Emmerson's Heart (16 page)

“Oh,
Mama. I got to see her. They let me see her for a little bit and…oh, Mama.” His whole body had shaken as she tried to comfort him. “She’s going to throw a shit fit when she finds out that they had to cut her hair.”

“Well, she will just have to then. Her hair will grow back. She won’t.” She smiled as she wiped the tears from her face. “I want to see her.”

“They will only let you in for a little bit. She’s still not good, Mama.” Wiping his eyes, he glanced at Mr. Andrews. “Thank you for bringing them.”

“I would have come sooner with them if I could have.” Shaking off Marc’s offering hand, he wrapped his arms around him
and hugged him. “Glad that you were here with her.”

“When Becky called saying that you were bringing them in the sleigh, I made a few calls and I had gotten everything ready for you. The nice couple that brought the
trailer said that you are more than welcome to catch some sleep at their place if you would like.”

“I would rather stay by if I could.” His eyes shifted over to my mom as she nodded
, going to his arms. It was hard seeing my mom in another man’s arms, but I was glad that they were his. I know that my dad would be okay with it.

It had been a while, but when I had gotten the chance to go and see her, I felt everything coming alive again. Walking into the room and hearing those machines had taken my breath away. Her small body was tucked in the oversized bed
, making her look like a child again. The bandages were pretty much covering her face and wrapped around her head and I could see a stained lock of gold poking out.

“Emmy,
Honey. I’m here.” Choking back a cry, I made it to the chair beside her before my legs had given out. One arm was casted and she had tubes running in and out of her. “I love you, Emmy, and don’t you ever forget that. I love you so much.” Carefully, I had taken her hand into mine, not wanting to disrupt any of the tubes nor the IVs. Just holding her hand, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I wanted those haunting words in my head to go away. I had said that I didn’t care if she had died tomorrow. I would never forgive myself for letting those words out of my mouth. God, how cruel could I be? I was a monster. I was a complete monster.

Chapter 15

****Present****

“Get ready. Here they come.” Becky jumped up and down happily as she watched out the kitchen window seeing Mr. Andrews
’ black truck coming down the road. Hell, Becky had been a saint in the past couple of months. She did everything for Mom and helped so much in the house. Hell, she had sustained my constant drinking and yet, she stayed. I had to marry her now. There was no going back on it. “Is everything ready?”

“They were due here two hours ago. What the hell took them so long?” Snatching the bottle of beer off the table, I cursed under my breath. Touchy? Yes. I wanted to pick her up. I wanted to be the one that had brought her home from the hospital, but I didn’t deserve it one bit. Not one. Not after what I had said. Those nightmares wouldn’t let me forget either. And drinking them away wasn’t helping.

“Oh, just settle down and put that away. Your sister is finally here.” Humming along with the radio, she carefully pulled the cake out of the fridge and put it on the table. “Go get Will, Rob, and Marc. Tell them that they are here.”

Looking right at her, I glared as I yelled their names. I had spent so much time at the hospital with her while she was sleeping that she hadn’t known that I was there. A few times, I had
gone to her and curled up in the bed next to her just to ease the pain. Those were the nights that it had sickened me to sleep next to Becky. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Becky, I did, but it just pained me too damn bad. All that sweet and perfection that radiated from her. It was the most annoying thing ever. And that humming. Good god, just stop with the humming.

“Paul…”
Her hand rested on that hip of hers as her eyes stayed on me. “Please. I don’t want her to see you drinking on her first day home.”

Tipping the beer, I had easily let the rest of the liquid slide down my throat as if it were water. If my dad were here now, he would slap me upside the head and curse me for being a fool. I had a good woman and I was treating her like garbage. Becky had done everything for me, cleaned up after my drunken nights, brought my ass home from the bar, and yet she stayed with me.

Will and Rob had come into the kitchen, both wearing flannels and jeans. Good lord, could those two look any more disgusting than that? It was just Emmy coming home. And Marc, hell he was wearing a crisp white shirt and black jeans just like my dad had worn on special occasions. News flash, Brother. You aren’t him.

As much as I had wanted to run, I couldn’t. I wanted to see her. I wanted to see that pain in her eyes that I had caused her on Thanksgiving. I deserved it. I deserved to have her hate me. Plastered around the kitchen were pictures of her and Ben, her and the brothers, and her and me. It just made my gut knot more.

