Embrace Me At Dawn (13 page)

Eventually, Lucan had covered Sabelle with his body, sunk his cock inside her, and taken her with the same passion he would his mate. On the one hand, Anka knew she had her friend to thank for Lucan being alive. Sabelle was the kind of selfless person who would put herself at risk to save another.

On the other hand, she had a vivid image of Lucan and Sabelle entwined in bed, Lucan’s fingers in her hair, his body between her long, spread legs, taking her with force and need until she cried out in ecstasy beneath him and took every bit of his seed inside her womb. God, she was going to vomit.

“
It wasn’t like that.” Sabelle reached for Anka’s hand in reassurance.

She pulled away. “Are you going to tell me that you never found pleasure with him?”

The other woman hesitated, looked down. “No.”

“
Or that he never found pleasure in you?”

“
No.” Sabelle looked at her, desperate to explain and helpless. “But Lucan finding pleasure—and more importantly, energy—was the point. If he hadn’t, I would have failed him.”

And heaven forbid the perfect Sabelle Rion Rykard ever fail at anything
.

“
He would have died!” the beautiful blonde almost pleaded.

Anka felt immediately small and petty for her thought. It might be wrong of her, given her relationship with Shock and that she continued to live with the wizard and share his bed, but she couldn’t help the feelings of impotent upset and jealousy plaguing her. Then her logic kicked in. Lucan was alive because Sabelle had given of herself to help him. She would be mourning her former mate in a completely different way if her friend hadn’t sacrificed to save him.

“
I understand.” Anka dragged in a shaky breath. “I’m sure Ice does, too. He’ll eventually let go of his anger.”

“
If that were the extent of the situation, perhaps.” Sabelle rose and paced. “You haven’t been here and so much has happened… You’re aware that several members of the Council were murdered?”

Anka frowned, wondering what that had to do with Ice and Lucan. “Of course. Even if I haven’t been here with you, I haven’t been living under a rock, Belle. I know Clifden O’Shea and Thomas MacKinnett were killed.”

“
Carlisle Blackbourne knows Mathias was responsible.”

“
And he’s done nothing about it?”

Sabelle shrugged. “Well, I suspect he knows that Mathias had them killed. I can’t prove it. And no, Blackbourne did nothing. In fact, he tried to help Mathias win a seat on the Council.”

The idea of a madman making rules that govern magickind sent fear tearing through her bloodstream. “So Blackbourne is either crooked, afraid of Mathias, or both. Bram and Ice have their work cut out for them.”

“
They do, but Ice’s election to the Council was by no means easy.”

“
I’m sure not, being Deprived and…whatnot.” Anka didn’t mean it as an insult, and hoped that Sabelle wouldn’t take it that way.

“
And being considered a lunatic? Of course I know you’re not insulting Ice, dear. He’s a good man and he earned that spot. Tynan, God rest him, slipped into his grandfather’s seat at the time, so Clifden’s vacancy was no issue. MacKinnett had no heirs, however. Bram and the others plotted to fill the seat with someone who would vote with the Doomsday Brethren and give them more sway over the Council decisions.”

“
How
did
Ice get elected? The Council hasn’t seated any member of the Deprived in forever. Bram would have had to sponsor him, and I’m sure your brother would have preferred to get behind someone easier to elect. Someone from a good family. Someone he knows well and can trust. Someone the Council would look favorably upon. Why not Lucan? Because his uncle already sits on the Council?”

“
That’s one reason, yes. But for a time, Bram insisted Lucan could still win the others over.”

“
So Ice dislikes Lucan because Bram preferred his friend over his sister’s suitor?”

“
No.” Sabelle looked decidedly nervous now, hovering near the arm of the sofa, wringing her hands. “Bram insisted that the best way to get Lucan on the Council was to show his good connections and stability.”

“
Everything with the Council is about appearances.” Anka rolled her eyes.

“
Exactly. Bram insisted that if Lucan became mated to someone of good family who could bolster him, someone whose bloodline was above reproach…”

Everything Anka wasn’t. Someone like… “You?”

Anka choked the question out. But as soon as it left her lips, she knew the answer. Sabelle mating with Lucan would have made him not only an obvious contender for a Council seat, but virtually unbeatable, despite the fact that his uncle occupied another seat.

The pretty witch nodded. “Lucan and I stood ready to speak the words. But I came to him fresh from a night in Ice’s bed, tears covering my face. Lucan called it off before the words were spoken.”

To spare Sabelle, who had been obviously in love with her mate. Lucan had a big heart; he wouldn’t want anyone hurting, least of all the woman who had saved his life. And he had never nursed political aspirations. He would have accepted a Council seat to help Bram, not for any ambition of his own. But the very fact that he’d been willing to Call to Sabelle and have her speak the Binding to join their lives for the rest of their centuries ripped every one of Anka’s insecurities open and filled them with crushing pain.

She blinked once, twice. She saw Sabelle’s pitying expression. Her heart thudded dully in her chest. Tears scraped the backs of her eyes like a thousand little claws scratching in evil glee.

“
Anka.” Sabelle knelt at her feet. “Lucan never loved me, except as a friend. You have his heart still, I swear.”

