Embracing My Submission (17 page)

Sunlight poured in through the curtains. I looked at the clock and groaned. Nine thirty. Great. Reminding myself how far behind I was with work, I took a quick shower then began digging through the mountains of paperwork.

Glancing at the clock, I blinked, so focused on work I’d lost track of time. It was five forty-five, and my stomach issued an empty growl.

“Sorry Sammie, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to subject myself to another night of humiliation and boredom for a man who gets his rocks off watching me sleep.” I grabbed my purse and stormed out the house.

Pulling into the parking lot of Maurizio’s, I looked at the clock. It was six o’clock. A pang of guilt rent through my veins as I closed my eyes. Screaming in frustration at my own weakness, I threw the car in reverse and drove back home, cursing the entire way.

Standing near the front door, dressed once again in a long gown and uncomfortable high heels, I peeked through the curtain as Sammie pulled into the driveway. Slamming the front door behind me, I walked solemnly to her truck.

“Let’s go,” I growled in disgust.

“What did you learn last night?”

“Umm, let’s see...his carpet is very soft and plush.”

The pasted-on smile I flashed obviously didn’t impress Sammie as all she did was stomp the gas pedal and flip me off.

“It’d be nice if he’d at least leave a pillow and blanket, maybe even a bedtime story. Does he seriously think a solitary slumber party is a flipping picnic for me?”

“Is that all you learned? That the carpet was soft and you think he’s enjoying this?”

“What else am I supposed to learn, Sammie? I was all alone, just me, myself, and I. The three of us aren’t really that interesting conversationalists, you know. If the great and powerful Oz would open the fucking door, then maybe I’d have a chance to learn whatever the fuck it is I’m supposed to. Maybe I should just click my heels three times and say, ‘there’s no place like home.’ Would he open the goddamn door then? Or maybe I need a broomstick. Yeah, that’s what I need, the Wicked Witch of the West’s broomstick. Then I can shove it up his ass!”

“Oh, girl. You have no idea how badly I want to slap you. Keep it up and you’ll be sitting outside his door for months!”

“No, I won’t. Because after tonight, I refuse to participate in his little game. He can kiss my ass. Tonight is it. After that, I’m done. Either he opens the fucking door and talks to me like a man or it’s over.”

Without a word, she nodded as her lips pressed together in a firm, unhappy line.

Repeating the same steps as the night before, I stood alone outside Mika’s door. I brought my hand up to knock then lowered my arm. Looking up at the camera, I simply waited. Once again, I was ignored.

Incensed that I’d allowed myself to repeat the same humiliating nightmare of the previous night, I began pounding on the door. Fuck knocking civilly. I’d lost all patience with civility. He’d open the damn thing up even if I had to knock it down.

Possessed with a rage I never knew existed inside me and screaming at the top of my lungs, I pounded on the door. Rage and humiliation consumed me. The only cognizant thought in my brain was that I was being played by the Alpha Dom inside. No doubt the man was laughing his ass off seeing what he’d reduced me to. And no doubt, he was loving every fucking minute of it.

“Open the door you motherfucking bastard!” I pounded and kicked like a woman possessed.

Moments later, the door behind me opened. Drake stepped into the foyer with James right behind him.

“Drake,” I sobbed. “Make him open the goddamn door.”

The look in Drake’s eyes was cold and lifeless. It was as if he were looking through me and not at me.

“Drake?” I screamed as tears streamed down my cheeks.

“Hands behind your back,” Drake commanded in a calm and far too detached voice.

“No,” I cried as I stepped away from him. “I don’t want to play his goddamn game!”

“Julianna,” he warned as he took a step toward me. “Put your hands behind your back,
now
!”

“Why, Drake? I’m not a submissive anymore. I’m nothing. I’m just a fucked-up, confused woman. Why am I even here? Why are you doing this to me? Why is
he
doing this to me? Please, just let me go home. I swear I won’t come back. I swear I’ll just go away. Nobody will ever see me again.” Tears streamed down my face.

