Emerald (Steele Investigations) (2 page)

“I don’t have time in my life for dates…or men…or anything
actually.  No use going out on a date, knowing it can go no further.  That’s
just a waste of his time, and mine.”

“But..”

“No, we’re done talking about this.”

“Jem..”

“Done. Finished.  Don’t want to hear another word.”

He makes a frustrated sound and stamps his foot.  When this
doesn’t work, he pouts at me. 
Damn man.
He knows I can’t resist that
pout.  I give a frustrated sound of my own.

“Look, I’ve never dated.  Like, ever.  I don’t need to start
now, especially with a good guy, especially with a badass super-macho hot guy
and
especially
with a badass super-macho hot, good guy who is related to
both my bosses.”

“You’ve never dated?” he whispers, like it’s a national
secret and the FBI will arrest him if he’s overheard uttering such tragic
truths.

“No. And I don’t need to start now.”  I say as I turn and
walk away.

“Girlie,” he says, following me, “you gotta date.  You’re
young, and dating is a part of being young.  Why have you never dated?”  He
asks still disbelieving.

I run my hands over my face in frustration.  I really don’t
want to talk about this shit.  I try really hard to avoid all thoughts leading
back to my childhood.  I’ve done a great job of locking those thoughts down and
I don’t need to start opening the can of worms now.

“Tom,” I say, my tone warning, “just leave it.”

He nods his head that he’ll leave it, but the look in his
eyes says different.

******

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, that is if you
don’t count the thoughtful looks Tom was giving me when he thought I wasn’t
watching.

You see, Tom and I have become firm friends since we were
both employed by Kami and Rae.  We met at the interviews and clicked right
away.  Tom is twenty five and I am twenty two.  At first I was drawn to him and
I didn’t know why.  I’ve never had a ‘friend’ in my life,  of course I’ve known
people and I have acquaintances but I’ve never really had a friend, a real
friend.  When I was younger, it was because I didn’t want to put anyone else in
danger, and if I had a friend and they came to my house, or got close to me,
then they would have been in danger.  So it was easier to just be a loner and a
daydreamer.  I spent most of my childhood living in my daydreams to escape the
reality of my shitty household.  As I grew older and moved far away from my
home town to work, I didn’t develop friendships firstly because I didn’t know
how and secondly because I was afraid of the questions that might arise. 
Questions that I can, absolutely not ever, answer.

Needless to say, I was shocked when I felt a pull to Tom. 
We got talking that first day and I realized that perhaps I was drawn to him
because he had a shitty childhood also, or maybe it was that he was so open and
forthcoming, out-there and I could immediately tell that he was genuine and
trustworthy.  I like him right off the bat.

“Hey girlie, you here for the interviews?” He asks as I
sit a couple of chairs away from the other applicants.  My head is down and I’m
trying to calm myself in preparation for the interview.  I wouldn’t be so
worried, but I just lost my job suddenly and I need to find a new one, like
yesterday!

“Uh, hey, yeah I am.  You?” I reply, nervously

“Sure am.  Tom Whitton,” he says offering his hand and an
open smile that reached his eyes and lit up his entire face.  I couldn’t help
but smile back as I take his hand, “Jemma Calloway,” I tell him.

“Seat taken?” He asks, but doesn’t wait for my answer
before he sits himself down and turns on an angle to face me.  “Nervous?”

“Yeah, a little,” I say sheepishly.

“Don’t be.  Could tell right away, girlie, that you know
your shit when it comes to shoes and clothes.  Only gotta look at how you’re
dressed…unless you moonlight as an actress,” he laughs.

“Not an actress,” I smile.  That’s the second time I’ve
smiled since he came over to me less than ten minutes ago.  I haven’t smiled
that much (aside from when I’m work, because I really did love my previous
job), like ever…ever as in E.V.E.R.  I feel the tension and nerves start to
dissipate as Tom fills me in on hilarious stories from his previous job. 
Including one about a top celebrity who even said the dreaded, “Don’t you know
who I am?”  I laughed and laughed, and that’s saying something, because I don’t
think I’ve ever laughed.  The first burst of laughter that came from my lips
shocked me because it was such a foreign sound.

