Emergence (Awakening Series Book 2) (3 page)

Chapter 3

Lou

When I arrived at Deuces
,
I didn't see Caroline Foster, my work associate, but I did see one of her best friends, Eva Williams, sitting at the bar, her red curls framing her alabaster face.

Caroline had asked me to meet her and Eva out at the bar and I was eager to go so I could get to know Caroline better. We'd been working at Foster & Company Marketing together since I started in their accounting department earlier that year. She had just been promoted to Account Manager, and I was in charge of her accounts receivable, so we worked closely together to ensure that her clients stayed current on their payments.

"Eva, right?" I said, sliding onto the bar stool one over from her to leave room for Caroline.

"That's me," she said. "You're Lou, we met at Caroline's office once, didn't we?"

"Yes, nice of you to remember."

Eva smiled at me as I flagged down the bartender.

"What can I get you?"

"Vodka grapefruit for me. Eva?" I looked at her expectantly.

"Dirty martini for me, please."

"Damn, I need a drink! I feel like shit," Caroline said, coming up behind us and throwing her purse down on the bar between Eva and me. As the bartender brought Eva's and my drinks Caroline ordered a rum and Coke and two shots of 'whatever is strong'.

"You look like a million bucks," Eva said to Caroline.

She did too. Her aqua top accented her blue eyes and her blonde hair was shiny and gorgeous, as always.

"Thanks, I walked over to Broughton street at lunch to pick up a new outfit. I need to get laid!" Caroline said.

"What's going on? I thought you stayed at Luke's all week?" I asked.

"I did, but he won't do anything but snuggle, not that I've asked him to. Last weekend I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him anymore because I needed to get my head on straight. Then, we had a couple of intimate moments and I decided to give us a chance to see where things would go. So I've been staying at his house, but he won't go beyond spooning and chaste kisses on the head. I am so worked up I could scream!"

She downed her shots and started on her rum and Coke.

"Aw, but it's sweet that he's willing to wait for you to be ready, right?" I asked, searching her face. Maybe that made me sound naive, but I thought it sounded better than being forced. Something I knew a little about.

"Luke is a big boy, he knows what he wants, and right now it sounds like he's waiting for Caroline to ask him nicely," Eva smirked. "And if I were you, I'd slow down on the alcohol."

"I don't want to slow down. Let's do more shots!" Caroline grumbled, signaling the bartender.

"I'll take a Red Headed Slut," a familiar male voice said as the hair on my neck and arms stood up.

"I resemble that remark," Eva laughed.

I turned my head to look toward Eva, and was blown away by the gorgeous man who had just walked up next to her.

Holy fucking shit!

His dark blonde hair was a little longer than I remembered, but messy and thick, and I was instantly reminded of how it felt between my fingers. His mouth looked full and soft, and I immediately craved the feeling of his lips on my body again. I had fantasized about him more than once in the last year. If I was being honest, it was more like every day.

I felt goosebumps rise on my skin as I let my gaze travel down over his strong jaw to where his broad chest, tight abs, and muscular thighs were hidden beneath his clothes, before moving upwards again.

When I landed back on his face his piercing green eyes were looking intently back at me. Heat instantly ignited in my belly as I stared at him, unwilling or unable to look away.

"Carson, this is Lou Evans. She just moved here a few months ago. She's my accounts receivable rep," Caroline said, introducing us.

He reached over to shake my hand, the recognition in his eyes was undeniable. The spark that I felt when his hand touched mine was electric.

"Who wants to dance!?" Caroline yelled excitedly, obviously not noticing the tension between Carson and me.

"I think I'll hang back," I said, staring at Carson.

"Me too, Caroline," Carson said, still not taking his eyes away from mine.

"Well, I'm in!" Eva said, following Caroline to the dance floor.

Carson watched Eva and Caroline disappear into the crowd of people before his eyes snapped back to me.

"Nice to see you again,
Meg."

Chapter 4

2 Years Ago

Lou

The first year of my marriage to Derek was probably the best. I wasn't working and all my college classes were online so I was always home, studying, food prepping, cleaning, taking care of the finances and anything else Derek needed, including setting up his doctor appointments and haircuts. I didn't have any friends of my own, so the only people we ever spent time with were Derek's coworkers and their wives or girlfriends. I think it made Derek happy that I doted on him hand and foot, and he really liked that I practically had to rely on him for a social life.

