Emily's Daughter (9 page)

As she waited for Becca to change, she thought about her own daughter. Was she getting ready for her prom? Did she have someone to buy her a beautiful dress? Emily prayed she did and that she had a loving mother who supported her and was always there for her. She bit her lip to choke back the emotions swelling in her throat, but it didn’t help.

No, no,
she screamed inside.
She’s my daughter. I love her. She doesn’t need anyone else.

Hysteria was threatening her composure, and she pulled herself together. She couldn’t keep doing this to herself. Her mother was right—although she couldn’t admit it to Rose. She spent money on Becca to ease her own guilt, but nothing would ever take away the enormous burden she carried. Becca’s bright smile made a difference, though. Yes, it made a great difference.

It was after six by the time they reached home. Becca ran to her room to change into the dress to show her parents. She came back twirling round and round in the pink silk—except she’d forgotten the jacket. Rose’s mouth fell open at her daughter’s naked shoulders and exposed leg.

Rose glared at Emily in outrage. “She’s not wearing that! She looks like a slut.”

Tears welled up in Becca’s eyes and Emily went to her side. “It has a jacket. She just forgot to put it on,” Emily said, and whispered to Becca, “You’d better have forgotten, because if you did it on purpose, I’m going to strangle you.”

Becca charged back to her room and came out with the jacket on.

“See,” Emily said. “It looks nice.”

“It doesn’t look bad, Rose,” Owen put in.

“No.” Rose shook her head. “She’s not wearing it. It’s too skimpy for a girl her age.”

“Rose,” Owen pleaded, to no avail.

“I said she’s not wearing it, and that’s final. You know how she is. As soon as she’s out the door, the jacket will come off and she’ll do what she pleases.”

“Mom, this is really too much.” Emily spoke up, trying to keep her temper. “All young girls wear strapless dresses these days.”

Rose pointed a finger at her. “This is
your
fault. You spoil her, then she’s uncontrollable.”

“Stop it, stop it!” Becca screamed at the top of her lungs. “Em bought me this dress and I’m wearing it. I don’t care what you say. And if you keep on, I’ll just move out. Ginger’s mom said I could move in with them.”

Emily gaped at Becca. She had never mentioned this and Emily wondered if this was true or just an attempt to get back at Rose. She had a suspicion it was the latter.

Rose reached for the oxygen mask, gasping for breath. Emily started to go to her, but then she didn’t. Rose only needed to calm down.

Finally Rose removed the mask and looked helplessly at Becca. “You talked to Ginger’s mother about moving out?”

“Yes,” Becca answered defiantly. “And I’ll do it, too. She’s a nice lady and she trusts Ginger.”

“She’s been married three times and she works in a bar,” Rose told her in a belligerent tone. “I’d die before I’d let you live with that kind of woman.” Rose reached for the mask again.

“She’s not a saint like you are, but—”

Emily walked over and put her arm around Becca’s
shoulder, stopping her in midsentence. “That’s enough,” she said mildly.

Becca stomped her foot. “She makes me want to scream, pull my hair out, do something violent. I can’t take anymore. I—”

The ringing of the doorbell startled everyone. After a moment, Owen opened the door and Emily’s world came crashing down around her feet. Jackson stood on the threshold looking nervous and devastatingly handsome in jeans and a cotton print shirt. Her stomach churned with a gut-wrenching cry.
Jackson is here.
He’d come back. That could mean only one thing. He wanted to talk about their daughter.

“Mr. Cooper, I’d like to speak with Emily, please.” When she heard his deep voice, her heart began to race and her palms to sweat.

“Oh, my God,” Rose cried, staring at Jackson, finally recognizing him. She turned to Emily. “What’s
he
doing here?”

Emily couldn’t say anything. She was gazing wordlessly at Jackson, hoping he’d decided to forgive her.

Rose noticed the look. “You’ve been seeing him behind my back, haven’t you? I thought you had more sense than that.”

“Who is he?” Becca whispered in her ear, but Emily was frozen somewhere between the past and the present, and nothing registered but the pleasant memories that floated through her mind—Jackson smiling at her, stealing kisses and loving her until nothing else mattered.

“Tell him to leave, Owen.” Her mother’s voice cut into her like a knife, jerking her back to reality.

“No.” Emily found her voice and walked to the door.

“Emily Ann,” Rose called in a threatening voice, but Emily ignored her.

“I’ll talk to him,” she told her father, and he moved aside with a worried frown.

Emily stepped onto the porch, closing the door. Her nerves glowed like fireflies as she watched him. She felt as though they were kids again, wanting so much and not knowing that wants were accompanied by responsibilities. They were adults now and responsibility lay heavily upon them. She could see that in his eyes. The anger and disgust had been replaced with a desire for answers.

