat, hips

pinning me to the wall. He kissed me slowly and with intensity, and once I got over the mind- numbing shock and realized what

was actually happening, it was incredible. I had never been kissed like that before. We melted together. Every movement of mine was 52

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 52

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Embrace

somehow perfectly mirrored by his. My heart was pounding so

hard I knew he must have been able to feel it, and I was sure my legs were giving way, but he held me up, pushed me harder against the wall.

I grabbed a handful of his hair, remembering all the times I’d

dreamed of doing it. I let my hand drift down his back and pulled him even closer to me. It all happened so quickly. I heard him

make a low kind of growl and lean into me. His hand slid down

my leg and behind my knee, drawing it to him. I moaned and felt him tense. Suddenly he dropped me so fast I had to freaking brace my hands on my knees to steady myself.

He spun around and walked away, running his hands through

his hair. I was glad to see that at least I wasn’t the only one who needed a minute to compose myself. Finally, he turned to face me.

“I’m sorry, Vi. I shouldn’t have…I just couldn’t…looking at

you…” He flung a hand toward me. “That dress. Watching that

creep put his hands on you. I…Damn it! I’m sorry.”

It was hard to know if I should be happy or sad. “I’m not. Sorry, that is. I know you felt that.”

“We can’t have this conversation.”

“Linc,
please
, tell me I’m not crazy.”

He looked at me and smiled almost painfully. “You’re not crazy.

We just…can’t.”

“Why?” I looked at him, my eyes begging him to hold me again.

I was sure, in that instant, he wanted to be holding me too. But as I watched, his face shut down.

53

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 53

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Jessica shirvington

“It’s complicated. You’ll understand soon. Sooner than you

realize. I shouldn’t have been so reckless, so selfish. I’m sorry.” He looked down at his feet like a guilty child. I think it was the third time he’d apologized. Not the most encouraging sign.

“Linc, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I actually

thought that was kind of unbelievable as far as kisses go.” I was glad we were in the dark and he couldn’t see me blushing.

He made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a growl of

frustration. He pulled me in for a hug, which I fell into, feeling crushed. I had the strangest feeling we were stealing this moment and no matter how tightly I held on, it wouldn’t help. Lincoln’s next words were soft and perhaps not even meant for me, but they burned their way right into my soul.

“Did you ever think we would be anything other than

unbelievable?”

54

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 54

11/30/11 4:32 PM

chapter
seven

“A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as

dangerous.”

aLfred adLer

“OH MY GOD! Th en what…?” Steph was hyperventilating over

the phone. I cringed and put a hand to my head.

“Th en…he walked me home and barely said good night before

he bolted.”

“What? Th at’s it? Are you holding out on me? I don’t under-

stand!” she exclaimed, ramping up the pitch with each question.

“Neither do I.”

I wanted to cry. Now, not only did I know I wanted him, but I

knew there was a part of him that wanted me too, and together we were amazing.

“Oh, Vi, don’t worry, you guys will sort it out one day. Maybe

he’s just worried about the age diff erence or he’s scared of hurting you or something.”

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 55

11/30/11 4:32 PM

Jessica shirvington

It was a possibility, and I clung to it like the last life vest on the
Titanic
. I didn’t buy into the age- difference crap; five years wasn’t that much. But the other theory was possible. Maybe after everything he’d found out about me, he didn’t know how to be with me that way. Maybe he thought
I
wouldn’t want to be with him. It was a stretch, but I had nothing else.

“Steph, I’ve got to go. I have to go see him. I’m sick of this. One way or another, I need to know what’s going on.”

“Well, about time! I expect a full play- by- play later. Bye.

Oh— take an umbrella.”

————

An umbrella was an understatement. By the time I stepped outside, the rain was torrential. My plan of figuring out my whole speech while I walked to Lincoln’s flew out the window as I opened the door to a cab. Suddenly I only had a few minutes to compose

myself and map out a quick strategy.

I knew I needed to find out exactly why he didn’t want to be

with me. Even if it was going to be the most humiliating experience of my life, it had to be done. I couldn’t keep pretending this thing between us wasn’t there. If he was worried about my past, I knew I could assure him I wasn’t scared to be with him. That was categori-cally one thing I
could
do.

I looked at my watch as the cab pulled up outside Lincoln’s. It was midday. I remembered that he and I were supposed to have

gone for a run this morning. It dawned on me that he hadn’t showed to pick me up— or even called. My stomach twisted with doubt. I 56

Embrace_FinalINT.indd 56

12/5/11 8:47 AM

Embrace

considered hailing another cab and just going straight back home.

As much as I didn’t want to consider it, I couldn’t ignore the other possibility, the one I had been trying not to think about. Now that Lincoln knew my secrets, did he think I was damaged goods?

Here I was, in the pouring rain, trying to figure out how to make something happen between us, while he was probably avoiding me.

I took cover in the alcove beside his front steps. It didn’t really help— even with my umbrella, it was useless. The rain was coming in sideways. My favorite
Alice
in
Wonderland
T- shirt was soaked.

Thankfully, it was black rather than white.

I just needed a moment. I wasn’t going to run away, but taking a few minutes to pull myself together was allowed. I rested my head against the alcove wall and concentrated on simply…breathing.

I heard Lincoln’s front door click open.

Tucked under the umbrella, I could only see two pairs of feet

standing above me, just inside his door. The familiar Adidas

sneakers I knew were Lincoln’s, and there was also a well- worn pair of black Blundstones. I hesitated at the sharp sound of an unfamiliar male voice.