When Derek had started talking about having children about a year ago, I had gotten a job as a nanny to save money and that's when things started going downhill. He said I was always comparing our relationship to that of the couple I worked for, but it was more that they had been happily married for years and knew what it took to make it work, whereas, Derek and I were still learning. He hated that I was never home, and thought that I preferred to spend all my free time with my 'nanny fam', as he called them. I don't think he liked that he couldn't control that part of my life.

I pulled into the driveway after work, and grabbed my purse. Once I made it inside, I found Derek playing Guitar Hero in the bonus room.

"Hey, how was your day?" I asked walking in.

"Like you care," he grumbled without taking his eyes off his game.

I never knew what Derek I was going to get and I hated feeling like I was walking around on egg shells in my own house.

"Derek, I wouldn't ask if I didn't care."

He threw the Wii guitar down on the floor next to him and stood, stalking towards me. Grabbing my pony tail, he yanked my face to his.

"If you care so much, then why don't you show me just how much?"

He forced my mouth to his, mauling me, and I tried to pull away. A moment later he dragged me by my hair into the spare room, and threw me on the bed. I knew better than to fight him. When he was like this, it was best to just play along.

"Lie still," he said, pulling my yoga pants and tee shirt off, and throwing them on the floor before he discarded his own clothes. Then he leaned over me, pulling my panties off.

"Derek, I..."

"Shh, you know I hate it when you talk during sex. I can't fucking concentrate and we have to keep trying."

I don't know what the heck he was thinking. Before all the baby talk he was never like this with me. He used to be loving and kind. But after a year of trying and no baby, he had started to blame me for our problems, and was obsessed with proving his virility. It might have been the stress of trying to please his mother. Maybe he felt pushed to make our marriage what he thought she said it should be. Maybe he thought getting me pregnant would fix all our problems, get his mother off his back, and keep me home where he liked me and could control me.

He shoved me back against the pillows and plunged himself into me even though I wasn't ready. Not that I found him the least bit attractive anymore. His words, actions, and attitude made him increasingly ugly to me. He didn't even resemble the man I had married. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, so I wouldn't cry. Sex had become a chore, not that it was ever great to begin with. If I was honest with myself, I knew what he was doing to me was wrong, sexual abuse actually, but he was my husband, and it was only because he was so determined to have children. He was just hurting inside, so I overlooked it. Plus, he was always apologetic afterwards.

Derek had become a miserable person, he seemed mentally unstable and I had finally started thinking that our marriage wasn't going to last if he kept it up, and while I didn't know if I was ready to give up on him just yet, sometimes I still worried about staying with him for that reason alone. I kept hoping I could somehow get the old Derek back though. He was in there somewhere and I thought that maybe having a baby would bring us closer, but most times, especially when he was like this, I shivered at the idea of raising a child with him.

After Derek finished he rolled off me, his chest heaving. I sat up and went to the restroom to wash up, my hands shaking.

"What are you doing in there?" Derek yelled, coming into the bathroom. "You're just going to push out all of my sperm aren't you?"

"Derek, that's not even possible, and seriously, I just needed to pee," I reasoned with him.

"Mom said you should lay down for like fifteen minutes or so afterwards, just to give it time to get up in there."

"That's an old wives tale. It only takes one sperm to get pregnant, and seriously, with you shooting that stuff all over my insides, I'm sure one can manage to get where it's supposed to go," I said sarcastically with a huff.

He slammed his fist against the door frame, startling me.

"This isn't funny, Louise! You're such a goddamn bitch! You don't even want to have my kids do you? You just want to squeeze all my stuff out so you don't have to be pregnant. You are so fucking selfish!"

His anger was completely unjustified, immature and hurtful. I wasn't doing anything to deserve this type of hostility. I wanted to have children, I did. I just wasn't sure if I wanted them to be his, but the reality was, I wasn't doing anything to stop us from getting pregnant. I wasn't taking my pills anymore and I let him have sex with me whenever he wanted. Not that I had much choice in it.

"Derek, Liz went through this too," I tried to placate. "She says sperm  can live in your body for up to 72 hours. So even if I haven't ovulated yet, if I do in the next few days we should be good."