“Why are you here?” she asked even though she knew. She had to say something to ease her jittery nerves.

“To talk. I need to talk to you.” The words came out in a rush.

She needed that, too, but with her mother acting the way she was, Emily had to acknowledge it wasn’t the right time.

“I can’t at the moment. Things are rather…tense, as you probably heard.”

“Yes, your mother hasn’t changed much over the years.” Jackson grasped a little more of what she must have gone through when she discovered she was pregnant. He cursed himself again for not being there for her at that difficult time.

“I have to deal with my family first.”

“I understand,” he said, to her shock. “I’ll get a room over at the Holiday Inn and wait for you.”

“Jackson…”

“We have to talk in private, Emily. Surely you can see that.”

“Yes.” She’d already made that decision, but she had to talk to her mother before she could do anything else.

Would Rose always rule her life? No, she told herself firmly, but she did have obligations she couldn’t ignore. “I’ll come as soon as I get free.”

With that, Emily turned and went back into the house, ready to face another ugly scene, but this time she would tell her mother the truth. There would be no more secrets. Jackson knew, the way he should have years ago. She had to make this clear to Rose, prepare her for what might lie ahead—what Jackson might choose to do.

Even Emily didn’t know what that was.

E
MILY ALMOST RAN
into Becca when she entered the house. “Em, come quick! Mom’s having trouble breathing.”

Rose lay in the recliner gasping for each breath. “Can’t…breathe…can’t…”

“Shh,” Emily said as she took her pulse. “Save your strength.” Rose’s heart was racing alarmingly. “Becca, get her heart medicine.”

In a second Becca was back with a small bottle. Emily removed a pill and placed it beneath her mother’s tongue. “Relax and try to breathe normally. Just relax,” Emily coaxed. She motioned to Becca. “Get my medical bag.”

After Becca had brought the bag, Emily removed her stethoscope and listened to Rose’s heart. As she expected, the heart rate was already slowing down to a normal beat.

She looked at her father and Becca, who were waiting anxiously. “She’s fine now. Stress brings on these spells.” She paused, then added, “I need to talk to Mom alone.”

Owen headed for the kitchen.

Becca hesitated. “Are you sure?”

“Go to your room. I’ll talk to you in a minute.” Emily’s voice was unyielding and Becca didn’t argue.

“Jeez, what did I do?” she grumbled as she obeyed.

Very deliberately, Emily took her mother’s hand and held it. “I’m going to talk, and I want you to listen. Okay? Without interrupting me.”

Rose nodded.

Emily told her about meeting Jackson again and about the reason he hadn’t come back, and finally she confessed that she’d told him about their baby.

“Why, Emily Ann?” Rose asked, her voice barely a whisper. “Why would you tell him now?”

“Because he’s her father and he has a right to know.”

“But what good will it do?”

Emily looked down at her mother’s frail hand in hers and knew she was lying. That had to stop. She had to stop lying to herself and to Rose. “The truth is, I told him for purely selfish reasons—my own selfish reasons.”

“What are you talking about?”

She gripped her mother’s hand. “Ever since I gave her up for adoption, I’ve had these dreams where she’s running away from me. I try to catch her so I can see her face, but before I do, I always wake up. I’ve never seen her face and I never will. I’ve never held her or touched her and…” Her voice trembled on the last word.

“Oh, Emily Ann, I never realized it affected you so deeply,” her mother cried with heartfelt sympathy, and Emily soaked up her compassion.

“Mom.” Her voice was incredulous. “I gave away my child. A child I carried for almost nine months. A child I talked to every day of that time, telling her how much I loved her and so many other things. When she was taken from me, I felt an emptiness and a loss that’s never been filled, and I don’t think it ever will be.”

Silence followed.

“And, of course, you blame me,” Rose said quietly. Just like that, the old Rose was back.

Emily drew a hard breath. “I wish I could say that I didn’t, but I’d be lying. Part of me will always blame you for the pressure, but in the end it was my decision and I
didn’t have the strength to stand up for myself or my daughter.”

Silence again.

“How is seeing Jackson Talbert again going to change that?”

Emily thought for a minute. “I’m not sure it will, but I have this need to share her with Jackson. He loves her as much as I do and he’s feeling the same emptiness and loss.”

Rose’s eyes opened wide. “You think he loves your baby?”

“Of course” was her immediate response.

Rose squeezed her hand. “Don’t fool yourself about this man.”

“I’m not. We were only together a little while, but I feel as if I know him better than anyone.”

