Emerson's Fury : L.B. Pavlov (24 page)

“Hey,” I said quietly.

“Hey, yourself.”

“I need to talk to you,” I said, and I felt my stomach tighten in anticipation of the unpleasant conversation.

“I figured this was coming soon. I can take it,” he said, and something in his eyes made him look vulnerable, which made me open up to him and try to help him understand. He deserved that at the very least.

“Listen, I wasn’t honest with you. I didn’t want to date anyone because my heart was broken. I love my ex-boyfriend so much, and unforeseen circumstances caused us to break up, and my heart hurts so much,” I said, and I started to sob, again, and slid down the wall to sit on the hallway floor.

Jax slid down the wall too, and he grabbed my hands. “Emerson, I didn’t go into this naively. How many girls have an arranged agreement about pretend dating?” he said, laughing. “I knew something was going on with you, and I just hoped you would get over it and want to date me for real,” he said honestly.

“If my heart were mine to give away, you’d be the person I’d give it to. But it already belongs to someone. I shouldn’t have asked you to pretend to date me. It was selfish and unkind. I’m really sorry, and I hope we can be friends because I think you are such a good guy.”

“I’m more resilient than you think. Of course we can be friends. I have fun hanging out with you, even with all your crazy rules. So, what are you going to do about the ex-boyfriend?” he asked as he wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I don’t know, but I need to get myself together. I’ve been a mess since I got here,” I said, pushing myself up.

“Do we need to officially break up?” he asked, laughing.

“No. I don’t think anyone bought it anyway,” I said, hugging him.

I went in to my room, and Hannah was out, so I had some time to myself. I pulled out my journal. I was reeling over all that my parents had just told me. Cross wasn’t involved with Blane in any way, and of course he was exactly who I thought he was. What would he think of me after all that had happened? I had let him down. I sat by while he was accused, and I said nothing. I picked up my phone and stared at it. I started to dial his number, and then I stopped. What would I say? He probably hated me. He probably had a new girlfriend by now. He probably never thought of me. I fell back on my bed, and the tears streamed down my face. What I wouldn’t give to just look into those eyes one more time. I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to relieve the ache in my heart, and I sobbed.

When I woke up the next morning, I actually felt better after my crying session. I needed to let myself get it all out. It was time to get back to who I was.
No more protective shield, no more fake boyfriends, no more of being careful who my friends were. My parents had said they supported whatever I wanted, and I knew exactly what that was. How I would go about getting it, though, would have to be well thought out. I couldn’t just call Cross on the phone and say I was sorry. I would need to go to Notre Dame and find him. I would need to tell him everything and lay it all out there. Even if he rejected me, I would have to try. I felt butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him, and then an ache in my gut at the thought of him rejecting me. I had a race in two days, and then I would drive to Notre Dame over the weekend and find him. I would tell him that I loved him, now and forever. I had to try. I called Indy and filled him in on what my parents told me. He was happy that I was coming to Notre Dame to find Cross, and he would find out what dorm he was in for me so we could find him.

“I’ll bring a pillow and a blanket because I’m sure I will be sleeping on your dorm room floor after I get the door slammed in my face,” I said nervously.

“Emerson, he’s not going to slam the door in your face. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know what to do. Cross didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like this was an easy situation. Your boyfriend found out his father tried to kill our mother. I think it threw everyone for a loop,” Indy said, laughing and trying to ease my angst.

“I know, but that wasn’t his fault. And I should have known that,” I said, sounding as ashamed as I felt.

“How could you? He didn’t say anything, and Dad was freaking out. It’s all understandable. But it will be OK. It was just a bad situation for everyone, and hopefully we can turn it around. I will go with you if you want, and we will talk to him together if you need me,” Indy said, being the awesome big brother that he always was.

“Thanks, Indy. I love you. I will call you after my race to make plans,” I said anxiously.

“OK, focus on your race and call me tomorrow. I promise it will be OK. Love you,” he said as he hung up the phone.

