Emerson's Fury : L.B. Pavlov (23 page)

“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” I said, and I felt a lump form in my throat.

Daniel shook my hand, and he hugged me very tightly before he walked out the door. I sat on my bed stunned for at least an hour, trying to assess what had just happened. But what had it really changed? He just believed that I wasn’t involved, but I was still Blane DiAmico’s son. My mother was an evil woman who had caused them so much pain that night. Was Daniel just letting me know that they didn’t hate me? I was reeling with questions and torn about what this meant. I wondered if Emerson felt the same way as her father. Emerson was loyal to her family, and I never wanted to make her choose. Nothing had really changed, yet it felt good to know that Daniel and Charlotte believed that I wasn’t involved. But what did Emerson believe?

When I arrived back home, I knew that it was time to tell Charlotte everything that I had learned. “Can you sit down with me for a few minutes? I have something to talk to you about,” I said anxiously.

I knew this wasn’t going to go over well. Charlotte had been adamant that Cross was innocent. She was very upset with me for filing a restraining order and for the impact it had had on Emerson. I was stubborn and didn’t listen. It was the first time in our marriage that we absolutely disagreed with one another to such an extent. In the end, I had been wrong, and that would not be an easy thing to admit.

“Of course. Is everything OK? Are the kids OK?” she asked, suddenly nervous and anxious by my serious disposition.

“Everyone is fine. Finn is at lacrosse practice, and Indy and Emerson are fine. I just need to tell you something,” I said, looking into her beautiful eyes and hoping I would find forgiveness.

“I was wrong about Cross,” I admitted quietly.

“I know that you were. What made you finally figure it out?” she inquired. I couldn’t read her reaction yet.

“Carlos has continued to follow Blane. He and Cross clearly don’t have a relationship and never did. It just took time to make sure, and I couldn’t risk it if he had been involved with him,” I said nervously.

“I love you, Daniel, but you were wrong. You knew Cross, we all did. And you treated him unfairly. What you did to our daughter was also unfair. Her loyalty to you forced her to turn her back on him, and that is a terrible thing to have put her through. This was not all that different from what my father did to us many years ago,” she said, staring at me, and I could see the disappointment in her eyes. It stabbed me right through the heart. I had let my daughter down by trying to protect her, and it had caused me to do the one thing that I promised that I would never do: make her choices for her. I was no different from Jack Ford, who did what he did in order to protect Charlotte so many years before.

“I’m sorry,” I said solemnly, and I placed my head in my hands.

“I know that you are. But what are you going to do to fix this?” she said sternly.

“I went to see Cross, and I apologized,” I said earnestly, grasping her hands and hoping she could forgive me.

“What did he say?” she asked with concern in her voice as well as in her eyes.

“He was polite and kind, just as he always has been. He thanked me for coming and seemed happy that we didn’t hate him,” I said shamefully.

“That poor boy. He did nothing wrong. But he was a whole lot easier than Emerson will be on you. You need to fix things with her,” she said, and for the first time in a long time, I felt as if I was doing the right thing for my family.

My wife and I had been on different sides of the fence for months regarding Blane and Cross, and I didn’t like the tension that it had brought to our marriage. Charlotte and I had even had a few days where we didn’t speak to one another at all, and that was a first for us. She wasn’t happy with me, and I hadn’t
been willing to see clearly. I felt horrible for what I had put my entire family through, and it was time to fix it.

“Do you think you can forgive me?” I asked, regret in my voice.

“I already have,” she said, and she hugged me tightly.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

c h a p t e r    t w e n t y

Fake dating was becoming exhausting for me. I was constantly having to remind Jax about the rules. It had been a couple weeks, and it was more challenging than any real relationship had ever been. My parents were on their way to campus for my first track meet, and of course my fake boyfriend was insisting on meeting them, which was actually not a bad idea because I knew my parents would be happy to see that I was dating.

I was getting ready for my race, and there was a knock at the door. It was Jax, seeing if I needed a ride to the race. I agreed to drive over with him.

“I’m excited to see you race.”

“Thanks. I’m excited to start my season. I love track,” I said happily.

