Emerge (31 page)

             
I tried to say goodbye to them and they didn’t budge.  Mom just gave me a half wave.  I leaned
over to May to kiss her and she
looked out the window and refused to speak to me.  She had gone to the dark side.  After everything, I just had to let her go. 

             
I got out and got my bag and went into the airport.  I had flown home a couple of times, but this time was
the last time.

             
I checked in and waited the excruciating time through the line to step into the
security and the body scanner
then I was on my way. 

             
I waited until my seat was called and stepped into the plane.  I hated the smell of planes.  It smells like someone took regular air and pumped it through ‘plastic smell’ scented air freshener box and then pumped it back into the plane. I went through all the motions of seat belts and watching the flight attendant do her ‘vogue’
impression and let the plane take me away.

             
Be
fore I knew it, I was in Memphis
, catching my connection flight into Baton Rouge. 
I was riding on the moving walkway and I took a look out of the front of the airport and stared. 

             
I could walk out of here right now. 
I could walk out and they would never know where I was.  They wouldn’t be able to find me if they tried.  I could call Carlos and he could meet me here and we could start a life.

             
But again, it just didn’t feel right.

             
I went to my next gate and while I waited I called him. 

             
It barely even rang one time before he answered.

             
“I miss you already
,
”
h
e said.

             
I giggled. “You have no idea.”

             
I told him about my thoughts of walking out of the airport and though I thought he would be upset
,
he understood.  He said he had been thinking about us moving somewhere else, away from everyone.  He had also been trying to find another job, a better one where he didn’t work nights.  I didn’t even know about that, probably too wrapped up in my own garbage.

             
I got off of the phone after hearing that they were boarding the plane to Baton Rouge.  He made me promise to call him when I got there.

             
I got into Baton Rouge
about 9:15 that night.  It was t
wo
hours ahead of California, so I knew that Carlos was at work, but tried anyway.

             
“You made it?”

             
“Yeah, are you at work?” I didn’t want him to get in trouble.

             
“Yeah, I
gotta
go
,
but I’m ok now that I know you’re safe.  I love you.”

             
“I love you. I’ll call tomorrow.” And I hung up.

             
My Dad, Step-Mom and
Sophia were waiting for me as I came out of the gate exit.  My Dad was a huge burly man who wore overalls.  He stood about 6 foot 3 and towered over me and every
one else.  My Step-Mom, I
called her
by her name,
Marie, had strawberry bl
onde hair and was always cheery and kind.
 

             
Sophia was a doll.  She had blonde hair like May’s but it was finer and had more curl.  It was on the top of her head like a
fountain of blonde was cascading down to her scalp
. 

             
It was always awkward at first seeing them because I only got to see them once a year or so, but they had never been anything but nice to me.

             
My Dad knew about my mom, but never the full extent of her wrath.  That would have to be remedied to make sure he knew how desperate I was.

             
We went back to their house and the next morning, I would begin.

             
The next morning I knew I was back in the South by the smell of biscuits and bacon.  I fumbled out into the hallway and was told to sit down and eat. 

             
They started asking me questions about school and future plans and I saw my window.

             
I didn’t hold anything back.  I told them about Mom and about my Step-Dad.  I told them about May and I mostly told them about Carlos.  I laid it all out like the twisted tale that it was and sat back and let it stew.

             
My Dad was the big silent type but you knew that when he opened his mouth to say something it was best if you opened your ears and listened well. 

             
“I’m not even going to ask you why you never told us any of this.  I know that you’
ve always been kinda
scared of your mother, but honestly I didn’t think it was that bad.
I thought a girl being with her mother was the best thing for you.  I didn’t
know anything about taking care of a girl.” He paused
.
“How serious is it with this boy?”

             
Marie thumped him and he corrected himself.

             
“Ok, man, I meant man.”

             
I giggled at my big old Dad struggling with the fact that I was older and had to refer to my boyfriend as a man.  I scooted my chair out and ran to get my engagement ring which I had stashed in my wallet on the plane.  I didn’t want to alarm them too much before I could tell the story.

             
I walked out and put my ring clad hand on the table.

             
Marie looked up and smiled and said, “Well, there you go.”

             
Marie was a God-send and when my Dad went to work the next day, she stayed home with me and got the real story, the long version.  She cried and laughed with me and asked me questions and was really interested and it seemed like she cared.