“I just recently lost my job; my boss passed away and her
children aren’t interested in continuing the business, so I’m out of work at
the moment,” I tell him this after he’s shared that he previously worked at a
large clothing store, but was let go three weeks ago.  “It wasn’t a large
clothing chain or anything, just a boutique, specializing in local designers
and one of- a- kind pieces.  I once served a celebrity, it was one of the
Olssen twins, and she was lovely, not a diva at all,” I grin.

“Well, girlie, think yourself lucky, because those
bitches come in actin’ like they all that.  THEN they want a discount!! Can you
believe that?!  All that money they got, and they be wanting a discount,” he
shakes his head in total disbelief and I imagine my face is one of shock –
because that’s how I feel.

“Seriously?” I ask on an exhale of breath. 

“True as I sit here,” he states matter-of-factly.

“Well, I hope I never come across anyone like that,” I
state.

“Just take ‘em as they come, girlie.  ‘Least if you do
have a diva come in, you’ll have a great story to tell later in life.”

“Yeah,” I say quietly, as my mind drifts to how different
my life has become in just a few short years since I left home.

“You know, I see something in you.  I had a rough time
when I was growing up,” my eyes snap to his and he continues, “my parents,
typical upper middle class family, striving to keep up with Jones’, yanno? 
Always updating our car, even though we’d only have it for a couple of months-
not years, months – and always playing happy families at the social gatherings
I was dragged along to.  Even if my parents had been at each other’s throat,
soons they opened the car door, they plastered on a smile and doted on me like
I was the perfect child.  Behind closed doors? ‘nother story.  Couldn’t stand
me.  I was sixteen when I told my parents I was gay.  My Dad…didn’t take it
very well.  He kicked me out.  Haven’t been back since.  Haven’t heard from ‘em
since.  Nine years ago that happened.  Five years ago, I let it go.  Forgave
him.  Forgave her.  Don’t mean I’ll forget, but I washed that shit outta my
life.  Now I’m free.  Ain’t got nothin’ weighin’ me down.  Just one look at
you, girlie, I can tell; you’re weighed down.”

Wow.

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. 
Instead all I could think about was his father setting him out when he was
sixteen, just because he was gay.

I didn’t want to process anything else he said, mainly
because he was right and I didn’t want to unlock the door on those thoughts
here, or anywhere, anytime soon.

“I’m up next,” he interrupts my thoughts and nods toward
the door where a gorgeous blonde stands, “here’s my number.  I’ll get yours on
my way out.”  The he stands, leans down and pecks my cheek like he’s known me
forever, and then bounces off in the direction of the blonde.

After he left, I felt giddy.  Excitable butterflies
fluttered in my stomach.  I’d made my first ever friend.

******

The next day I’m called in to work with Rae.  I wasn’t
supposed to work but Kami fell ill so here I am, aside from the fact that I had
nothing to do today, which is what I do every day I’m not working, the extra
money will come in handy. 

“Jem?” Rae calls from the front of the store

“Yeah,” I answer, coming out from the kitchenette in the
back

“Tom just texted me and wants to know if we want to have
drinks after work? Kami’s out ‘cause she’s sick, so it’ll just be me, you and
Tom.  Sound good?”

Crap.  I’ve never had “after work drinks,” Hell, I’ve never
even had “drinks.”  I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as I contemplate the
possibility of Rae turning into a friend, instead of just my boss.  Part of me
wants to say ‘no’, and just go home after my work day is finished like I do
every other day.  But a bigger part of me really,
really,
wants to have
after work drinks.  I mentally weigh up a list of pro’s and con’s.  I reason
that if I just go out this once, then Tom and Rae won’t be danger because it’s
only one time.  I will enjoy the night and then I can store it in my ‘happy
memory bank’ and I can revisit it anytime I get the urge to socialize after
work. 
One time will be enough.  Just once.

I release my bottom lip and smile hesitantly at Rae.

“Okay.”

“Awesome,” she grins huge and her eyes go wide.  She
actually seems a little taken aback by my agreeing, but she quickly recovers
and busies herself tapping on her phone.  No doubt letting Tom know.

