Emmerson's Heart (12 page)

“I love you,
Dad. I do. I never did thank you for giving me a life and sharing your family with me.” The cries had come hard as I covered my mouth with my hand. I just wanted to go back to school. I couldn’t be home. Going there was not an option. I just wished that he would stop the damn truck and take me back. “But I have to move on. I do.”

“Emmy…”

“I hate him. I hate him, Dad. He hurt me and I just hate him because of what he had said to me.”

“Emmy, please, when we get home, just go to your room and relax for a little bit, think about what you want to say to him and let me just have a minute to talk to him. I need to talk to the both of you about a few things.”
When his hand tightened on mine, his heart beat pounded through to mine, matching it beat for beat, ripping it apart. The pain he held was just like mine. But why was he so torn up over a stupid fight between me and Paul? I knew that everyone heard what Paul said at Thanksgiving. Who didn’t? He said it loud enough for even the Andrews to hear down the road. Maybe he was still mad at Paul for saying those words to me. Jackson was like that.

“No! I don’t want to talk to him! I don’t want to see him! Please, just let it go! Please!”

“I can’t, Emmy….I just can’t.”

“He regrets me, Jackson! How can I deal with that? How could I ever forgive that?” Looking at him, my heart shattered in my chest. “God, I love him and he….he told me he regretted me! I love him so much, Jackson!”

“Emmy, please….just talk to him when we get back. Just give me a few minutes with him before you do…” His hand tightened even more as his own tears matched mine. I had never witnessed Jackson in tears like that. At my graduation he had some tears, but not like that. Nothing that was compared to what was draining from his eyes now. “Please, Emmy….”

“I just….I can’t.” Shifting in my seat, I felt the back end of the truck shift fast
, making his hand tighten on my own to the point where my bones were crushing together. My heart jumped into my throat as his eyes opened a little wider. “I just can’t. Not after what he said.”

“Damn it, Emmerson! I need to talk to him when we get home. Let me talk to him and I promise….I promise I will make this right.” Bringing the truck back under control, his left hand tightened on the wheel as he loosened a little on my hand. “There are things that I need to talk to both of you about. Just give me a little time to talk to him when we get home and then I will talk to you
about it. Just give me this, Emmer. Give me some time to fix this.”

“Fix what? He is the one that told me that he hated me. That he regretted me. I loved him so much. I did. I really did. He was everything to me, Jackson. He is the one that ruined it and he’s going to marry her. He’s going to propose to her. I can’t….I can’t do this….I can’t be there because of him!”

“Emmer, please….it’s not him that….God, Emmy. I….”

A loud curse ripped through him as his left hand reached around
, letting the steering wheel go to slam against my chest. His fist curled tightly around my jacket, trying to pull me over the middle of the truck as much as he could from the restrain of the seatbelt and his large body pressed me down into the console between us. My chest hurt from the angle and his hand was crushing mine as he still held onto it as the other found my right arm, completely pinning me under his hold. His fingers dug through my clothing, hanging on as hard as he could with his bear claw. The loud bang shot through me as my body felt like it had been crushed. Screaming metal and busting glass burned my ears. My heart was pounding in my stomach. I held onto his hand as tight as I could, hanging onto him for dear life. Then, out of nowhere, I was being jerked from side to side, my bones crushing, my insides jarring to the point that they were coming apart.

Letting the warmth embrace me in
his arms, I relaxed the clenching on my eyes. Easing into the comfort, all the pain had gone away as if there was nothing around. For once, there was happiness around. All of us by the tree and the fire crackling in the fireplace, I laid on the floor, head propped up in my hands, and I just looked at the family that had taken me in as their own. For four years, I had a family, a real family. All those times that I never thought that it was really like that, that a family was really loving and caring, but with the Hucks, I had found out.

Muffled voices had drifted through the darkness. I could hear them, just couldn’t make out what they were saying. The cold was seeping back in as my happy thought had died away
, only to be overtaken by the blinding lights and the loud thumping.

Chapter 10

****Past***
*

Lying in my room, I stared at the ceiling. It would be coming up on a year since I lived under the roof of the Hucks. A year to date since I was under my father’s hand, and that year brought back that week from hell that no one knew I lived in.

It was then when those eyes were over mine
, watching so close, waiting to see the pain of what he could bring. He was there again. This time, my hands were tied and the rope was stretched across the room to the door handle to keep me from moving.

“You are nothing, you little worthless kid.”
His breath slapped me hard. It was so full of alcohol that my stomach churned violently. The food in his teeth made the hunger pains rocket through me. He had eaten and I was left there to nothing. Not a damn thing. I ran out of my stolen lunch and I couldn’t wait to get back to school to see Will and his hearty lunch bag.