When the truck doors had slammed shut, my mom hurried to the door just as a loud scream came out. Ben. Damn horse. He was tame for so long and when she left for school, his temperament had come back into him giving me problems all the time. After the accident, I couldn’t even control him and he’s been wild ever since. Now that she was home, he was happy. So happy that he had Mr. Andrews pinned against the truck with Emmy in his arms. A laugh had danced through the crisp air as she reached out to pet him.

“Whatever you are thinking, he’s not coming in the house
,” Mom blurted out as she shook her head. “You need to get inside.”

“He’s just happy,
Mama.” The grin spread over her face. I could hear it in her voice. “Mr. Andrews, could I ride him?”

“I don’t think so, child. Not yet.” Laughing, he got away from Ben and headed for the house. Mom had opened the door for him and locked it after she had entered before Ben could get in. Just like the fool that horse was, he was already on the porch trying.

Her eyes shot around the room as the tears filled in her eyes. But as she looked at everyone, that smile was slowly disappearing. By the time that she had looked at me, it was gone and I could see who she was looking for. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me at all. God, how I wanted to just grab hold of her and hold her tight in my arms. Had she not remembered that there was one that would never be there again?

“Here. I have you a spot on the couch all ready for you.” Becky pranced
, showing Mr. Andrews the way into the living room as if he hadn’t known where the couch was. When he put her down, he covered her with the blanket and kissed her forehead like my dad had always done. The tears trickled down her cheeks as she held onto his arm. My heart nearly shattered on the kitchen floor. She knew that he wasn’t going to be there, but she was wishing that it was him and not George. “Well, I will get the cake and the ice cream out.”

“I’m actually kind of tired.” Emmy’s frail voice sent knives shooting straight through me. Of course she would be tired. I told Becky to give her some time to adjust after the trip home, but no, she didn’t listen. She had to make a big doings of it. “I like it all
, though. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure. I’m glad that you are home.” She smiled and reached for Emmy’s hand, but Emmy had tensed up and moved her hand away. Her left hand. The one that I had held in the hospital
, unknowing to her, and probably the one that my dad held when they were driving. Her right arm had been broken and I imagine that was from him trying to shield her the most with the rolling. He had been trying to tuck her down to protect her and in the meantime, the force had snapped her arm and her shoulder had shattered. I had seen the gouges that his fingers had left in her skin when the nurse had changed her bandage. It was his hand that had been there. I would know his hand anywhere. “Would you like anything, Emmy?”

Her eyes wondered as she looked over at me. “No.”

“Are you sure? I made some treats and…”

“I’m fine. I would
just like to rest a little.” Taking her eyes away from me, they had instantly filled with tears as she looked at Mr. Andrews. “Would you sit with me for a little bit?”

Why in the hell was she asking him to sit with her? Him? I knew that he had been to the hospital a lot. I had seen all the flowers, the teddy bears, and that damn stuffed horse that had taken up half of her bed. Sorry, buddy, but this is my family. Mine. Not yours. He had his own miserable family to tend to. He brought that misery on himself.

Cursing, I went to the fridge and grabbed another beer from the bottom shelf. I needed one. I shouldn’t be angry at him, not the man that had risked taking us to the city with his team like he had. I was grateful that he was there, but all he was doing was trying to mooch his way into my family. He was pushing me out of her way even more. Then again, what had I expected? Her to want to come straight to me? Want me to tell her that I love her and that I wanted to be with her more than a so called brother?

“You look freaking hot as hell!” Marc reached down and kissed her scarred cheek. No, she was nothing like before with that tender and angelic face. Now, the right side was scarred and the corner of her eye had a long line where the stitches were to put her face back together, but damn it, if she didn’t look even better. And the doctor had said that they weren’t that deep, but the one by her eye would leave the biggest one and they could have a plastic surgeon fix it when she was able to withhold another surgery. “You know that the guys will be chasing you down now. I am just going to have to move back to guard your honor.”

Snorting out a snide remark, I cracked the bottle open and took a long drink. I could feel her eyes on me, surprised and hurt. “If you think for one minute that there will be guys sniffing around here, you better just think again.”

“Paul!” My mom gasped loudly as Becky gritted her teeth. “She looks absolutely wonderful.”

“Yeah, well, they won’t be here.” Chugging the beer, I tossed the bottle into the garbage, letting it clank with the others I had already.

“Paul, she looks beautiful and I have a gift that will help…” Becky turned to the fireplace
to pick up the blue bag that she had spent too much on at the mall when we had gone to the city for a nice evening that turned out to be worthless.