“You’re romanticizing the situation when it was sordid and—”

“No.” Emily stopped her. “We were in love and our daughter was a result of that love.”

“You’re fooling yourself,” her mother repeated.

Emily patted her hand and got to her feet, not wanting to argue. “If I am, that’s okay. I’m thirty-five years old and capable of making my own decisions and mistakes. I can handle whatever lies ahead.” She looked at her mother. “I’m going to have a talk with Becca, then—”

Rose sat up straight. “Why do you need to talk to Rebecca?”

“Because I don’t like her attitude or the way she talks to you.”

Rose relaxed somewhat. “I told you she’s out of control.”

“I don’t agree with that, but I do have a few things to say to her.”

As she turned away, Rose asked, “If I asked you not to see Jackson Talbert again, would you listen to me?”

“No, Mom, I wouldn’t.” She glanced back. “This is my life and you have to let me live it—my way.”

Rose gave a long sigh of regret.

B
ECCA SAT IN THE MIDDLE
of the bed brushing her long hair when Emily entered the room. She had changed out of the prom gown and now wore a baggy T-shirt.

“Is that him?” Becca asked excitedly. “Is that the father of your baby?”

“Yes,” Emily answered, not seeing any reason to deny it.

“Wow, he’s handsome.”

Jackson had always been handsome and charming and everything she’d ever dreamed of in her girlish fantasies. She shook the image from her mind.

“I don’t want to talk about Jackson. I want to talk about you.”

“Jeez.” Becca scowled, lowering the hairbrush. “What did I do?”

“I want to believe you wore the dress out there without the jacket because you were in a hurry, but I’m beginning to think you did it on purpose because you knew how Mom would react.”

Becca didn’t say anything, just hung her head.

“And I don’t believe Ginger’s mom said you could move in with them. You know how Mom feels about that woman and you only said it to upset her. Didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” Becca mumbled, fiddling with the hairbrush.

“Why did you do that? Don’t you care about Mom’s health? Stress brings on the spells with her heart.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Then stop trying to get your way in everything and show a little respect.”

“Okay,” she muttered, then asked, “Are you gonna take the dress back?”

Emily breathed deeply. “No, you can keep the dress, but I don’t want you to use me as a wedge against Mom, and I don’t want to hear any more talk about running away or moving out.”

“But she makes me so angry.”

Emily sat on the bed. “She makes me angry, too. I guess we’ll have to learn to live with it, because she
is
our mother and deserves our respect.”

“Yeah,” Becca agreed, glancing at Emily. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”

“No, I’m just tired of all the arguing.”

Becca threw her arms around Emily’s neck and hugged her. “I couldn’t stand it if you were mad at me.”

Emily stroked Becca’s hair. “Apologize to Mom and let’s try to have some harmony in this house.” She stood. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Where are— Oh, you’re going to see him.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Wow,” Becca breathed dreamily. “Just think, after all these years, you meet again. It’s
so
romantic.” Her voice suddenly changed. “But Mom’s not taking his appearance too well.”

“I’ll handle Mom.”

“Okay.”

As Emily walked out of the room, she was no longer thinking of her mother but of Jackson. Talking to him would take all the tact she possessed. What she said would either fuse the past to the present or split the two apart forever, and she would never hear forgiveness from Jackson’s lips. And she needed that…desperately.

J
ACKSON PACED BACK AND FORTH
, repeatedly glancing at his watch. Where was she? It had been more than two hours. Why wasn’t she here? Had she changed her mind? The questions went around and around in his head until he thought he’d go crazy. He picked up the phone to call the Cooper house, then put it down. He had to be patient, he told himself, but patience wasn’t something that came easily to him.

He threw himself down in a chair. He had treated her shabbily and she deserved better than that. She definitely didn’t deserve his anger. He berated himself as he’d done for hours now. All those years ago, he should’ve been there for her. He should’ve come back, or at least called, but he’d selfishly gone on with his life. He didn’t understand how he’d done that, especially since he’d loved her so much. Of course, his mother’s death had knocked him for a loop and he wasn’t thinking rationally. That was the excuse he kept making for himself, but the real truth was slowly emerging. He’d been scared, scared to death. He had loved his mother and he never wanted to have those deep feelings for anyone ever again. Because when you lost that person, the pain was too great. As long as he didn’t feel, he couldn’t hurt. So, like a coward, he’d put Emily out of his mind.

He was so engrossed in his own misery that he didn’t hear the first tap at the door. At the second tap, he was instantly on his feet and he yanked the door wide. Emily stood there looking tense and tired, but she was a beautiful sight to his eyes. “Come in,” he said quickly.