Chapter 3

For the first time ever in my life, I find myself sitting at
a wooden table in a bar having after work drinks.  Never having had alcohol
before, I decide to order what Rae and Tom order, which is a Vodka and
Cranberry.  It’s quite nice and I let myself relax and enjoy the company of my
new friends.  Rae tells Tom and I about how she and Kami became best friends
when the teacher sat them next to each other in Primary school, she also tells
us she has been in love when Elliott for most of her life, but they only got
together a couple of months ago, she also tells about her Mom being a marriage
whore (apparently her mom is on her fourth marriage), her father passing away
and a previous step-father of hers who filled her head with trash about her
being worthless.  My eyes must be wide with shock by the time she’s finished. 
Firstly because I’m surprised she can be so open about her life and feelings. 
I wish I could have the luxury of being able to share about my past, my hopes,
dreams and future, but I don’t.  Secondly, I’m surprised that she would take
the stuff he fed her on board.  Rae is stunning, successful, friendly,
compassionate and genuine.  Nothing about her is worthless. 

“You know you’re not worthless, don’t you?” I ask, looking
right at her so she can see how serious and sincere I am.

“Yeah.  Now I do, thanks to Elliott.  But before he opened
my eyes … No, I didn’t.  I honestly thought I wasn’t worth anyone’s time or
effort.”

“I’m glad you have Elliott,” I say as I reach across the
table and give her hand a squeeze.

  Tom fills Rae in on the story about his parents and his
coming out, the same story he told me the first time we met.  Then they look to
me and I realize it must be my turn to share.  Suddenly, I’m uncertain and I’m
not sure what to share.  I have to say something but I don’t want to say
anything that will put them in danger.

“I didn’t grow up around here, I grew up…away,” oh crap now
I’m stuttering.
Shit
.

“Uh, I’m an only child.  My parents live away…I’ve never
dated anyone,” I add the last part on a whisper and lower my head.  I cannot
believe I just told them that.  They’re going think I’m the biggest dork and
regardless of the fact I know I shouldn’t get too comfortable with the whole
friendship thing, a small, okay, a large part of me, a selfish part of me,
wants to live this life; the life where you share about your life, you can say
or feel whatever you need to and they don’t judge, where you are accepted and
loved despite or because of, your quirks, a life free of worries and danger. 
But that right there is the reason I only get this life for tonight.

I feel Tom’s hand clamp over one of mine as Rae’s hand gives
my other hand a squeeze.

“Elliott took my virginity.  Before that, I’d only kissed
one guy - years ago. ”  Rae shares.

I wish we were still a virgin
, Selfish Jemma whispers
as a lone tear slides down her cheek.  For once, Rational Jemma doesn’t have a
comeback – she agrees.  So do I.

“I lost my virginity to a girl when I was fifteen.  Silly
lookin’ back, but at the time, I was a confused, hormonal, damn horny boy.  I
knew my parents wouldn’t have the best reaction to my being gay, so I thought
I’d fuck a heap of girls and that’d ‘cure me’.  Didn’t work.  Fucked one girl. 
Only just ‘cause I could barely keep my pole standing,” I can’t help it, I bust
out laughing at his description.  Of course, this may be normal table talk for
a group of friends, but it’s very novel to me.  Rae joins in laughing and
finally when we compose ourselves, Tom continues,

“Anyhoo, as I was saying, to
keep
the pole standing,
I had to picture the girl as Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.  Worked like a
charm, but defeated the purpose of me fucking a girl.  Took a year to build the
courage to break it to my parents.  I fucked a couple ‘a guys’ durin’ that
year. Nothin’ serious, just playin’.  Finally told my parents, Dad beat the shit
outta me and kicked me out.  Said he wasn’t “havin’ a poof for a son”, and if I
“got rid of it”, I was welcome back.”

“Wow,” is all I can manage.

“Yeah, wow,” Rae whispers

“Well, that’s life.  What ‘a ya gonna do?” Tom tells us
matter-of-factly. 

Then he looks at me purposefully and says, “I don’t know
what it is that’s weighin’ you down.  But I know it’s something.  Now, you
either wanna tell us, or you don’t.  Either way is up to you, but I’ll tell you
somethin’ for nothin’ girly, life’s a lot more fun if you share the load.” 

My eyes slice to Rae, hoping that she hasn’t heard the
wisdom that Tom just imparted on me.  One look at her face tells me she did
hear it and that she agrees with him.  I take a deep breath and steady myself,
taking years of exercising how to control my emotions and putting it in
practice, I lock down the tears that are stinging the back of my eyes and
swallow the lump in my throat, and then I speak.