“Cut the shit, Becky. She ain’t covering those scars.” Glaring over at Emmy, I took in all that beauty that was there, that she had. The scars had only added to her. Only made me want her more. Made the sight of Becky turn my stomach.

“You are being nasty and I don’t appreciate it.” Mom had stepped in front of me, keeping her voice low. “She looks fine and you don’t have to be so mean to her. She’s been through…”

“If you think for one second that I would stand back and let guys near her, you better think again. She don’t need no “cover up”,
Mom.” Gritting my teeth, I looked over at those hurt packed aqua eyes as the tears had rained down her face. “She don’t need nothing and ain’t no guys coming around here. She will look like that all the time.”

“Go, get out. I don’t want you here.” She shoved me a little, something that my mother never had done. Obliging, I unlocked the door and went out
, nudging Ben back. Taking his halter, I led him down the steps on his terms. “You need to go get some food. You saw her. She’s back.”

“What in the hell do you think that you are doing? She’s hurting enough as it is. Do you really have to be that cruel to her?” The tears glistened in my mom’s face as she folded her arms across her chest. “Paul, do you hate her that much?”

“If that’s what you want to think, go right on ahead. Tell Beck that I will be in the barn when she’s ready to stop making a fool of herself.” Leading the horse away, I headed straight to the barn. There would be no way that I would stand there and look at Emmy all covered up in gunk like that when she was perfect as she was. There would never be a woman that could ever come close to matching the beauty that Emmy had. No one. Not even Becky.

Taking Ben to the barn, I let him walk around while I had taken some time touching up a few things. Tossing down a few bales of straw, I plopped down
and rested my head back. She was home. She was home now and I shouldn’t need to worry any more about her. Now, I could easily go to the house to check on her after having a panic attack thinking that something had happened. Closing my eyes, I felt that pain there, that sinking feeling that she had been looking for my dad when she had gotten to the house. That was why she had asked Mr. Andrews to sit with her. Hell, she hadn’t been able to be there when we had buried him, but she couldn’t. I had taken a rose from his casket for her and put it in her room.

And that whole hand thing. How could no one else see it? How could no one else know that was why she hadn’t let anyone else touch her hand? It was the hand that she had last held of my dad’s. She didn’t want anyone else to hold that hand. It was his. God, she missed him so much. Sometimes, at night, she had called out for him when I was there in the hospital with her. It wasn’t Jackson
, neither, that had come from her bruised lips. It was Daddy. How could God ever be that cruel to her to take away the one dad that she had ever known to be one to her? Why did he have to take my dad from her? We could all survive, but not Emmy. She would never be able to survive this.

It was pitch black and freezing in the barn when I had managed to open my eyes. In my hand was my phone with the picture of Emmy that I had taken lying beside her in the bed when she was asleep a few days ago. I had my arm around her and I had her curled up
, fitting perfectly to me. Those scars were right there, making her shine more than ever. God, I loved her. I did. Noticing the text, I swallowed hard when I had opened it.

Becky:
I just went home. You need to be with your family tonight. I will be over tomorrow to see if you need anything. Please, don’t be too mad at her. Be lucky that she is still alive.

Deleting the message, I ran a hand over my face
. I could hear the soft breathing of Ben and I got up to pet him. “Well, boy. At least we have her still, huh?” Reaching out, I felt the nylon halter and turned his long dark gray face toward me. “You felt it that night, too, didn’t you, boy? You knew before any of us.”

He let out a breath of air as he nudged me with that pink velvet nose.

“I will need you more than ever now. She will need you more than ever. She’s going to remember someday and you need to be there for her. You will have to help her through this.” Pressing my forehead to his, I sighed a little. I hoped like hell that she wouldn’t remember the accident. I didn’t want her to. I didn’t want her to have to relive it.

Giving him one last pat, I went back up to the house
. I could feel Ben following, but I didn’t stop him. I let him follow, knowing right where he would be staying for the evening. Right outside her window. The house was silent and the kitchen had been cleaned up, though her photos were still around. Taking down the one of her and me, I slipped it into my pocket while making my way through the others. There had been a spot open between two more of her and the family. The one of her and my dad. She was over his shoulder and he had spun her around in the air as if she was a little girl.

I remember when I had seen him do that. It was shortly after Ben had been in the house and he was still “mad”. Now I understood more of that anger that had come from him. He had to be mad for mom’s sake, but hell, he had laughed about it. He laughed. If it had been one of us guys that had a horse in the house, things
wouldn’t have turned out like that. But with us, he knew that we hadn’t come from a life like she had.