             
She got angry when she learned of things that I really hadn’t paid attention to when I was growing up.  Things like: I had never been to the dentist, ever.  I had never been to a doctor since I was 16 and had a bleeding ulcer, which was courtesy of stress.  Imagine that.  I had never been allowed to get a driver’s license because we would never have been able to afford another car and Mom was afraid I would do the kind of running around that she did when she was a teenager.  I didn’t even know
n
or have access to my social security number. 

             
She patted my leg and smiled and looked at Sophie, who was watching the Lion King. 

             
“I need to ask you a personal question Jenna, now don’t get upset, ok?”

             
I had no clue what was coming next.

             
“Ok.”

             
“Are you being safe?”

             
“Am I being safe doing
wha
….OH!  Yeah, I am being safe by not doing anything unsafe.”

             
“Ok, I get that.  But we have to be prepared for things to get unsafe, yeah?”

             
“Just talk straight, ok?” I begged.

             
She giggled, “Ok, h
ave you been to the gynecologist?”

             
“Ok,
ok
,
never mind
,
can we go back to the jumbled talk?”

             
She laughed more and got up from the couch.

             
“Ok, I’m taking that as a ‘no’ and making you an appointment for this week.  They can put you on some birth control…just in case.”

             
I looked at
Sophie
who was playing with magnet letters
while she sang ‘Circle of Life’
and said,

             
“Don’t grow up Sophie, it’s humiliating.”

             
My Mom called my Dad’s house that night and asked when I was coming to see her.  She must have been in front of people because she was using that fake sweet voice. 

             
I told her I didn’t know when I was
coming over.  Dad and Marie had planned tons of stuff for us to do.  She threatened me in a whisper over the phone, but I just hung up on her. I was done.

             
The rest of the week Marie made me go to the dentist, ugh, and the ‘girl doctor’, that’s what we decided to call it.

             
Every day I called Carlos and I almost died from embarrassment when I told him about the ‘girl doctor’ part.  He laughed and said, “That’s probably smart Jenna.” I changed the subject quickly, but not smoothly and he found that hilarious.

             
I missed him like I had lost one of my appendages.

             
I saw my Mom twice that week and made the visits under an hour.  Marie drove me and when I called her she came and picked me up. 
After the second time she growled in fake anger, “We really need to get you a driver’s license.  This is the pits.”

             
I wanted to talk to Dad and Marie so badly about my plans, but didn’t know how to broach the subject.

             
The week had gone by fast and on that Sunday afternoon over dinner,
I had planned to dive in head first. But then
Marie very obviously kicked my Dad under the table and he put his fork down and started a discussion that would change my life. 

             
“Jenna, Marie has been telling me what you two have been talking about all week.  And we have been talking about how to help you and honestly, the way things stand I don’t know how I can help you at all.”

             
My resolve was broken and
I sat at the table trying not to and failing at bawling my eyes out.

             
“Jenna, let me finish, ok?”

             
I nodded and he continued.

             
“Marie and I can’t help you way over there in California.  Your Mom, I think, no matter what you do, will always be over you terrorizing you.  She has been making threatening calls and writing horrible letters to us for years.”

             
My eyes bugged out of my h
ead. She had left my Dad over ten
years ago for my Step-Dad. Why would she do that?

             
“That being said, we want you to stay here.  I know you have to think about it and I know that you probably have to talk to Carlos and that’s fine.  We will help you get settled here.  You can get your driver’s license, get a job or go to school or both, but the point is that you could be free to do what you want to here.  And as long as you are doing something productive, we will help you.”

             
Marie was holding my hand now and then it was her turn to talk.

             
“Jenna, think it over.  And I know that you told me this week that it’s hard for you to confront your mother.  I know that’s gotten easier for you lately but I have a plan if you want to stay here.”

             
“What?” She had a devilish look about her and I needed to know the plan.

             
“Ok, all of you are supposed to get on a plane tomorrow right?”

             
“Right….” I dragged out the word trying to get her to tell me the rest.

             
“Easy.  You are an adult.  Don’t get on the plane.”

             
“She’ll have a fit!” I gasped and laughed at the same time.

             
“Your Dad will stay home to intercept the phone calls and you’re back in Louisiana, so if they try to come here, well, your Dad has a shot gun.”

             
“I want to.  Thank you and I want to stay….but…”

             
She read my mind.

             
“There’s only on
e way to find out Jenna. Now go make the call.
”

             
I sat on my bed in my Dad’s house for the longest time thinking of all the things I needed to say to Carlos and all the millions
of ways he could break my heart in return.
  My brain and my heart were battling and my brain was winning.
Tears were pumping out of my eyes faster than I could keep up.