“Hands. Behind. Your. Back.” His deep voice reverberated in the small alcove.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I sobbed as James stepped behind me and with a firm tug pulled my wrists behind my back. “Drake! Please! Just let me go home.”

Drake also moved behind me and a pair of cold metal cuffs snapped around my wrists.

“He isn’t the God you all think he is. You know that, right? You don’t have to do this shi—” My hateful tone was stilled when a big red ball gag was shoved into my mouth and the leather straps fastened behind my head. My eyes flew open wide in fear as I turned and issued a pleading look at Drake. For one brief second, I saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. Just as quickly, it vanished as he heaved a heavy sigh.

“You need to start remembering what’s inside you, Emerald,” he whispered into my ear then turned and left the vestibule. James stood with his arms crossed over his massive chest, watching me with a slack, unreadable expression.

I wanted to sob even more, but I knew if I lost control, my nose would run. With my hands restrained behind my back, I wouldn’t be able to wipe the mucus from my face. Flopping to my side, I curled into a tight ball on the floor. It was then that I spied a pillow and blanket lying in the corner. There was a book propped up on top of the pile. It was a copy of
The Wizard of Oz
.

A muffled growl tore from behind the ball gag as I unleashed a string of obscenities in my mind. Obstinately ignoring the comfort provided me, I remained in the awkward semi-inverted fetal ball on the floor.

A furtive glance at James confirmed my suspicions. He wasn’t there to help me, he was there as a safety precaution. He was watching over me, ensuring the cuffs didn’t cut off my blood flow or that I didn’t choke on the ball gag. Casting him the most pathetic look I could muster, James arched his brows.

“Dream on. You don’t honestly think I’ll fall for that pathetic look, do you? You know me better than that, girl.” James chuckled with a sharp tone of annoyance.

Great. James just had to choose that moment to be in Dom mode. He couldn’t be in his submissive role and grant mercy on a fellow sub. No. Of course not. Huffing a loud exasperated snort from my nose, I closed my eyes and waited for him to remove the cuffs and gag. I wondered how long I’d have to remain nearly hog-tied and unable to speak. Within a few minutes, I drifted off to sleep, and this time Vanessa’s ghost did not pay me a visit.

In the wee hours of the morning, Sammie woke me once again. I was surprised to find the gag and cuffs had been removed, and James was nowhere in sight. Of course Mika’s door still remained closed nice and tight, just as I’d expected.
The rat bastard.

The drive back home was quiet and unnerving. Sammie obviously wasn’t happy about having to haul Mika’s excess baggage around every night.

“And what did you learn tonight?” Sammie asked as she yawned, breaking the awkward silence.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “What am I supposed to be learning, Sammie?” Feeling dejected and confused, I rolled my stiff shoulders and rubbed my aching jaw.

“That’s what you’re there to figure out. It’s something only you can determine. I can tell you one thing. The answer is unique for everyone. There’s no right or wrong lesson.”

“But you know the crux of what I’m supposed to learn from all this...hell, I don’t even know what to call it. Abuse?” I felt confused and defeated. “Torture? Fucking cruelty?”

“Yes, I know the end results the lesson provides. But honey, it’s not something I can fix or figure out for you. I don’t hold the answer. It’s something you have to work out on your own. Nobody can do this for you. If we could, trust me, Drake would be the first to give you the road map. I’ve never seen him so torn up. He loves you. He loves you with all his heart.”

“I know. And I feel so guilty for lying to him. But worse, I feel guilty for failing him.”

“Stop feeling guilty. Do
something
to fix it.”

“But I don’t know how.”

“Sure you do. You’ve just got to figure it out.”

“And what the hell does Mika have to do with all this? What does he want from me? I can’t do this anymore, Sammie. I can’t go through another night of waiting outside his door, wondering what the hell he expects me to do.”

“It’s all tied together. It’s all pieces of the same puzzle, sugar.” She smiled softly as we pulled into the driveway. “You’re fighting this tooth and nail, baby. The more you fight it, the more it will elude you. Listen to me—stop fighting it.”