“I will have to leave after your first event because I have lacrosse practice. But I’m looking forward to meeting your dad,” he said, and I could tell that this was a very big deal to him. Jax had been a good friend to me, and I was happy that meeting my dad was something that I could do for him.

When we got to the stadium, I heard my mom call my name. Jax attempted to clasp hands with me, which caused me to gape at him. He winked at me. “Take it easy, it’s just for appearances,” he said, laughing.

I introduced him to my parents, and they seemed shocked. Jax was very charming and outgoing. He was shaking hands and making small talk with my parents.

“OK, you’ve met my boyfriend. I’ve got to go warm up,” I said as I hugged my parents and smiled at Jax. I was glad that Finn hadn’t come. He would have totally seen through that scam, and he would have had no problem calling me out either.

“Boyfriend?” I heard my dad say as I turned my back to him.

“That’s what she calls me!” Jax said in his ever-charming voice.

I ran two events that day and hit both of my goals. I was pushing harder than ever because running really was the only time that I wasn’t just going through the motions in my life. I was gasping, and panting, and pushing myself, and hoping it would allow me a moment to feel as if he was with me. When I fell down at the finish line, I convinced myself that he would fly over the fence to help me. But he didn’t come. It was just me lying on the ground, trying to catch my breath and pull myself to my feet. I hadn’t pushed hard enough that time. Obviously hallucinating that Cross was with me was no easy task.

I met up with my parents after the meet, and we went out for lunch. They were going on and on about the charming Jax and what a nice young man he was. My dad started the questioning first.

“Is it serious?” he asked.

“I guess. It’s been a couple of weeks,” I said matter-of-factly as my parents stared at me with surprised faces.

“Well, he seems very sweet, Emerson. Do you like him a lot?” my mother pushed.

“Sure. What’s not to like?” I said with no emotion.

“Emerson, what’s going on? You didn’t even mention that you had a boyfriend, and now you’re telling us it’s serious? How serious? It’s time to stop pushing us away,” my dad said in a very serious tone.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you away. I just don’t really like talking about relationships, but I will try. What do you want to know? Ask me anything,” I said confidently, and they both continued to look at me as if I had three heads.

“Do you like him a lot? Because he seems very fond of you,” my mother said, and she folded her hands on the table, which was always a sign that she was concerned.

I was clearly not very convincing when it came to my fake relationship. I would need to step up my game and take this a little more seriously.

“Well, it depends how you define serious. He’s a perfect boyfriend for me. I knew you guys would like him. He’s athletic and smart, and he comes from a good family,” I said, and I took a big bite of my salad and smiled at them. Neither my mother nor father was eating, nor smiling. They were just staring.

“And that’s what you think we want for you? A perfect boyfriend? One that has the right credentials?” my dad said, staring at me intently.

“Listen, don’t get all psychoanalytical on me. That’s not what I meant. What I’m trying to say is that Jax is going to be a lawyer, and he is really nice to me. And he isn’t the son of a psychopath, so I figured you two would like this, um, coupling,” I said, shocked that those words had just come out of my mouth.

My mother gasped. “Emerson Grace, we don’t want you to be with someone because you think he is good for Dad and me. We want you to be with someone you love, someone who makes you happy.”

I just stared at her, not believing that she would have the audacity to say something to me like that after all that had happened. “You want me to have something that I can’t have, Mom?” I asked angrily. My emotions were getting harder to control on the topic.

“Why do you think you can’t have that?” my dad asked sincerely.

I felt the lump in my throat growing, and the tears were welling up in my eyes. “Because I can’t. Think about your nightmares, Dad. Think about how sad you feel when you remember that you almost lost Mom. Well, I lost the person I love, and I’m living my nightmare.”

“So you think you should just settle for being with someone you don’t love to make Mom and me happy?” he said, as his eyes filled with emotion. I had hurt him with that comment, and the pain was shone all over his face.

“Yes. What options do I have?” My voice quivered and tears poured down my face.

My mother jumped up, came over to my seat, and wrapped her warm arms around me as I sobbed.

“Emerson, I did come here to tell you something,” my father said, and he grasped my hand to get my attention and let me know it was important.

“OK,” I said quietly.