I filled Hannah in on everything, and she was so excited for me to go talk to Cross. I barely slept for two nights, and I couldn’t get Cross off my mind, now more than ever.

After my last class, I grabbed my uniform and headed for the track. I turned around and saw Alan trying to stay out of sight. I stopped and waited for him to catch up.

“Is everything OK?” he asked as he approached.

“Yes. I think things are getting better,” I said with hope in my voice.

“Is there anything you need from me?” he asked, concerned.

“No. I just wanted you to know that I’m going on a trip tomorrow. I think it’s only fair I let you know ahead of time, although I guess this isn’t much notice,” I said, laughing.

“No problem. Where are we going?” he inquired.

“We’re going to Notre Dame,” I said, feeling a smile come across my face at the thought of seeing Cross.

“To visit your brother?” he asked curiously.

“No. We’re going to win back a boy!” I said jubilantly.

He started laughing along with me. “Is it The Boy?” he asked, and he pointed to my necklace.

“How did you know these were from a boy?” I asked, curious.

“I’ve lived long enough to recognize when someone is nursing a broken heart. I’m just glad to see it is on the mend,” he said kindly.

“Thanks, Alan. I think the fact that I had my angel looking out for me helped,” I said, smiling as I touched the angel wing that he had given me hanging from my necklace. I was finally feeling like things were on the right track.

“Everyone needs one, Ms. Hollingsworth,” he said, smiling.

“Thank you. But first we have a race to focus on,” I said, smiling. I reminded myself that it was time for me to focus, and then I would be on my way to Notre Dame.

I met up with my teammates, and we all warmed up. I got on the line for the mile, and I was ready to have a great race before I left for Notre Dame.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

c h a p t e r    t w e n t y - o n e

In the last few days since Daniel had come to see me, I had picked up the phone a dozen times to call Emerson and then stopped myself halfway through dialing. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how she felt about me or what her reaction would be. I was still Blane DiAmico’s son, and I didn’t know if she could get past that.

My cell phone rang just as I was thinking about calling her, and I didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello.”

“Is this Cross Tarantino?” a serious voice said on the other end.

“Yes, who is this?” I inquired.

“Cross, my name is Mary Garrity. I’m a nurse at St. Francis medical center. Your parents gave me your information,” she said calmly.

“OK. Is there a problem?” I asked, confused by the call.

“Cross, your father is in kidney failure. He needs a donor as soon as possible, and I think he hoped that you would consider being a donor,” she said plainly.

“What? He wants my kidney?” I said. Nothing surprised me anymore. My mother and father certainly asked for a lot, considering they didn’t even raise me. I was exasperated by the conversation.

“Cross, I’m sorry to pressure you. But this is life or death. Your father doesn’t have much time left, and a blood relative is his best bet. Your mother is coming down to be tested as well. Is this something that you would consider?” she asked me matter-of-factly.

“Um, I don’t know. This is coming out of left field. What would I need to do?” I said, unsure.

“You would need to come in tomorrow morning and start with a blood test. His best chance is a donor who shares the same blood type. Your mother is coming at nine o’clock to be tested as well, but you’re more likely to be a match. Once we have that information, the doctor would meet with you and discuss the options,” she explained.

“OK. I don’t know. Can I think about it?” I said nervously, feeling the pressure to make a decision within seconds.

“Listen, Cross, I know it’s a lot to take in. His health is bad, and we need to reach out to all blood relatives at this point and see if we can find a donor. You think about it. If you are willing to help him, be at the hospital at nine o’clock tomorrow. Ask for Dr. Cearlock,” she said kindly.

“OK. Thank you,” I said quietly.

I sat on my bed, trying to process what had just happened. Could I help a man I despised? What would losing a kidney mean for me physically? Was I morally obligated to help him? Would he die if I didn’t help him? Was my selfish mother really willing to help him? I didn’t know what to do. And then it hit me: this was the sign that I needed. I grabbed my keys, and I ran out the door.