That bag was something I
would never forget. With Thanksgiving coming up, there would be four whole days I would go without food for the break and I rationed my last one, trying to save what I had left. When I opened that bag, that grocery sized bag, I cried. I sat in that bathroom stall over lunch and cried. There was so much food in there, I couldn’t believe it. After meeting his mom, I could see the love that his family had and I prayed I could have that someday. Someday, maybe I would be able to see what that was like. All the food in there would be able to hide in my little secret compartment of my room for the whole break without going bad. And the last time I checked on it, I had enough to last until Monday at school, until my next bag.

“Are you hungry?”
His laugh rumbled deep in his raspy throat, mixing with the years of smoking.

Nodding, I swallowed hard
, afraid of what was going to come. That was never a question he asked before. Nope, not even the times I had to sit at the table, tied and under his eye, to watch him eat a large steak with all the fixings.

Lifting up a bag of chips, the same kind of chips Will had in his lunch bag, I knew this wasn’t going to be good. If he found my stash, I knew I would be in trouble. And with the way he was looking at me, I could bet the food in his
teeth was from my snacks that were hidden to keep me going.
“You want these?”

Shaking my head, the hot tears rolled down the sides of my face. What was he going to do this time? How could I continue to go over to Will’s house and not have them find out what really went on at my house? If his lunches were getting bigger, he had to know that I was stealing them. And the way his mom was when I was over for dinner, how sweet she was, filling my plate, making me eat slow “as a lady did”, I knew they had an idea. But still, no one said anything. But that oldest brother of Will’s, Paul….Paul let me tag with him while feeding the horses and talked to me the whole time. A few times, he suggested that sometimes the horses needed extra help and didn’t know how to ask
for it…which was crazy because horses couldn’t talk and Paul seemed to know what they needed before they needed it. And what more could a horse at the Huck ranch want? They were treated better than I was by a long shot. Maybe when I went over there after Thanksgiving break, I could talk to him. He seemed like a really nice guy and the way he was with me around him and the animals, he was always watching over me. I could just talk to him and see if maybe he knew of something else I could do.

The bag opened
and the scent of nacho cheese tortillas filled the stale musty room. His large hand pulled out as many as he could from the bag and he held them up to my nose. A wicked smile spread over that scuzzy and pock marked face. I hated him. I really hated him and after seeing how the Hucks were with me already, I wanted that. I wanted that even more now.

The lump filled in my throat so large, I could barely breathe. He was planning to do something and now that he found my stash, I would pay even more. What went on in our house, stayed in our house. That was why he never
left marks where anyone would see them. It was so no one would get the idea something else was going on under his roof.

“You’re a little thief now, aren’t you?”
His hand slammed down on my face with those chips so hard, the gush from my nose told me that it had to be bleeding instantly. Grinding the chips into my skin made me want to cry out in pain, but I learned doing so only made it worse. It was hard keeping quiet while someone physically hurt you. But it was something else I learned pretty quickly while living like this. Laying there and taking what he had to offer was better than getting it twice as bad. But, Monday at school, after school actually, I would talk to Paul. He had to be my safe bet. He was the oldest and he would help me. Jackson, Will’s dad, scared the hell out of me. He was bigger than my dad and he could do a lot more than what mine could. It was best not to say anything to him. Yes, Paul was my best bet.

The pressure on my teeth
was enough to give me an instant headache. Any second now, they would break. How would I explain that one? That was clearly something that would raise red flags instantly. It wasn’t long he held his hand there. He thought of the same thing. At least, the chips I could wash off.

Grabbing a fist full of my hair, he forced me to roll over on my stomach. When his hand released my hair, it went to the back of my tee shirt and with a sharp tug, he ripped it
and bared my whole back. I could do this. I could handle this. He would just hit me a few times and that would be it. Then, on Monday, I would talk to Paul when I went over there after school.

The sharp bite of the leather belt came down so hard, I whimpered as I bit down on my bottom lip
—so hard that I drew blood. Over and over until he was bored. With each slap of the leather, that mocking, cocky laugh came. The harder he swung that belt, the more he enjoyed it all.

And that was just the start of it.
That was the week I missed school and no one ever knew or care that I wasn’t there. I did hear him on the phone telling someone that I was sick with the flu and I had to be home resting. Yeah, resting in between beatings, cuttings, and pure torture.

Getting up out of my bed, I felt the heaviness in my chest. I hated this time of year for the fact, I had to remember that week. I had to remember that time he found out I was stealing food to survive. It was bad enough going through a holiday again, which I hated, but
I was getting used to them now. I liked the Hucks’ style of holiday more than the ones spent with my father. And Jackson made me come out to each and every one of them. At least they hadn’t found out they missed my birthday this year. I couldn’t wait until that day came and went. It was the first birthday I could remember that wasn’t filled with pain.