"Except you're pushing it all out of you!" he yelled, pounding his fist on the door jamb. "You know what? Fuck Liz and her perfect little life. Why don't you just move in with them if you like them so fucking much?"

I stopped talking, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, realizing the conversation was going nowhere fast. He stormed out of the bathroom, and I finished up and went to wash my hands.

Liz, my boss, and her husband did have a great life, but they had been through fertility procedures in order to have their two children so it hadn't always been sunshine and roses. All marriages had their ups and downs as far as I knew, it was just a matter of how you dealt with the changes that made or broke you. Obviously Derek and I were failing miserably.

The longer we went without getting pregnant, the more hostile he became. He had changed into someone I didn't know or like. He had become hateful and even though I didn't want to imagine bringing a child into that life, I also couldn't turn my back on him. We were going through a hard time and we needed to stick together.

When I'd talked to Liz about Derek's behavior she suggested that maybe it's a result of him not getting the kind of marriage his mother told him he should have. She said the fact that every marriage is different seemed to mean nothing to him. All he could see was that I wasn't doing what he thought I should be doing, which lead to him acting like a lunatic.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My dark hair was a mess, falling out of my ponytail after Derek's rough, one sided, sexual foray, and my blue eyes looked tired. Sighing, I splashed some water on my face and fixed my hair before pulling my clothes back on and heading downstairs to prep dinner.

Derek was in the kitchen when I walked in. I walked over to the fridge to pull out some ingredients and then calmly turned to him with a last ditch effort to save our marriage.

"Derek, listen. Maybe we should go see a fertility specialist. They would be able to tell us if something is wrong, and hopefully suggest some solutions."

He crossed the room and pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted, Lou. I just get so frustrated month after month when your period comes."

"Then let's talk to a doctor," I said into his chest.

"Fine, set up the appointment."

**

"So Derek, the first thing we need to do is check your sperm count. Please see Natalie at the front desk, and she'll get you set up in one of our private rooms," Dr. Winters said, smiling. "And Lou, we'll start with an HSG test for you, which is where we inject some dye in your uterus to make sure your fallopian tubes aren't blocked. You should have all the results in a couple weeks. We can also order some blood work to check your hormone levels."

Derek got up and went to do his thing while I got settled in one of the exam rooms. We were both hopeful that we'd get the answers we needed so we could move forward.

**

"Derek, I'm home," I called as I walked in the door with a bunch of grocery bags. Things had been relatively calm since we'd visited with Dr. Winters. Derek had been acting more like the man I knew, and less like the tyrant he'd become of late.

Although, a moment later I heard him coming down the stairs like a herd of elephants, which was never a good sign.

"Got the call with the test results from the fertility specialist today."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, hopeful. "What did they say?"

I starting putting groceries away as he came up next to me, his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face.

"They said that my stuff is fine, and all your shit is jacked up," he snarled with hatred.

I looked at him, stunned. That wasn't what I was expecting, not that I had really known what to expect.

I might never have children
, I thought to myself as I felt a lump rise into my throat and tears threaten to fall.

"I'll call Dr. Winter's on Monday and see if there are any next steps," I whispered, falling into shock.

Derek sneered at me. "Don't fucking bother. I know this is exactly what you've wanted anyway. You don't even participate in sex, and you run right to the bathroom after to get rid of all my sperm so now I guess you're finally getting your way. Plus, it doesn't sound like they can fix the problem. You're all fucked up."

I thought about calling Dr. Winter's office anyway. I wanted to hear him tell me himself what my options were.

"What about alternatives? We could look into adoption," I suggested, still trying to remain calm although I was dying inside.

"No fucking way, Louise. I don't want some random kid. I want my kid. If you can't have my biological children, we just won't have any... together anyway."

His words were like a slap to the face. He had promised me that he would love me in sickness and in health, until death do us part, but it seemed now those terms were conditional. I didn't even really understand what he meant by "together", who else was he planning to have kids with? Was he cheating on me?

How had I allowed this man, who I'd been with for five years, who used to love and cherish me, to become so hateful and irrational and unsympathetic? I'd just been told that I could never have children and he was blaming me as if it were my choice. That was not what love was.

I needed to start making some difficult decisions about my future... without him.