“Thank you, Sammie. I don’t know why, but I feel better. I’m not so pissed off now.”

“Get some sleep. You’ll be picked up again tomorrow night at six thirty.”

“But it’s Sunday. The club’s not open. Besides, I’m not going back.”

“You
are
going back, so stop arguing the point. The club will be open just for you.” She smiled softly. “Remember, quit fighting what’s in your heart. Now go on inside and get some sleep.”

I eased from the truck feeling numb, almost dazed. Climbing the stairs to my room, I crawled into bed. As soon as my eyes closed, Vanessa appeared in her brilliant gossamer light. A fearful worry etched her beautiful face. Frantic. Impatient. Even more demanding than ever before, she forced me down a long corridor of opaque glass walls, then ushered me down a dark foreboding hallway containing thousands of closed doors. She pushed me forward, insisting I
“find the key.”
I searched my pockets but had no keys, and each knob I attempted to open was securely locked.

My frustration to find a key was growing urgent, and Vanessa’s eyes were filled with an almost hysterical fear. I frantically tried to open every door, but not a single one would budge. Finally, the very last knob I wrapped my fingers around opened.

Yanking back the door, I found a solid brick wall glowing in a strange golden light before me. The bricks seemed to undulate, almost breathe in a stunning pulsating light. It reminded me of a throbbing heartbeat of sorts.

“What’s behind it?” I asked.

“You have to see.”

“But how do I get in?”

“You have to go through it.”

“I can’t. It’s brick.”

“Then knock it down, silly.” A smile filled with relief spread across her lips, then she kissed my cheek and vanished in a silvery flash.

Nervously placing my hands on the wall, I expected it to be solid and sturdy, but was amazed to discover it bowed beneath my fingers. Pushing harder, two bricks popped out, landing on the other side. The light emanating through the opening was spectacular. Bright. Soothing. Alluring. I had to see more. Methodically, I began pushing upon the bricks, giggling in childish glee as they fell away. Beyond the opening, the shimmering golden light beckoned me, calling to some hidden force clawing inside my soul. I didn’t know why, but I knew there was something of importance on the other side. A gift, a treasure of infinite value, awaited me if I could just get through the damn wall.

Like a demon possessed, I threw myself against the bricks, clawing, slapping, and punching, determined to break through. And when I finally did, I stood frozen in shock at what lay before me.

Kneeling on the ground, wrists crossed behind my back and engulfed by the warm pulsating light, was me. My skin glowed as prisms danced over my skin. I looked beautiful.

Serene.

Content.

At peace.

From the other side of the room, Mika appeared. A broad smile adorned his sensual lips as he looked at me staring at my own image in astonishment. He turned his attention to the other me, the one kneeling in the center of the room. His erotic amber eyes instantly filled with pride, with love.

“Stunning, isn’t she?” he asked, looking back at me and capturing my attention with his hypnotic gaze. Extending his hand in offering, he waited.

When I placed my fingers in his wide palm, the golden light exploded in a blinding white flash. I could feel his power and control sluice through my veins like liquid silver as I was coalesced in a tranquil serenity I’d never felt before.

“I’m so glad you’ve found your way, pet. I knew you could do it. I’m so very proud of you. Are you ready to join her? She’s been waiting for you for a very long time.”

As tears streamed down my face, I nodded. “Yes”.

~*~

Opening my eyes, I thought I was still dreaming. Bright light filtered into my room as I sat upright in bed. The dream! It was the answer.
Stop fighting it. You’ve been fighting it tooth and nail.
Sammie’s words echoed in my head, and Drake’s floated right behind.
Remember who you are, girl.

All the training, the knowledge imparted over the years, held a deeper meaning than ever before. I’d been given the ultimate test and had learned the ultimate lesson. Of course it was different for everyone, just like Sammie said. The meaning for this glorious lifestyle was as unique as the individual living it.