“Cross was not involved with Blane DiAmico in any way, shape, or form. Cross didn’t know about him before the night that we all found out about him. Sadly, it took me several months to figure it all out. I thought that it was important for me to tell you. I was wrong, and I’m very sorry for the pain that I’ve
caused you. I can see today that it runs deeper than I realized,” he said sadly. My mother continued to hug me as she stroked my hair.

“You were wrong?” I shouted in disbelief. I could feel people starting to stare, and I tried to tone down my rage. “That’s it? I’ve cried myself to sleep for months, and you were
wrong
?” I said. His simplistic statement flabbergasted me.

“Yes. I was wrong. All I can do is own it and try to fix my mistakes,” he said shamefully, his guilt palpable.

“Well, it’s good to know that he is the person that I thought he was. But the fact remains that he is Blane DiAmico’s son,” I said, looking into my father’s eyes and seeing all the pain he had gone through at the hands of Cross’s father reflected there.

“Yes, that’s true. But that doesn’t change who Cross is. I went to see him, and I apologized to him,” he said, and his voice shook from all the emotion we were dredging up.

“You
what
? You went to see Cross? What did you say? What did
he
say? How was he? Does he hate us?” I asked impatiently.

“He was Cross; you know. He was kind and forgiving,” my dad said honestly. “I think he has beaten himself up pretty good over all of this, and I feel really bad for how I treated him.”

“Did he ask about me? Is he dating? Did he seem sad or happy?” I pressed, jealousy baring its ugly teeth.

“Em, he was concerned that something had happened to you when he saw me in his dorm room. We didn’t talk about his social life. I apologized, and he listened,” my father replied.

“And how did he seem?” I pressed.

“He seemed shocked and relieved by what I told him. And he seemed sad, as well, if you want me to be completely honest,” he said, looking me in the eyes. I could tell he felt bad about telling me that part.

“Of course he’s sad,” I said. “We all turned our backs on him. He loved us, and we doubted him. And I didn’t stand up for him. And he probably hates me. And I didn’t known what to do at the time, Dad, because you were insistent that I never speak to him again. And I should have fought harder for him. And I’m mad at myself. And I’m mad at you.” I started to cry once again. I was mad at my father, and I hadn’t been able to admit that for a long time. Instead, I punished him by pushing him away. I hated being mad at him, and I hated the entire situation.

“Emerson, it’s OK to say how you feel,” my mom said lovingly. “And you can tell Dad and me anything you need to. And you can also tell Cross what you need to tell him as well.”

“But he is still Blane’s son. That hasn’t changed. Not to mention the fact that he would probably never speak to me now anyway,” I insisted.

“Well, you have to make choices for yourself, Emerson. You were always good at that before this happened. Mom and I wanted to come and tell you that we are not standing in your way, and the choice is yours. We appreciate your loyalty to us, but I shouldn’t have put you in that position,” my dad said, still humble and looking to me for forgiveness.

“You have our blessings, sweetie,” my mom added. “The most important thing is that you’re happy. Don’t settle, honey. I can’t imagine my life without your father, and I want you to have what we have, no matter whom that’s with. And I was clear with both you and Dad from the beginning that I didn’t feel Cross was involved, but I should have fought harder for you to follow your heart. I hope we all learn from this.”

I was emotionally drained after lunch. We spent hours talking, and it felt good to get my feelings out and talk to my parents openly again. I felt like we were on the right path toward forgiving and moving forward.

After they drove me back to my dorm, my mom asked, “What are you going to do?” as I got out of the car.

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t think Cross would talk to me, and I don’t blame him,” I said sadly, “but first I need to go break up with my pretend boyfriend.” We all started laughing as we hugged good-bye.

As I walked back to my room, I realized what a huge mistake I had made. I should have gone to Cross immediately and demanded that he talk to me. I should have had faith in him, and I should have stood up for him. Then I thought about my current situation and realized that I should never have asked Jax, someone I knew liked me, to pretend to date me. That was selfish. I didn’t know what my future held, but I knew that I needed to start being true to myself again. I needed to take off my protective shell and feel everything again. I wasn’t being fair to myself or anyone else. As I approached my door, I saw Jax standing there. I felt my heart sink because I didn’t want to hurt him in any way. He was a good friend to me.