Did his heart matter now? If she held it, he’d certainly been willing to cast it aside and mate with a witch whose family and stature were far above her own. He’d been ready to embrace a proper mating with someone far better than her. For a century, he’d sworn her family didn’t matter to him. Every time he’d uttered those words, she’d been sure he’d lied gently to spare her. And now she knew the truth. All this time, Anka had been drowning in guilt for shacking up with Shock, heartbroken that she was hurting Lucan with her refusal to come back and her inability to explain… But Lucan had been moving on, ready to take another into his home, bed, and life.

He might as well have stuck a knife in her chest and carved out her heart, leaving her hollow and bleeding, foolishly pining for a man who’d hidden the ugly truth from her with lies.

She supposed that made them even.

Anka jumped to her feet. “I must go.”

“
Don’t. You’re misunderstanding totally. Lucan loves you, dearest. He is incomplete without you. I know he’d give anything to have you back.”

“
No, he’d give anything to have the meek weakling who hung on his every word and did exactly as he bid. He didn’t want a real woman, Belle. He wanted one who fit into his world. He certainly never wanted one to
be
his world.”

As she stumbled for the door, Sabelle at her heels, Ice blocked her. “She’s telling you the truth, Anka.”

“
Were you eavesdropping, my caveman?” Sabelle sounded somewhere between cross and amused.

“
Maybe just a bit.” A smile tugged at Ice’s face, which disappeared as he looked Anka’s way again. “I know Bram and Caden are quite worried about Lucan. He’s not bouncing back from losing you. He seems to lack will. I think his heart is broken.”

Or he had missed out on having the sort of mate he deserved with Sabelle and now regretted the moment of weakness that allowed such a prize to slip through his fingers.

“
You both think he loves me?” Anka raised her challenging gaze to Ice. “Would you have
ever
stopped looking for Sabelle if she had been taken from you? Would you
ever
have stopped pursuing her again once you found her?”

Ice gritted his teeth, and cursed in a soft whisper, looking away.

Anka had her answer. “Of course you wouldn’t. Because Sabelle is your heart, your soul, your other half. You know her. You know that you love and need her. No matter what she said or did, you would never rest until she was yours again. Lucan let me go with barely a protest. Think on what that means, Ice.”

As she inched between him and the portal, Ice stepped aside and let her go. He’d only done so because he knew she was right and had no argument against her logic. Lucan had thrown in the mental towel on her months ago. Her revelation this morning would only pound the final nail in their coffin deeper. Though Lucan had never said a word on this score, Anka knew her bloodline and family hadn’t been good enough for him. And now that he knew what she needed in bed, what she craved…well, he’d write her off entirely as damaged goods, take his energy from surrogates, and someday take a well Privileged witch as his new mate.

Perhaps Lucan wasn’t wrong. Maybe there was something wrong with her, and she deserved this toxic relationship she shared with Shock. Whatever the case, she was locking Lucan away with the rest of her past and moving on with her future. She was now free to become
exactly
who and what she wanted to be, his expectations be damned. As soon as these training sessions ended, she’d do everything in her power to cut him from her life—and her heart—forever.

Chapter Five

Lucan walked into the training room, his head full. Information he’d gleaned from Mitchell Thorpe yesterday tripped over things he wanted to say to his former mate. He understood Anka’s needs now—in theory, anyway. Everything the fetish club owner had explained cast a glaring floodlight into her psyche. And he was stunned. All those decades he’d lived with and loved Anka, never realizing that she was submitting her will to him, while he’d never met—or even sensed—her needs. Guilt crushed him. Why hadn’t she ever told him that she craved something different?

Flipping on the lights, he paced to the boxing gloves, absently unknotting the laces. A door slammed behind him, and he zipped around to welcome Anka, a perfectly prepared speech on the tip of his tongue.

But it wasn’t his Anka who walked toward him. Instead, a razor-sharp goddess swayed in his direction. She wore her pale hair pulled away from her face in a severe braid that obliterated all the outrageously feminine curls he’d once loved running his fingers through. The thick rope of tresses hung over one shoulder, its tail swinging lazily against the bottom curve of her breast. Those luscious orbs he’d once caressed and suckled tenderly were now hugged by a tight black tank top. The garment dipped over the flat of her abdomen, nipping in to cinch her tiny waist. A pair of black leather pants cupped her lean hips and slender thighs before tucking into black boots that laced up to her knees, complete with heels that lent her an extra few inches of height. All in all, she looked like a cross between a kick-ass female warrior and a wet dream.

Lucan gaped mutely at her, aware that his jaw had hit his chest some time ago. He knew this woman intimately, still loved her with every beat of his hollow, broken heart. But the Anka he’d known preferred to blend into the background. The one standing before him now with a raised brow demanded his full attention without a word. She made his blood pump. Her presence grabbed him by the cock and squeezed unmercifully.

“
Anka?”

The curve of her little smile mocked him. She meant that expression to be a barricade. His demure Anka had been replaced by a spitfire who would scratch and claw and fight for what she believed in. He needed her to believe in him again.

“
You told me that my clothes yesterday weren’t appropriate for lessons. Too baggy and the like, you said. No such problem today, I trust?”

It wasn’t a question, but a dare. Clearly, something besides her wardrobe had changed in the last twenty-four hours. Something deeper. This external transformation mirrored a change inside her, and Lucan wanted details. In the past, he might have cuddled her on his lap and simply asked what troubled her. One look at her fiery amber eyes told him she’d thrown a silent gauntlet at his feet, daring him to live with her defiance or rein it in. The barricades around her heart and mind stood strong and thick. Until he earned her trust again, scaling them would be a snarling battle.