Emily took in the room at a glance—a suite actually, with a bedroom and sitting room. She wondered why he needed all this space.

“Nice accommodations,” she said as she took a chair.
It was a stupid remark, but she had to say something to still the butterflies in her stomach.

Jackson sat opposite her on the love seat. “It was all they had available. Tourists are already coming to Rockport.”

“Yes, I’d forgotten. Peak season is starting. Every place will be busy until after Labor Day.”

The silence stretched, and for a few minutes, neither said anything else.

Emily was the first to speak. “You wanted to talk?”

Jackson moved to the edge of his seat. “I do, but I’m not sure where to begin. I guess before I do anything else, I should say I’m sorry.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, trying not to read too much into that. “For what?”

“For getting angry and leaving so quickly when you told me about the baby.”

“I’m sure it’s a normal reaction when you’re told something like that.”

“No,” he denied. “Anger is never normal. I just had a hard time dealing with the news.”

“Well, it was an honest reaction.” She tried to keep her voice neutral.

“I suppose, but I didn’t stop to think about the reasons behind your actions. All I could think about was myself,
my
feelings, and I had to get away.” He took a breath.

“After some soul-searching, I see things more clearly. I didn’t come back the way I promised. I didn’t do
anything
I promised. So I don’t have a right to anger or anything else.” He paused. “But I would like to hear what happened to make you do something so drastic, and I’d like to hear about our daughter. I don’t even know when she was born.”

“August 15,” she said in a voice so low he had to strain
to hear. “My parents sent me to live with my great-aunt in San Antonio. That’s where she was born.” Her eyes met his. “The same time you were there, starting your company.”

“Oh, my God.”

“When you told me that in the restaurant, I couldn’t believe it. I waited and waited for you to come back, and all along you were so close…but so far away.”

“Oh, Emily…”

“Why
didn’t
you come back? Why didn’t you?” The cry came from the deepest part of her soul. She hadn’t even realized she’d spoken the words aloud until she saw his devastated face.

Jackson’s tongue suddenly felt too big for his mouth and he couldn’t speak or swallow. He was locked in a void of pure agony—the agony he’d caused her.

“If you’d loved me, you would’ve come back.” The words seemed to emerge of their own volition. She wanted to stop them but couldn’t.

“I loved you more than any woman I’ve ever known,” he said softly, aware of the bitter aftertaste in his mouth. “After we left Rockport, you were all I could think about. That night I couldn’t sleep. I just kept remembering how you felt in my arms and I was so sure I’d never lose that feeling. But I did. When my parents told me about my mom, I became dead inside and I couldn’t feel anything except the grief. I’m sorry, Emily, but that’s the truth.”

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. “I know, I shouldn’t have brought it up again.” She knew he was sorry and she understood about the past, but she supposed she had to hear him say it again.

“You have to tell me what you feel. We have to be honest with each other,” he said next, and he was right. “Emily, I—”

She held up her hand to stop him. She had to tell him everything now or she wouldn’t be able to. “When I discovered I was pregnant, I was terrified. I left messages for you, but you never returned any of my calls. I know now that you were dealing with a lot of pain, but it doesn’t change what happened.” She paused for a second.

“When my mother found out, she was like a mad-woman, ranting at me and calling me names. She said I’d shamed and disgraced the family. She became so upset the doctor insisted she stay in bed. He told us there was a danger she might lose the baby if she didn’t calm down. The news hit me hard. I had problems with Mom’s pregnancy, but I didn’t want her to lose her child. After my parents talked, Dad agreed with her and said I had to give the baby up for adoption. Mom couldn’t handle the stress, and it was the only thing to do. I nodded in agreement because I couldn’t cause them any more pain. But I couldn’t say the words. They made all the arrangements and I lived in a world that didn’t seem real. I just existed, going through the motions. After graduation, my dad moved me to San Antonio.”

She looked down at her clasped hands, the words coming easily now. “My aunt was a religious person and she quoted scripture to me every day so I could repent of my sin. I stayed in my room most of the time, feeling banished by everyone I loved. Except my baby. When she kicked, I knew she was alive and that meant that I was, too. I never really accepted the fact that I’d have to give her up and in the end that made it much harder.”

Jackson got up and knelt on the floor by her chair. He had to be close to her because he was feeling such intense pain.

“Becca was born the first week in June, and I wanted to go home to be with them, but my parents wouldn’t let
me. They were afraid someone might see I was pregnant. The birth weakened Mom’s heart and her baby was weak, too. I worried and worried about them until I made myself sick. Finally Dad called and said they were better and that he’d soon take them home. It was a big relief. I don’t know what I would’ve done if anything had happened to Becca.”