Going out to the living room, I looked around at the neat and tidy order Connie had taken in the house. Well,
that was her job as she explained it to me and offered to let me help her with the house chores. But as I tried dusting, I got lost at the window to the yard where more was going on. Something was always going on outside and I would rather be out there seeing what it all was about than dusting.

Just like always, the blanket was draped over the back of the couch perfectly and everything
was back in its place for the night.

The dining room
and the kitchen were filled with the scent of cleaning products she would use to keep everything clean. Once again, something she offered to show me and let me help her with, but I was always poking my head outside to see where Paul was and what he was doing. There was a reason for everything he was doing and I liked how he let me help him all the time. Even when I got just disgusting. I even scooped poop from the barn, and he let me. He stood there watching as he laughed, but I did it. Always a reason for something. Just because it might be gross or sticky, there was a reason why it needed to be done.

Grabbing my new jacket off the rack by the door, I slipped it on. It was midnight and I should be sleeping, but
tonight, this very night a year ago, was the reason why I couldn’t. Jackson told me over and over to not be afraid and wake him if I needed to talk. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want them to know what happened. I just wanted to be somewhere where the memories would just leave me alone.

As best as I could, I opened the door and slipped out into the thirty-degree unusual weather. Running to the road that Paul’s house sat on, I hesitated for a minute. I could go there
—he never locked his door. I could slip in there and sleep on his couch. But, I just….I didn’t want him to know how much this affected me tonight. It was him who found me after the week I paid my dues for stealing. And if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have been alive.

Going to the barn, I curled up on the hay bales in the corner and listened to the soft mutters of the few horses that were actually inside. Something that was actually more calming to me now. Peaceful. My eyes were getting heavy, but I knew once I closed them, I would be haunted with those memories again.

“Emmy?” Jackson’s voice drifted through the lulls, making me jump. I knew what he said about sneaking out, but I just didn’t have the heart to wake him. Maybe I was scared to still, but someday that fear would subdue and I would be able to disrupt his sleep.

Instead of talking me back to the house, he quietly took a seat next to me and rested his head back against the barn wall. And we just sat there
, listening to the sweet dreams of the horses and the happiness that filled that barn.

“The time I knew that my end was coming was when my dad came in with a switch. I don’t remember what I did, but I knew he was mad. Hell, he could barely walk straight.” My heart slammed as those pain filled words poured from his lips. I could just feel the hurt radiating from him as he let out his breath. “He was so drunk and I can’t tell you a day that I remember him being sober. I was….six….Maybe. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me out of bed. It was the reason why I could never have my hair cut short. He needed something to grab hold of. He dragged me through the house and finally dropped me in the kitchen at my mom’s feet. I remember her slippers were pink and a cigarette was hanging out of her mouth. She cursed me and stepped on my hands to hold me still as she took her cigarette and dropped it down my shirt. I remember trying to move to get it out, but she
wouldn’t ease up on my hands. Then, she took her hot coffee and poured it over my back. When I screamed, my dad took that switch and slapped me across where she had poured that hot coffee.”

“Did you cry?” I choked out
, feeling the heaviness sink deeper. How could a mom and a dad do something like that. I knew just what my father was capable of, but I had no idea what my mother was like. She died way before I could remember, but I knew it still angered my dad that she was gone. Then again, he told me I was the reason she committed suicide.

“I was in so much pain, I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

“Did you tell anyone?”

“Mr. Martin Andrews had come to the house for something about work because my dad worked at his ranch and he saw the mess. He saw me laying under the table like I was just right along with the other trash in the house. Hell, they never even took the trash out. It was so disgusting and they tossed me right there with it. Right under the kitchen table. All I can really remember was Mr. Andrews threatening them before he walked out with me. I just ended up living with him and his son, George.”

Falling into his side, I cried as hard as I could. His arm wrapped around me as the few sobs came from him.

“Emmy, I will never let anything like this ever happen to you again. I am so sorry I didn’t see it before. I am so sorry,
Honey.” His other arm came round as he pulled me tight to him, letting his pain and hurt come out and drown out the lulls. “Seeing you like that….I can’t….God, I am so sorry I let it go that far. I am so sorry, Emmy. I didn’t see it earlier and I should have. I should have seen it way before. I should have stepped in sooner. I am so sorry, Emmy, but I promise that I will protect you with my life. I will.”

“He found out I was stealing Will’s lunches.” As I curled into his arms, I finally told him everything that happened in that week. A few times, he cried harder
while listening to me, but he let me tell him. He told me his secret of what happened when he thought he would never see another day and I wanted to tell him mine. It was something I never shared with anyone, but I had to. Seeing that he went through the same thing, held the same kind of secret as I did, I understood him a little more and loved him a
whole
lot more.