I realized on my drive to IU that Emerson was the person I trusted most in the world. She knew everything about Blane, and she knew me better than anyone else did. She was the person I needed. She was the person I had always needed. I had to try, and that moment was as good a time as ever.

I called Indy on my drive to ask him what dorm Emerson lived in. He was very happy to hear from me and told me that Emerson had a track meet up at the stadium. She would be there for the next few hours. I thanked him, and we agreed to talk soon. He didn’t know why I was going to IU, and he didn’t ask me either.

When I arrived at the stadium, I headed up to the track right away. I could hear the cheering as I entered the arena, so I knew there was a race going on. I
headed down toward the start/finish line, hoping that I could find her. I heard people screaming her name, and I realized that she was on her last lap of her race. I watched her pull away from the competition with ease, and she sailed across the finish line in first place and then dropped to her knees on the ground. She didn’t jump up quickly as she used to in order to keep me from jumping the gate. I waited another thirty seconds, and when she didn’t get up, I found myself hurtling my legs right over the gate. I gently grabbed her and lifted her to her feet.

“Are you OK?” I asked with panic in my voice, trying to steady her.

She whipped herself around to meet my gaze. “Cross? Cross?
Cross
?” she repeated frantically. Then she just grabbed my face and looked at me closely while I stared at her in confusion. Before I could respond, she threw herself into my arms and wrapped herself around me. She was sobbing uncontrollably as I walked her off the track and found a place to set her down.

“Emerson, what is it?” I said with concern as I set her down against the wall for balance.

She looked up and stroked my cheek several times. “Are you really here?” she said in between sobs

“I’m here. Is that OK?” I asked nervously, unsure of why she was crying.

“Are you kidding? Of course it’s OK, Cross. I’m so happy you’re here. I was coming to Notre Dame tomorrow to find you,” she said as she tried to calm her breathing.

“Find me?” I said, brushing her stray strands back from her beautiful face.

“Yes. I need to explain things to you,” she said, getting up and walking me over to a section of the stadium that was empty.

We sat down, and she turned to face me. I was relieved that she seemed so happy to see me. I’d had no idea what the reception would be after everything that had happened and all the time that had passed. We stared at each other for a moment, trying to decide who should go first.

“I know you came here to say something, but before you do, I just need you to know that I love you. I never stopped loving you. And I will always love you. So whatever you have to say, it doesn’t matter to me. You are everything to me, and I have been completely lost without you,” she said, and she climbed onto my lap and hugged me tightly. We took turns telling the other how much we missed one another.

“Emerson, you know how much I love you. But I am always going to be Blane DiAmico’s son. And I don’t know how you can get past that,” I said
mournfully while holding her close to me and looking into those perfect green eyes that I had longed to see.

“I don’t care who your biological father is. It doesn’t matter to me. I know who you are. And that’s all I care about,” she declared.

“I have been miserable without you,” I said as we intertwined our fingers, just happy to be together.

“Is that what made you come here?” she asked, suddenly realizing that I hadn’t told her why I was there.

“Well, I didn’t know if you could ever get past the fact that Blane DiAmico is my father. But something happened today, and I just knew that I had to come and see you. You are the only person I trust to tell me what to do,” I said, remembering unreal request I was facing.

“Of course. What is it?” she asked, sitting up to look at me.

“I got a call from the hospital. Blane needs a kidney. He doesn’t have much time because he is in bad health, and they think I may be a good donor for him because I am a blood relative,” I told her, nervously assessing her reaction.

“Oh my gosh, Cross. That’s a pretty big thing to ask someone for. How does that affect you?” she asked with concern.

“I don’t really know. They need me at the hospital tomorrow at nine o’clock in the morning to get a blood test to see if I am a match first. If we have the same blood type, then they will fill me in on everything. I guess my mother has offered to go as well to see if she has the same blood type,” I said, filling her in on all the gory details.

“How is your mom handling it?” she asked.

“I haven’t spoken to my mom in several months. The nurse told me that she would be there. We no longer have a relationship after she came between us,” I told her.